RachyB Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Okay. My boyfriend is 29 and I am 24 and he has been married before. Well, in the legal sense he still is, however they have been separated for quite awhile, the ex is engaged and the sale of their house just finalised so they literally have no ties anymore. No children. I am not the first girlfriend since the break up either. I have never been engaged or married. It doesn't really bother me. It did at first, but the fact he was so honest about it all meant the world to me. I know that he would get married again but wouldn't rush it and that suits me just fine! Has anyone been in a similar situation?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Not me, but my best friend. I think the question to ask yourself is why it bothers you exactly. In the case of my best friend, it was because her guy dragged his feet about actually divorcing. He finally did, nearly 7 years after the initial separation. He also expressed serious reservations about ever wanting to marry again. (They divorced because his ex-wife had an affair) When is your boyfriend's divorce going to be finalized? I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing at all that he's been married. For me, it would depend on why the divorce happened, how much (if at all) his ex-wife was still in his life, and how long they'd been apart.
Cherryz Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 If he separated, mean he is married! SO not available! And means also hes not so far yet in the healing process. Because when he really get divorced then that process really starts. And divorce is not something easy. Mentally emotionally etc. it do something with you. I think you really need to worry about you, instead of with him. Because you can be easily fooled and get hurt in this. I think you better be with someone that is really divorced and been a while out of the divorced and health from it. Then someone that is still married, because they still can get back together or you will be experiencing all the drama of the divorce soon. And there may be then less attention for the relationship you have with him. Because people do get nasty at divorces. Maybe for money, materials and so on. You young. Dont go waste your time naively with guys. Think about your own heart! It does look like a mess from both side to go do new engagement and relationships while both still married. Beside he can easily end up not divorcing her ever and tell you soon soon soon or what ever , and at the end go back to his marriage. Beside he told you this, but thats the only prove you got?!! It may be just a story. Not the facts. Best is not to get yourself involved ,attached with this person, till he really divorced and single. Because he is not single! Even if he is dating the whole world! He still can go back. And beside people make a mess out of it, but marriage is something serious, that should be respected. 1
Glitters Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 I have written my story here many times but here is short version. I met my current husband while going through divorce, 2 months into separation. We took it slow , it worked. There was no thought about reconciliation. It wasn't easy but he pursued hard and supported me in every situation. We just clicked. He was not a rebound. Dating a separated woman is easier than dating a separated man! You are only 24, you can easily find someone never married. You might want to consider that. The older you get , then you will find people with ex wife , kids and some crazy exes 1
TheArtist Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 From my own experience, twice actually, 'separated' over 'divorced' is definitely something I'm not entertaining again. People who are separated always seem to have a little part of themselves that won't let go of what they had. Divorced doesn't bother me at all.
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Nope. My H was married twice before me. But that's ok. So was I. You should ask in a more neutral way: "Would it bother you if the person you are dating had been married before?" The question is as relevant to men as it is to women. Can't think of any reason why it shouldn't be. And before people say "It's different, because women married more than once, usually have kids in tow" there have been plenty of threads by women discussing their formerly-married male partners' relationships and involvement with their children....
Tabby32 Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 The fact that he's be honest about from the start is a good sign. Personally I would want to know why his marriage ended and be sure of what his overall attitude to marriage is now if that is something you would like in the future. It sounds as if he has been open with you up to now so that shouldn't be a problem. Good luck.
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 When I was your age, 24, it would have been intolerable to me. By the time I met DH in my late 30s it was almost impossible to find somebody who had not been married; luckily DH was such a man. I dated a separated guy before that & resented getting dragged through the emotional upheavals associated with the divorce process. That said, if you are OK with it, go with it. It's your relationship & really nobody else's business.
Popsicle Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Does he have his own place that you've been to? Btw they do have ties still, a big tie in fact - they are still legally married. Why isn't he divorced yet?
sportygirl89 Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Generally it takes 2 years for a person to get over a divorce (depending on how long married and the problems in the relationship). My ex was married to his ex wife for 5 years and his ex wife cheated on him, plus he had PTSD. We dated 6 months post official divorce. I got my heart broken and he could care less. So just watch your self with recently divorced people.
SoftViolin Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Depends on a person I guess and also on the age range of the dating pool you are shooting at. As d0nnivain pointed out above - in your mid-to-late 30s it becomes more difficult to meet a never married person. I was in a situation before where I dated a divorced man. It did bother me and I couldn't quite put a finger on at the time why. I thought it was because - should the relationship become serious - he would have had a lot of firsts with someone else, but that sort of thing should take second place if you are really excited about someone. I realized the deeper I got to know him that it actually bothered me because there was a lot of unresolved resentment and baggage towards his ex. Even so I think there are a lot of clean breaks and divorces and eventually we all acquire baggage, whether or not there's a official record of it. You have to go with what feels right for you personally.
Hopeful30 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Too much baggage for me personally, especially since it's not even all behind him yet. If it were me, I would pass.
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