Blanco Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 There's a difference between finding happiness without a relationship and saying you "don't need anyone." People who can't be happy unless they're in a relationship are the ones who end up smothering their relationships because they depend so heavily on them for too much. A healthy relationship should enhance your life and happiness, not be THE reason you're happy. Trying looking at things in a more nuanced way, instead of extremes or black and white. 2
Author Samuel_22 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 Maybe instead of taking her word for it you should ask your friend straight out if he's seeing her. That'll cut a whole lot of BSing around out of the situation and then you'll have a concrete answer instead of what-ifs and rationalizations. Thank you for your sincere answer, yes I have invited both out to a cafe, I am going to look in their eyes, while they are sitting in front of me, and ask them the question! I am not afraid of doing it, I don't care honestly, at the end of the day, it's either ''yes'' or ''no'' either way, I will be happy since it's my decision, something that I want
Blanco Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 As for this girl, you mentioned in the first post that a colleague provided you with proof that this girl was with your other colleague. You were positive she was. What happened with all that? Are you saying that she wasn't involved at all with this guy? And if not, then why is the other colleague going around outright lying about this? And what was this supposed proof of the relationship. Here's my main point: You have an account here because you got burned by a girl who used you as a rebound. Unless your one co-worker is a defaming jerk, this woman was recently involved with someone. Can't you see how that would mean you're risking repeating a pattern that caused you indescribable pain not that long ago?
Author Samuel_22 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 There's a difference between finding happiness without a relationship and saying you "don't need anyone." People who can't be happy unless they're in a relationship are the ones who end up smothering their relationships because they depend so heavily on them for too much. A healthy relationship should enhance your life and happiness, not be THE reason you're happy. Trying looking at things in a more nuanced way, instead of extremes or black and white. Blanco I swear to God I did not even want to start a RS. Believe me I had set a goal, entering another RS was not even an option for me. I was doing really fine, the last month I did not even think of my ex even once. I used to gout with my friends, work, do my favorite things, and I was really ok with the situation. but...but...when she texted me and we talked, it rekindled something in me, something that I really felt was missing. What would you do honestly?
Author Samuel_22 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 As for this girl, you mentioned in the first post that a colleague provided you with proof that this girl was with your other colleague. You were positive she was. What happened with all that? Are you saying that she wasn't involved at all with this guy? And if not, then why is the other colleague going around outright lying about this? And what was this supposed proof of the relationship. Here's my main point: You have an account here because you got burned by a girl who used you as a rebound. Unless your one co-worker is a defaming jerk, this woman was recently involved with someone. Can't you see how that would mean you're risking repeating a pattern that caused you indescribable pain not that long ago? Do you think they are both going to sit face to face and tell lies about a RS they are involved in? (In accordance with the other colleague). proof he had was a bunch of text messages, no pictures nothing. and it was not her phone number, at least not the one she is texting me now? do you think the girl is crazy to sit infront of the guy today, and say no I have never been in any RS, and the man is going to say yes it's true, just to make me happy? and then the guy will buy us champagne to congratulate us on our new RS?
Blanco Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Blanco I swear to God I did not even want to start a RS. Believe me I had set a goal, entering another RS was not even an option for me. I was doing really fine, the last month I did not even think of my ex even once. I used to gout with my friends, work, do my favorite things, and I was really ok with the situation. but...but...when she texted me and we talked, it rekindled something in me, something that I really felt was missing. What would you do honestly? I don't know. I understand where you're coming from. It's been about a year since my breakup; 10 months since I knew it was over for good. I haven't wanted a relationship with her in a long time, but this last year has been challenging in ways I didn't anticipate when I thought about leaving the relationship. I have intentionally avoided dating or even casual encounters. The way I saw it, I had so much internal work to do after my breakup, that it would've been unfair to all parties if I had started anything new. I needed to know that I had done the hard work; the reflection on why the relationship failed; my role in that; why I stayed so long in such a bad relationship; who I want to be as a person; as a man, etc. It's hard to do those things if I'm looking for a lay or a date. That doesn't mean I haven't felt lonely or haven't missed companionship. It's just that I don't want to pursue someone or a relationship for the wrong reasons. To me, loneliness is not a healthy reason to pursue someone. I want to pursue someone because they intrigue me; excite me; show visible, worthwhile qualities that suggest my life would be enhanced by implementing them into it. I don't want a relationship because I need someone on the other end of the couch in the evening, or someone on the other side of the bed. I don't want a relationship because "everyone else has one" or because holidays can be a little bittersweet in today's world as a single person. I want a relationship because I add value to her life and vice versa. I've had just one relationship like that, and in retrospect, it's made all the others look like rotting fruit by comparison. 3
quattrob Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 100% pure BS allover, that buddy, buddy you are talking about has always been my buddy buddy on LS. We had the exact same problem, and we went through the same. If you are jealous, you are not the buddy buddy, then that's something else. To those who claim you can be alone and happy, and you don't need anyone else; You are either creatures from other planets or you are acting up, if the latter is true you'd better drop the act. We are humans and we are not meant to live alone. Regardless I have arranged the meeting today, I am not going to close my eyes and vote with my feet. Today everything will become clear, and if they are all rumors, I am going to go for it, she is really beautiful, and I truly have feelings for her. I would like to thank those who helped, I really needed that. I will keep you posted. I Good job ignoring my other comments and focusing on the least important thing I said just to rebuttal me, it's so irrelevant to my main point. And you totally misunderstood my point, but Blanco explained it perfectly, his posts makes so much sense. 1
Itspointless Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 To those who claim you can be alone and happy, and you don't need anyone else; You are either creatures from other planets or you are acting up, if the latter is true you'd better drop the act. We are humans and we are not meant to live alone. You are mixing some things up here. People are social creatures, we thrive on being seen and being appreciated. Attention from someone else has almost magical powers when it comes to full-fulling our need. Touch for example has almost magical medical powers. BUT, if we want the other near to fill something that we are missing within ourselves, than we are quit toxic for those people. Then we start to claim, start to blame and eventually start the cycle over and over again. I know I can be happy alone, I have learnt that in the past, but it has cost me much and it is a lot harder than doing that as a couple. With my ex I learned I was not as healthy as I thought. So that meant I needed to do work, just as Blanco mentions. You my friend sound way to defensive in your reactions and that is probably why so many of us are reacting to this. And if you do not like what we say, it is really is of no obligation to visit this forum with us fools. 1
Author Samuel_22 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 You are mixing some things up here. People are social creatures, we thrive on being seen and being appreciated. Attention from someone else has almost magical powers when it comes to full-fulling our need. Touch for example has almost magical medical powers. BUT, if we want the other near to fill something that we are missing within ourselves, than we are quit toxic for those people. Then we start to claim, start to blame and eventually start the cycle over and over again. I know I can be happy alone, I have learnt that in the past, but it has cost me much and it is a lot harder than doing that as a couple. With my ex I learned I was not as healthy as I thought. So that meant I needed to do work, just as Blanco mentions. You my friend sound way to defensive in your reactions and that is probably why so many of us are reacting to this. And if you do not like what we say, it is really is of no obligation to visit this forum with us fools. No no no... I am not calling anyone a fool, why should I? these people are the ones who helped me through the toughest and hardest days of my life? is that how I appreciate them? no never! I like these people, I honestly do, it is bitter when someone can put things across as nice as Blanco did, but they keep attacking you, calling you names, and react in a hostile way. Why am I here? I don't know what to do. I don't want to be attacked, I am already under a lot of pressure, I just wish more people speak like Blanco does, I mean his latest post! There are lessons you can learn in these lines... but when someone says, you are insecure, you are crazy to do this, I don't know ''why not, but don't get back on LS to moan.'' you feel it is hostile. I need logic, because I can't find any in how things are going on. Blanco provided me with what I was in need of. and well I appreciate it.
Itspointless Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 No no no... I am not calling anyone a fool, why should I? these people are the ones who helped me through the toughest and hardest days of my life? is that how I appreciate them? no never! I like these people, I honestly do, it is bitter when someone can put things across as nice as Blanco did, but they keep attacking you, calling you names, and react in a hostile way. Why am I here? I don't know what to do. I don't want to be attacked, I am already under a lot of pressure, I just wish more people speak like Blanco does, I mean his latest post! There are lessons you can learn in these lines... but when someone says, you are insecure, you are crazy to do this, I don't know ''why not, but don't get back on LS to moan.'' you feel it is hostile. I need logic, because I can't find any in how things are going on. Blanco provided me with what I was in need of. and well I appreciate it. I think you got my odd sense of humour I get you, many people on this forum are fans of tough love. Sometimes the words are a bit harder than what you need to read in it. Not everyone is as well versed in words as Blanco. But, I have to say the reactions I read here really were not rude in my experience. Perhaps they were a bit confronting with your dreams and needs at this moment? I get your loneliness though. For me two years have past, and still I find it hard to think back of her. it is tempting to bury things ... I just hope you won't do things that in the end even cause more hurt. This women sounds like she has the potential to shred your heart. 1
Been Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 So basically this woman wants to start an RS with you and she's still in one? Think about it she does it to him she'll do it to you. Why would you even want to deal with that?
Author Samuel_22 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 I think you got my odd sense of humour I get you, many people on this forum are fans of tough love. Sometimes the words are a bit harder than what you need to read in it. Not everyone is as well versed in words as Blanco. But, I have to say the reactions I read here really were not rude in my experience. Perhaps they were a bit confronting with your dreams and needs at this moment? I get your loneliness though. For me two years have past, and still I find it hard to think back of her. it is tempting to bury things ... I just hope you won't do things that in the end even cause more hurt. This women sounds like she has the potential to shred your heart. She does, I am going to lock all the doors! Evade everything she is going to throw at me, you people are right! I still can't recognize my own feelings! I won't regret this, I don't see it in me, not yet. Another RS is meaningless at this moment. All I need is another heartache. I am not a coward, but I want to pursue my goals. thank you all and sorry if I ever unintentionally saddened anyone. I did not mean to do that. Thanks for your heartwarming support
SoThatHappened Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 You're not ready to get into another relationship (even stated by you multiple times). You work with her, and the guy she may or may not be seeing. Those are two extremely good reasons not to pursue this. Also, I agree that we as human beings inherently want to be with someone. However, as Blanco put it SO well, that's not what it's about. You have to be happy on your own before you and another person can ADD value to a relationship. I would advise that you continue to heal and find someone outside of work. Do a search for the brokenhearted on here who had to see their ex every day at work. I admit no one should start a relationship thinking it will end, but it's also not very wise to start a relationship that IF it ends, it creates an additional set of problems (i.e. working together).
drseuss Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I'm good thanks and I'm glad to know things are going better What contact have you had with this woman since you started thus thread ? 1
drseuss Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) the festive period was a little upsetting but I'm feeling back to normal now it's over, have you heard from your ex at all ? Edited January 5, 2016 by drseuss 1
Author Samuel_22 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 the festive period was a little upsetting but I'm feeling back to normal now it's over, have you heard from your ex at all ? We had that meeting, I looked the guy in the eyes, in front of that girl, and asked him if he has been in a RS with the girl, ''He said, no never!'' he continued, '' I honestly put forward my intention for calling her, but she said the only one she was thinking of was you, she also got your phone number from me.'' Well I am the weak guy here I supposed, I succumbed to this situation, good or bad today we officially embarked the RS. I don't know if I have to hate myself for starting another RS this soon or what? but I have already crossed the Rubicon. We had a great day, I hope I don't regret this. No she contacted me 1.5 months ago, she called my sister, she wanted to ask a question about fixing her computer, I told her I would call her back, I never did it however. to hell with her. Now that I am with this girl, I understand, my love for her was just a big misunderstanding. Sorry people, I was weak....I know what's coming, but I thought another heartache does not frighten me nor another bitter story, this show must go on...
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