Stage5Clinger Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I'm seeing a new girl who is all about social media and texting whereas I do not like either because I feel like I'm always misread in theae mediums. I kinda like her so I invited her to family Christmas. It went fine. The next day she tezts merry Christmas I say it back but otherwisewe don't text for a couple days. Monday I ask her how she's doing and she's really short woth me so I let her go. Then another couple days go by with no text. Now keep in mind we work opposite hours so we can't hang out during this time. But she doesn't text me and I don't text her. Does she have a legitimate reason to be mad at me about this? We've been hanging out for a few months now and I haven't texted much the entire time. I told her that I'm introverted and needed to reat afyer all the holiday stuff and a few personal problems that came up.
katiegrl Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 (edited) Texting has become such a huge Achilles Heel for so many people (mostly women) and this is why IMO. When a guy does not text us for a few days....it's not so much that we're overly needy and dying to talk to him .... more that when we don't hear from him, we question how much he actually cares. So all sorts of crazy thoughts start entering our heads.... what's going on, has he lost interest, did he meet someone else, will I ever hear from him again, is he ghosting, etc. I think as long as a woman KNOWS how much a man actually does care.... that it has nothing to do with how he feels about us... we'd be more cool and relaxed about it. Plus for many women, they need more frequent texting (just a quick one minute text saying good morning, have a good day)... to maintain our emotional connection to him. Men don't need this as much, they are more autonomous by nature. So it's really just a matter of communication IMO. Let her know it has NOTHING to do with how you feel about her, that you love her/care about her.... but that you are not a big texter, and that, being an introvert, you need time to sort of get back to yourself after spending significant time with her. OR, you could make more of an effort to send her a short text every day letting her know you are thinking of her, have a good day, and will see her soon. I mean how much effort is it really to send one short text every morning or evening...if it would alleviate any anxiety she is feeling about you and your relationship? I bet that one short text every day would mean the world to her and make all the difference. Edited December 31, 2015 by katiegrl 4
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I'm seeing a new girl who is all about social media and texting whereas I do not like either because I feel like I'm always misread in theae mediums. I kinda like her so I invited her to family Christmas. It went fine. The next day she tezts merry Christmas I say it back but otherwisewe don't text for a couple days. Monday I ask her how she's doing and she's really short woth me so I let her go. Then another couple days go by with no text. Now keep in mind we work opposite hours so we can't hang out during this time. But she doesn't text me and I don't text her. Does she have a legitimate reason to be mad at me about this? We've been hanging out for a few months now and I haven't texted much the entire time. I told her that I'm introverted and needed to reat afyer all the holiday stuff and a few personal problems that came up. You kind of sent mixed messages: invited her to family Christmas, then radio silence for 2 days? She probably interpreted your holiday invitation as a sign that things were progressing. But then you say nothing following that. She's probably hurt about that, not because you don't "text enough." You pulled her in then backed right off, from her point of view. If you like her, get in touch. You don't need to be glued to your phone by any means but I can see why she's confused. You say you've been hanging out for a few months - any reason why it hasn't gone any further? 2
lilmissjava Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Texting has become such a huge Achilles Heel for so many people (mostly women) and this is why IMO. When a guy does not text us for a few days....it's not so much that we're overly needy and dying to talk to him .... more that when we don't hear from him, we question how much he actually cares. So all sorts of crazy thoughts start entering our heads.... what's going on, has he lost interest, did he meet someone else, will I ever hear from him again, is he ghosting, etc. I think as long as a woman KNOWS how much a man actually does care.... that it has nothing to do with how he feels about us... we'd be more cool and relaxed about it. Plus for many women, they need more frequent texting (just a quick one minute text saying good morning, have a good day)... to maintain our emotional connection to him. Men don't need this as much, they are more autonomous by nature. So it's really just a matter of communication IMO. Let her know it has NOTHING to do with how you feel about her, that you love her/care about her.... but that you are not a big texter, and that, being an introvert, you need time to sort of get back to yourself after spending significant time with her. OR, you could make more of an effort to send her a short text every day letting her know you are thinking of her, have a good day, and will see her soon. I mean how much effort is it really to send one short text every morning or evening...if it would alleviate any anxiety she is feeling about you and your relationship? I bet that one short text every day would mean the world to her and make all the difference. Like Katie says, it takes zero effort but means the world (to me anyway). It's thoughtful and I actually don't consider it clingy at all. I live on the principle of "if I don't hear from you, you won't hear from me". But everyone is different. 2
Author Stage5Clinger Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 Thanks for the responses. I'm partially scarred by a last experience where I texted a girl everyday, she played along while getting a real boyfriend on the side.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Thanks for the responses. I'm partially scarred by a last experience where I texted a girl everyday, she played along while getting a real boyfriend on the side. Don't hold this girl hostage for someone else's mistakes. If that's your mindset, this won't go anywhere because you're not really ready to open up. 5
katiegrl Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Thanks for the responses. I'm partially scarred by a last experience where I texted a girl everyday, she played along while getting a real boyfriend on the side. Well....when you invite a girl you're dating to spend the biggest holiday of the year with you and your family ...and she accepts.... you both have a great time...after which she sends you a Merry Christmas text the following day... I think it's pretty safe to assume she's not just "playing along while searching for a "real" boyfriend on the side." 1
Author Stage5Clinger Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 Is there any merit to the argument that she didn't text me either? 1
katiegrl Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Is there any merit to the argument that she didn't text me either? Sure there is.... if you had NOT said this in your original post. I told her that I'm introverted and needed to reat afyer all the holiday stuff and a few personal problems that came up.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Is there any merit to the argument that she didn't text me either? Not exactly, because I would bet any money she's thinking "well, I reached to him to wish him Merry Christmas. Then he didn't initiate anything the next couple days. wth?" You also told her you were going to need some time to yourself after the holidays. What is she supposed to have done? Look, you can either be "right" or you can try to see her side and get the girl. Depends on what you want more. 1
katiegrl Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 The OP said in his original post that he did text her back Merry Christmas, but then after that, he didn't text her for two days and neither did she. However, I gather from his response (saying he's introverted, busy, needed to retreat etc) that he didn't care whether or not she texted .... which I am sure she sensed.... which added to her feeling like perhaps he just doesn't care all that much....despite having invited her to spend Christmas holiday with this family. OP, are you actually into this girl?
Author Stage5Clinger Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 The OP said in his original post that he did text her back Merry Christmas, but then after that, he didn't text her for two days and neither did she. However, I gather from his response (saying he's introverted, busy, needed to retreat etc) that he didn't care whether or not she texted .... which I am sure she sensed.... which added to her feeling like perhaps he just doesn't care all that much....despite having invited her to spend Christmas holiday with this family. OP, are you actually into this girl? Is it wrong to want a few days off tho? I like her generally but every little stupid fight like this seems really petty ans a huge turnoff. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Is it wrong to want a few days off tho? I like her generally but every little stupid fight like this seems really petty ans a huge turnoff. If "a few days off" = a few days with zero contact, then I will warn you a lot of girls won't love that. It sends the message you don't care whether she's in your life or not. Little gestures mean a lot, and sending a quick "Hey, thinking of you!" or "Hope you had a good day, good night" - type message isn't that difficult. Especially when you're in the courting stage and not even a couple yet. Especially after inviting her to family Chirstmas. Do you mind if I ask how old you are, OP? 1
DontBreakEven Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 A few days off??? Let her go so she can find someone who is actually into her. Sheesh 1
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Is it wrong to want a few days off tho? I like her generally but every little stupid fight like this seems really petty ans a huge turnoff. You need to manage expectations better. Explain that you don't like texting so much bc you are an in person person and you have a tendency to get misinterpreted in your texts or are too blunt and they don't convey what you really think. Tell her that you pretty much use texting for making arrangements, saying you are running late etc. See if she can live with that or come up with a compromise. I think "wanting a few days off" while may be how you feel is a turnoff for her, I'm guessing. It sends mixed messages. There needs to be some progression. I hear you on the social media though and think you aren't really under any obligation to compromise there. I like it but not expecting my bf to keep up with my on it! I wouldn't like a guy who did. Expecting your guy to keep up with you via social media is a bit immature. Texting is between you and her so that's not immature that she wants you to be more open, or responsive. Try to explain yourself and come to a compromise.
katiegrl Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 A few days off??? Let her go so she can find someone who is actually into her. Sheesh I agree with this. If sending one 30-second text wishing her a great day is too much trouble, and something you need "a few days off" from....then I question how much you want to be in RL at all.
SwordofFlame Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 OP, would you say your username accurately describes this girl?
clia Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 How long have you been dating her? I honestly don't see any problem with going a couple or few of days without contact in a newer (< 6 months) relationship. I don't get the need by people to be constantly texting. I don't even see the need for "Good morning" texts and the like. Your communication styles may simply be incompatible. And you're right...she could've texted you also but didn't. 1
nicco Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 What's her number? I'll text her for you. You have it easy and you don't even realize it. She initiated the text, now all you have to do is send a response, that is open ended to keep the conversation going. You have 24 hours in a day, you can't find a way to take out 5 minutes of your day to text her? Then you're probably not interested in her, because if you are you wouldn't give another guy the opportunity to text her when you are to busy/not caring to text her. At first I was going to say she was probably being overly attached, by the title but it seems you're really distant from her. 1
katiegrl Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 It appears the tables have turned here, cuz if you read Stage5Clinger's history.... his moniker reflects the way HE used to be in previous relationships, very insecure and very needy. HE was the stage5 clinger, not his girlfriends. So he should know better than anyone how it feels to be ignored for days, so I am really surprised now at his comment "isn't it okay to take a few days off"? When in his previous relationships, HE was the one waiting for the texts/phone calls...and has posted how bad that made him feel. Perhaps he only goes for girls who aren't into him ....cause clearly this one IS, yet he ignores her and needs "a few days off." Strange. 2
Gaeta Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Explain that you don't like texting so much bc you are an in person person and you have a tendency to get misinterpreted in your texts or are too blunt and they don't convey what you really think. Tell her that you pretty much use texting for making arrangements, saying you are running late etc. See if she can live with that or come up with a compromise. But it's not his case. OP is a big texter and his history shows it. He also knows that daily communication builds connection and expectation and that is why he is not texting her, he is avoiding on purpose this connection for fear of being hurt. OP is a needy man usually. This is something very hard to control, practically impossible. If OP is capable of forgetting about this girl for 2 days, or if OP feels overwhelmed by daily communication, it's because he is really not into this girl. 1
katiegrl Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 (edited) Is it wrong to want a few days off tho? I like her generally but every little stupid fight like this seems really petty and a huge turnoff. Yes, needy behavior IS a turn off. However when a guy is actually into a woman, he would not view her behavior as needy .....in fact she would not even be behaving needy or getting upset....... since said guy *would* be texting her! And for the record, needy behavior is a turn off for women too....so lessson learned for YOU next time you date a woman you are actually into....and become needy...which you admitted in previous threads you have a tendency to do. Edited January 1, 2016 by katiegrl
Author Stage5Clinger Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 I've been seeing the same girl for a while and the past few days we haven't done much so I wanted to take her out on a date. We drove out of town to see a movie and were going to grab dinner but after the movie she suggested we just go back home and get food back in town. The entire drive home she was totally silent. I tried tp figure out what she wanted to eat and she wouldn't name a place so we just grabbed fast food. In the drive through she said she doesn't want anything but I order her food anyway. We go home and I eat in front of her feeling like a fatass while she insists she's not hungry - all the while being totally silent making me feel super upset. After I finish eating she tells me she is starving but still won't let me feed her anything I have to eat. She goes to bed early and I follow where we have routine sex and fall asleep. She wakes up about 730am and leaves. She says goodbye and kept plans like everything is okay but I'm just thinking what the **** went wrong last night. We seemed to be doing fine up until yesterday. If this is how she acts because I didn't read her mind about what she wanted to eay then I'm doomed. It's not like I'm careless either I tried relentlessly to cheer her up last night. It was like a solid 5 hours of silence and one word responses but then she comes on to me and cuddles me all night. I'm super confused amd considering not texting her again until she texts me. I just can't believe the change. Usually it's smiles, laughs, and conversation. On the way to the movies she kind of rubbed me wrong off the bat asking for radio because otherwise we have "weird vonversations" which she wouldn't tell me what she was referring to. So I guess I'm just bummed out that maybe she isn't what I thought she was. I don't like feeling alone when I'm on a date and that's exactly how I felt last night. I'm not sure what to do.
mrldii Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 What did she say was wrong when you asked her, as soon as you noticed the normal vibe was off?
Author Stage5Clinger Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 What did she say was wrong when you asked her, as soon as you noticed the normal vibe was off? She said "Nothing, I'm just tired."
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