sapphiredreams Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 I am breaking up with my boyfriend, of that I am sure. What I am not sure of is how to do it. We have been together 4 years and have a 3 year old daughter together. However, I found preteen pornography searches, pictures, and videos on his computer. The searches I found when I was pregnant, but he explained them away saying someone must have used our WIFI or something, which I knew was ridiculous, but I wanted to believe him and so I did. I found a singular picture on his phone a few months ago, but again he explained it away. He said that he'd accidentally hit the download button while trying to look through a website. I knew he looks at regular porn, not an issue. So a possible legitimate excuse. But a couple days ago I noted he'd downloaded a few videos and photos. He'd since deleted them, but the titles were on the download list and I copied them and searched the names letter for letter online and they ALL turned out to be preteens. So I'm officially leaving him, needless to say. We have a small daughter who in just a few short years will be in his creep range. BUT what I don't know is: Should I tell him I'm leaving him because of that and just hope he leaves us alone? Should I tell him that is why I'm leaving him and go to the police? Should I just tell him I'm leaving, not say specifically why, and go to the police? A part of me will always love him and I don't really want him to go to jail. But I also don't want to leave my daughter alone with him. Even if he would never do anything to hurt his own daughter, at the same time, that doesn't mean he wouldn't be weird with her friends when she's older or something. I'm aware that just because he's looked at it doesn't mean he would act on it; but I am definitely not willing to take that chance with my daughter or anyone elses for that matter. I know he's deleted it off of his computer and phone so if I go to the police, I'm not sure if they could do anything other than make a note of it, as if they confiscated his computer there would be nothing on there anyway. Soo.. that's where I am right now. Any advice given would be greatly appreciated.
Sar112 Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Leave him. You don't need to tell him why. Go to the police - there will still be a record on the computer. I have a friend who works for the police in this area and it will definitely be traceable. As well as your own child, you shouldn't allow other people's children to be put at risk. The minute you realised this was going on you should have been out of there and reported him. I understand that you love him, but letting this continue isn't going to help anyone including him.
carhill Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 IMO, before parting company, document as much of the behavior as possible. You'll probably need some help in the specifics since jurisdictions vary widely. You'll also need assistance in how to set up a co-parenting arrangement. If you qualify, there may be social services resources available to assist you and address this issue. I recall one instance where an employee had his house raided because the IP of his wireless router had been determined to have been accessing child pornography. LEO's inspected their equipment, some of it company equipment, and later determined after a similar raid on the next door neighbor, that the neighbor had been pirating his router to download and upload porn. This was back when it was less common for wireless routers to be secured. In your case, apparently, the pornography was on his equipment so is his responsibility. Welcome to LS and take it one day at a time.
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Leave him. Talk to a lawyer about co-parenting, the ramifications of turning him in & the potential liability you face for having this material on a computer in your home. Before you decide not to tell the authorities about the illegal underaged porn, think about what you would want somebody to do if they were picture of your daughter.
Author sapphiredreams Posted January 1, 2016 Author Posted January 1, 2016 Thank you all for your responses, they are greatly appreciated! I hadn't even thought of getting a lawyer for myself, but I'm definitely now looking into getting one.
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