confused555 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 so where do I begin I am 20 years old and started sseing this girl back in the beginning of October (we were very close friends before this) we had started seeing each other fooling around etc. then a couple days before Halloween she had dropped the I love you bomb on me which I had told her a couple weeks prior to that but she wasn't completely sure which I get. Fast forward to mid November and she goes to a concert and sleeps with her ex and had even told me days before they were going to have sex and she knew I had told her I didn't want to hear anything like that when we were a thing but I am completely blown away by this as I thought she had feelings for me etc we are now dating but that night she went out really hurt me I have told her about it but I do not think she really understands how bad of a gut punch it was. so I guess what im trying to say is what do I do? I know I was more than capable of hooking up with others but didn't because I was fully committed to her but did not expect this and how can you do that to someone you proclaim you love? she says she just wanted to play the field abit before she settled down forever and we are dating now since I told her I contemplated breaking it off but still feel hurt. what do I do? any advice id greatly appreciate thank you
kgcolonel Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Dating is either for fun or for looking for a lifetime mate. If you're dating her for fun, she just took that out of the equation. If you're seeing her to determine if she might be a lifetime mate, she's not that into you yet. She seems from your story to be a bit uncaring about the effect this had on you. You're writing here for a reason....are you looking for the "you're only dating" response or "ditch the b****" response. It doesn't sound as if you had a mutual agreement of being exclusive so I can't say she did anything wrong in the way of cheating but for sure, you two are not on the same page.
Author confused555 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 well we have been officially a thing for a month and by thing I mean we are dating but I just don't know how to deal with what happened before
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Oh boy. It's tricky because she was honest and told you she what she did, but I would be very unhappy it was an ex. And that it was planned. Your levels of investment were and probably still are very different. I personally would not feel comfortable moving forward. Telling you she loved you and then going out and sleeping with her ex...yeah. Not exactly a rockin' start to a relationship. 1
justanotherguy1 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Can i ask you something? what makes you believe shes not gonna do this again, if not with her ex someone else. you told someone you love them then go do something like this, you told her how much it hurt you and she honestly doesnt seem that guilty or even stressed about it. she did something bad yet you are feeling so hurt about it. thats a huge red flag for me even though you havent been dating long. there are things such as respect and she doesnt seem to have that.. right now my friend, i am struggling to break of all contact with a woman who treated me like crap, it was 3 years so its harder. but if i were you and this happened so early, i would leave her. she has complete disregard for you and your feelings. so leave her and look for better, because you will find it. 1
kgcolonel Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Are you saying that she did this prior to becoming a "thing" or after? Either way, if I were really into her, I would have a serious heart to heart talk with here to ensure we were on the same page and that (if it is for you) to understand that this would be an absolute deal breaker for you. Assuming that this happened before you were a "thing", I would ask her hypothetically, if she got the invitation again today from him or anyone else would she repeat the same steps? This will likely show you where things are in the R. 10 Characters = there is a minimum post of Ten Characters, when a poster has duplicated a prior post, second guessed a post or simply wanted to remove the post, it cannot be deleted but can be edited, so 10 characters is the edited version.
Author confused555 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 well we weren't exactly dating more or less friends with benefits I guess? but feelings were definitely part of it, i have heard from a mutual friend of ours that she is crazy about me and all that stuff. its hard for me to move on from it maybe I will have a heart to heart talk to her about it and see
Author confused555 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 You were a rebound. Just walk away. a rebound from what? she hasn't dated anyone since last january
smackie9 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 a rebound from what? she hasn't dated anyone since last january OK she was emotionally unavailable.....like she's going to tell you she isn't over her ex.
xcupid Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 In your mind was she your GF? In her mind you were not her BF if she sleeps with her ex even if she says I love you to you. FWB arrangement only even if feelings are involved. Until you're BF and GF and exclusive that's the way it is. You either accept it even tho it hurts or move on. 1
Author confused555 Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 So it was going all great up until a couple days after new years she has seemed distant in the texts we barely text, seen eachother a handful of times compared to 2-3 a week. So I had asked her if something was wrong between us and she told me she felt."stuck" because when we weren't exclusive we could not talk for days she could have me when she wanted sleep around etc now she has to worry about breaking up and losing a friendship,she has told me she does love me and has never felt this way toward a guy. I feel that she has isolated her self and built up a wall because she did have depression so maybe this is her way of dealing with it but she makes it look so easy. Do I have another talk with her about it or gut it through and hope things get better? Iv kept myself pretty occupied in the meantime any advice I'd appreciate
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