Terry8889 Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 (edited) Hi so I went out to a bar/club with my best friend tonight, only the two of us. We were having fun until this guy came to ask my friend to go dance with him (he was by himself). So she said I can't I am with my friend we are here together, but the guy didn't care and stood there trying to make her dance with him,even though I was dancing with her face to face. So he got behind her, hold her hands and kept dancing. He then turned around her giving me his back, hugging and being all over my friend even kissing her. I guess she liked the guy bc she didn't reject him. Anyways, the place was completely full so I was standing there now awkwardly dancing by myself like an idiot while this guy was all over my friend. A guy came and started dancing behind me, but I didn't like him and I kinda moved away from him. Another guy next to me was dancing like an idiot and kept stepping on my feet. So I got annoyed that my friend did not tell this guy that was dancing with her to go away. They kept dancing holding hands and hugging for good 10 mins. I was feeling very awkward and told my friend I was going to the bathroom and I left. When I got out of the bathroom she was standing outside and I told her I got bored and upset bc the place was too crowded and sweaty were people pushing and stepping on me, etc. Despite that I had the intention to go back to the dance floor again with her and kept our night going, I thought that guy finally went away. But when I turned around there he was again, he came to hug my friend again and wouldn't let go of her. So I finally just sat down to check my phone and she asked if I wanted to go home and I said YES!. We went to get our coats and the guy kept holding my friend's hand the whole time and even followed us to the exit door. I was so pissed off this a.s.shole wouldn't go away. I mean Helloo! we are two girls in a club together and you go all over my friend and ditch me like I don't exist. Anyways idk if me getting upset was justified. We left the place early than expected and my friend was not that happy to leave but I was not happy I was being ditched and ignored either. Anyways what am I supposed to do in cases like this, if it happens again sometime? Should I just go away, find someone for myself and let my friend flirt with guys? idk. Was my friend being a douchebaguette for letting this guy just get in front of me and ditch me? I know this is a dating forum but it seems like this is the most popular and people usually answer faster here. Thanks Edited January 3, 2016 by Terry8889
Zippy2000 Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 My lord! His old are you? I'm going to be brutally honest. You go to the bar or club to have fun. Some go to mee oeople. I been there and done it in my younger days. When you go out even with 1 friend or a group of friends. Its inevitable they will speak to other people or get distracted. Your friend is allowed to dance and talk to other people. You mention you were dancing by yourself like an idiot. How can you be an idiot if your by yourself? I think you felt self conscious being left out, awkward and self centred worrying about yourself and what everyone thinks of you. The thing is its a club. No one cares if you dance by yourself. You should of let your friend be happy and let her enjoy the attention. Thus could have ended up dufferently if you had got separate d. How many news articles are there out there where girls get attacked when they go off home alone. It wasa good job you left together. The main thing is stay safe and stay together. If your friend decided to like this man this is her problem not yours. You weren't ditched. You just felt left out. Your friend is allowed to have fun. 2
Lois_Griffin Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 I agree 1000% with Zippy. How old are you? You sound like the typical 21 year old spoiled little princess who throws a tantrum and wants to go home and sulk because her friend met a guy. Jeez. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 I agree with the others. You are being way too sensitive about this. And to answer your question: Yes, if this happens again, go and find your own guy to flirt and dance with while you friend has fun. It's a club. That's what happens. 3
Yookie Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 I agree with the above posts. Unless you and your best friend are romantically involved with each other, I see no reason for you to be upset with her. She was socializing and having fun. You should do the same in a social place. You do NOT have to let the guys touch you or kiss you but there is nothing wrong with dancing with people in the crowd. And don't be a prude about who you will dance with. The guy was just trying to dance with you not date you! Loosen up and have some fun. 3
road Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 I do not know how the female brain works. Though as a man when we go out with a friend we go to have a good time and hope that we can connect with a woman. I assume women do this. Connect does not mean if we wind up in bed would not complain but would of felt we had success if all we got was to buy a woman a drink and talked with her for a half hour. Hey we had a fair shot to get her number. I assume women would be happy also. If my friend got this half hour and wanted to ditch me I would not be upset for I would still try to be doing the same myself. Also if they hit it off and turned that half hour for hours good for them. I assume women would be happy for their friend. If this woman my friend was hanging with had an unattractive GF there I would man up, take one for Team Men and be a gentleman and engage her in conversation and buy he a drinks, balancing being pleasant company while not leading her on. So as to not let her feel she is a 3rd wheel or get totally dumped. I have no idea how women would feel about this. 1
katiegrl Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 You sound like the typical 21 year old spoiled little princess who throws a tantrum and wants to go home and sulk because her friend met a guy. Jeez. ^^This 1000%. Cut and paste this to your fridge and read it before you ever go out partying with your friend(s) at a club. And by the way, good way to lose friendships too. Your behavior was selfish, self-centered, and well, immature and mean. 1
Maggie4 Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 I do see a problem with the awkward way in which it was handled, but then clubs can be full of awkwardness. If your friend had said to you, hey I'm gonna dance with him, you can tell her sure! go for it! Or if the guy had been a little more smooth and just gave you a nod for cutting in, it would have been cool. But they treated you as if you were invisible. You should understand this was not a personal affront, they didn't know what to do. It's like how shy people appear rude but it's really unintentional. So just don't take it personally, and let it go. 1
Author Terry8889 Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 I do see a problem with the awkward way in which it was handled, but then clubs can be full of awkwardness. If your friend had said to you, hey I'm gonna dance with him, you can tell her sure! go for it! Or if the guy had been a little more smooth and just gave you a nod for cutting in, it would have been cool. But they treated you as if you were invisible. You should understand this was not a personal affront, they didn't know what to do. It's like how shy people appear rude but it's really unintentional. So just don't take it personally, and let it go. We have gone to tons of clubs before and we have been friends for 8 years, we are like sister, and this is the first time it happens, usually the guys that approach us are smooth or go away when we say no thank you. But this one guy took no for an answer and instead got in front of me and giving me his back then acting like a horny dog. I thought that was rude, anyway I let my friend stay with him and I went to the bathroom. When I got out she was outside, seconds later the same guy appeared and they were standing there talking and she got his number. I was sitting and cleaning my blouse bc I had a drink spilled over. She then asked me if I wanted to go home and I said yes bc it was already almost 1am and we still had an hour drive to get home. So that was it, she had fun with the guy got his number, made out with him. Idk why people are saying I was being selfish. I already decided I won't go back to nightclubs anymore at least when there is only two of us.
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 We have gone to tons of clubs before and we have been friends for 8 years, we are like sister, and this is the first time it happens, usually the guys that approach us are smooth or go away when we say no thank you. But this one guy took no for an answer and instead got in front of me and giving me his back then acting like a horny dog. I thought that was rude, anyway I let my friend stay with him and I went to the bathroom. When I got out she was outside, seconds later the same guy appeared and they were standing there talking and she got his number. I was sitting and cleaning my blouse bc I had a drink spilled over. She then asked me if I wanted to go home and I said yes bc it was already almost 1am and we still had an hour drive to get home. So that was it, she had fun with the guy got his number, made out with him. Idk why people are saying I was being selfish. I already decided I won't go back to nightclubs anymore at least when there is only two of us. Why? because you made a point to post a thread complaining about your friend's behavior, asking people their opinion of the situation......and you got it. 1
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 I have some tips for you because I have been in your shoes. Start with clear concise communication with your friend/friends. Go over some ground rules/expectations and talk about making compromises. -We always let each other know where we were going to be, like going out to smoke with a guy, or go chat someone up, hit the bar for some drinks, or whatever. -One person had to watch the drinks at the table if everyone wanted to go on the dance floor. -If any of us got too drunk or didn't feel well, we either got them a cab or we all aborted the evening to get them home. -If anyone was going to take off with a guy or guys to a party, you can opt to go with them /go home or stay. -If anyone felt left out it was up to them to speak up and make things right for both parties. Cockblocking was not allowed unless they were way too intoxicated, for their own safety. By that time we would get them home anyways. -As long as there was communication, no one was going to stand in anyone's way if their plans changed. 3
Author Terry8889 Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 Why? because you made a point to post a thread complaining about your friend's behavior, asking people their opinion of the situation......and you got it. I was also upset because I told my friend I was tired of going to Latin clubs and that I like other music too, and she said: oh now you don't like Hispanic music and you only date white guys. You are trying to be someone who you are not! I was like what the hell what are you trying to say? just because I like other types of music it doesn't mean I am trying to be another person or "trying to be white". I love Native American/indigenous music but it doesn't mean I am trying to be indigenous ?!? And I have mostly dated white guys bc they are the ones who approach me the most. I didn't like that my friend accused me of trying to "be white" just bc of my music preference and the people I date. Anyways last night just wasn't my night I guess.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 I was also upset because I told my friend I was tired of going to Latin clubs and that I like other music too, and she said: oh now you don't like Hispanic music and you only date white guys. You are trying to be someone who you are not! I was like what the hell what are you trying to say? just because I like other types of music it doesn't mean I am trying to be another person or "trying to be white". I love Native American/indigenous music but it doesn't mean I am trying to be indigenous ?!? And I have mostly dated white guys bc they are the ones who approach me the most. I didn't like that my friend accused me of trying to "be white" just bc of my music preference and the people I date. Anyways last night just wasn't my night I guess. This is an entirely different issue than what you described, OP. I don't blame you for being upset about your friend's assertions. But it's not related to the first situation. Maybe next time go out with some different friends. 1
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 I was also upset because I told my friend I was tired of going to Latin clubs and that I like other music too, and she said: oh now you don't like Hispanic music and you only date white guys. You are trying to be someone who you are not! I was like what the hell what are you trying to say? just because I like other types of music it doesn't mean I am trying to be another person or "trying to be white". I love Native American/indigenous music but it doesn't mean I am trying to be indigenous ?!? And I have mostly dated white guys bc they are the ones who approach me the most. I didn't like that my friend accused me of trying to "be white" just bc of my music preference and the people I date. Anyways last night just wasn't my night I guess. Sometimes you out grow your friends. I have like broke up with many because we were no longer on the same page/incompatible. I just made new friends and moved on. There were times of separation with some of my closest friends, and over time we eventually hang out once again, BUT it was because our priorities changed. Mostly because we were settled in relationships. There is nothing wrong with parting ways because of differences. Trust me it's worth it. 1
Author Terry8889 Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 Sometimes you out grow your friends. I have like broke up with many because we were no longer on the same page/incompatible. I just made new friends and moved on. There were times of separation with some of my closest friends, and over time we eventually hang out once again, BUT it was because our priorities changed. Mostly because we were settled in relationships. There is nothing wrong with parting ways because of differences. Trust me it's worth it. BTW my friend, she brutally cockblocked me once at a friends party while I was having fun with a guy in a room doors-closed, out of nowhere she knocked the door and demanded that we had to leave because she had already called a cab (I was completely sober btw). I had to leave with her bc I was staying at her place for the night. You are right, I have been seriously thinking about distancing myself from my current friends bc they have different preferences from mines at the moment. But I just don't know where to make more friends, my work mates are too old for me to hang out with. Anyways, do you guys have any ideas about where to make new friends?
Versacehottie Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 Funny, when I first read the OP, I thought this was a "friends" issue not a dating issue. I glad you are pinpointing the problem a little better. It's the first step in finding solutions. Some friends are worth nixing out of your life but a lot are not--you just need to figure out how best they fit INTO your life and make sure they are not taking your for granted and that the friendship is balanced. Or that you don't react in a passive aggressive way because you are not getting what you want. I think you could do some exploring of this issue and be honest with yourself and think of some good solutions for how YOU are going to fix things so that you have the most fun social life possible. good luck
Author Terry8889 Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 Funny, when I first read the OP, I thought this was a "friends" issue not a dating issue. I glad you are pinpointing the problem a little better. It's the first step in finding solutions. Yes but can anyone give some ideas and tips about where to make new friends. As I said most of my co workers are too old for me. I never felt the "need" to hang out with other people besides my current friends but it seems like my closest friends and I are not on the same page anymore, I want to meet new people. btw thanks to the people who took the time to read my thread.
Versacehottie Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 Yes but can anyone give some ideas and tips about where to make new friends. As I said most of my co workers are too old for me. I never felt the "need" to hang out with other people besides my current friends but it seems like my closest friends and I are not on the same page anymore, I want to meet new people. btw thanks to the people who took the time to read my thread. If you are implying I didn't read your whole thread, you are wrong. I did. If you meant that sincerely, thanks. I don't think you should ditch your current friends but maybe slot them into different activities. Also why let this particular girl be the only one to make all the decision about what you do. Give some input, suggest something. If she is reluctant or unwilling, scale back with her or confine her to things that mutually interest you both (besides the dancing at latin clubs since that does not seem to interest you. I guess I am cautioning against just throwing away good friendships without examining what is really going on first. You can't blame your friends for all of your problems or keep switching out friends hoping to find some perfect fit. You need to expand your friend base so you are not so dependent on these ones; you need to speak up and take responsibility for your happiness and social life. You can make new friends as well in the meantime. My suggestion for the new friends would be to start with activities you like to do. What do you like to do? Take a class to meet new people as well. Date and make friends with your guy's gfs or connect through social media. Look up people you knew in the past. Volunteer. Get involved in things that expand your career or benefit where you would like to see it headed in the future. Take singles type vacation. Get a dog, take it to the park. Gym and make friends. Don't totally discount your older work friends. If there is an appropriate event with them like a BBQ or even a boring night you go to the movies, you can meet others or they also have friends/family closer to your interests/age that could turn into something. I make friends easily so this a no brainer for me. I need to know more about what you like to do specifically so I can advise you best though. The biggest thing is you have to be open and a little patient. That's one reason I don't say throw away long term friends because it's difficult with new friendship to replicate some of the things you get from friends you've know since school, for example. You just need to slot them better into your life if you are not getting what you want. 1
Author Terry8889 Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 I need to know more about what you like to do specifically so I can advise you best though. The biggest thing is you have to be open and a little patient. That's one reason I don't say throw away long term friends because it's difficult with new friendship to replicate some of the things you get from friends you've know since school, for example. You just need to slot them better into your life if you are not getting what you want. Well I took a couple of my friends including the friend I talked about in the post to a Bulgarian night club where they have different music bulgarian mixed with latin/ house / electro, etc. But my friends hated it, my friend even went to sit in a corner by herself on her phone visibly all upset bc she did not want to stay there. The place was fun there were attractive guys, etc. But my friends just did not like it, so we had to leave even though I didn't want to yet. When we go out, all of my current friends prefer to go to Latin night clubs so end up going to those places. That is why I am saying I don't feel like we are in the same page anymore. As I said my friend even accused me of trying to be someone who I am not and that I was trying to "be white" So by their logic if I don't marry a hispanic guy and like hispanic music I am not being myself and I am trying to be someone who I am not... what the hell? that is a messed up thing to say. I am into Science, they are not, I am into politics (with left wing tendencies) they are not. I like other types of music, they do not. I like horror movies, they don't. I like exploring other cultures and people they don't. etc... etc.
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