drseuss Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 I truly thought I was done with posting on here , that I had come out from the worst of my break up and was felling good , but the last week I've really slipped and am feeling similar to how I the initial weeks after my break up As a recap I was a bit of a rebound, big age gap and it wasnt ever right with her not being over her ex of 12 years and me hanging on for dear life and not being the true man I am , we broke up and I told her I didnt want to talk hear from unless she wanted to try again and sure enough we have had no contact at all since that day , I have a couple of her things and she has a couple things of mine. I slipped and went on her fb for the first time in months today and while seeing her didn't knot me up inside it just hurt seeing her getting on with life and happy . I do still miss her and wish we could have made it work , I know it's wrong that I felt happy i didn't see any photos of her with her ex but he likes all of her posts and I'm not freinds with him so I can't see much on his wall. For all of month 4 I was strong as an ox about it and really felt like I was getting over her . So why now at over 5 months am i totaly crumbling and feeling like I want to reach out ?!
wow123 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Could be that you're just lonely. Maybe something reminded you of her? Whatever you do, DO NOT contact her unless you want to feel worse than you do right now.
eyeam Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Don't do it. I did ... and it set me back massively. i felt even more powerless and hopeless, it made me feel a 1000x times worse. it sank me into a severe depression.. and it was all my fault. if she wanted you, she would reach out. do not look at FB.. please. go to youtube and check out Corey Wayne. Dating others and pushing yourself is the only way to go. Every single ex i've had has tried to come back to me at some point.. one recently from 5 years ago? Thing is, they always try to come back when its waaaay to late. usually when their current relationship breaks down or they need validation. You just have to except the situation and reality. work on finding someone else.. dating can be really fun. Life's to short mate. Best wishes
Author drseuss Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 Ive done the corey wayne thing and i do like his stuff , i ised alot of his stuff to keep my relationship rolling but in the end i was doing things i didnt want to keep it alive when it was doomed I know that contacting her would be the wrong thing to do and I know I wouldn't but my mind has gone back into wanting her back so much and I don't want to date anyone else . I really did love her so much and I'm fearing that I've just got to live with feeling like this I think im feeling disappointed she hasn't tried contact at all and I ways thought she would
ExtraSpice Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 The feeling of disappointment is understandable. Though I dread text messages from my ex and would rather not get any, but the truth is a lot of times I wish she would just text me saying that she misses me. But even that text is not going to help in the longer run. It is difficult to get a balance between what you want and what is actually good for you. Nothing in life stays the same. Everything changes. A good moment will come to an end and so will a bad moment. Knowing that it is still hard to believe. I feel like I would not be able to find someone like her. That I will feel less about myself and have low self esteem forever. But I have been through a breakup in the past, I have felt the same way in the past but eventually I moved on and felt happy again. Met someone good. So as tough as this time is, it too will pass. You have gone through 5 months and that is great. Stay strong and even if you don't want to date other people maybe it is a good idea to have some casual dates.
Author drseuss Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 That is 100% how I feel , I dread hearing from her but at the same time I want her to say she wants me back . I'm worried I've just been kidding me slot over the past couple of weeks feeling like in was mostly over it and feeling really happy ...... If she knew how much time I've spent thinking about her and going on a forum because of it she would think I was pathetic !! And I think that's making me feel down , I'm sure she has hardly thought much about it all ....
eyeam Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 (edited) You just want validation. If she did come back, things would feel wonderful for about a month.. Then, all this resentment would pour out of you. Trust me, I've been there. I got a previous ex back and ended up sub consiously punishing her for it.. I was a complete ******* by the end off it.. Seeing other women, I didn't like myself at all. It's not like me to do that. Then I dumped her and broke her heart... I realised after all I wanted was validation, I wanted to punish her and it was my ego at play. Everything flipped and she chased me even more.. I was done. I'm not proud of myself, but the way she had treated me previously she deserved it. But... Two wrongs don't make it right?! Karma kicked my ass the next relationship.. Totally utterly devisated me. Don't contact her. You'll just embarrass yourself. Have some self respect (unlike I did) When I started dating again, it was terrible. I just missed her even more. But when you do actually meet someone you're attracted to.. It changes everything. Like wow there is hope. Edited January 2, 2016 by eyeam
Author drseuss Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 I think you are right , deep down I know it just will never work , the 12 year age gap alone was hard enough for her but we had a year of good times and alot of passion but her ex was always messaging her and in her life one way or another I wonder that when 2 people have been together for 12 years and we're first loves and all that , their families are freinds and went through alot together , will they ever stop being in an on off rs and I think no matter what they would always end up being in contact , social media alone is a ****ing nightmare
Bo34 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 This is EXACTLY how I feel too. I'm at the same timeframe with you, and I was doing perfectly fine the last 2 months. I didn't think about her too much, and hadn't visited this site in a long time, but I started falling back this past week. My theory is that it is because of the time of year. My entire social media is filled with Christmas and New Year pictures of family and couples. When you see so much of this shove down your throat during this time of year, you can't help but think of your current situation and your lack there of (A partner in your life), so therefore, you then think of your past (Your recent ex). In my sitatuion this was exactly what happened and it manifested itself to me feeling bad again. I also think it's at this time that reality also starts to hit us. When you get dumped, after the beggining wave of denial and grieving hits you, you then go on to another stage. The next stage is learning to live with it, but you live with it by bargaining to yourself, or lying to yourself that reconciliation will eventually come. When it approaches around the 5 month mark, you start realizing that's NOT going to happen because it would've happened by now. So, it's living with the full realization that it's over.
Author drseuss Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 That pretty much sums it all up and I definatly think Christmas and new year is a tougher time and I have been unsure hos I was going to feel . I think it all peaked today with going on social media and coming on here but I definatly feel better already I never thought I would ever be so massively effected by a single person
ExtraSpice Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 Social media is a complete nightmare when it comes to dealing with breakups. Sometimes I wish that my ex could see the times I am sad and hurting to understand how I miss her. But if I think purely strategically; then the times I have ached the most in any post breakup is when I see them doing okay and happy, and moving on with life. And I don't want to consciously wish any pain upon my exes but I know that it feels a lot more comforting to know that they are hurting over you too. Makes you feel wanted. But when it seems like they are doing fantastic is when I feel the lowest and want them back even more. One thing I feel greatly hinders my progress is the thought of accepting that it is going to be a rough time moving forward. Accepting that I will be sad, and that I will miss her. Our goal is to damper that feeling down and process it as much and as fast as possible. But it would not be realistic to think it will be that easy. It took me about a year to completely get over my previous ex. Weeks would go great and then there would be some trigger to refresh the pain. Of course it got a lot easier as time went on but it was a long process. I was certainly a better person by the end of it. I am sure the holiday season contributed but I am glad to know you feel better. Good to vent and express your emotions to somebody. Best of luck!
Author drseuss Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 Yeah social media is pretty much what cause my mini 'relaps' , I feel pretty drained and deflated today but glad I'm not feeling emotional like I did yesterday . 2 months ago that would have set of a week of depression so there Is progress to take from it and it was nice not having my stomach flip when I saw photos of here !!
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