Girls who dated black guys?

[jen1447]

Meh - alot of black women have issues with white women dating black guys, or marrying them too. Not to say they would not date a black after they dated a white woman, but it bothers them in the first place.

 

^ A lot of black women have absolute hatred for white women who date black guys. Tho I don't think it's hatred of their whiteness specifically, just that someone from another 'tribe' stole one of their prospects for a happy/successful future. (And that it's as prevalent as it is.) Much like some white guys feel about black guys.

[jen1447]

Racism isn't a simple yes/no on/off switch. There are a lot of different levels of racism.

 

 

Not wanting to be with a woman who had previously dated someone of a different race, while it is racist, doesn't necessarily mean that the person would refuse to be friends with, or hire someone of the same race. Hell they may even go to a rally to support blacklivesmatter. But it's still differentiating treatment based on race.

 

 

The majority of people have some level of racism in them whether they admit it or not.

 

This speaks to the issue of definitions ....

 

I typically understood "racism" to mean irrational hatred of another race, but it's morphed into prejudicial treatment based on stereotypes and the belief in racial inequality, etc. The problem is there's a big difference between intolerance or prejudice and outright racial hatred, yet we want to lump them all together.

 

But one's just an insecure guy probably more deserving of pity while the other is a monster who wants to lynch ppl, so the shoe doesn't really fit across the board.

[Quiet Storm]

^ A lot of black women have absolute hatred for white women who date black guys. Tho I don't think it's hatred of their whiteness specifically, just that someone from another 'tribe' stole one of their prospects for a happy/successful future. (And that it's as prevalent as it is.) Much like some white guys feel about black guys.

 

 

Very true. I did not have an easy time being a white girl in Baltimore with a black boyfriend (this was back in the early 90s). I was jumped a few times and wasn't left alone until I hit a girl in the head with a bottle and earned the nickname "crazy little white girl".

 

It wasn't all or even most black girls, though. Many were kind and supportive.

[GunslingerRoland]

I typically understood "racism" to mean irrational hatred of another race, but it's morphed into prejudicial treatment based on stereotypes and the belief in racial inequality, etc. The problem is there's a big difference between intolerance or prejudice and outright racial hatred, yet we want to lump them all together.

 

I hear what you're saying. But the reality is, there are very few who irrationally hate people of other race's. If that was all racism was, I think it would be a much smaller problem in the world.

 

 

The second you are making decisions about someone simply because of their race, it's racism. Whether it's not hiring them, refusing their friendship, or not dating someone just because they dated someone of that race. (I'm excluding not dating someone of that race, because I think preference if often a valid reason)

 

 

And my point was, that you can't lump it all together. I know a lot of people who are a little bit racist. I'm still friends with them, they don't have an irrational hatred of other races. They'd never hurt another person of another race. But they have some prejudices all the same. It's not a good thing, but it's reality.

[loveweary11]

Is it true that most asian guys and white guys will not go out with a girl who dated a black guy? I was at a party tonight with some of my guy friends and this topic came up. I was so surprised that most of the guys ACTUALLY said they will be a little turned off if their girlfriends dated a black guy before. Loveshackers, especially guys, what do you think?

 

Big cultural red flag.

 

It depends on the individuals, but speaking broadly, those pale, slightly overweight white girls with grills, guns and w.e. (who often idolize black guys based on race alone) aren't really going to be someone I'm interested in being with.

 

I've dated and hooked up with a couple black chicks. No big deal.

 

It's the ghetto fabulous fixation that's at issue.

 

Those chicks repulse me, like ghetto people of any race do.

[jen1447]

Very true. I did not have an easy time being a white girl in Baltimore with a black boyfriend (this was back in the early 90s). I was jumped a few times and wasn't left alone until I hit a girl in the head with a bottle and earned the nickname "crazy little white girl".

 

Haha ....I think there's quite a few white girls who've had to fight for the privilege.

 

I hear what you're saying. But the reality is, there are very few who irrationally hate people of other race's. If that was all racism was, I think it would be a much smaller problem in the world.

I wish that were true but it's still prevalent in some places. More likely hidden now than in the past, but it still exista. (Ask a black person how comfy they'd feel walking into a honkeytonk bar in Alabama or ask a white person how comfy they'd feel walking into an inner-city bar in Chicago. That fear they'd feel is not that they'll be socially rejected but that there's a good chance they'll be straight up murdered or beaten half to death.)

 

And my point was, that you can't lump it all together. I know a lot of people who are a little bit racist. I'm still friends with them, they don't have an irrational hatred of other races. They'd never hurt another person of another race. But they have some prejudices all the same. It's not a good thing, but it's reality.

 

The problem is that we do lump them all together tho, under the broad "racist" title, which results in ppl like the guy in OP's example being castigated as a horrible monster when in reality he's probably just some guy w/a small penis hangup.

[GunslingerRoland]

The problem is that we do lump them all together tho, under the broad "racist" title, which results in ppl like the guy in OP's example being castigated as a horrible monster when in reality he's probably just some guy w/a small penis hangup.

 

Again I agree which the whole reason I posted what I said. It doesn't really help anyone, because the guy with the small penis hangup probably isn't a card carrying KKK member, and the flip side it doesn't help anyone when racism is only worried about when it's the violent hatred sort, because any time people are though of differently or discriminated against it's a negative for all of society.

[dichotomy]

Other views

 

There are also white women who see a white guy out with an Asian girl and have all sorts of prejudiced thoughts from "oh thats his sex toy/subservient/etc"

 

or these days how about a white person (girl or guy) dating someone from the middle east.

 

also lastly I have heard (not as much these days) of black guys complaining (or maybe being derogatory) that the white gals just want a black sex fling and not a relationship and wont stay.

 

 

 

Yep lots of prejudices from all sexes and all races.

Edited January 6, 2016 by dichotomy

[Timshel]

Very true. I did not have an easy time being a white girl in Baltimore with a black boyfriend (this was back in the early 90s). I was jumped a few times and wasn't left alone until I hit a girl in the head with a bottle and earned the nickname "crazy little white girl".

 

It wasn't all or even most black girls, though. Many were kind and supportive.

 

Yep. Bottom line...people will behave as they are taught. It does not matter ethnicity or economical background. What matters is if a person is taught kindness, civility and to not be prejudiced. (there is a difference between racism and prejudice.)

 

If any person decides to toss someone for dating another for color of skin, they are prejudice and not necessarily racist.

 

If a person would deny a person civil rights, respect or want to kill them by the color of their skin...Racism.

[dobielover]

I've met/dated a few guys with this attitude, who were quickly dumped due to their blatant racism.

[jen1447]

If any person decides to toss someone for dating another for color of skin, they are prejudice and not necessarily racist.

 

If a person would deny a person civil rights, respect or want to kill them by the color of their skin...Racism.

 

Yes! (Altho the dictionary definition now seems to include both things as being racist. Not sure if it was ever actually any different but it didn't seem to me to be so all-inclusive back when racism first started going out of style so to speak.)

[Timshel]

Yes! (Altho the dictionary definition now seems to include both things as being racist. Not sure if it was ever actually any different but it didn't seem to me to be so all-inclusive back when racism first started going out of style so to speak.)

 

I have been schooled that they are indeed different. Though being a jerk, no matter color, religion, ethnicity won't ever be less a variable or determent.

 

Prejudice | Definition of Prejudice by Merriam-Webster

 

Racism | Definition of Racism by Merriam-Webster

 

Agree Jen, being silly/stupid/what planet are we on? Will never go out of style.

[jen1447]

I have been schooled that they are indeed different. Though being a jerk, no matter color, religion, ethnicity won't ever be less a variable or determent.

 

Prejudice | Definition of Prejudice by Merriam-Webster

 

Racism | Definition of Racism by Merriam-Webster

 

Agree Jen, being silly/stupid/what planet are we on? Will never go out of style.

 

Interesting how Merriam Webster defines those things ....that's more in line w/what I traditionally understood it to be, but I recently looked it up in the Free Online Dictionary I believe it was and they seemed to include the act of discriminatory behavior to be racist. (Or racism specifically.)

[sandylee1]

Very true. I did not have an easy time being a white girl in Baltimore with a black boyfriend (this was back in the early 90s). I was jumped a few times and wasn't left alone until I hit a girl in the head with a bottle and earned the nickname "crazy little white girl".

 

It wasn't all or even most black girls, though. Many were kind and supportive.

 

LOL ... I never had you down as doing something like that.

 

They must have been some low class people to jump you QS. Classy people ...even if they didn't like the idea of you dating a black guy wound not say or do anything.

 

But I know what you mean. .....you only have to watch 'jungle fever' to see where it comes from.

 

Another thing that I know some black people say.... if their family member, usually son or brother gets with a white person.. and she isnt good looking. .. is that 'if he had to marry a white girl.. he should have picked a better one'...

[Timshel]

Interesting how Merriam Webster defines those things ....that's more in line w/what I traditionally understood it to be, but I recently looked it up in the Free Online Dictionary I believe it was and they seemed to include the act of discriminatory behavior to be racist. (Or racism specifically.)

 

I have not looked up Free Online Dictionary. I won't and here's why....while the world has become increasingly complicated; there are truths that remain simple.

 

To be kind and accepting of others. To be truthful and have honor. To do to others as done to self.

 

I believe that a person who judges another by having sex with a black man is not to be taken seriously.

 

The subject of racism is subjective and always a 'hot' topic. By any definition....it remains the same. Some people experience it and others chant on the sidelines....

[Quiet Storm]

Big cultural red flag.

 

It depends on the individuals, but speaking broadly, those pale, slightly overweight white girls with grills, guns and w.e. (who often idolize black guys based on race alone) aren't really going to be someone I'm interested in being with.

 

I've dated and hooked up with a couple black chicks. No big deal.

 

It's the ghetto fabulous fixation that's at issue.

 

Those chicks repulse me, like ghetto people of any race do.

 

That's another common stereotype, though, that a white girl with a black guy is like that ("yo girls" is the term used around here). I've had people look at me with shock on their faces when they realize I'm married to a black guy, because I don't fit that yo girl stereotype. I know quite a few white girls with black guys who are educated, well spoken and classy.

[jen1447]

I know quite a few white girls with black guys who are educated, well spoken and classy.

 

Around here it's easily the majority. Like forex on college campuses - those are mostly well-educated (some might even say spoiled) and 'classy' women with traditional values pedigrees ....which ironically is what drives a lot of ppl crazy the most. (Also many if not most of them are legit beautiful women.)

[Radu]

Late reply, i forgot to post this.

 

If a guy is turned off just because his GFs ex was black, what would inspire those feelings? He would be the one whose mind is wandering to race, because that one detail is a dealbreaker or makes him so uncomfortable it becomes a major issue in the relationship. Wouldn't he be the one who can't see each case, or person individually?

 

I can think of one situation.

 

I do not live in the US, and the only contact i had with black ppl has been foreign, well educated students at my University (they are from Africa).

However, there is a population in my country that mirrors what happened with the black ppl in the US, the rroma.

 

I would probably not date a woman who has dated seriously, a rroma, despite having rroma friends myself.

The reason is that probability wise (high probability), the rroma guys fall into a certain subset, and any woman that was attracted to that type, is not my type 100%.

They play horrible loud music, do not have manners, do not always bathe, they view culture and education with suspicion (elitist) and so on.

Unless i were to find out that he was not one of these (unfortunately) predominant types, i would probably not be interested.

 

I would also not date a muslim woman under any circumstance; i do not need the religious booha that will follow from that, unless her family and overall community is ok with interfaith couples (this also applies in my country to hungarian minority, adventists and catholics .... they tend to have a us vs them mentality).

 

I would date a rroma woman otoh, because i could instantly see if she was my type.

If she speaks proper romanian, is cultured, has an open mind, and is overall a respectfull person, then she is definitely my type.

 

PS: Any info i could get about an ex, would be 2nd hand info anyway, all passed through her lenses.

[S_A]

My family told me when I was younger that they preferred me to marry with someone from my own ethnicity. However, because I was born in the United States they knew that there was a strong possibility that if I do get married, that it'd be with someone with a different ethnic background. They'd "accept" a girl from a different background, but were adamant about me not ever marrying a black woman. My ex GF's mom, who is a quarter black, was also adamant about her daughter not ever getting with a black guy.

 

I bring this up because people's "disapproval" of non-black women getting with black guys usually does not have to do with penis insecurities. In my case, the advice from my parents (about not marrying a black person) had nothing to do with penis stereotypes, and had I been born female their advice would obviously had been the same. There is also zero chance that my ex GF's mom, who is 25% black, disapproved of black BF's because of a penis stereotype.

 

With that said, I'm almost certain that there are those guys that probably would not date a girl that dated a black guy due to insecurities, but a large majority of the time it is due to other reasons.

 

Lastly, black men also get really pissed off when black women are with white guys (in public included), so it's not only black women and white men that get "upset". Personally, I have seen a noticeable spike in white women with Asian men in Los Angeles.

[Pillow]

Yeah, it definitely happens in reverse too.

 

Tamera Mowry cried on television, it's on Youtube, because of the words/comments people have said about her white husband. Fka Twigs is engaged to Robert Pattinson (from Twilight) and there are news stories about the onslaught of white women who attack her. Eve (a black rapper) married a European and she talks about the internet dragging.

 

I do know the interracial dating rate is pretty high for bm and ww, but the marriage rate is still extremely low compared to other couples. The vast majority of black men marry black women and the vast majority of white women marry white men. And only 30% of black men attend/finish college so I'm not sure how representative college campus dating is for the general public. We're talking about 18 to 21 year olds.

 

Also, the statistics don't bode well for white women and black men though, so perhaps the negative stereotype is based on that? Studies of interracial marriages show Extremely high divorce rates for black men and white women combined with an extremely high out-of-wedlock childbirth rate. A study said 98% of babies born with black fathers and white mothers are illegitimate and the father is usually not in the picture.

 

The statistics don't bode well for white women in interracial marriages period, but it is relatively stable for white men for some reason??

 

For example, black women with white men have pretty stable marriages probably because they tend to marry later in life, both college educated/higher income/ more stable families) etc.

[Pillow]

My family told me when I was younger that they preferred me to marry with someone from my own ethnicity. However, because I was born in the United States they knew that there was a strong possibility that if I do get married, that it'd be with someone with a different ethnic background. They'd "accept" a girl from a different background, but were adamant about me not ever marrying a black woman. My ex GF's mom, who is a quarter black, was also adamant about her daughter not ever getting with a black guy.

 

I bring this up because people's "disapproval" of non-black women getting with black guys usually does not have to do with penis insecurities. In my case, the advice from my parents (about not marrying a black person) had nothing to do with penis stereotypes, and had I been born female their advice would obviously had been the same. There is also zero chance that my ex GF's mom, who is 25% black, disapproved of black BF's because of a penis stereotype.

 

With that said, I'm almost certain that there are those guys that probably would not date a girl that dated a black guy due to insecurities, but a large majority of the time it is due to other reasons.

 

Lastly, black men also get really pissed off when black women are with white guys (in public included), so it's not only black women and white men that get "upset". Personally, I have seen a noticeable spike in white women with Asian men in Los Angeles.

 

You are pretty vague here. What "other reasons" are there to not date/marry a black girl? Are you saying your parents are irrational racists? If it's not insecurity or superiority then what is it?

 

I just really hope that people like you who hide behind your parent's racism allow your sons/daughters to date/marry whoever they want in the future.

 

We can say "oh my parents are racists so it won't work" but your parents will soon be dead and you'll be a parent too. I hope you teach your kids not to judge people based on skin tone but the content of their character.

Edited January 8, 2016 by Pillow

[seekingluck]

Again I agree which the whole reason I posted what I said. It doesn't really help anyone, because the guy with the small penis hangup probably isn't a card carrying KKK member, and the flip side it doesn't help anyone when racism is only worried about when it's the violent hatred sort, because any time people are though of differently or discriminated against it's a negative for all of society.

 

The problem is we have branded people who are racist as evil, and no one wa to to be evil, so we have to limit racism to the most universally vile behavior. Instead of looking at the smaller racist behaviors as evidence of racism. No "good" person wants to see themselves as evil.

 

It is similar to the psychology around Bill Cosby's predicament. We don't want to believe his is a rapist because he has done many positive things in his life. Raping women does not make him only an evil rapist. But he has exhibited some horrible behavior in addition to the good.

 

You can have some racist views and be a "good" person.

[thefooloftheyear]

You are pretty vague here. What "other reasons" are there to not date/marry a black girl? Are you saying your parents are irrational racists? If it's not insecurity or superiority then what is it?

 

I just really hope that people like you who hide behind your parent's racism allow your sons/daughters to date/marry whoever they want in the future.

 

We can say "oh my parents are racists so it won't work" but your parents will soon be dead and you'll be a parent too. I hope you teach your kids not to judge people based on skin tone but the content of their character.

 

I think you are being too harsh....

 

People often wish their children marry within a specific group as they did......I'm not Jewish, but most Jews I know wont even date outside their ethnicity/religion...let alone marry...

 

I can tell you that most people of my culture are the same...In fact, almost all of my cousins married people within the same culture/ethnicity(Italian)...Of the one's that didnt, the few I can think of wound up divorcing..

 

So, just to tag someone with a label of racist for these types of desires is just plain wrong...They may or may not see themselves as superior to others, they just want to keep things uniform...

 

I'll say this much...I identify best with those of my ethnicity/culture....We all have the same quirks and mores..Diversity is great, but in the context of a relationship it can also be disastrous...Some things that are acceptable to one group of people are not necessarily the same for another, so problems arise,..

 

TFY

[Samhain]

I honestly couldn't give two chits who any woman I date has been with. I knew a chick once when I was like 19 who only ever dated black guys after she'd been with anyone and everyone, and I asked her why (obviously I asked her the stereotype) and she said funnily enough the largest penis she experienced was a white guy, but she just liked black guys by looks..and that their penis was the same as white guys, some were bigger some were smaller.

 

She's married to a black guy now and they have like 6 kids. Good for them!

[Giggle]

My mom had to hide the fact that she had been with a black guy from several of her later men. They did not want to be where a black guy had been. However ridiculous. And she experienced some major negativity about her dating the guy. She was fearful of being out in public with him because of what she experienced. In Kentucky, early 2000s.

 

My black was a big guy. 6'4"? His penis was pretty average. Shrug. He was a very nice guy and I rather miss the friendship we had. I have mentioned him to later guys because of what my mom experienced and that kind of attitude totally repulses me. I don't care to be around somebody who carries that kind of attitude inside them.

 

I was raised in Montana, around Hutterites and Indian reservations. Differences in views and ways of life are interesting. I'm leery of religious affiliation for dating.

 

I know people who despise the Amish. Ugh.