Should I say ''yes'' or ''no''?

January 2, 2016

Well where do I begin, fate is mocking at me and it won't stop doing it again and again.

My ex girlfriend left me 5 and half months ago, I was devastated back then, I heard every single bone breaking in my body, , I was shattered, my whole self esteem, self image shattered into tiny pieces.

Time passes by, 5 months later here I am again. Loveshack.org

This time my story is not as bitter but it certainly is here to revive the pain, and I need your help. 4 months after my breaking up with my ex, there was this new secretary at work, I was trying to play it cool and I was not in a hurry to start another RS. I admit without even making friends with her, I used her to rebuild my shattered ego.

On Thursday, she texted me and told me she had feelings about me and that she was willing to start a RS with me. I did responded but kept it short, on Saturday, she started texting me again, I talked to her a bit and stopped the conversation. I was really happy, well I thought,'' that's it! the end of all sad days''. On Saturday afternoon I saw one of my closest colleagues and I told him about the girl, until he told me that this lady was in a RS with another colleague of mine. He provided me with proof and etc. Now I am sure she is in a RS with one of my closest colleagues at work.

Tomorrow I am supposed to answer to her friendship request, and I don't know which way to go, if I say ''no'' I have to continue with my lonely days, if I say ''yes'' I am in another toxic RS, or so I suppose, and I have betrayed my colleague. What do you think I should do? I know your answers, just want to make sure. finding someone else you have feelings for is not easy, and I don't know if she really loves me or.... i am confused

January 2, 2016

Well, maybe she's thinking of getting out of her other relationship. Try not to invest any emotions in her until you're sure she's free. By the way, the heart is the most malleable organ. It's capable of forgetting and loving again.

January 2, 2016

Well, maybe she's thinking of getting out of her other relationship. Try not to invest any emotions in her until you're sure she's free. By the way, the heart is the most malleable organ. It's capable of forgetting and loving again.

So do you suggest I accept this, but try to manage my emotions? But why the hell does she want me? her current boyfriend has a better car, more money... their RS is about 2 months old. if she is leaving him, so she will leave me as well, wont she? And do you think it is morally the right thing to do?

January 2, 2016

So do you suggest I accept this, but try to manage my emotions? But why the hell does she want me? her current boyfriend has a better car, more money... their RS is about 2 months old. if she is leaving him, so she will leave me as well, wont she? And do you think it is morally the right thing to do?

It's morally wrong. And can you imagine how awkward it would be at work if she left him for you? I can't think of a better way to screw up your work environment.

Wait for the next girl to come along.

January 2, 2016

It's morally wrong. And can you imagine how awkward it would be at work if she left him for you? I can't think of a better way to screw up your work environment.

Wait for the next girl to come along.

You know it ain't easy, but I can do it. I was shocked when I heard this story, right now my mind is tricking me, it says everyone can make a mistakes, maybe she really loves me, but then again my logic intervenes, and reminds me how nasty it is. if I had not seen this colleague of mine, I would definitely say ''yes'', right now I don't even know her intentions, does she want to play both of us? does she really love me and want to cut off her current RS? I am stranded in this vicious circle.

January 2, 2016

But why the hell does she want me? her current boyfriend has a better car, more money...

Money can't buy a personality, emotional availability, or a sense of humor.

I agree with the others. Wait until they're broken up then wait a bit longer before you start seeing her. Then wait even longer until you make it exclusive. Just be patient. If she really does have feelings for you, they aren't going to go away. If her feelings for you are as a rebound, then you'll be able to find out before she breaks your heart when you're already fully 100% committed and she's not.

January 2, 2016

This is one of those situations I want to stay passive, well your wisdom has helped me in the past, so I am going to rely merely on your responses. Do you think I should tell her about her RS and ask what she is going to do about that? or do you think I should simply say no and move away? should I even consider telling me colleague about this, knowing he is one of my good friends?

January 2, 2016

You know it ain't easy, but I can do it. I was shocked when I heard this story, right now my mind is tricking me, it says everyone can make a mistakes, maybe she really loves me, but then again my logic intervenes, and reminds me how nasty it is. if I had not seen this colleague of mine, I would definitely say ''yes'', right now I don't even know her intentions, does she want to play both of us? does she really love me and want to cut off her current RS? I am stranded in this vicious circle.

Money can't buy a personality, emotional availability, or a sense of humor.

I agree with the others. Wait until they're broken up then wait a bit longer before you start seeing her. Then wait even longer until you make it exclusive. Just be patient. If she really does have feelings for you, they aren't going to go away. If her feelings for you are as a rebound, then you'll be able to find out before she breaks your heart when you're already fully 100% committed and she's not.

I think this is a good idea. However, should I simply say no? or say no and explain why ''no'' or should I even tell my colleague about this?

January 2, 2016

OP, reframe this story and consider the following: If she left a guy at work she is in a RS with for you, who's there to tell she won't leave you when a new guy shows up at work? GIG is permanent, mate, people suffering from it are to be avoided like the plague.

Why don't you go online - you will get lots of attention and lots of women wanting to date you. You shouldn't even be in a RS right now, you're vulnerable. What you do is actually very dangerous. Dating superficially, maybe Even hooking up - okish. You cannot involve emotionally - but I do understand your need to feel loved. Don't go there, it's dangerous. Take attention & thrills & sex. Safer.

January 2, 2016

OP, reframe this story and consider the following: If she left a guy at work she is in a RS with for you, who's there to tell she won't leave you when a new guy shows up at work? GIG is permanent, mate, people suffering from it are to be avoided like the plague.

Why don't you go online - you will get lots of attention and lots of women wanting to date you. You shouldn't even be in a RS right now, you're vulnerable. What you do is actually very dangerous. Dating superficially, maybe Even hooking up - okish. You cannot involve emotionally - but I do understand your need to feel loved. Don't go there, it's dangerous. Take attention & thrills & sex. Safer.

I think you are right, I have not even fully recovered, this is not what I wanted, this is fate giving you what you don't want again instead of giving you what you want. Alright I guess I have heard more ''nos'' than I need...but should I tell her ''no'' and why? or just a simple ''no''?

January 2, 2016

So why is it justified to potentially play a role in ending a relationship when the original reason you joined this forum was because an ex of your girlfriend's had come back into her life and won her back?

January 2, 2016

OP, in my opinion, it doesn't matter how many yes or how many nos you get. What do you want? Are you convinced about what you need to do and do you know what's good for you? The answer should come from within you, not from what a bunch of strangers think you should do. We have no idea how you feel. We don't know the woman. I don't know if There are feelings between the 2 of you.

Anyway, my advice: just say you weren't aware she was already involved with someone. And step out. No discussions, no justifications. Get out & stay out.

January 3, 2016

OP, in my opinion, it doesn't matter how many yes or how many nos you get. What do you want? Are you convinced about what you need to do and do you know what's good for you? The answer should come from within you, not from what a bunch of strangers think you should do. We have no idea how you feel. We don't know the woman. I don't know if There are feelings between the 2 of you.

Anyway, my advice: just say you weren't aware she was already involved with someone. And step out. No discussions, no justifications. Get out & stay out.

Agree. Step aside on this one until you know what is REALLY happening. You don't know if you and this woman are compatible and you don't know if anything can develop into something long term. She might have feelings for you but there's no way she can be in love with you if you're not even in a relationship.

January 3, 2016

Tomorrow I am supposed to answer to her friendship request, and I don't know which way to go, if I say ''no'' I have to continue with my lonely days, if I say ''yes'' I am in another toxic RS, or so I suppose, and I have betrayed my colleague. What do you think I should do? I know your answers, just want to make sure. finding someone else you have feelings for is not easy, and I don't know if she really loves me or.... i am confused

How bad of the lonely days now that you've had some time to recover and a semi-rebound experience?

Why would you knowingly enter into a toxic relationship?

I don't see the confusion.

January 3, 2016

She's in this other relationship for only 2 months and she wants out? And she wants to be in a RS with you even before she breaks it off or tells you that she's already in a RS? That's alot of huge redflags, I don't know why you would even consider this.

I rather be alone and wait for the right person than to go through pain with the wrong person because I feel lonely.

January 3, 2016

As quattrob said, there's some pretty huge red flags here. I totally understand that you're still in pain and feel lonely after your last RS, but this situation has the potential to send you even farther down that rabbit hole.

Let's look at this practically. She's already lied to you about something pretty damned big, even if it was a lie of omission. I don't know about you, but personally, if someone was talking about getting into an RS with me while still with someone I would run for the hills. Especially if the person they were with was a friend of mine. Double especially for a friend I work with. Not only does this run the risk of destroying a friendship, it could also effect your job.

Is someone who's obviously okay with lying and seems to have no problem with either trying to cheat or switching partners out like trading cards really someone you want to risk what I mentioned for? Not only that, she's only been in this RS for 2 months right? That's not very long and if instead of just leaving this guy she is apparently unhappy with she stays with him while trying to get you on the line...to me that smacks of some pretty massive douchebaggery.

My advice? Don't do it. Chick seems shady. Who's to say you're the only one she's got in the background as well?

January 3, 2016

Why not - go for it !!

Just don't come back to LS moaning and weeping that you've been cheated on and dumped within 2 months like your predecessor.

Edited January 3, 2016 by sowhynot
Grammar. ....

January 3, 2016

Hey Samuel , I hope your doing well and I think you have come a long old way !!

Think back to the days of utter despair and the amount we were posting only a few months ago compered to where you are now , I do not envy the posts of people on here that are 1 week into nc and in the raw stage

Maybe tell her exactly your situation and that you just want to hang out with her but nothing more and see what she says ?? She might be the last push to help you fully let go of your ex

January 3, 2016

Why not - go for it !!

Just don't come back to LS moaning and weeping that you've been cheated on and dumped within 2 months like your predecessor.

Too much hatred for me? Well I don't know about that, well I had a conversation with the girl, I talked to her, she denies being in any RS. She is ready to face anyone who claims to be in a RS with her...so? now what?

January 3, 2016

Hey Samuel , I hope your doing well and I think you have come a long old way !!

Think back to the days of utter despair and the amount we were posting only a few months ago compered to where you are now , I do not envy the posts of people on here that are 1 week into nc and in the raw stage

Maybe tell her exactly your situation and that you just want to hang out with her but nothing more and see what she says ?? She might be the last push to help you fully let go of your ex

Wow!!! look who is here! how are you doing mate? yeah those goddamn days, seriously! I hope you are doing fine as well. I don't know, I was determined to say no to her, but something told me I had to talk to her first about the situation, she contends she has never been in any RS with any of our colleagues.

she told me the guy had talked to her on Telegram, and she had said no to him, she also said, she had told him that she only likes me, she has also asked me to arrange a meeting with the guy, so that I can get rid of these negative thoughts. Well, obviously I am going to do that, I have been talking to her since this morning, and damn, I feel like me again after such a long time.

People on LS don't even listen to you anymore, I wonder why it is like this, despite my previous posts, and the fact I had written I did want to say ''no'' to her, they keep attacking me for no obvious reason. But if she can prove that these were nothing but a bunch of rumors, I will be in. I have had enough of being lonely.

Edited January 3, 2016 by Samuel_22

January 3, 2016

I feel like me again after such a long time.

People on LS don't even listen to you anymore, I wonder why it is like this, despite my previous posts, and the fact I had written I did want to say ''no'' to her, they keep attacking me for no obvious reason. But if she can prove that these were nothing but a bunch of rumors, I will be in. I have had enough of being lonely.

A half a year is not a very long time

I have no clue what you are talking about regarding to the members of LS? Nothing in tone has changed here. Don't you think it is questionable that you need someone else to be happy? If you ask me you are not ready.

January 4, 2016

No hatred, me old mucker, just trying to jar some sense into you for your own good.

First post says 'you are sure she us in a relationship' . If she is, then making a swing at you before she's ended it with the other guy shows exactly the type of person she is and will have no hesitation in treating you in exactly the same way.

A phrase involving leopards and spots spring to mind.

And not only is there a very high risk of heartache when it does go pear shaped, but it's going to happen in a work environment. And it's going to get messy with your colleague the moment he finds out she's effectively cheating on him.

Up to you, but I certainly wouldn't touch it with a barge poll.

January 4, 2016

Maybe instead of taking her word for it you should ask your friend straight out if he's seeing her. That'll cut a whole lot of BSing around out of the situation and then you'll have a concrete answer instead of what-ifs and rationalizations.

January 4, 2016

Wow!!! look who is here! how are you doing mate? yeah those goddamn days, seriously! I hope you are doing fine as well. I don't know, I was determined to say no to her, but something told me I had to talk to her first about the situation, she contends she has never been in any RS with any of our colleagues.

she told me the guy had talked to her on Telegram, and she had said no to him, she also said, she had told him that she only likes me, she has also asked me to arrange a meeting with the guy, so that I can get rid of these negative thoughts. Well, obviously I am going to do that, I have been talking to her since this morning, and damn, I feel like me again after such a long time.

People on LS don't even listen to you anymore, I wonder why it is like this, despite my previous posts, and the fact I had written I did want to say ''no'' to her, they keep attacking me for no obvious reason. But if she can prove that these were nothing but a bunch of rumors, I will be in. I have had enough of being lonely.

I've been around since your breakup and if you go through your posts and read them you will see you have insecurities and definitely all you're after here is someone saying what you hope to hear but when you dont get that, you resort to blaming how LS is bad or LS dont listen and even go as far as bashing other LS members saying how they all think very biased because they are all salty because of breakups. Not to mention the first person that gives you that "support"/ advice you want to hear, you become buddy buddy with him/her and join forces to attack or insult other LS users.

You have to realize majority of the people who spend their time replying to you is trying to help you and not here to waste their time like lowlifes to destroy your life. But if you want to keep thinking negative about other LS dwellers, you're just in denial and only hurting yourself.

Anyways good luck with your life choices, as far as i can tell you'll never be truly happy if you have to rely on someone to be happy.

January 4, 2016

I've been around since your breakup and if you go through your posts and read them you will see you have insecurities and definitely all you're after here is someone saying what you hope to hear but when you dont get that, you resort to blaming how LS is bad or LS dont listen and even go as far as bashing other LS members saying how they all think very biased because they are all salty because of breakups. Not to mention the first person that gives you that "support"/ advice you want to hear, you become buddy buddy with him/her and join forces to attack or insult other LS users.

You have to realize majority of the people who spend their time replying to you is trying to help you and not here to waste their time like lowlifes to destroy your life. But if you want to keep thinking negative about other LS dwellers, you're just in denial and only hurting yourself.

Anyways good luck with your life choices, as far as i can tell you'll never be truly happy if you have to rely on someone to be happy.

100% pure BS allover, that buddy, buddy you are talking about has always been my buddy buddy on LS. We had the exact same problem, and we went through the same. If you are jealous, you are not the buddy buddy, then that's something else.

To those who claim you can be alone and happy, and you don't need anyone else; You are either creatures from other planets or you are acting up, if the latter is true you'd better drop the act. We are humans and we are not meant to live alone.

Regardless I have arranged the meeting today, I am not going to close my eyes and vote with my feet. Today everything will become clear, and if they are all rumors, I am going to go for it, she is really beautiful, and I truly have feelings for her.

I would like to thank those who helped, I really needed that. I will keep you posted. I

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