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How can I subtly/tastefully express an interest in casual sex in online dating?

PolarCrash

By PolarCrash
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Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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You still have to take her on a date or two to get sex (even casual sex) Amelie. Do you think a that just because a girl lists "casual sex" on her profile, she's going to allow some random guy to come up to her apartment and bend over the moment she opens the door?

 

There still has to be some interaction and spark beforehand. "Casual sex" doesn't mean a girl is going to let any guy who propositions her online inside of her; it just means that she's not seeking commitment and is willing to have sex without the prerequisites of a serious relationship.

 

I'm several years younger than you, have been out of the dating market for 5 years and a guy and even I know this.

 

No you dont.

 

I have been in the dating market for a while. One guy messaged me and said Hello are you looking for hook ups, Straight to the point. I told him to go to hell but he didnt lie as to his intentions.

 

it is why I delete tinder, it was horrible.

 

Say you want sex. Go for a drink in public first, see if you like each other and then get to the banging.

 

This couple of dates bull**** before hand will lead women on.

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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I get the impression from your descriptions of your "lifestyle" on this thread that you want casual sex but you are worried that if you say this outright on a profile, you will get nothing but slutty, low class girls and you dont want those girls.

 

No.

 

I'm worried that I'm going to get NO girls ("slutty" or "classy" and so on).

 

And the way to guarantee no girls is to be too crass or too cliche, even if they want the same type of relationship

 

Let me put it to you this way; pretend a guy was on here asking for profile, but was actually looking for a long term relationship. You wouldn't tell him to say "I want to marry you" or use cliched phrases like "I'm an easygoing guy" or "I work hard and play hard" and so on when writing to new girls, right?

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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No.

 

I'm worried that I'm going to get NO girls ("slutty" or "classy" and so on).

 

And the way to guarantee no girls is to be too crass or too cliche, even if they want the same type of relationship

 

Let me put it to you this way; pretend a guy was on here asking for profile, but was actually looking for a long term relationship. You wouldn't tell him to say "I want to marry you" or use cliched phrases like "I'm an easygoing guy" or "I work hard and play hard" and so on when writing to new girls, right?

 

Clear communication is more important. if a cliche conveys what you want, truthfully why not.

 

I would tell him to say looking for long term, potential marriage.

 

Just say what you want but dont be surprised if the girls, when you drop them after a few dates / hook ups, are very upset and feel some what lied to.

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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You are therefore trying to find ways to be "eloquent"on your profile and not be honest about just wanting sex so you get the classy girls to sleep with you while not being 100% honest about your intentions.

 

Like I said.

 

1) I answered all of the Match questions in a pro-casual sex manner so as to achieve the highest score with girls who are into casual sex.

 

2) I list only "short term dating" and "new friends" on my profile.

 

3) The terminology I use (being able to separate love from sex, valuing independence, requiring that one not be jealous or possessive, etc) in no way indicates "relationship material."

 

In what way am I being dishonest?

IronZ Established Member

IronZ

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My advice to you is to not say you're seeking casual sex. It comes across as sleazy (slutty for women). There are roundabout ways of going on dates and making it apparent that you're just looking to have fun. Either way expect to see a girl 2, 3, 4, maybe more times before sex is involved. I've had first date sex before but it's rare and it depends on the girl and the connection you have (hint: when drinks are involved it helps). Also, try to be forward and make confident moves. Be flirty and fun.

 

My gold advice for you though is to either try Tinder (more of a hookup app where that's somewhat expected) or to keep it old fashioned. You're much more likely to pick up a single girl in NYC at a bar or a club/lounge. They're here to have fun and meet people. Try that. These girls will be more mature (late 20s/30s) and will absolutely be attracted to a straight laced guy. Above all just don't have any expectations and keep things light.

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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Like I said.

 

1) I answered all of the Match questions in a pro-casual sex manner so as to achieve the highest score with girls who are into casual sex.

 

2) I list only "short term dating" and "new friends" on my profile.

 

3) The terminology I use (being able to separate love from sex, valuing independence, requiring that one not be jealous or possessive, etc) in no way indicates "relationship material."

 

In what way am I being dishonest?

 

The title of your thread is this:

 

How can I subtly/tastefully express an interest in casual sex in online dating?

 

You told US you just want casual sex. You're not saying that on your profile.

 

There's your dishonesty right there.

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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Some girls I met online. Some I met in real life by approaching them in public and talking about their tattoos. I have no ink work done but that's no problem, they love to talk about their art. The girls who belong to this scene and I can't get with because they have a boyfriend, are lesbians or are not into me: I befriend them and they take me to the places where they usually hang out at. I get introduced to their female friends and I go from there.

 

I don't think there's a culture gap when you are attracted to someone and that person is attracted to you. You just gotta be interested in them, in what they are and in what they enjoy and they'll warm up to you. Also, these girls are mostly into casual sex. You don't have to have much in common with them.

 

Cool; so, think I can rock the white collar/business caj look with these types of girls?

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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My Match questions were answered in a manner that not only gives me the highest match possible with girls seeking casual sex, but the lowest match possible with girls seeking long-term serious relationships. I don't think there's any chance of me accidentally misleading or even meeting those girls.

 

And you'd be surprised how many of the girls at the top of that list still look very elegant and "classy", even if a little eccentric (lots of Vonnegut, Proust and The Kinks in their profiles). Lots of those girls actually don't look "slutty" or "trashy" at all

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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Here's the thing as well; like I said, most of the girls seeking casual sex in my area are hipsters and hipsters tend to be very well-read (educated in literature and such). I'm sure they have the reading skills to pick out the subtleties in my profile that indicate that I'm not trying to turn them into a wife. Am I wrong?

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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And dating website algorithms are fool proof?

 

I have been matched on Match itself with so many unsuitable guys I would never look twice at. Yet my settings detailed waht I wanted.

 

Dont rely on match to get it right. You have to say it yourself.

 

Im done here.

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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Here's the thing as well; like I said, most of the girls seeking casual sex in my area are hipsters and hipsters tend to be very well-read (educated in literature and such). I'm sure they have the reading skills to pick out the subtleties in my profile that indicate that I'm not trying to turn them into a wife. Am I wrong?

 

yes. you are very wrong.

 

I am older and in a very high skilled profession. There is nothing on that profile that tells me you only want casual sex.

 

Go and do it by deception if you like but dont be surprised if you leave a trail of tears from girls who thought they were getting to date someone for real.

 

IM DONE here. oops caps

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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yes. you are very wrong.

 

I am older and in a very high skilled profession. There is nothing on that profile that tells me you only want casual sex.

 

Go and do it by deception if you like but dont be surprised if you leave a trail of tears from girls who thought they were getting to date someone for real.

 

IM DONE here. oops caps

 

Your concerns are noted; BYEEEEE!

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Natalie8 Established Member

Natalie8

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Why are you putting the onus on them to read between the lines and figure out things from your hints? So you can turn around and say "well i subtly hinted at only wanting casual sex it is your fault for not being well read enough to be able to pick up on the hints?!"

Not every girl goes through all of your match questions. We dont all sit there and analyse every line and every answer. Short term dating is not the same as casual sex. Why dont you just say casual? You dont have to use crass words and put up **pics.

 

Or why dont you go on a hook up site? There are so many.

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contel3 Established Member

contel3

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I think you should be honest. Say something along the lines of you're looking to have a good time without any commitment. Don't be gross, but make it really clear you're not looking for a relationship. There's enough girls looking for casual sex.

 

If you're that worried about not finding anyone and have the financial resources, add something along the lines of you enjoy a having a good meal or hint at other "benefits" the girls might get from dating you.

 

Going on a "few dates" without making your intensions clear before is a complete waste of time and money. As soon as she gets the hint she'll drop you, or you'll feel bad for breaking someone's heart. Also you could have invested the money for the dates on girls who DO want casual sex.

 

During the dates, be a gentleman, have fun. Don't be a perv (that's a real turn off). If you made it clear what you're looking for, every further interraction is on her.

 

Don't lie, don't lead her on. You want to keep your conscience clear.

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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Why are you putting the onus on them to read between the lines and figure out things from your hints? So you can turn around and say "well i subtly hinted at only wanting casual sex it is your fault for not being well read enough to be able to pick up on the hints?!"

Not every girl goes through all of your match questions. We dont all sit there and analyse every line and every answer. Short term dating is not the same as casual sex. Why dont you just say casual? You dont have to use crass words and put up **pics.

 

Or why dont you go on a hook up site? There are so many.

 

 

That's exactly what a guy did to me.

 

He spoke of spending lots of time together over the year.

 

Took me for dinners etc. Slept together. Imagine my surprise when he ended it saying he was just having casual sex with me.

 

He said I needed sex and you wanted it.

 

I was like... wtf did you mean by having lots of time. And he said he meant there's no rush....a casual thing to say.

 

He should have been honest and not put the onus on me to figure out what he meant.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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You still have to take her on a date or two to get sex (even casual sex) Amelie. Do you think a that just because a girl lists "casual sex" on her profile, she's going to allow some random guy to come up to her apartment and bend over the moment she opens the door?

 

There still has to be some interaction and spark beforehand. "Casual sex" doesn't mean a girl is going to let any guy who propositions her online inside of her; it just means that she's not seeking commitment and is willing to have sex without the prerequisites of a serious relationship.

 

I'm several years younger than you, have been out of the dating market for 5 years and a guy and even I know this.

 

Take her out on a date or two? Not if he switched to Tinder, he doesn't!

 

Plenty of stories of girls on Tinder only wanting sex.....and no many don't even want to go on dates ....they just want to f*ck (excuse my french...lol).

 

Even on this board we have read this from folks on Tinder.

 

Don't know why OP is wasting his time on typical *dating* sites ...he does not want to date... he wants to f*ck..so go on an app that caters to that.

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PPan Member

PPan

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Take her out on a date or two? Not if he switched to Tinder, he doesn't!

 

Plenty of stories of girls on Tinder only wanting sex.....and no many don't even want to go on dates ....they just want to f*ck (excuse my french...lol).

 

Even on this board we have read this from folks on Tinder.

 

Don't know why OP is wasting his time on typical *dating* sites ...he does not want to date... he wants to f*ck..so go on an app that caters to that.

 

The problem for a lot of guys is that the men who get laid on tinder are usually the most attractive of the lot. Think male models level of attractiveness. Funny guys can get laid on tinder if they lower their standards quite a bit, but girls like that are very few. Plus, there's tons of women who are looking for really hot guys and unless the dude fulfills that requirement making known that he just wants casual sex will make him look like a douchebag and might get him banned :lmao: If getting banned from tinder is even possible.

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
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3) The terminology I use (being able to separate love from sex, valuing independence, requiring that one not be jealous or possessive, etc) in no way indicates "relationship material."

 

In what way am I being dishonest?

 

It's dishonest because:

 

separating love from sex can be construed to mean that you know true love when you see/find it, NOT that you aren't looking for it

 

requiring someone not to be jealous/possessive can be (should be!) sonstrued to mean that you understand that jealousy and possessivenessa are not heathy in a relationship and you are hoping to find someone who understands/believes that

 

The problem is that you are fully aware if your motivation as you write these chiches but the people reading them are not. Since they are open to interpretation, wmen will interpret them in ways you may not intend. And not everyone is going to read your list of responses to the questions posed.

 

Just be unambiguous about what you want. You may catch fewer flies but at least you'll have caught them honestly.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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The problem for a lot of guys is that the men who get laid on tinder are usually the most attractive of the lot. Think male models level of attractiveness. Funny guys can get laid on tinder if they lower their standards quite a bit, but girls like that are very few. Plus, there's tons of women who are looking for really hot guys and unless the dude fulfills that requirement making known that he just wants casual sex will make him look like a douchebag and might get him banned :lmao: If getting banned from tinder is even possible.

 

Fair enough ...... but how would it be any different from meeting a woman looking for only casual sex on a typical dating site like OKCupid?

 

He would have a much better chance of meeting a chick on Tinder looking for casual sex ....than he would on OKCupid....regardless of how he looks.

 

There was a male poster who used to post on this board about his experiences on Tinder.

 

He was okay looking, certainly no male model, and he had plenty of women inviting themselves over just for sex.

 

And no Tinder will not ban someone looking for casual sex, that is precisely why that app was created. For people looking for sex.

 

It has evolved into more ...wherein people are now getting into relationships after meeting on Tinder.....but sex was why it was originally created...and it still used for that purpose.

PPan Member

PPan

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Fair enough ...... but how would it be any different from meeting a woman looking for only casual sex on a typical dating site like OKCupid?

 

He would have a much better chance of meeting a chick on Tinder looking for casual sex ....than he would on OKCupid....regardless of how he looks.

 

There was a male poster who used to post on this board about his experiences on Tinder.

 

He was okay looking, certainly no male model, and he had plenty of women inviting themselves over just for sex.

 

And no Tinder will not ban someone looking for casual sex, that is precisely why that app was created. For people looking for sex.

 

It has evolved into more ...wherein people are now getting into relationships after meeting on Tinder.....but sex was why it was originally created...and it still used for that purpose.

 

The OP is looking for a certain type of girl. Within the culture these girls belong to(and outside :love: ) are godsmacking beautiful. Unless the guy has matching looks he can't go up to those girls and expect to get casual sex. How attractive were those women the guy who was decent-looking had interested in having sex with him?

Brapting Established Member

Brapting

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If you only want casual sex ...switch to Tinder.

 

Does tinder actually work?

 

I never seemed to have much luck with it myself.

Brapting Established Member

Brapting

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The title of your thread is this:

 

How can I subtly/tastefully express an interest in casual sex in online dating?

 

You told US you just want casual sex. You're not saying that on your profile.

 

There's your dishonesty right there.

 

An interesting convo.

 

Maybe you could advise the OP how he could design his profile to improve the his chances of convincing women to have casual sex with him.

 

Not make it obvious to women that this is what he wants and provide them a simple and clear yes-no choice...but increase the probability that a woman will want to have casual sex with him.

 

If you were browsing app looking for casual sex, what would attract you?

SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

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Maybe focus on what you have to offer.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Does tinder actually work?

 

I never seemed to have much luck with it myself.

 

I hear it "works" for many people ....many folks have "hooked up" that way ....so apparently it does.

 

Never used it myself, never would.

Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

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"I'm not looking for anything serious" is so overused and cliched. Am I wrong?

 

It is overused yes. That's why everyone knows what it means. That particular phrase you used as an example isn't clear about what it means. It actually reads a bit like.....I'm extremely careful about my emotions and will only fall for the right woman. Which true doesn't say, I want a relationship, but it also doesn't say I want casual sex. But what it does say to me anyway, is that you are serious about relationships and are looking for a special someone. You see how two different people read that entirely differently?

 

Use a cliche if it means others will know what you want. Nothing serious always says.....don't want a girlfriend.

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