tangotango Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Hi Everyone, Some advice please - I am really hurting at the moment. So my girlfriend suddenly upped and left after 7 years together - decided she had had enough (see my previous posts). We still had a long time to run on our joint tennancy on our house together. She went to her mums I stayed in the house. We split the bills etc. I have now over the last few weeks found a new place and have moved out and moved in if you catch my drift. We decided on a smaller split for me with some of the furniture (not bothered). HOWEVER... In the last 2 months she has been suffering with her health and is currently going through treatment. The issue could have been or could still be a possibility of Cancer. She is obviously upset about this - and so am I as it hurts so bad to see her going through this and not really be in a position to comfort her other than be on the phone. She came around to our place days before christmas to collect a letter - stayed for nearly an hour and we laughed and joked and it was like old times and that was that. I stayed impartial throughout as months ago I would have been all over her to come back... I feel like she stopped one breath short of saying something... What I dont know. She got in her car and left. She waswaiting on news through the post about treatment - which turned up Christmas Eve... I intentionally did not tell her it arrived until a couple of days later - so she could try and have a stress free christmas with her dad. I told her and she got a little emotional over the phone that I had done such a nice thing. Well - I moved the last of the furniture out yesterday - and she can go back to our house and live out hte last few months of the tennancy. I found a lot of memories when moving out - bus tickets from holidays, stuff like that - times when we had great times together. I have left it in the couch next to photo of us together... I dont know if this was a silly move or what. It felt right... I dont know if she would want to keep any of this or if it would trigger some emotion in her? I still love her - I still cant move on. All the wrongs in our relationship - have really been put right after all this time apart. How do I get her to see this or am I just clutching at straws..? I would love to send her a message tonight and tell her I love her but am afraid of the reaction. She has not seen anyone else since we broke up either - that I know for a fact. What do I do??
The Poster Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 I'm sorry you are going through this, but unfortunately there isn't anything you can do but try to move on. Continuing to hold onto hope and trying to show her what she's missing is only making it harder. She made her decision and you can only accept it, as painful as that is. I think it's admirable that you're helping her through her issues, but it's not your job anymore. That was her call. I never say never to reconciliation but that's not something you should be worrying about or trying for right now. You need to fade away and heal, and leave her to do the same. Don't call her. Don't text her. Don't email her. Become a ghost and work on yourself. Good luck and stay strong.
Sar112 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 So sorry to hear what you are going through right now. Like the post above says though - try not to think about reconciling, just concentrate on you and being able to heal. It is admirable that you are supporting her through her health issues, but if this is ultimately making it harder for you to move on then maybe you should think twice about being involved. The fact that she has not been seeing anyone else since the split alone, shows that she is in no rush to get into anything. Maybe, if you leave her alone to get on with things, she will realise what it is like to be without you and will want you back - of course there's no guarantee, but the worst that can happen is you start to heal more during the process of NC. No one knows what the future holds, but you mustn't put your life on hold for someone who can't see when something good is sat right in front of them.
Zapbasket Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 You can't "get someone to see" or "make someone feel" anything. It all has to come from them. People don't like to be manipulated; they like to feel that everything they do comes from free will. So, no, you can't make her see the value of your relationship. She either sees it (and likely values different things than you do), or she doesn't. It's always inconceivable right after a breakup that the person truly doesn't want to be with you. It's impossible to understand or accept. It seems like they just must not see, or must not be in their right mind. And while they could very well be immature, or short-sighted, or a pure idiot for breaking up with you, they will do what they want. And when they decided to break up with you, it was because they WANTED to sever the ties with you. Short-sighted? Maybe. But they have to figure that out on their own...and if they do, once they do, they have to WANT to do something about it. I'm sorry to hear about her health issue and of course you will care, but it's no longer your concern. you don't have to be cold about it, but you do need to put yourself first at this point. It's what she has done. Sorry
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