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How can I subtly/tastefully express an interest in casual sex in online dating?

PolarCrash

By PolarCrash
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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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Hello; I'm a 28 year old guy who's recently just left a 5 year relationship and am finally interested in making an effort to meet girls again. I've had some success on OKC (I met my ex-gf and the one before her on there actually) so I started a new profile on there.

 

Here's the thing; after being with only one girl for 5 years, I really don't want to be in a monogamous relationship for a long while. I'm old enough to be considered an adult by most but young enough to still be able to relate and connect to people in their early twenties; I'm finally living on my own and have recently achieved a level of financial stability and independence that I never had when I was single or between relationships when I was younger.

 

I feel like now is the perfect time in my life to pursue nothing but casual, uncommitted sex (I know; easier said than done for a guy).

 

OKC actually has a "seeking casual sex" option, but I know selecting this disqualifies a lot of guys in a lot of girls' eyes.

 

I was thinking of just having "seeking short term dating and new friends" selected and just dropping subtle hints that casual sex is what I'm really after; saying things like...

 

"I value freedom and independence."

 

"I'm not the jealous and possessive type, and neither should you be."

 

"I pride myself on not falling madly in love with someone simply because we had a physical connection."

 

Maybe in the "you should message me if" section, I can add to the list...

 

"If you know there is a difference between love and attraction."

 

Can anybody think of any more subtle or tasteful ways to express an interest in casual sex on an online dating profile (other than crassly, flat out saying it)?

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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One more thing I forgot to mention; I live in the Greater New York area, and I've found that most of the girls who aren't embarrassed to select "seeking casual sex" around here tend to be artsy, hipster types; girls in music school, girls who work in art galleries and theaters, girls with tattoos and piercings, girls who are into indie bands, Banksy, etc.

 

I can appreciate those things, but my lifestyle is a little more straight-laced "yuppie"-like; crisp collar and a tie every day (sometimes a suit), happy-hour, black Volvo, etc.

 

Could girls like that be attracted a straight-laced yuppie like me for a casual encounter? Or do you think I should try to adopt a more hipster-like online persona to pursue such girls?

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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You say you are old enough to be considered an adult by most.....What the hell? You are 28! You were an adult the day you had your 18th birthday. You've been a legal adult for 10 years.

 

Just say it out right. I am not looking for a relationship, just casual fun. If you want more please pass me by. All of the examples you've said do not say it outright and women will read more into it.

 

I value freedom and independence does not say i only want casual sex, etc.

 

Bear in mind this even if you make it clear you want NSA....many women will say they are ok with that and not mean it. They will do it and hope to win you over. It can get difficult if they have sex with you and want more.

 

You are just out of a 5 year relationship. Can you not be content by yourself for a few months and figure out who you are? Do you need to be having flings? It can just complicate things.

Edited by Amelie1980
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Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

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OKC actually has a "seeking casual sex" option, but I know selecting this disqualifies a lot of guys in a lot of girls' eyes.

 

Because a lot of women aren't interested in being your flesh light. So rather than be upfront about it, you're deciding to disguise your true intentions and go down he long established route of being dishonest and vague. bravo!

 

"I value freedom and independence."

 

"I'm not the jealous and possessive type, and neither should you be."

 

"I pride myself on not falling madly in love with someone simply because we had a physical connection."

 

Maybe in the "you should message me if" section, I can add to the list...

 

"If you know there is a difference between love and attraction."

 

These are all really bad phrases that don't scream I'm not looking for commitment. In fact quite a few of them could be construed in the opposite direction. You should probably rely on the old favourite....I'm not looking for anything serious right now.

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Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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Because a lot of women aren't interested in being your flesh light. So rather than be upfront about it, you're deciding to disguise your true intentions and go down he long established route of being dishonest and vague. bravo!

 

Yup this too. I cant believe I didnt think of that.

 

I had my heartbroken by someone who did exactly this. Didnt say outright he wasnt after long term with me as he knew I probably wouldnt have gone for it.

 

Maybe buy a flesh light instead?

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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You say you are old enough to be considered an adult by most.....What the hell? You are 28! You were an adult the day you had your 18th birthday. You've been a legal adult for 10 years.

 

I meant intellectually/emotionally being an adult; as in having been in a long term relationship, building a career, becoming financially independent, etc. Lots of early 20-somethings, in comparison, are still in college, still living at home, still trying to find something more than a part-time job, etc. That's what I meant by being an "adult" (in comparison).

 

But I find that the age gap between me and early 20-somethings and even late-teens people isn't so large that we can't find common ground and connect; I danced and made out with a 22 year old and even a 19 year old girl a few weeks ago (neither encounters led to sex though).

 

Just say it out right. I am not looking for a relationship, just casual fun. If you want more please pass me by. All of the examples you've said do not say it outright and women will read more into it.

 

I value freedom and independence does not say i only want casual sex, etc.

 

I was hoping that it would imply that I'm not seeking to become emotionally attached or tied down to anyone.

 

Bear in mind this even if you make it clear you want NSA....many women will say they are ok with that and not mean it. They will do it and hope to win you over. It can get difficult if they have sex with you and want more.

 

You are just out of a 5 year relationship. Can you not be content by yourself for a few months and figure out who you are? Do you need to be having flings? It can just complicate things.

 

Figuring who I am and what I want was what I was doing probably the last year of our relationship; it was getting harder and harder to meet up (conflicting work schedules, having to travel for family-related emergencies on both side), we were seeing each other less and less frequently, we were less affectionate when we did have the opportunity to meet up.

 

Then she got an offer for a better job in another country, and I couldn't follow, so that was pretty much the final blow to our relationship. We agreed for her to leave this relationship behind and to pursue her career without me, but I had already sensed we were growing apart in our final months.

 

This is the next stage of my moving on period.

Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

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Yup this too. I cant believe I didnt think of that.

 

I had my heartbroken by someone who did exactly this. Didnt say outright he wasnt after long term with me as he knew I probably wouldnt have gone for it.

 

Yes. All the bitter dudes have guys like this to thank for the fact that women are simply uninterested these days. We're quite sick of being lied to and used. Being single is a very viable option to trying to navigate the mine field of guys seeking one thing and not being upfront about it.

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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Like I said, what about the hipster girls in my area who aren't afraid to list "looking for casual sex" in their profiles? Do you think girls like those could be attracted to guys of my lifestyle or do you think girls like those only sleep with guys more like them?

thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

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The best way is to be up front and say you are only interested in dating and not looking for a longer term relationship. If you get any sense that they want something more serious then don't get further involved and hurt them. Alternatively, go on a dating website explicitly aimed at casual encounters.

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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Yes. All the bitter dudes have guys like this to thank for the fact that women are simply uninterested these days. We're quite sick of being lied to and used. Being single is a very viable option to trying to navigate the mine field of guys seeking one thing and not being upfront about it.

 

 

I'm sorry, but I'm not sure how "I pride myself on not falling madly in love with someone simply because we had a physical connection" can be misconstrued as "I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with".

 

There's also the Match questions on OKC that gauge your feelings on these sorts of issues; I've been answering all those questions so as to get the highest match scores with girls who are looking for casual sex in my area.

 

It's just the wording of my profile that's my concern. Even if a girl is into casual sex, she's not going to give it up to any slob who flatly says "lets bang", and "I'm not looking for anything serious" is so overused and cliched. Am I wrong?

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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Like I said, what about the hipster girls in my area who aren't afraid to list "looking for casual sex" in their profiles? Do you think girls like those could be attracted to guys of my lifestyle or do you think girls like those only sleep with guys more like them?

 

What does lifestyle matter if it is just going to be sex only. It isnt an issue at all.

 

Look just try it.

 

Set up a profile saying casual only and see what happens.

 

You dont get any interest, you have your answer.

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Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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I'm sorry, but I'm not sure how "I pride myself on not falling madly in love with someone simply because we had a physical connection" can be misconstrued as "I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with".

 

There's also the Match questions on OKC that gauge your feelings on these sorts of issues; I've been answering all those questions so as to get the highest match scores with girls who are looking for casual sex in my area.

 

It's just the wording of my profile that's my concern. Even if a girl is into casual sex, she's not going to give it up to any slob who flatly says "lets bang", and "I'm not looking for anything serious" is so overused and cliched. Am I wrong?

 

You have come on here asking how to get NSA sex without saying it outright.

 

Therefore your profile will be misleading.

 

I'm not looking for anything serious is not a cliche, it is the truth and you must tell it.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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If you only want casual sex ...switch to Tinder.

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PPan Member

PPan

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One more thing I forgot to mention; I live in the Greater New York area, and I've found that most of the girls who aren't embarrassed to select "seeking casual sex" around here tend to be artsy, hipster types; girls in music school, girls who work in art galleries and theaters, girls with tattoos and piercings, girls who are into indie bands, Banksy, etc.

 

I can appreciate those things, but my lifestyle is a little more straight-laced "yuppie"-like; crisp collar and a tie every day (sometimes a suit), happy-hour, black Volvo, etc.

 

Could girls like that be attracted a straight-laced yuppie like me for a casual encounter? Or do you think I should try to adopt a more hipster-like online persona to pursue such girls?

 

I'm a straight-laced guy,clean-cut, all preppy boy style and most of the girls I get with are the girls you'd find on instagram: tatoos, piercings, dyed blue hair, pale skin, VERY cute and skinny etc.

 

Those girls love casual sex, aren't afraid to show what they want and they are attracted to all sorts of attractive men. You don't need to have tattoos or piercings or whatever.

 

These grls are very emotional, which is a cute way to say that if you are attractive to them, and you make them smile: they'll bang you easily and quick.

 

And let me tell you that they know what they are doing, as many of them work part-time as cam girls, and some even as escorts lol. I can't really find normal women to be exciting ever since I had my first ''girls gone wild'' sort of mentality and lifestyle, girl.

Edited by PPan
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Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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If you only want casual sex ...switch to Tinder.

 

Or pay for it.

TunaCat Established Member

TunaCat

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Why would you subtly hint this?

 

If you have no problem with casual sex & wanting it, why can't you be up front and honest about it?

 

Being up front & honest is always better than using dumb cliches.

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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Why would you subtly hint this?

 

If you have no problem with casual sex & wanting it, why can't you be up front and honest about it?

 

Being up front & honest is always better than using dumb cliches.

 

Like I said, I'm trying to express a desire for casual sex in a way that's tasteful, creative and not cliched ("I'm not looking for anything serious" is cliched.)

 

You need to be eloquent and creative to succeed in online dating.

 

Maybe this is a better question; how do my quotes NOT express a desire for casual sex? What about them could possibly imply a desire for a serious relationship?

 

(Especially since I answered all the Match questions in a pro-casual sex manner and selected "short term dating" and "new friends" on my profile)

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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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I'm a straight-laced guy,clean-cut, all preppy boy style and most of the girls I get with are the girls you'd find on instagram: tatoos, piercings, dyed blue hair, pale skin, VERY cute and skinny etc.

 

Those girls love casual sex, aren't afraid to show what they want and they are attracted to all sorts of attractive men. You don't need to have tattoos or piercings or whatever.

 

These grls are very emotional, which is a cute way to say that if you are attractive to them, and you make them smile: they'll bang you easily and quick.

 

And let me tell you that they know what they are doing, as many of them work part-time as cam girls, and some even as escorts lol. I can't really find normal women to be exciting ever since I had my first ''girls gone wild'' sort of mentality and lifestyle, girl.

 

Are these girls you met online or in real life? And how do you bridge that culture gap?

thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

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Like I said, I'm trying to express a desire for casual sex in a way that's tasteful, creative and not cliched ("I'm not looking for anything serious" is cliched.)

 

You need to be eloquent and creative to succeed in online dating.

 

Maybe this is a better question; how do my quotes NOT express a desire for casual sex? What about them could possibly imply a desire for a serious relationship?

 

(Especially since I answered all the Match questions in a pro-casual sex manner and selected "short term dating" and "new friends" on my profile)

 

Some women you date may think they will see what you are like on meeting and hope you may change your mind or that in can become more serious in the process of getting to know you. You need to make sure that they fully understand what you are looking for so they don't get hurt. Obviously dating is not a promise of anything serious but it's good to make yourself clear.

Justanaverageguy Established Member

Justanaverageguy

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Like I said, I'm trying to express a desire for casual sex in a way that's tasteful, creative and not cliched ("I'm not looking for anything serious" is cliched.)

 

You need to be eloquent and creative to succeed in online dating.

 

Maybe this is a better question; how do my quotes NOT express a desire for casual sex? What about them could possibly imply a desire for a serious relationship?

 

(Especially since I answered all the Match questions in a pro-casual sex manner and selected "short term dating" and "new friends" on my profile)

 

You are way overthinking it - keep it simple. Looking to meet new people and have some fun is all you need to say. If you want some thing casual and fun ..... That's how you need to come across the stuff you have written so far sounds kind of creepy to be honest.

 

Really not that hard and despite what some will tell you there are plenty of girls in the same age brackets with the same mindset as you - been through similar phase a year back and they come from all walks of life not just hipsters.

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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Like I said, I'm trying to express a desire for casual sex in a way that's tasteful, creative and not cliched ("I'm not looking for anything serious" is cliched.)

 

You need to be eloquent and creative to succeed in online dating.

 

Maybe this is a better question; how do my quotes NOT express a desire for casual sex? What about them could possibly imply a desire for a serious relationship?

 

(Especially since I answered all the Match questions in a pro-casual sex manner and selected "short term dating" and "new friends" on my profile)

 

yes you need to be eloquent to succeed in online dating.

 

But you are NOT looking to date. You are looking for sex. Therefore it doesnt matter what you say if your goal is not dating someone new right now.

 

Your goal is to get sex. Your profile needs to state that unequivocally. That is how you will succeed in your goal.

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PPan Member

PPan

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Are these girls you met online or in real life? And how do you bridge that culture gap?

 

Some girls I met online. Some I met in real life by approaching them in public and talking about their tattoos. I have no ink work done but that's no problem, they love to talk about their art. The girls who belong to this scene and I can't get with because they have a boyfriend, are lesbians or are not into me: I befriend them and they take me to the places where they usually hang out at. I get introduced to their female friends and I go from there.

 

I don't think there's a culture gap when you are attracted to someone and that person is attracted to you. You just gotta be interested in them, in what they are and in what they enjoy and they'll warm up to you. Also, these girls are mostly into casual sex. You don't have to have much in common with them.

PPan Member

PPan

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Or pay for it.

 

Yes, that would work too. Quite a few of those girls are paying for college with the money they get from temporary boyfriends. I know a girl who fits the type of girl he's looking for. Extremely beautiful. lingerie model. She dated a few guys because they provided her with the lifestyle she wanted. Nothing wrong with that as long as both parties get what they want.

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Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

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I get the impression from your descriptions of your "lifestyle" on this thread that you want casual sex but you are worried that if you say this outright on a profile, you will get nothing but slutty, low class girls and you dont want those girls.

 

You are therefore trying to find ways to be "eloquent"on your profile and not be honest about just wanting sex so you get the classy girls to sleep with you while not being 100% honest about your intentions.

 

Am I right?

 

You cannot have it both ways. You want sex with no commitment. Be honest and say it. You may not get the kind of classy girls you want, but if it just sex it doesnt matter.

 

You cannot be disingenuous on your profile to attract classy girls and mislead them with friends and independence BS as a cover story to get them into bed. When they expect more out of you, you say I never said I wanted a relationship. They will say you never said you didnt, etc etc.

 

Look use your hand or a toy or pay but dont lie on your profile just so you dont scare away the kind of women you like sleeping with.

 

Disclaimer I use the terms classy and slutty girls ironically here. just an easy way to illustrate the point.

Edited by Amelie1980
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PolarCrash Member

PolarCrash

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yes you need to be eloquent to succeed in online dating.

 

But you are NOT looking to date. You are looking for sex. Therefore it doesnt matter what you say if your goal is not dating someone new right now.

 

Your goal is to get sex. Your profile needs to state that unequivocally. That is how you will succeed in your goal.

 

You still have to take her on a date or two to get sex (even casual sex) Amelie. Do you think a that just because a girl lists "casual sex" on her profile, she's going to allow some random guy to come up to her apartment and bend over the moment she opens the door?

 

There still has to be some interaction and spark beforehand. "Casual sex" doesn't mean a girl is going to let any guy who propositions her online inside of her; it just means that she's not seeking commitment and is willing to have sex without the prerequisites of a serious relationship.

 

I'm several years younger than you, have been out of the dating market for 5 years and a guy and even I know this.

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