Broke No Contact AGAIN. Full of regret!

[brokenshell]

We were together just less than a year. Theres 9 years between us.

 

We starting dating in January and for the first time ever I was completely swept off my feet and fell head over heels for him. We have shared many happy memories this year and had so many plans for the future.

 

However he met another girl the same age as me, he became very close friends friends with her and it caused many problems as I felt he would fall in love with her because he was spending so much time with her. (He even employed her for his self employed business) I started to feel like the other woman. I explained this to him many times how it was making me feel. He would reassure me that there was nothing between them and he purely saw it as friendship and said even if we broke up he wouldnt even consider it.

 

It caused many arguements still because I felt he was putting her before me. I distanced myself from areas of his life because i felt so insecure about being hurt. It took its toll on us and the arguements were never ending.

 

3 weeks before christmas we sat and had a serious chat. We agreed the only way things could be resolved was if I stopped being insecure, get involved and get to know her (he said this would help make me see there is nothing between them other than friendship)

 

We got on great for a few days after but then I saw them talking to eachother over comments on facebook about a night they were planning and how excited they were. I felt left out and hurt as always and flipped out straight away over texts. I told him im sick of feeling like the 3rd wheel in my own relationship. He read the messages and didnt reply for 24 hours. He sent a long message saying he can't keep going through the same arguement and that it was grinding him down hurting me and he cant do it anymore. I asked if he was breaking up with me and he says he cares but the situation is speaking for itself. I asked if we could meet to talk and that I was so upset and didnt want it to end ( all the usual mistakes of begging) I heard nothing from him but he had read the messages. The next day I was upset I deleted him from facebook and blocked all pur mutual friends from showing up in my news feed.

 

I went no contact for one week and gave in feeling heartbroken and sent him a "I miss you" message... 12 hours late I got a "I miss you too"... 2 day NC... I sent him a message saying I felt empty and missed him so much, that I just wanted to see him. I said im sorry for bugging you if youve met someone else. He replied that his life was unbearably busy and he was struggling to cope with his life. That there was no other love interest. He said he missed me too and that I shouldnt feel empty. He said we could meet to catch up once the dust has settled and that he was sorry the way things have worked out. I didnt reply. He made it sound like he was completely done woth the relationship. So I went back to no contact to try and move on (even though I just want him back and feel heartbroken)

 

He sent me a message on christmas evening saying "Merry Christmas lass, hope you're having a good time x" I was so hopeful when i read it and tried to send a neautral message back saying "I am, thanks. Hope you are too. Merry christmas x" we havent spoken since. I wish he hadn't messaged me. Because now I'm hoping I will here from himm again. I feel like its set me back

[Amelie1980]

wow.

 

he cheated on you and had you thinking you it was your fault.

 

What a twat.

[Jane_Tee_11]

Yes, definitely a set back. Trust your instincts, they will rarely lie to you.

[lolablue17]

Maybe I misread all this, but it sounds that you're so busy with you pride at first priority.

 

The break up was about nothing. If i'm right he didn't cheat on you' right? You can deal with your insecurities. It sound like you broke a beautiful thing because of nonsense.

Edited December 26, 2015 by lolablue17

[sandylee1]

Him and his female employee shouldn't be getting excited about a night out. It's out of order. .. I suspect there was something going on. ... or there will be.

 

I would NEVER be texting another guy that has a GF about how excited I am like that.. it's disrespecting you.

I've heard numerous times where a husband gets his wife to be friends with his OW.

 

In a recent case.. The OW was helping plan the wedding ....while scre***g the guy. Women can be rather sneaky in this way.

 

Something isn't right in that situation.... often a man will hire his OW to spend more time with her ....

 

How did she behave when you spent time with her?

Somehow.. I think you're best out of this relationship.

[brokenshell]

Maybe I misread all this, but it sounds that you're so busy with you pride at first priority.

 

The break up was about nothing. If i'm right he didn't cheat on you' right? You can deal with your insecurities. It sound like you broke a beautiful thing because of nonsense.

 

While I admit I did contribute a lot to the breakup he began to lose respect for me when he started pushing boundries with this girl. Maybe it was my own fault for putting up with it but things like her having a key to his home, 'working' from his home even till the wee hours of the morning (without clearly communicating it with me... leading to misunderstandings) the list goes on. While I don't believe he had cheated on me with her it made me feel like he was in a relationship with her and I was some bit on the side. I just wish I could forget the good times (and they were amazing) and focus on how he was treating me later in the relationship.

[brokenshell]

Also I was thinking ahead to new year... if he messages me with a happy new year would it be completely awful of me not to reply?

 

I think these texts are really setting me back moving on. As much as I love to hear from him and miss him dearly and would get back with him if I had the chance (even if I know its not for the best at all - I'm still in love with him and desperately holding on to any hope) hes made it pretty clear that he doesn't want me anymore and I keep looking too much into these messages.

 

I'm scared to view his profile on fb or any of his friends incase I see that he has found someone else, my gut instinct is telling me he has and thats how hes found it easier to walk away. I don't think it would the girl I had an issue with but I definitely feel like there is someone else. My head is in such a mess

[sandylee1]

 

 

like her having a key to his home,

 

'working' from his home even till the wee hours of the morning (without clearly communicating it with me... leading to misunderstandings)

 

There's nothing to misunderstanding here... there was something going on between them. This wasn't innocent... I'd put money on it.

 

How would he have responded to a guy having a key to your apartment? Being there till the small hours?

 

You need to stop believing it was innocent..... One or both has/had feelings for each other. He's taken you for a fool. That's what you need to focus on. Maintain NC and occupy your time with other stuff.

[Ryan_XD]

I think you do right by just simply wishing him a merry christmas as well, if he hasn't contacted you back at all then I'd just take it as he was being friendly? possibly with it being like the first xmas since the break-up?

 

I've had a similar thing happen recently, my ex spoke to me and we actually bumped into each other all in the same week haha. It was the first time in 7 months we'd seen/spoken to each other since she finished our 4 year relationship. I found myself getting my hopes up about talking to her next, planning for when we could rekindle our relationship and then (whilst very drunk) on Christmas day - realised that this was not possible and that I deserve better than her, I deserve someone that will love me and respect me.

 

Don't read anything to it and carry on, you was doing just fine before this text, chin up! x

[greenleaves54]

Listen, his relationship with that other girl definitely sounds fishy. You were completely right to react the way you did.

 

He is probably together with her right now. Make him live with his decision. DON'T contact him. Let him see for himself if it was worth choosing her over you.

[brokenshell]

We've been broken up 3-4 weeks now. He broke up with me, I told him I didn't want to break up but he stopped contacting me. I contacted him a week after no contact to tell him I miss him (I shouldn't have I know, I was feeling weak) he replied saying he missed me too and we sparked up a brief conversation via text.

 

I heard nothing more for another week when he sent me a merry christmas message I replied with a neutral merry christmas message.

 

I have heard nothing from him since (I deleted him from facebook and blocked him on instagram immediately after the breakup) christmas I unblocked him on instagram, it automatically makes him unfollow me so he won't see anything I post on his feed.

 

However the last couple of days hes been liking my pictures on instagram (pictures of me on christmas day and a few others I recently uploaded) He must have searched for my account since I no longer show up on his feed. Why do you think he is doing this? I keep building my hopes up thinking its his way of reaching out, maybe wanting me to message him (hes done this before when we had a minor 2 day falling out) I wish I knew what he was thinking.

 

I will remain no contact unless he initiats. But if he really wants us to be over why doesn't he just leave me alone. He knows I don't want to be friends. Im so confused.

[Blanco]

Why did you unblock him to begin with? All it's done is create more uncertainty for you, which is what you should be trying to minimize at this point.

[brokenshell]

Why did you unblock him to begin with? All it's done is create more uncertainty for you, which is what you should be trying to minimize at this point.

 

I suppose deep down I was hoping he would see me living my life without him and miss me. I didn't think he would like my pictures openly especially since he knows I know he would've had to do a search on my profile since it unfollowed him from me (I guess I'm asking to be hurt)

[Tom01]

Hi,

 

Just read your story and feel for you. From the outside looking in, it seems as though he's treating you as an option, and not a priority. For whatever reason he cannot be in a relationship with you right now, but doesn't want to completely cut contact with you just incase he changed his mind.

 

This is completely unfair on you and I honestly don't know how people can treat others that way, but it's a sad, sad reality. I wish I could advise you on what to do to get him out of the forefront of your thoughts, but I too am going through a breakup and suffering from the same problem and I have no idea. Just take comfort in knowing you're not alone in this, and other people are going through similar sh*t.

 

I'd appreciate it if you took a look at my post "She dumped me for her ex-boyfriend..." and give me some advice from a females perspective?

[Strength in Healing]

I suppose deep down I was hoping he would see me living my life without him and miss me. I didn't think he would like my pictures openly especially since he knows I know he would've had to do a search on my profile since it unfollowed him from me (I guess I'm asking to be hurt)

 

 

Very honest response. I think we've all felt this way in one way or another.

 

Sorry you're going through a painful time. I empathize.

 

As for your question, well, the answer doesn't quite matter. In time you'll realize that. Maybe he feels guilty. Maybe he's trying to make you feel better. Maybe he's just a confused, messed up individual. Regardless, it doesn't matter, because there's nothing you can do to fix it.

 

What you can do is accept you have self worth and walk forward on that path. You've already shown you're honest and have the ability to partake in introspection with skill, which alone to me indicates that probability wise, it's his loss.

[brokenshell]

Very honest response. I think we've all felt this way in one way or another.

 

Sorry you're going through a painful time. I empathize.

 

As for your question, well, the answer doesn't quite matter. In time you'll realize that. Maybe he feels guilty. Maybe he's trying to make you feel better. Maybe he's just a confused, messed up individual. Regardless, it doesn't matter, because there's nothing you can do to fix it.

 

What you can do is accept you have self worth and walk forward on that path. You've already shown you're honest and have the ability to partake in introspection with skill, which alone to me indicates that probability wise, it's his loss.

 

I miss him very much its really hard to cope sometimes. I am getting better day by day but still having extreme lows now and then. I guess thats when I unblocked him.

 

I know I have spent too much time thinking about what these likes mean. I should be focusing on trying to move on. Thank you for your response

[brokenshell]

Hi,

 

Just read your story and feel for you. From the outside looking in, it seems as though he's treating you as an option, and not a priority. For whatever reason he cannot be in a relationship with you right now, but doesn't want to completely cut contact with you just incase he changed his mind.

 

This is completely unfair on you and I honestly don't know how people can treat others that way, but it's a sad, sad reality. I wish I could advise you on what to do to get him out of the forefront of your thoughts, but I too am going through a breakup and suffering from the same problem and I have no idea. Just take comfort in knowing you're not alone in this, and other people are going through similar sh*t.

 

I'd appreciate it if you took a look at my post "She dumped me for her ex-boyfriend..." and give me some advice from a females perspective?

 

Thank you for responding. I see what you mean about him treating me as a optiom and not a priority. This was something that causes many arguements between us while we were in a relationship. I made him my main priority and I was way down on his list. Its sad because when we were in eachothers company nothing else mattered and we were very much in love. I miss it. I will read your thread.

[Amelie1980]

make your IG profile private?

 

If you do he wont be able to see any of your photos let alone like or comment on them.

[brokenshell]

First off, Happy New year everyone! I wish you all the best for 2016

 

So yesterday was new years eve and all was going great until the mail came with his christmas present I ordered a month or 2 ago.

 

He had been liking my instagram pictures (ones from special times we had together, selfies etc) he also was tagging me in pictures I would like. I didn't respond to any of this and kept no contact. But when I saw his present I broke down and text him telling him it arrived and how I bought for him for christmas before we broke up and if he wanted it I could pop it in the post. After I sent it and heard nothing for an hour, I paniced and messaged him again saying "forget it, stupid idea"

 

He replied back saying don't be silly he would love to have it (its just something small and sentimental) he said he had nothing but love for me and told me not to throw the present away or our memories and that some of the memories we shared from the last year have been his most favourite, ever. There was a bit of back and forth then he asked if I had a good christmas and thats when I let my emotions take over. I had a miserable christmas without him (he broke it off 2 weeks before) I ended up sending a message saying "considering I was dumped 2 weeks before so you could have your end away elsewhere. Yes. I did." YES I KNOW BIG MISTAKE!!!! this has been an insecurity of mine as to why he broke it off but i know deep down we had just grown apart from all the arguements. He replied "thats not why i distanced myself at all" I then went on to call him a coward for breaking up with me via text and that i thought he had more respect for me than that. The conversation went dead and I haven't heard from him since.

 

Seeing the new year in last night was incredibly tough. I felt so disappointed in myself as I felt no contact was helping. I let.my emotions get the better of me. All I kept thinking at midnight was if he was sharing his new year kiss with someone and it broke my heart all over again.

 

Back to no contact...

Edited January 1, 2016 by brokenshell

[TaraMaiden2]

Send him the empty box with a note saying:

 

"I decided you weren't worth it, so I gave it to someone more deserving. He's a homeless guy with nothing to his name, but he has more dignity and respect in his little finger than you ever had, or will have. He deserves it far more than you do.

Quit following me everywhere, you're like a persistent bout of flu. Unpleasant, unwanted and a pain in the everywhere."

 

Then, block him.

Everywhere, anywhere and anyhow.

 

Start 2016 as you mean to go on.

Reach for the stars - Per ardua et astra"

 

(it goes without saying you should do precisely that, with the item, or as close a thing to it as you can.)

[brokenshell]

I've already blocked him from everything (he was already blocked on facebook but I had left my instagram open to him, another big mistake. But I have set my profile to private now and blocked him). I deleted his phone number before I thought about blocking it unfortunately.

 

The present was a personalised gift, nothing expensive or even worth keeping to anyone else. I thought about throwing it away. But I had put a lot of thought into it and it doesn't feel right to just throw it in the trash (its now hidden away in some drawer I never use)

 

I was doing so well but I just felt overwhelmed on new years eve. Like I was leaving us and all our memories in 2015 and it made me feel incredibly sad. I want to move on and I want the pain to stop. But my love for him is still so strong and my heart aches thinking about all our happy memories and how I won't share anymore with this person that was my life for a year.

[Strength in Healing]

The big mistake was contacting him. What you said to him though was good. You told him the harsh and honest truth. You really think he'd break up with you 2 weeks before Christmas if not to be with another girl?

 

Other fish in the sea just aren't hard enough to catch to justify this pining over him. He likely found another girl, he's weak, broke up with you in text because he knows he was wrong and, again, weak.

 

Stop giving him attention. You have to start the healing process by completely cutting him out in every way. Delete all pics. Block him everywhere. Never look back or regret it. You have only one path to walk forward on.

[brokenshell]

The big mistake was contacting him. What you said to him though was good. You told him the harsh and honest truth. You really think he'd break up with you 2 weeks before Christmas if not to be with another girl?

 

Other fish in the sea just aren't hard enough to catch to justify this pining over him. He likely found another girl, he's weak, broke up with you in text because he knows he was wrong and, again, weak.

 

Stop giving him attention. You have to start the healing process by completely cutting him out in every way. Delete all pics. Block him everywhere. Never look back or regret it. You have only one path to walk forward on.

 

Thank you for your response. I regret so much contacting him, I felt like i had gained a bit of control back after he was basically stalking my instagram everyday liking all my pictures and tagging me in things and I kept NC. I was feeling really good about myself until i messaged him. It was a problem in the relationship however, I would flip put over messages over things. Making a bigger deal out of it than what it actually was because I didnt give myself time to cool off first. I know that its something I need to work on in future.

 

The loneliness is killing me at the moment too. Ive never been the type to have close friends and although my family are supportive they are getting sick of hearing about it so I'm feeling like I have to repress my feelings around them.

 

For anyone reading this considering breaking no contact. Think long and hard before you do! Just as I was starting to feel better I've knocked myself back to where I was 3 weeks ago.

[ExtraSpice]

Last night I did consider breaking no contact but luckily I didn't. But I can understand the feeling very well. As you are trying to get over the person, you try new things, you hang out with people, you do things to distract yourself. But a lot of the times when I am having a good time I end up thinking about how I will never share a moment like this with my ex again. And that thought just snowballs into so many other thoughts.

 

The loneliness is one of the hardest speed bumps in the healing process. I am similar to you in the sense that I don't have a ton of friends for support. I have one or two friends which is better than nothing. So I have been making an active effort of trying to meet new people and develop new friendships. The thing about that is that it takes time, step by step and not every outing is going to yield results. That is the frustrating part. There is no shortcut. You have to dredge through this long road but little by little, though you may not even notice, it gets better.

 

I am sure everyone at some point in time has broken no contact and then felt terrible afterwards. You can't change the past, you can only move forward. Chalk it up as a lesson learn and try your best from here on out. Best of luck and I hope you feel better.

[Strength in Healing]

Eh don't beat yourself up too much. Pretty much every single person has broken NC. I am in a big minority too because not only did I break NC, but I broke it on purpose multiple times. Why would someone do what I did? Because it left zero doubt that it was over and there was no point to contact them ever again. It's a painful method but I chose facing the pain head on, but in the end you heal fastest and the reason you heal fastest, is likely because to heal, we all have to face the pain at some point. Makes you look crazy to your ex, though, but that's a good thing because it gives you closure because you also now know your ex wants nothing to do with you for SURE; certainly cuts down on the desire to reach out to them again.

 

Anyways, I rambled on. Point was supposed to be no reason to beat yourself up. Aren't you the one about to become a pharmacist? Believe me it's his loss. You're very intelligent and will be making huge amounts of money, and have proven you're also disciplined and have determination. All great traits no one can dispute.