Author hohum Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 Okay- so we had a long text convo today really confirming and solidifying the facts that he does not feel as intensely for me as he once did (as I still do). We confirmed he doesn't really think he wants a relationship - or to do the work necessary to work on one. He confirmed he can't give me what I need. Yet he still thinks it would be "nice" to spend tonight together. He does not want to work on or discuss our problems - he just wants to forget about them for the night (forever). we have done this a few times already - but I just can't do it anymore. WHY do I feel so terrible for FINALLY standing up for myself? I could STILL go over there now - but I know there is no reason. Why doesn't standing up for myself feel better?
Sar112 Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 I think sometimes when we finally learnt to stand up ourselves, we expect an immediate reaction from the other person - i.e. Oh wow they're actually pretty tough, maybe I shouldn't risk losing this person after all! The trouble is, this reaction more often than not comes a lot further down the line when you have already moved on and they finally see that. Just stay strong - don't go round there. I'm guessing the only reason he wants to spend time together is to keep you hanging on/get what he wants from you incase he doesn't manage to to find this with anyone else. You're worth more than that and never forget it. Well done for being strong and just continue down the same road you're on with sticking up for yourself - it will mean you healing and feeling a lot better much faster if you do it this way.
Author hohum Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 Yes - I do think we delude ourselves thinking things will occur to them fast....but it may never actually occur to him and that is the problem. Thank you for your reply - even though I know I made the right choice that night I am still over here feeling like there was something I could have said or done to change things. I STILL am over here feeling like consoling HIM after he read that accidental email....but he feels no need to console me for having created those terrible feelings in me. This is so friggin hard.
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