Andamillionmiles Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 I have a friend (I've posted about him before), who I definitely have more feelings for than just that, and we have made out in the past, and I was friendzoned. I think. Anyways, I had a bit of a blow out on new years night while out watching the ball drop, got very drunk with friends, and I'm reading through my phone with this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I may have just not only ruined my chance of ever having anything with him, but also my friendship itself. I need opinions on if you guys think I just torched a friendship with one of the best people I've ever known. Me: Happy New Years (completely sober, in his time zone). Him (a couple hours later, when I was drunk): You toooo! A bit late! Me: How goes it? Did you get a new years kiss? Him: Yes. I got a random new years makeout. What about you? (at this point, drunk me is rapidly heading downhill, and that saying "from the drunk mouth the sober heart speaks" is emerging) Me: I did. But the only person I want on NYE is you. This is a problem. Him: You're drunk. Tell me about this guy you kissed... Me: Not as hot as you, not as smart as you, and not as fun or tall as you. #$%$ I miss you. Him: You're drunk and horny... Me: I am. What about you? You're my favorite. It sucks! Him: I don't know what to say. I awkwardly made out with a girl I use to to work with in high school. She's pretty cute and a year younger. I may hit her up sometime. Me: I'm proud of you. But still, I'm drunk and you're my favorite. If I were there...Would you kiss me? Beeee honest. Him: Oh god. You're always starting something... After kissing the other chick, NO. If I hadn't, then maybe. BUT even if I would, it wouldn't necessarily mean anything. I kissed this other girl without even knowing her... Me: Oh buddy. I'm drunk and horny and you're still my favorite. Him: Oh man, glad to hear. I think you need to go to bed. Yes, drink water first and THEN go to bed for sure. Me: I'm going to bed. Still proud of you. I want nothing but happiness for you in 2016. Happy new year! Him: I feel the same way about you! Happy new years! Get some sleep, i'll talk to you soon. I re read this yesterday when I woke up. I'm embarrassed. He knows I've liked him for awhile, but generally I hide my feelings really well. I feel like I should say something--apologize, damage control, something. Did I ruin everything? Or was what I said flattering?
Starsandshadows Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 I don't think you've ruined anything. You were drunk and like you said it speaks sober heart. It must be really difficult to have a friend that you feel more towards. Do you think you would distance yourself from him and try get over him. I know that's not easy when he's a friend but it's got to be so painful having him in your life as a friend too
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 It wasn't a good look... you kept throwing stuff out there about adoring him, being proud of him, fancying him, how he's better than this other guy, and you got lukewarm responses back, at best. He tried to focus on 'get some water inside you and go to bed' rather than playing back and saying he felt the same. However, don't sweat it, we've all been there drunk! At least you've saved yourself weeks of wondering and tip toeing around things, he knows exactly how into him you are, if he's interested back he will make it clear and pursue. If he likes you, this won't ruin that. If he doesn't, well you'll be able to tell from his actions coming up! We all make mistakes. In the future try not to drunk text! It rarely, RARELY ends well... 3
lana-banana Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Ouch. The good news is he probably won't take it to heart; you were pretty drunk, as was he, so I don't think he'll read too much into it. I think you could still be friends in the future, but give it a while. He was very clear about his lack of interest in you and you shouldn't have brought it up again. As others have said you should avoid texting and drinking. 1
Wewon Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Like most of these types of faux pas, it comes down to if he's a pretty cool person or not, along with what kind of relationship you had. Hopefully he can see that this was a mistake that anyone should be able to relate to. However, there is also the chance that he is the kind of person that clutches pearls and flops down onto the fainting couch.
beyond Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 (edited) I have a friend (I've posted about him before), who I definitely have more feelings for than just that, and we have made out in the past, and I was friendzoned. I think. Anyways, I had a bit of a blow out on new years night while out watching the ball drop, got very drunk with friends, and I'm reading through my phone with this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I may have just not only ruined my chance of ever having anything with him, but also my friendship itself. I need opinions on if you guys think I just torched a friendship with one of the best people I've ever known. Me: Happy New Years (completely sober, in his time zone). Him (a couple hours later, when I was drunk): You toooo! A bit late! Me: How goes it? Did you get a new years kiss? Him: Yes. I got a random new years makeout. What about you? (at this point, drunk me is rapidly heading downhill, and that saying "from the drunk mouth the sober heart speaks" is emerging) Me: I did. But the only person I want on NYE is you. This is a problem. Him: You're drunk. Tell me about this guy you kissed... Me: Not as hot as you, not as smart as you, and not as fun or tall as you. #$%$ I miss you. Him: You're drunk and horny... Me: I am. What about you? You're my favorite. It sucks! Him: I don't know what to say. I awkwardly made out with a girl I use to to work with in high school. She's pretty cute and a year younger. I may hit her up sometime. Me: I'm proud of you. But still, I'm drunk and you're my favorite. If I were there...Would you kiss me? Beeee honest. Him: Oh god. You're always starting something... After kissing the other chick, NO. If I hadn't, then maybe. BUT even if I would, it wouldn't necessarily mean anything. I kissed this other girl without even knowing her... Me: Oh buddy. I'm drunk and horny and you're still my favorite. Him: Oh man, glad to hear. I think you need to go to bed. Yes, drink water first and THEN go to bed for sure. Me: I'm going to bed. Still proud of you. I want nothing but happiness for you in 2016. Happy new year! Him: I feel the same way about you! Happy new years! Get some sleep, i'll talk to you soon. I re read this yesterday when I woke up. I'm embarrassed. He knows I've liked him for awhile, but generally I hide my feelings really well. I feel like I should say something--apologize, damage control, something. Did I ruin everything? Or was what I said flattering? Oh hun, I'm cringing for you! Seriously though, it wasn't anything bad, just embarrassing for you and flattering if anything for him. You say he knows you have liked him for a while, so this wont come as a shock to him, and he didn't sound shocked. Does, however sound as if he doesn't feel the same about you though. Even if he was being gentlemanly because you were drunk, he could have said something like " well you know you are the girl I would want to kiss . lets talk about this when you are sober" But he didn't, he told you about a girl he kissed who he thought was pretty cute and wanted to see again. He sounds like a nice guy though - not trying to take advantage of a friend when she says she is 'horny' lol! I wouldn't say anything tbh. You didnt insult him or anything so no need to apologise. Edited January 2, 2016 by beyond 4
Author Andamillionmiles Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 Yeah I've cringed too. Note: he was the one who made the accusation I was horny. I wasn't. It was New Years--a kiss on New Years is pretty standard tradition. We were sexting about a month and a half ago...and he started that. I figured the longer I spent geographically away from him, the less I would feel him. Bad news: this has been going on for a year and a half now, and my feelings are somehow getting worse. Each crappy guy I date, each time I do a hobby he and I both share (like most of the time I'm going running, walking in a Thai restaurant by myself, or hear songs we've sung together like idiots on the radio), it comes back worse. Some of the best and worst one liners I've ever been told he's told me. Basically, I have all the characteristics of the ideal girl. Except the biggest one--he will never want me. It's a new year. And I know it's time to let go of him. But I feel bad I had to wreck it this way.
beyond Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Yeah I've cringed too. Note: he was the one who made the accusation I was horny. I wasn't. It was New Years--a kiss on New Years is pretty standard tradition. We were sexting about a month and a half ago...and he started that. I figured the longer I spent geographically away from him, the less I would feel him. Bad news: this has been going on for a year and a half now, and my feelings are somehow getting worse. Each crappy guy I date, each time I do a hobby he and I both share (like most of the time I'm going running, walking in a Thai restaurant by myself, or hear songs we've sung together like idiots on the radio), it comes back worse. Some of the best and worst one liners I've ever been told he's told me. Basically, I have all the characteristics of the ideal girl. Except the biggest one--he will never want me. It's a new year. And I know it's time to let go of him. But I feel bad I had to wreck it this way. Oh hun, I'm sorry - unrequited love is the worst! Yes, of course a kiss at New Year isn't about being horny, but when he said you were, you agreed you were! And later on in conversation you said it again. I don't think you 'wrecked' anything, but agree its time to let go of him (((hugs)))) sorry, I know its hard. By distancing yourself from him, he may even realise that you are what he wants, or if not, you will be moving forward anyway and healing - so win/win.
beyond Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Oh, hang on - I missed the bit about him sexting you a while back!
Author Andamillionmiles Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 Oh, hang on - I missed the bit about him sexting you a while back! Yes. Not that it actually means anything because it doesn't, but that happened. After he texted to remind me it was the one year anniversary of us making out. And after he announced to me he had never sexted with anyone before, allegedly.
thecrucible Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 He sounds okay about it so don't sweat it. Just try not to text drunk again. I am guilty of this too so I don't drink as much as I used to in order to stop being impulsive. You can also get an app which stops you drunk texting by temporarily removing numbers from your phone. I wouldn't bring it up, I'd try to act like nothing happened. Also despite your embarrassment, it's not a terrible crime to like someone. You didn't say anything wrong.
Versacehottie Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 oh no. ok here was my take on what he said: he just likes you as a friend for sure--it felt like he kept redirecting the conversation toward a friends conversation. It ALSO sounds like he is very invested in preserving your friendship. So I don't think you ruined your friendship. I think it's possible he may give you space since it's clear that you are pretty hooked on him; and if he's a good guy and doesn't want to lead you on, he might take space so he doesn't give you the wrong impression. I'm so sorry. Sure it was flattering what you said. Unfortunately those aren't the only or basis of why someone is romantically interested in us. I think flattering comments would be a catalyst if a guy felt the same way or didn't know you did and was happily surprised to hear it and it "started" his mind thinking about the possibility. In your case, he already knows and telling him more of the same won't turn the tide, I'm afraid. Actually the prospect of losing you or not having in his life because you are moving on is most likely scenario where he would change his mind. I have to be honest though he doesn't sound like he is changing it any time soon or at all. Ok, no more sexting with someone you want more from--it's a recipe for hurt. I think you have to put your energy toward moving on. So you can find someone who will appreciate you romantically. Good luck 1
beyond Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 Yes. Not that it actually means anything because it doesn't, but that happened. After he texted to remind me it was the one year anniversary of us making out. And after he announced to me he had never sexted with anyone before, allegedly. Well, knock that on the head - no more sexting even if he starts it. It sounds as if with the making out a while ago that maybe he saw you as potential gf and then, for whatever reason didn't and you were friendzoned. Very hard place to be when you like someone more than that. xx 1
Mjm1014 Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 Yes your texts came off like you were drunk, but honestly I expected to read much worse. Your true colors came out and you basically told him you care about him (who cares about that part if you mean it). Everyone drinks that night! You aren't in the wrong..to be honest that guy sounds like a jerk for rubbing it in your face about the other girl. I would have zero regrets if I were you...he should be ashamed. Maybe he's into you a bit, maybe he's not, but that wasn't right of him to act like that when you have feelings for him. Drop him, get rid of the number and find someone better! Happy new year-I'm sure you'll meet someone great in 2016. Btw I've made a complete *** over texts in the past when I drank-this was nothing so don't worry lol
kendahke Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 that was a pretty innocuous conversation. I don't think you ruined anything; yes you were drunk, but you both knew you were and chances are, he was inebriated himself. I think I would lay off texting him when drunk in the future, if I was you. If you think you've been friendzoned, then stop pouring energy into trying to get him to see you in a romantic light. He needs to come to that conclusion of his own accord, not by you dragging him by the ear to it. If he starts turning conversations towards sex, steer it right back to friendzone and tell him your new year's resolution is to keep friendzoned relationships in one box and romantic/sexy relationships in another box until a discussion has been had wanting to change the parameters.
Author Andamillionmiles Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 (edited) Yes your texts came off like you were drunk, but honestly I expected to read much worse. Your true colors came out and you basically told him you care about him (who cares about that part if you mean it). Everyone drinks that night! That makes me feel a little better. And just to put this is context, for everyone who's assumption (justly so) is that I out of control drunk text/it's happened before...No. I do drink, and I do text often while drinking. Never has anything like this happened, even while texting this person. I'm the type-A personality drunk--I'm the one who makes sure we don't lose a group member, remembers where the friend's coat got left and goes back for it, and can still recite equations for things while pretty buzzed. My texts while drunk are coherent as well. That's why I'm pretty stunned I did this. The one thing I think I'm impressed with here is I only managed to use "you're my favorite" instead of the other three words that I really meant by them. Edited January 3, 2016 by Andamillionmiles
Author Andamillionmiles Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 Update: Despite the uncharacteristic "I will talk to you soon" on the end of his last text that terrible night, he never has texted me. Now I realize his angle on this is to avoid communicating with me again. That helped me realize I shouldn't text him to apologize. Instead, my sadness has somehow transformed into anger, and I'm a little bitter. This incident and how he responded definitely finally made me realize he doesn't appreciate me, and he never will. So I instead will reward him with the gift of my absence. I've decided I'm never talking to him again.
introverted1 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Update: Despite the uncharacteristic "I will talk to you soon" on the end of his last text that terrible night, he never has texted me. Now I realize his angle on this is to avoid communicating with me again. I think he's just giving you some time and distance in which to regain your dignity. He probably feels (and rightly so) that it would be awkward to initiate a conversation now, when NYE was not even a week ago. After all, what would he say that would be ok? That he was successful in dating the girl he told you about? Asking about your hang-over? Having a sober conversation in which he reiterates his lack of interest? None of these sounds good to me. I think he's right to wait. 3
kendahke Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Or he could just be wrapped up in his life and has really not spent any time obsessing about your conversation? I agree, don't text him to apologize, but I seriously doubt it's all about everything you wrote after the not apologizing comment. Don't be bitter--it dries up your ovaries. If you see him out and about, keep it light, breezy and indifferent. 1
CollegeKid101 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Hey! We all have drunk moments at times and say stupid things that we later regret. About 6 months ago I was wasted and said some dumb things to a girl I liked, she didn't care at all and has shown interest in me..but that's another story! In this case, he knows you're into him and if he wants to pursue you, he will 100%. Don't fret, go and meet other guys. Eventually you'll find someone whose better than him and is crazy about you. From a guy's perspective, when we want a girl, we'll go for her no matter what. You didn't ruin anything, I promise.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 A bit dramatic, are we? Like others have suggested , your friend is probably just giving you a little space. You will talk to him again and when you guys reconnect, just act like nothing happnened. Be friendly, cool and casual. You texts weren't bad at all. It was kind of cute and funny actually. No biggie! Update: Despite the uncharacteristic "I will talk to you soon" on the end of his last text that terrible night, he never has texted me. Now I realize his angle on this is to avoid communicating with me again. That helped me realize I shouldn't text him to apologize. Instead, my sadness has somehow transformed into anger, and I'm a little bitter. This incident and how he responded definitely finally made me realize he doesn't appreciate me, and he never will. So I instead will reward him with the gift of my absence. I've decided I'm never talking to him again.
Versacehottie Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 I think he's just giving you some time and distance in which to regain your dignity. He probably feels (and rightly so) that it would be awkward to initiate a conversation now, when NYE was not even a week ago. After all, what would he say that would be ok? That he was successful in dating the girl he told you about? Asking about your hang-over? Having a sober conversation in which he reiterates his lack of interest? None of these sounds good to me. I think he's right to wait. Didn't I say something to the effect that he would distance himself? That is the kind/responsible thing to do. You have feelings for him that he does not reciprocate. To stay in constant and close contact indicates mixed messages from his end. He's giving you space to get over him. I guess if you never want to talk to him again, it's what you feel you must do. But he didn't do anything wrong, especially by not staying in touch. I think you should stay his friend WHEN you are capable of being friends with him. Right now you are not. So he's doing his part to keep distance and fair enough if you do the same. But never talk to him again is really harsh. He just doesn't feel same as you. Anyway, feel better 1
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