How do I cope? My marriage is falling apart.

[Wheremyheartis]

Quick Summary of my situation.

 

I'm 27 and my husband is 31. We have been together for 10 years and married 4.

 

Six months prior he was laid off from his job and was forced to take lower paying job. Finances had been tight and we postponed having children. He became depressed. On December 1st he asked me for a divorce.

 

He told me he didn't actually mean it but thought I would leave him because of his depression. He had turned down a job that paid well in another city. I didn't want to move and that has put tension on our marriage.

 

We talked through the issues we were having and thought everything was going well. We even decided to go ahead and start a family since that was a big part of his depression.

 

Fastforward to Boxing Day, after my husband acting weird for a few days he got up and left. It's been four days and limited contact.

 

My whole story can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/563763-my-husband-got-up-left

 

 

Where I am now: I can't sleep, eat, or function properly. My husband won't talk to me with the exception of a minute phone call. I don't know what to do.

[d0nnivain]

He needs to be the bread winner to feel like a man. When he was offered a job you nixed it. I can understand not wanting to move but sometimes compromise is in order.

 

 

Are you working? Can you pick up the financial slack?

 

 

Are you helping him get a new job? When my DH was laid off, I actually found his next / current job.

 

 

Remind him that you love him for more than his paycheck.

 

 

MC -- even if it's for free through your church -- is probably in order.

[Marc878]

I suspect after reading your other post he's feeling like he's in a no win situation.

 

He wants to be the breadwinner but has to do it conditionally (stay in the geographic area). Some men would lay back and let you take up the slack.

 

At his age he may be feeling constrained. Higher paying job but has to move to get it.

 

It's tough moving. I've done it but it's very defeating to stay where you are and have to take what you can get versus moving up.

 

You won't consider moving, he wants to advance his career. This may be a deal breaker. You have no children and are young maybe you both should consider a divorce.

 

He will never be satisfied with being held back and the resentment will build. If you relocate you may end up the same way.

 

I would never consider starting a family if I was financially constrained.

 

Good luck

[clia]

In my opinion, you should agree to move with him to the new city.

 

You've put him in a no win situation since you refuse to move. You've seen how depressed he's been. What do you expect him to do? Keep living how he's living? Why is it your way or the highway? You can see this has been a tough decision for him. Marriage is all about compromise. Yes, it's hard and maybe not ideal for you, but for all you know you may like living in the new city. You will meet new people, you can skype and FaceTime with family and friends, etc. Think of it as a new adventure. And it doesn't have to be forever. Maybe in a few years you two can move back.

 

If you hate the new city, you can always move back to where you are now and get divorced. But I think you should at least give it a chance.