GemmaUK Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I was instantly scared and I asked " Wow are you violent?" and he said " No, I think this is the only guy I've beaten up in my life". But I don't know if he was saying the truth because I was really shocked and he could just be saying what I wanted to hear. The bolded part here plus the rest of the way he described the incident and himself would have me on huge alert. 'I think' makes me wonder if there's been times he has fought Judo and not liked the guy and hasn't quite differentiated the lines between beating him up and following judo as a practice. Or, he realised you didn't like what he said so chose words to make it sound like he hadn't beaten anyone else up. If you haven't done something before or since then you would not use the words 'I think I haven't'. I dated a guy who turned out to be controlling, emotionally abusive and to a lesser degree physically abusive. He told me a story once about beating up his best friend, he also had a story about his dog which he was very proud of but to me the story just told me that the dog was so petrified of it's owner that it would not eat it's own food. Since dating that guy and finally getting away from him I have learned some of the traits and things to look out for with a potentially abusive man. Your guys behaviour - in fact not even his behaviour but his use of words - right at this point would make me run. 2
sandylee1 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 So he beat a guy up like that just for cutting in line? My word. That would scare the hell out of me. I hate violence with a passion. What happens if you piss him off one day? Yes...it's a really BIG Red flag. It would be for me anyway. 4
todreaminblue Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 for me martial arts and people who study martial arts should have a high regard for human life, personal space and boundaries and for sure a defined sense of self control....for him to admit that he did that and if i personally were seeking a person to teach me....i would not choose a guy who said something like that...and i would be cautious is my advice to you ...i have dated fighters most of the men i date ...fight ro fought...i am a fighter ...there's an old school truth about how learning and mastering martial arts is so you dont have to fight.....most martial artists who have obtained certain mastery will first warn an opponent that they have skill...and give the opportunity for the fight not to progress...and honestly ...smart people dont fight or start crap with masters... to me it sounds like your guy was proud of what he did...and that is not mastery,..talking your way clear of a fightt with an aggressor ....thats mastery...be careful and take care.........deb 2
Harradin Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 he fights judo and karate. And he has a black belt in judo and teaches judo as well. And yeah, he is very respected among other judokas. 1. He is being a douchebag for saying this, trying to imply " Oh I can beat up guys because I am a skillful judoka after all" 2. As far as I know anyone who practices martial arts follows a kind of moral code that forbids you to physically harass people. Or I am wrong? Judo has a lot of tradition and discipline, we are taught not to use judo outside the mat unless we absolutely have to (backed into a corner for example) and to respect everyone. So number 2 is correct, definitely for judo. This guy just sounds like the typical cocky judoka who's all talk and no action to be honest, you do get those types in judo unfortunately. I'd suggest you walk away from this guy, or it'd be funny to watch him get destroyed by a good judoka as they generally tend to have a lot of excuses! I'm a black belt and have been competing in judo for 10 years. Judo and Karate knows nothing of fractures or bruises, and he probably doesn't either. Are you having a laugh? I've broken several bones in judo, and I've seen a lot of injuries, mostly broken arms. Well that's Bs because I've walked out of several judo classes with none of the above. Compared to most martial art sports judo is extremely low violence. Beginners always get taught to breakfall properly before they are allowed to throw or be thrown otherwise its extremely dangerous. Its 99% most likely that you have only been to beginner sessions. FYI I have 3 years experience of kickboxing too, and I can guarantee that judo is more dangerous. If a decent judoka defends himself in the street and throws the guy onto concrete, the attacker won't get up again that's for sure. 1
Samhain Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I did shotakan karate for 2 years and judo from the age of 14 to 18, twice a week 52 weeks a year. I wasnt a beginner, and I'm more than qualified to have the opinions i do regardless of whether yours differ. I've done muay thai kickboxing (which I now teach) since, if I was in a position where I had to defend myself, I wouldn't use a throw tactic. 2
oregon0011 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 (edited) So this new guy I've been dating (2nd date so far) is 24 (5 years younger than me), athletic, very determined and mature for his age, fun, plays drums in a band and he fights judo and karate. And he has a black belt in judo and teaches judo as well. And yeah, he is very respected among other judokas. So well, today I was telling him more about my job and he told me that he has met many arrogant guys from my field of work. He told me that once, at a party where he was playing drums with his band, a guy cut the line when he was getting some drinks, he got pissed, they started to argue and he BEAT THE GUY UP. He even said "He was provoking me and pushing me, so I showed him what bruises and fractures look like" I was instantly scared and I asked " Wow are you violent?" and he said " No, I think this is the only guy I've beaten up in my life". But I don't know if he was saying the truth because I was really shocked and he could just be saying what I wanted to hear. Anyway, do you think this is a red flag?? It could be a red flag for some reasons: 1. He is being a douchebag for saying this, trying to imply " Oh I can beat up guys because I am a skillful judoka after all" 2. As far as I know anyone who practices martial arts follows a kind of moral code that forbids you to physically harass people. Or I am wrong? 3. I don't know if it is common for guys to beat up other guys at least ONCE in life because this is the first guy I meet who confesses such a thing. I don't know if I should worry about his behavior, wonder if he is violent or not. Am I overreacting? Would this be a red flag for you too? PS- That was the only thing that got me worried... Apart from that he was super sweet, treated me amazingly well, was fun, caring and seemed genuinely interested in me. I don't know if I should be worried. He is a 24 yo guy. Male brains aren't even fully developed until 25. Date someone older. It's interesting that so Many women date military men who are actually trained to kill, and do kill total strangers. Yet a fight with a probably drunk guy is a huge red flag? Edited December 31, 2015 by oregon0011 1
Tabby32 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I think this is a major read flag. I wouldn't want to be with a man who cannot control his temper. If he had told you about this in an embarrassed way and shown remorse about the way he acted in his past it might be fair to give him a chance. He didn't do this which would suggest that this is still his character. I would run away fast before his violence towards others or you becomes a part of your life. 2
Popsicle Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I love those MMA fighters. Send him my way. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 So this new guy I've been dating (2nd date so far) is 24 (5 years younger than me), athletic, very determined and mature for his age, fun, plays drums in a band and he fights judo and karate. And he has a black belt in judo and teaches judo as well. And yeah, he is very respected among other judokas. So well, today I was telling him more about my job and he told me that he has met many arrogant guys from my field of work. He told me that once, at a party where he was playing drums with his band, a guy cut the line when he was getting some drinks, he got pissed, they started to argue and he BEAT THE GUY UP. He even said "He was provoking me and pushing me, so I showed him what bruises and fractures look like" I was instantly scared and I asked " Wow are you violent?" and he said " No, I think this is the only guy I've beaten up in my life". But I don't know if he was saying the truth because I was really shocked and he could just be saying what I wanted to hear. Anyway, do you think this is a red flag?? It could be a red flag for some reasons: 1. He is being a douchebag for saying this, trying to imply " Oh I can beat up guys because I am a skillful judoka after all" 2. As far as I know anyone who practices martial arts follows a kind of moral code that forbids you to physically harass people. Or I am wrong? 3. I don't know if it is common for guys to beat up other guys at least ONCE in life because this is the first guy I meet who confesses such a thing. I don't know if I should worry about his behavior, wonder if he is violent or not. Am I overreacting? Would this be a red flag for you too? PS- That was the only thing that got me worried... Apart from that he was super sweet, treated me amazingly well, was fun, caring and seemed genuinely interested in me. I don't know if I should be worried. I'll bet the story was nothing but bullshyt....he was only trying to establish a position to make you feel like you cant interact with other guys at work....Pathetic, if you ask me... As someone who worked for years as a bouncer and seen more street fights than most, ive seen more so called martial arts experts get their brains beat in when involved in street fights....Its not the seemingly choreographed stuff you see in a lot of gyms.... True tough guys never boast about anything... TFY 6
VeveCakes Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I must have grown up in a different type of place, because 95% of the guys I know have been in fights after a night at the bar. It's very common here, a bunch of drunk idiots full of testosterone. He's young, 24 is YOUNG and still young enough to be at a bar getting in fights over nothing. I see nothing to worry about, it was bragging rights, he probably just doesn't realize you aren't impressed by that. 2
jen1447 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I'll bet the story was nothing but bullshyt....he was only trying to establish a position to make you feel like you cant interact with other guys at work....Pathetic, if you ask me... As someone who worked for years as a bouncer and seen more street fights than most, ive seen more so called martial arts experts get their brains beat in when involved in street fights....Its not the seemingly choreographed stuff you see in a lot of gyms.... True tough guys never boast about anything... TFY The more I read the more I think this may be he case ....if he made a point of telling you this story, most likely it's either just that (made up) or an indication he's so juvenile that he's proud of flying off the handle. Most ppl who talk like that haven't actually worn the shoes much before. 1
Gaeta Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 He's an immature 24 yo but what to expect from a 24 yo anyway. It's probably a sport he's new at. If he had been in martial art since his childhood he would not be this arrogant. You can stick around for a while but I am sure soon his shallowness and arrogance will get to you. 1
Toodaloo Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Well, if that was his intention, he failed, miserably. Lol I am definitely NOT impressed. Well none of us are perfect. I dated a guy who was an absolute gentle giant. For some weird reason though people were intimidated by him and we couldn't go out much as gangs of blokes would start hassling him and trying to get him to fight them. Some of them were really very nasty and pushy. He would be hit, slapped, insulted, the other guys would start on me as well to get to him. One punch is normally all it took when he was really pushed but his preferred way of dealing with it was to leave or stay at home. It happened a heck of a lot with absolutely no provocation from us at all. It was just because he was massive and they wanted to have a go at the big bloke... Its only a couple of dates. You really liked him. I would see him again and work out f he was just being a pillock or if he really is a fish to throw back. Just make sure you stay safe while you work that out. 2
kendahke Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 If he was actually attacked by someone, he should have known how to disable without causing him significant bodily harm through his training. Exactly. From what I remember from my dad, judo is used to de-escalate aggression, not instigate it. The moves he showed me were of putting your opponent off balance, not to fracture or bruise, so this guy you're with doesn't sound like he's using judo in the way in which it is really taught. 1
Toodaloo Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Exactly. From what I remember from my dad, judo is used to de-escalate aggression, not instigate it. The moves he showed me were of putting your opponent off balance, not to fracture or bruise, so this guy you're with doesn't sound like he's using judo in the way in which it is really taught. My ex didn't know any martial arts so just lumped them in the face with his fist when it got a bit too much. Some of the guys who tried it on with him seemed to do martial arty type moves but to be blunt I wouldn't have a clue. Don't know if its the same in the US but I think there are rules in the UK about professional fighters not getting into street brawls or they get banned from teaching/ training/ competitions etc... 1
Author GingerVixen Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 Thank you all for your feedback. Here is how I see it.... He is a nice guy, seems to be clever, opinionated, determined and mature for his age (regarding some topics, and immature regarding others). He is very polite too and he doesn't seem to be a party boy so that means a lot to me. HOWEVER, I do find really pathetic of him to confess such a thing to me. Yeah, sounds like something a guy would say to seem "a tough guy". I am not attracted to 'tough guys'. Violence does not impress me, and if it does, it is in a negative way. I decided to take things slowly with this guy. He just gave me sign of his immaturity. I will sit down and wait. Just talk to him on the phone or text. I won't have time to go on a 3rd date with him for a while, so meanwhile I will try to look for more red flags. He is not terrible enough for me to shut him out, but he is not wonderful enough for me to be excited about him either. 5
sandylee1 Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 QUOTE=oregon0011;6713131]He is a 24 yo guy. Male brains aren't even fully developed until 25. Date someone older. It's interesting that so Many women date military men who are actually trained to kill, and do kill total strangers. Yet a fight with a probably drunk guy is a huge red flag? The military is different..it's a job. Just like dating a professional boxer. This is a guy with such a bad temper.. that he caused another guy serious injury..just for cutting in line. On another note... long term ...you need a man nearer your age or older.... they are more sensible especially if you want marriage out of it. If you're just having fun. ..then it's okay.
oregon0011 Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 He is a 24 yo guy. Male brains aren't even fully developed until 25. Date someone older. It's interesting that so Many women date military men who are actually trained to kill, and do kill total strangers. Yet a fight with a probably drunk guy is a huge red flag? QUOTE=oregon0011;6713131]He is a 24 yo guy. Male brains aren't even fully developed until 25. Date someone older. It's interesting that so Many women date military men who are actually trained to kill, and do kill total strangers. Yet a fight with a probably drunk guy is a huge red flag? The military is different..it's a job. Just like dating a professional boxer. This is a guy with such a bad temper.. that he caused another guy serious injury..just for cutting in line. On another note... long term ...you need a man nearer your age or older.... they are more sensible especially if you want marriage out of it. If you're just having fun. ..then it's okay. Lots of young guys brag about stuff like this. And many girls actually like it. I doubt many women are turned on if he was like "this guy at a party pushed me and I ran away" And the military is far worse. Doesn't matter if it is a job. These guys usually come back truly violent. Or with PTSD etc. or are always gone. How many women always want to date cops?
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