How do you deal with her friends who had heard bad things about you and now hate you

[11012015]

It happens. You argue with a girl you are in a relationship with. She confides in people re: what happened. At some point you two figure things out (and start being nice to each other again) but now you have a ton of people (her friends, maybe some family) who hate you because they only know the bad things you may have said or done (i.e. it's not like she is going to run to her friends to tell how sexy one night was or how beautiful/romantic another thing you did was -- it is just the nature of the beast). Now you have a girl who wants to work things out but under heavy social pressure of how she shouldn't. Yes, I know the proper thing to do was to never share personal details but what if this happened already? What would be the way to go? Guy would be hesitant to meet them (limiting the relationship) and she would be under constant scrutiny why she is with the guy (pressuring the relationship, at least for a while).

[todreaminblue]

Depends on how big the deal is with the fight that was talked about and what was done.....i have talked to my family in regards to problems in a relationship but...ultimately they know i choose the right thing to do and back me on my decisions......if the family and friends love her they will see that you are good together or not good together based on how you treat her...normally women who are treated well .....are happy...so family and friends are too....happy with the union when they see a woman who is treated right and a guy who is treated right............and more than likely the couple involved dont have to discuss arguments or disagreements with other people because they can work it out with their respective partners free of input from others........

 

 

ultimately the people who make the important decisions are you and her.....and its always better to have good communication so you can work out problems together rather than with others involved.as this is not the case with you now...make it the case in the furtture relationship that you talk things out with respect and honesty.......i wish you the best..deb

[d0nnivain]

You get her to advocate for you. Her words trashed your reputation; perhaps her words can rehabilitate it. Then you hope she learned her lesson about shooting her mouth off when upset.

[11012015]

You get her to advocate for you. Her words trashed your reputation; perhaps her words can rehabilitate it. Then you hope she learned her lesson about shooting her mouth off when upset.

 

So it would be her responsibility basically.

[bubbaganoosh]

She's the one that shot her mouth off so she made the mess and it's up to her to clean it up. If she can't or wont then move on.

 

Just might be a pattern with her to go crying the blues to her friends any time you hit a bump in the road.

[11012015]

Maybe finding a more tactful way of getting your point across would be something you could develop so that you're not in the position of your words wrecking your ability to get along with her circle of friends and her family, since their loyalty is with her and not you.

 

While it may have felt good in the moment to unload your cannons on her, you are now reaping the consequences of your actions. Her friends and family are automatically going to be protective of her when she comes to them stinging from the hurtful things you said to her. She is entitled to their support when you've gone that far with your words.

 

Anyone who has been in a long relationship can attest that (unless you are *perfect*) anyone is susceptible to losing his/her cool at least once, especially with a partner who knows exactly how to push your buttons. It happens from both parties, not just from one. And one side keeps the private details to himself/herself, whereas the other spills the beans to others. You may have incorrectly assumed that I was in a position to have 'gone too far' (which is pretty presumptuous as the issue could be as simple as a misunderstanding or an misinterpretation on an overly sensitive night) and in fact the actual scenario is much different -- and that I was emphasizing the point that her friends may now have only one 'selected' bad info (without the benefit of the entire picture or even knowing who you are as a person). Lastly, I would appreciate if you don't try to paint me as if I am some verbal abuser (i.e. nobody has unloaded any cannons to anyone) just because you don't agree my thoughts/advice/positions on other threads.

[dobielover]

So it would be her responsibility basically.

 

Essentially, yes. You repair the relationship by being an amazing boyfriend, but she repairs your reputation by blasting your greatness to the people she talked crap to.