How can I subtly/tastefully express an interest in casual sex in online dating?

[losangelena]

Like I said, I'm trying to express a desire for casual sex in a way that's tasteful, creative and not cliched ("I'm not looking for anything serious" is cliched.)

 

Yeah, but that's presupposing that casual sex is in any way tasteful or creative. I mean, c'mon, there's nothing wrong with wanting casual sex, but there's nothing original or classy about it, either.

 

Maybe this is a better question; how do my quotes NOT express a desire for casual sex? What about them could possibly imply a desire for a serious relationship?

 

I don't think your original quotes convey a desire for casual. I mean "new friends" I think is about the strongest hint there, 'cause everyone knows you don't do OLD for friends (lol). But let's see:

 

"I value freedom and independence." Most people do.

 

"I'm not the jealous and possessive type, and neither should you be." You could apply that to a relationship as well; no one likes a jealous person.

 

"I pride myself on not falling madly in love with someone simply because we had a physical connection." If I read that, I think I'd say, "good for you, bro," but not exactly understand what you're talking about.

 

Maybe in the "you should message me if" section, I can add to the list...

 

"If you know there is a difference between love and attraction." Again, I would sit there and think, "I do know the difference, what the eff is the big deal?"

 

None of those are particularly clear, or creative, and they're vague-sounding enough to be a bit cliched on their own. I mean, on a purely logical level, I think MOST people know there difference between being attracted to someone and falling in love with them. I would not read that and go "oh, he's looking for hookups."

 

I mean, you could say, "not looking for anything serious," or "just got out of a long relationship," or "I'm digging the single life atm." All of these are a bit more subtle than, "just looking to get it in," but still signal that you're not exactly on the prowl for the wife + 2.5 kids, the station wagon and the picket fence, ya know?

 

Most mature, adult women who are OK with casual sex will appreciate the clarification. I've gone out on several dates with guys who, I found out afterward, were just looking to pull. One actually messaged me to admit it later, after we didn't hookup, but most just disappeared when it didn't happen. I feel like if I knew ahead of time I would have just stayed home and enjoyed myself just as much. It does seem like a bit of waste of time.

 

Anyway, a lot of those phrases are vague, and knowing that you think they convey an interest in casual make you sound (probably unintentionally) disingenuous.

 

As far as what to actually say, I support the idea of trial and error. Write something, see how it goes. If you don't like the results you're getting, switch it up.

[preraph]

News Flash: If you're a single guy on online dating, every woman with a brain already knows you're interested in casual sex. If you really don't want to deal with anyone who isn't going to say yes, there's always hookers, or you can put "ONLY interested in casual sex" and just see if anyone not a hooker answers you. Be careful what you ask for, though. A nonhooker who would agree to that on social media without ever having met you and before going out is going to be an insecure needy desperate woman who will take any attention rather than no attention.

[thecrucible]

Another thought...

 

Suggest Netflix and Chill.

[PolarCrash]

Take her out on a date or two? Not if he switched to Tinder, he doesn't!

 

Plenty of stories of girls on Tinder only wanting sex.....and no many don't even want to go on dates ....they just want to f*ck (excuse my french...lol).

 

Even on this board we have read this from folks on Tinder.

 

Don't know why OP is wasting his time on typical *dating* sites ...he does not want to date... he wants to f*ck..so go on an app that caters to that.

 

I've been thinking about Tinder. The problem is, Tinder is tied to your Facebook (that's where your pics and info comes from) and the majority of my FB pics from the past few years involve both me and my ex-gf.

 

I don't want to have to delete them.

 

I've been thinking about generating a new Facebook account specifically just for Tinder, but my only options for the pics I could use is...

 

1) Pics from 5 years ago before I met my ex-gf, but they're kind of dated (my appearance and style are totally different now).

 

2) More recent pics, but I'd have to edit my ex-gf out of them, which seems kinda scummy.

 

Thoughts?

[PolarCrash]

 

signal that you're not exactly on the prowl for the wife + 2.5 kids, the station wagon and the picket fence, ya know?

 

 

That's actually a really good one; I'll definitely be using that. Thanks!

[sambolini]

Just flat out state what you want.

 

"I'm looking for hook-ups and not interested in a relationship."

 

It's okay to want that. I don't want relationships and flat out tell women I'm only looking for hook-ups. I don't have a problem with going out, having fun, spending time together, etc., before actually doing the deed. In fact, I prefer it. But I make it 100% clear I am not interested in exclusivity or a relationship.

 

Some women are okay with it, but the majority that I've experienced aren't. That's fine. I'd rather have a sexual dry spell than be dishonest about what I want or my intentions. Because for every dozen or so women who say no, there will be one who says yes.

 

Those are the ones I'm interested in finding.

 

Just last week I was testing the waters with a lady I know about casual hook-ups. She seemed curious, but on the fence. I told her, "I want to be 100% honest so I'm not wasting my time or yours. I won't lie about my intentions to get a woman in bed with me. That's not my style."

 

She was appreciative of that, and it seemed like her curiosity was piqued, but she needed time to think about it. I will say she's been commenting on my Facebook a lot more, especially on the photos I took of my daughter and I on the road trip we took together this past weekend. But I've also been setting up time with another lady I know to see how she feels about hooking up as well.

 

In regards to the first lady, only time will tell. The ball's in her court now. I'm not going to pursue any further; she knows the invitation is there, should she decide to take it. But I'm not going to wait for her to make up her mind.

[Maggie4]

Maybe you can say you get tested regularly for STD's.

[RedRobin]

Something a little cheesy, funny, with something mildly sex related gets the point across. A woman looking for a relationship will pass on that. A woman ok with casual sex and looking for some fun will have a laugh and maybe take you for a spin.

 

I only agree to meet guys who are relationship oriented, so I will tell you which ones I avoid. Ones like I mentioned above (anything sex related).

 

I always avoid the ones where the guy talks about 'strong chemistry'. To me, that is code for expecting instant sex. Also avoid anything that strikes me as...go with the flow, or keep it light and see where it goes... Just got out of a relationship and finding myself... Etc... All of the above are obviously geared towards casual or NSA sex.

 

What you currently have in your profile doesn't strike me as classy or casual sex oriented. It strikes me as someone who wants a string of relationship oriented women who will be monogamous to him, while he plays the field. You come across as having lots of demands and as a hypocrite. By trying to appeal to everyone, you risk appealing to no one.

[mattelipstick]

I've been thinking about Tinder. The problem is, Tinder is tied to your Facebook (that's where your pics and info comes from) and the majority of my FB pics from the past few years involve both me and my ex-gf.

 

I don't want to have to delete them.

 

I've been thinking about generating a new Facebook account specifically just for Tinder, but my only options for the pics I could use is...

 

1) Pics from 5 years ago before I met my ex-gf, but they're kind of dated (my appearance and style are totally different now).

 

2) More recent pics, but I'd have to edit my ex-gf out of them, which seems kinda scummy.

 

Thoughts?

 

Do you not own a device with a camera?

[PolarCrash]

I mean, you could say, "not looking for anything serious," or "just got out of a long relationship," or "I'm digging the single life atm." All of these are a bit more subtle than, "just looking to get it in," but still signal that you're not exactly on the prowl for the wife + 2.5 kids, the station wagon and the picket fence, ya know?

 

In addition to the "not seeking a wife/2.5 kids/minivan/McMansion/etc." bit, I just thought of this; OKC has a "Things I'm Doing With My Life" section. How does this sound as a part of my list?

 

"Seeking short term pleasures and doing my best to avoid settling down."

 

It's not crass or too-forward, but I don't think there's any ambiguity as to what it really means. Thoughts?

[losangelena]

In addition to the "not seeking a wife/2.5 kids/minivan/McMansion/etc." bit, I just thought of this; OKC has a "Things I'm Doing With My Life" section. How does this sound as a part of my list?

 

"Seeking short term pleasures and doing my best to avoid settling down."

 

It's not crass or too-forward, but I don't think there's any ambiguity as to what it really means. Thoughts?

 

That's actually not bad and it's unambiguous.

 

Better, definitely better. I don't think you need to keep looking for a way to explain it, this does the trick.

[spiderowl]

I think you should say you have just come out of a long-term relationship. You are not ready for another relationship but would be interested in casual fun. Be humorous in your profile as humour is always appealing. That should draw the attention of those women who also want casual sex.

 

Saying what you are suggesting is a way of 'dropping hints' but some naive young women may not spot this and be in for a disappointment once they realise you are currently 'Mr Unavailable'.

 

The kind of profile you want to write is not at all uncommon. I've seen quite a few of them. They are nearly always written by guys in their 30s and 40s, who have not married, have achieved things materially, are very comfortable, into the bachelor lifestyle and really only want a woman for brief company and mainly sex. In later age groups, you see the same guys saying they now want to settle down with a nice girl. These guys in whatever age group are nearly always looking for someone around 10 years or more younger than themselves. They later find themselves in an age group when most women their age have had children and don't want more. The don't really but want a women in a younger age group who probably already has children and doesn't want more. They are hoping to find someone with no baggage.

 

You might be different but whatever you are searching for, good luck with finding it.

[Bobbi7]

Yeah, what others have said, be blunt and straight to the point..."looking for causal sex" not interested in dating. But, if you want to deceive women like most guys do-just write what women love to read on online profiles, act like a gentleman, take her out for the night..pay for her drinks, dinner, take care of her-do the actions that they like, then causally, say "netflix and chill." If she accepts, you're in.