xyzisnotme Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 My DW is going to be at church tonight until 10:00. She did not ask if she wanted to go anything with me or go out to dinner and spend a romantic evening together. After all, we don't have romance. No kisses, no hugs, no I love yous, and forget about S!!! Our daughter will be at friends. She did ask me if I wanted to go to her church but agreed it would be a bad idea since they don't speak my language. I guess she asked out of being polite huh. Since I know we will never have a loving marriage that has respect, affection and sex, perhaps I should not be home tonight to ring in the new years. Is that a good idea? To be away from her? She probably would not even care.
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Ringing in New Years somewhere she is not without telling her where you will be will be one more nail in the coffin of your marriage. Instead offer to drive your wife to her church & pick her up at 10. Then bring her home to a romantic house -- candles, a little champagne & some snacks to ring in the new year together. Romance & communication go both ways. Why not start out 2016 with a olive branch & resolve to work together to make things better?
Author xyzisnotme Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 Ringing in New Years somewhere she is not without telling her where you will be will be one more nail in the coffin of your marriage. Instead offer to drive your wife to her church & pick her up at 10. Then bring her home to a romantic house -- candles, a little champagne & some snacks to ring in the new year together. Romance & communication go both ways. Why not start out 2016 with a olive branch & resolve to work together to make things better? You don't know my wife! LOL! I am done begging and losing my dignity for her. With her 16 years of rejecting me and making me beg for sx. with her LV emails to her OLD man boss, with her insulting me and her indifference towards me, lol you don't know my DW.
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 You are right. I don't know your wife. I don't know you either for that matter. You came on to a message board & asked if it would be a good idea for you to celebrate NYE elsewhere without her. I said no. You mentioned that she'd be at a church where you don't speak the language. I assumed (bad me) based on that piece of info that you were together for a short time. After 16 years of marriage, I find it ridiculous that you can't speak enough of the language to attend Church services or say hello to her friends. I dated some guy for a year who spoke Portuguese. I could follow the Mass & make limited small talk with his mom. After 16 years, she's not the only one who isn't trying in your marriage. I didn't say anything about begging your wife. I suggested you do a nice, romantic thing for her. Your refusal to even consider such a loving gesture tells me your intractability contributed to the demise of your relationship more than you want to admit. So get her to commit to MC or get a divorce but don't run off & celebrate NYE without her. Alcohol plus kisses at midnight sound like a recipe for cheating. You simply want to claim it wasn't your fault because you weren't getting any at home & the alcohol made you do it. Sorry. This is a choice on your part. Fix your marriage or end your marriage but don't do what you are planning. 5
PegNosePete Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 With all the problems you mention in your marriage, I think the best place for you to be right now is your lawyer's office. 2
Gloria25 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Ringing in New Years somewhere she is not without telling her where you will be will be one more nail in the coffin of your marriage. Instead offer to drive your wife to her church & pick her up at 10. Then bring her home to a romantic house -- candles, a little champagne & some snacks to ring in the new year together. Romance & communication go both ways. Why not start out 2016 with a olive branch & resolve to work together to make things better? While I normally would lean on the woman for sitting around and waiting for a guy to put her "in the mood", I do agree with d0nnivan to meet her half-way...but, if now you are saying this is her M.O. for years now, then not sure what else can be done besides either accepting it as is, or filing for divorce. But you know, even with her becoming an "ice queen" over the years, I still say give what d0nnivan recommended (quoted above). Sometimes, it takes one person to sort of "remind" the other person of what they have/were. My fav podcaster recommended that to one guy. She said don't pester wifey for sex, but just do "little" things like if she's standing cooking - come and give her a nice hug. When she comes home, greet her with a nice kiss and ask her about her day. Touching, attention, etc. sorta builds the fire and bonding between a couple that sometimes gets lost over the years. People sit around waiting for a "feeling" when it's our "actions" that drive the feelings. This week, cuz holidays and all, I gave good greetings to people I wish a piano would fall on them. But, believe it or not, the "greeting" I gave them sort of eased the anger and tension and that's my point about reaching out to your wife and being sweet, you might be able to "break the ice" if you will People like to say "we grew apart" - no, thing is you stopped working on your marriage. Gotta get off your duff and do sweet stuff for each other and the feelings will follow Good luck in whatever you decide to do... 1
oldshirt Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Will it really matter one way or another what you do tonight??????
central Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Not being home is a passive-aggressive move. Either make a concerted effort to fix the marriage, or start the new year with a visit to a divorce lawyer and move on. If the effort to improve things fails, then divorce is still an option. Why not talk to her when she gets home about New Year Resolutions, and see if you can both agree to work on the marriage - or end it.
Author xyzisnotme Posted January 1, 2016 Author Posted January 1, 2016 She doesn't even notice I got my hair cut. This marriage is dead. My poor kid.
Author xyzisnotme Posted January 1, 2016 Author Posted January 1, 2016 Too bad her pastor doesn't teach her about being a loving wife. Does he even care that we don't go to church together?
Redfisher Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 She doesn't even notice I got my hair cut. This marriage is dead. My poor kid. Grow some balls dude....You lost your man card years ago.
Recommended Posts