Reitteg813 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 (edited) long read, but would like some opinions. im over the girl for the most part, its just bugging me what could have possibly happened. thats on my mind a whole lot more than she is. met this girl online, shes 19, im 23. first date is dinner and ice cream and walk around the city and talk. had a great time, she gets home and thanks me and says she wants to get together. Second time we cuddle and watch movies and she cooks for us. goes great again. third time is bowling, going to see some christmas lights, then back to my house to watch a movie and cuddle. thanks me again and says hope to see you again soon. we skip the next weekend cause she has finals and has work and training so super busy. but she keeps me updated on all her finals and texts me telling me how they went and text conversations continue to go smoothly. monday she texts me asking if im busy cause she wants to hang out, tuesday we set plans for wednesday, just hours later she cancels plans and never heard from her since. our 4th date that we had planned it would have been about an hour drive for me and about 35-45 minutes for her. big thing is, we live 1.5 hours apart, about 63 miles. and its not like we were in a relationship for a year and thne one of moved away, from day 1 we were that far apart. this girl is very busy between 2 jobs, work, class, gym, and she doesnt drink or party at all and lives in the middle of no where. so i highly doubt, about 99% sure, its not another guy in the picture. what im thinking it might be is that she didnt think it would work out cause we live 1.5 hours apart. and when i went to her house for the first time, she texted me her address and said "i might be a bit too far from you though. with how busy we both are and with how far apart we are its less than ideal but why not just see how it goes." and when she came to my house it took her even a bit more cause of traffic. so im thinking that may be it, just the distance and with how busy with both are, but at the same time i feel like she would have just told me instead of ignoring, but with her being a 19 year old girl i know just ignoring is the most common way to avoid conflict and discussing these things and its just the easy way out. anyone ever had this happen, or done it to a guy/girl? what were the reasons? never had something this sudden happen and just annoying not knowing, but its probably better not knowing. Edited December 31, 2015 by Reitteg813
PegNosePete Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Look, to be honest there is no way you will ever find out. We can speculate until the cows come home. Maybe she just decided she didn't like you that much after all. Maybe her ex got back in contact with her. Maybe there was another guy after all. Maybe a relative was taken ill and she is too pre-occupied to talk to you. Maybe she got arrested or abducted by aliens. Who knows? There is no way you're ever going to find out the truth so it's pointless to make guesses. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it except to forget about her and move on. 1
Author Reitteg813 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 Look, to be honest there is no way you will ever find out. We can speculate until the cows come home. Maybe she just decided she didn't like you that much after all. Maybe her ex got back in contact with her. Maybe there was another guy after all. Maybe a relative was taken ill and she is too pre-occupied to talk to you. Maybe she got arrested or abducted by aliens. Who knows? There is no way you're ever going to find out the truth so it's pointless to make guesses. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it except to forget about her and move on. I doubt she lost interest in a span of 6 hours after she was the one asking me to hang out and then actually made the plans. Could be though. And yeah its pointless, but its just annoying not knowing, but at the same time its probably better I don't know
candie13 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 hey, OP... it sucks to be ghosted. No matter how much or little you've invested, it still sucks to be ghosted. So take it as a learning and as part of the fringe benefits of OLD - you meet some great people and have some great moments but you also meet people who turn out to be not that great and will face some disappointments. Set your search parameters better, because in all honesty, 1,5h is a LONG drive. It's not impossible, but ... we are all slaves of our proximity. Better to not think about her anymore. Focus on someone else and come to terms that also it's disappointing, it's over. cheers, OP
Author Reitteg813 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 hey, OP... it sucks to be ghosted. No matter how much or little you've invested, it still sucks to be ghosted. So take it as a learning and as part of the fringe benefits of OLD - you meet some great people and have some great moments but you also meet people who turn out to be not that great and will face some disappointments. Set your search parameters better, because in all honesty, 1,5h is a LONG drive. It's not impossible, but ... we are all slaves of our proximity. Better to not think about her anymore. Focus on someone else and come to terms that also it's disappointing, it's over. cheers, OP yeah it is long. When I typed in her address into my GPS I literally said, "shiit" out loud to myself lol. And when I was driving there I kept thinking to myself if this is something I could put up with every weekend. when I was 19, like she is, I really doubt I'd drive 1.5 hours to see someone. I actually met a girl who was an hour and 15 minutes away once and we set up a date, cancels the next day and never heard from again either, but that was no biggie cause it would have been the 1st date so didnt have any feelings yet. And that too im sure was the drive. that drive is especially tough when you start out at that distance, its different being ina relationship for a year or two and then moving an hour and a half away.
dobielover Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 3 dates isn't really ghosting. Ghosting is sudden and random disappearing out of nowhere in the context of a relationship, IMO. POOF! This is just standard fade away. Happens all the time. 2
Ordinaryday Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 she did you a favour by showing you what kind of person she was. delete her phone number, texts and any emails she sent you, forget about her, and move on to the next lady
Author Reitteg813 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 (edited) 3 dates isn't really ghosting. Ghosting is sudden and random disappearing out of nowhere in the context of a relationship, IMO. POOF! This is just standard fade away. Happens all the time. Yeah i guess not. But there was no fading away. Like I said, after the last date she said how great of a time she had, said hope to seeyou again soon. she texts me throughout the week, she asks me if im busy to make plans, we make plans, just 6 hours after making plans she cancels and havent hear since. been a little over a week. That I can tell you does not always happen, ive never had it happen to me and I've been on quite a good amount of dates and women. Edited December 31, 2015 by Reitteg813
drallafi Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 IMO, you should have made your move on the 3rd date. She probably found someone more aggressive. No big deal, just man up next time.
NoLeafClover Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Being you met her online, it is very likely that she was talking to other guys online as well while still talking to you. Chances are she started talking to someone closer and then got more interested in him and completely forgot about you after the date they had...It is likely this happens but like someone else said...you won't know the real reason.
Author Reitteg813 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 (edited) IMO, you should have made your move on the 3rd date. She probably found someone more aggressive. No big deal, just man up next time. Shes a much more reserved girl from what I've seen in terms of having sex. Doesn't seem like one to jump to sex quickly. I could be wrong, but kissed her on the first date, kissed on the second and she pulled away every time, seems like she didnt want it to last too long. we were making out adn as soon as a put my hand on the side of her face and ran it down her neck she pulled away. Same thing 3rd date. I dont think 3 dates without sex is anything abnormal. and like i said too she texted me right when she got home saying how much fun she had adn wanted to see me again, if me not being even more aggressive bothered her, I doubt she would have texted me that and then tried to make plans a week later, she probably would have just ended it right after the date. Edited December 31, 2015 by Reitteg813
Gmuck Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I've been ghosted twice by two separate girls in the last 2 months. Found out later there was another guy in the picture. One of the girls met me and other guy the same week so originally she was super interested but then went ghost. She must have liked the other guy more than me. I would say 90% there is another guy in the picture. I've noticed the girls ghosting me are actually really nice girls who I think just didnt have it in themselves to be the bad person and have to tell me there is someone else or not just interested. Even though I'm the type who would like a text or call explaining why they don't want anything further. Especially since I was the one who took the balls to call and set the first date. I don't think women understand the tremendous courage it takes for guys to take the risk of asking a girl out, only to get the date(s) and then get ghosted. Wish women would women-up and have the decency to call text and say hey, there is someone else or I'm not just feeling it. Move on. Do not contact her. If there is another guy it might not work out. By walking away and not contacting her, you leave one good note. She will remember the fun dates and remember how you took the ghosting like a man and moved on. Keep calling or texting and you will look weaker than the other guy she is interested in, right now.
Wewon Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 long read, but would like some opinions. im over the girl for the most part, its just bugging me what could have possibly happened. thats on my mind a whole lot more than she is. .... what were the reasons? never had something this sudden happen and just annoying not knowing, but its probably better not knowing. This is the toughest part about dating, especially at the age range that you are currently dating in. There won't always be a rhyme or reason for actions of people at that age range and manners, or giving someone a heads up is not really that high of a priority. She may have met someone else, decided that her schedule was too demanding, decided that the two of you were too different, got a crazy horoscope or taro card reading, saw something in tea leaves or chicken bones. You're going to have to make peace with this kind of uncertainty.
Author Reitteg813 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 (edited) I've been ghosted twice by two separate girls in the last 2 months. Found out later there was another guy in the picture. One of the girls met me and other guy the same week so originally she was super interested but then went ghost. She must have liked the other guy more than me. I would say 90% there is another guy in the picture. I've noticed the girls ghosting me are actually really nice girls who I think just didnt have it in themselves to be the bad person and have to tell me there is someone else or not just interested. Even though I'm the type who would like a text or call explaining why they don't want anything further. Especially since I was the one who took the balls to call and set the first date. I don't think women understand the tremendous courage it takes for guys to take the risk of asking a girl out, only to get the date(s) and then get ghosted. Wish women would women-up and have the decency to call text and say hey, there is someone else or I'm not just feeling it. Move on. Do not contact her. If there is another guy it might not work out. By walking away and not contacting her, you leave one good note. She will remember the fun dates and remember how you took the ghosting like a man and moved on. Keep calling or texting and you will look weaker than the other guy she is interested in, right now. Yeah I feel like that is the most common reason. I made this thread this morning and after thinking about it all day I'm starting to care less and less. And I've noticed on social media she hasnt followed any new guys. Plus when we werent hanging out on the weekends, like if we hung out saturday but not friday, shed be texting me friday night. she wouldn't be texting a guy im sure if she was with him. She never touched her phone around me Edited December 31, 2015 by Reitteg813
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