Carl Carlson Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Hello, 3 months ago my ex-girlfriend dumped me for a woman (see my other thread for more information). After begging her back for the first 2 months, I’ve been in NC since beginning of December (she once broke it to wish me happy Holidays). NC definitely helped me realize what really went wrong, and why she and our relationship weren’t that perfect at all. I threw away all her stuff. I deleted her FB. I found some new hobbies that I really like. Basically, I’m doing exactly what the NC guide is telling me to do. But no matter what I do or where I go, she is constantly on my mind. When I’m watching a movie, I think about how we used to watch movies together. When I’m meeting new people, I wonder if she’d get along with them. When I’m practicing my new hobbies, I feel the urge to share that experience with her. When I’m out with friends, I pretend that I’m having a good time (which I really do sometimes), but on the inside I just wish that she was with me. When I’m trying to meet new women, I subconsciously tell myself that I can’t fall in love with another woman yet. When I’m going to bed, I’d stay awake for hours just thinking about her and why she’s not with me anymore. I hardly get to sleep 4 or 5 hours a day. After I wake up, the first thing that comes to my mind is … you guess it. I can’t concentrate on my work for University and might fail classes, although I keep telling myself that no woman on earth is worth ruining my career – especially not if she hurt me that bad. Basically, I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUTH HER 24/7. EVERY SINGLE THING I’M DOING REMINDS ME OF HER. This sounds cliché, but causes real problems in everyday life. In the beginning, I thought that this was totally normal and would go away sooner or later. But on New Year’s Eve, I realized that 3 months later it still feels like on day 1. I was out on a party with a bunch of friends, and we had a good time. I put on a façade to act happy, but on the inside I was struggling not to cry. Of course, my close friends now I’m still suffering, but New Year’s was a bad time to talk about it. I’ve tried lots of things to get her off my mind: Meditation, dating, making a list of things I hate about her, … but no success yet. In fact, some of those things even remind me more of her. Why why why won’t she get off my mind? I have absolutely no idea if this is already an obsession, or if this is normal after 8 years of relationship. Many people tell me that it’s normal to grieve for some time (1-2 months for every year spent together), but like I said, it feels like on day 1. And it’s not just the “I miss her so bad” kind of grieve; it’s her being on my mind almost every second of my waking life. Note: Although having thought about it, I’d never go as far as stalking, or worse, committing suicide. There are certain lines nobody should cross. Any thoughts?
Sar112 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 This is so normal it's untrue. It's 2 1/2 months since we split - and quite often on the bad days I feel like I'm still at day 1. It's the only thing that is on my mind - be it at work, when I'm out with friends, you name it... (even if it is just sitting there at the back of it lurking). Keep doing as you are doing and I promise it will fade - as you meet new people, as you realise you're doing just fine without her, as you start to achieve new things. Throw yourself into your studies as much as you possibly can so as to redirect your focus elsewhere... It's a horrible thing that's happened to you and it will take the heart a long time to heal. I can make the smallest thing relate to something that took place in our relationship - you just have to keep telling yourself that if she wanted you, if it was meant to be, if there weren't better things out there - then it would have worked out. You can do it.
Shadowburn Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 (edited) It fees like day 1 because you were still in contact with her the whole time and started nc only few weeks ago. Let time and distance to work their magic. You won't feel like that forever. Edited January 2, 2016 by Shadowburn
Author Carl Carlson Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 Thanks, I truly hope that the two of you are right. Although it's sad to hear, it's good to know I'm not the only one struggling.
CarrieT Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 I have absolutely no idea if this is already an obsession, or if this is normal after 8 years of relationship. Many people tell me that it’s normal to grieve for some time (1-2 months for every year spent together), but like I said, it feels like on day 1. And it’s not just the “I miss her so bad” kind of grieve; it’s her being on my mind almost every second of my waking life. Any thoughts? Three months after eight years together is NOTHING. Those of us that have been around a few times know that it can take half-again as long as the relationship to fully get over it. That means you might still be hurting four years from now. Heck, the ending of a relationship that brought me to this site in 2008 was only 2 1/2 years long, but took me a full two years to get over. Everyone is different but to expect to be over it after just three months is no big deal. I don't think it is an obsession and if you are still thinking this much about her after two years, then come back here...
Recommended Posts