Samhain Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 It is not gentlemanly, not good manners, not a sign of good breeding, not a sign of class. It is an OM trying to work his way in. And, a GF that is willing to allow this. That may be so, but since she allows it then she clearly believes he's being a gentleman, but as I said, she'd probably much prefer the gesture from her own man. Instead there was a conversation before they went to dinner, where it was "agreed" she'd pay her own check. Sure many women would object, but many wouldn't either. And the ones that wouldn't refuse are probably of the general opinion that their partner shouldn't be such a tight wad, especially infront of her friends. But she doesn't have to worry too much about it, because there is always some other guy willing to fill in for another man's shortcomings.
wb1988 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Seems odd that you and your gf split the bill, it would be better if one of you picked up the tab, maybe alternate. Your gf likes the meals out and she'll reject anything that will get in the way of that. Why I always do is try to give the reverse as an example, like how would she feel if another girl paid for your meal.
road Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Same can be said about a man not paying for his gf. I always paid for my dates. And if I remember I said that the OP should be too. The response and the way you responded to it took it out of it's context. Gentlemen do pay. The OP is failing in this. The post you took out of context was someone trying to justify the OM's behavior is because he is a gentleman. Gentlemen to not hit on women in a relationship. That OM is using money to drive a wedge between this couple. 2
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 OP: Does this guy pay for other women in the group sometimes or it's only aimed at your girlfriend? Are you the only man not paying for his girlfriend?
Cherryz Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Its not a big deal. But i can see what u mean as bf. She is the one that can make a point by rejecting this guy to pay out of respect for you. Or just dont let him pay always. And tell him privately that she dont want him to pay no more. That means you should be paying for her sometimes. And she for herself the other times.
Snaggletooth Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 It is not gentlemanly, not good manners, not a sign of good breeding, not a sign of class. It is an OM trying to work his way in. And, a GF that is willing to allow this. Absolutely. The man is showing no respect, it's worm behaviour and the girl is lapping it up. I'm amazed the OP hasn't either dumped the girl or knocked this slimeball's teeth out. 1
Samhain Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 I always paid for my dates. And if I remember I said that the OP should be too. The response and the way you responded to it took it out of it's context. Gentlemen do pay. The OP is failing in this. The post you took out of context was someone trying to justify the OM's behavior is because he is a gentleman. Gentlemen to not hit on women in a relationship. That OM is using money to drive a wedge between this couple. I wasn't justifying his behaviour nor calling him a gentleman. I said maybe the OPs girlfriend believes he is being a gentleman and that her boyfriend is not. I try to look at things from the different perspectives of the different people involved, none of which are my personal opinion, I gave that in my original post. There are a few posts being taken out of context here. 1
sandylee1 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 I've been out in a group and some guys don't let the girls pay for a meal. If the OP paid for her meal....then she would not accept this other guy paying. The rest of the group will be talking about what a cheap skate you are by allowing him to pay for your GF. One of you should pick up the joint tab.... unless you're both broke students or something... you didn't mention any ages and that does make a difference. If you are in a financial position to pay for her meal.. then you should. Otherwise stop going out with the group. Unless you have other redeeming qualities...this relationship won't last. 1
road Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 I wasn't justifying his behaviour nor calling him a gentleman. I said maybe the OPs girlfriend believes he is being a gentleman and that her boyfriend is not. I try to look at things from the different perspectives of the different people involved, none of which are my personal opinion, I gave that in my original post. There are a few posts being taken out of context here. If that GF is that naïve to think the OM is just being a good guy then she should not out be allowed out into the real world without parental/adult supervision. 1
road Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 (edited) That may be so, but since she allows it then she clearly believes he's being a gentleman, but as I said, she'd probably much prefer the gesture from her own man. Instead there was a conversation before they went to dinner, where it was "agreed" she'd pay her own check. Sure many women would object, but many wouldn't either. And the ones that wouldn't refuse are probably of the general opinion that their partner shouldn't be such a tight wad, especially infront of her friends. But she doesn't have to worry too much about it, because there is always some other guy willing to fill in for another man's shortcomings. Actually it indicates the GF is [seeking attention]. What woman does not know that men do not spend money on them without having intentions? Edited January 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for language; member on moderation
PrettyEmily77 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 My gf and a group of her friends go out to eat like once a week, when it's time to pay, one the guys in the group is always paying for her meal (at least 5 different occasions) while I'm there. There last time this occurred I wanted to pay and we were going back and forth on who's going to pay my gf's meal. Before all of this, me and my gf had an agreement that she will rather pay for her meal when going out. This guy pays for her meal and doesn't say anything. When the topic comes up, I told her that I'm not comfortable of another person paying for your meal and that its disrespectful. She looks at it like I'm getting mad for no reason and not even trying to look at my view as her bf. This then turned to a big argument. Was I in the wrong and is it okay for another guy to pay for my gf's meal. Forgetting the other dude for a minute, what is your financial situation, OP? And what is your GF's ? Can you actually afford to pay for both your meals, or does the GF tell you she'd rather pay for her own meal because she doesn't want to be a drain to your finances? Maybe the other dude is simply in a better financial situation and knows you / your GF can't afford the weekly expense and is thinking he's doing you all a favour? You don't have to reply to these questions on here, btw. Are there any other signs that the guy is after your GF? If not, it may be time to review this extra weekly expense for both you and your GF.
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 5 pages and OP never once got back to his thread...meh!
William Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Yep, we've got our eye on that part. Please continue to address the topical material and expect that moderation, in general, always has an eye on one-post new members. Thanks in advance for your cooperation.
Wewon Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Unfortunately we live in an age where relationships are much easier to throw away because they're broken than to stay and fix them. So if it's a relatively new relationship, things like another guy paying for a womans food because her own man won't will make her see her man in a different light. So I just feel that all of this could be solved by the OP sucking it up and just picking up the check for both of them, it's a relatively small price to pay in the grand scheme of things. Surely the guy is goading the OP, if his life was spent imposing his beliefs onto others in the name of doing the right thing, he would never leave his block because he would spend all of his time mowing lawns and trimming hedges for his neighbors. Again, this goes back to the bigger issue of respecting boundaries. I'm sure if confronted the guy has a preplanned speech chocked full of buzzwords like "doing the right thing", "being a gentleman" and other poppy-cock rationalizations to cover his true motives. But exactly what would be saved in that grand scheme? A relationship with a girlfriend that can be lured away for food like E.T.? A relationship that can't be fortified against anyone willing to undercut it? A lot of guys approach relationship problems like whack-a-mole, hitting one mole over the head doesn't solve the root problem. If this ends the relationship then maybe it wasn't meant to be. Situations like this reveals the character of all the people involved, including the girlfriend.
PrettyEmily77 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 (edited) Surely the guy is goading the OP, if his life was spent imposing his beliefs onto others in the name of doing the right thing, he would never leave his block because he would spend all of his time mowing lawns and trimming hedges for his neighbors. Again, this goes back to the bigger issue of respecting boundaries. I'm sure if confronted the guy has a preplanned speech chocked full of buzzwords like "doing the right thing", "being a gentleman" and other poppy-cock rationalizations to cover his true motives. But exactly what would be saved in that grand scheme? A relationship with a girlfriend that can be lured away for food like E.T.? A relationship that can't be fortified against anyone willing to undercut it? A lot of guys approach relationship problems like whack-a-mole, hitting one mole over the head doesn't solve the root problem. If this ends the relationship then maybe it wasn't meant to be. Situations like this reveals the character of all the people involved, including the girlfriend. With the outmost respect, I don't think there's enough info about any of the parties involved to conclude anything about anyone's character. So far as the OP goes, it's a money issue, not a jealousy issue. The 2 may be close (not necessarily romantically - I did what this guy did a few times to help a friend save face within our group of friends and there were no inappropriate feelings involved)) and for all we know, the other dude is bailing her out financially and some misplaced pride issue is preventing them OP and his GF from communicating properly. Edited January 2, 2016 by PrettyEmily77
Samhain Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Situations like this reveals the character of all the people involved, including the girlfriend. That was my point in a roundabout way, but the OP offered very little information. He did mention that this group of people, that includes the reeces pieces dropping Elliot dude, were all friends of his GF (nothing to do with him) and that they go out to eat with them once per week. For the majority of men, me included, this would never be an issue, because I'd pick up my girlfriends check and there wouldn't be an argument beforehand or after whatsoever. But for the OP it's a different story. He isn't asking whether he should end the relationship, or whether his girlfriend is in the wrong. He's asking whether he's in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable with this friend of hers paying for her meal, you've pointed out boundaries, which I absolutely agree with. But what I meant by "the grand scheme of things" is that for somebody who isn't ending the relationship over the issue, and isn't focusing on the GFs attitude but solely on his own, the literal answer is either stop going out with these people, or put your hand in your pocket and pay for your girlfriend, or risk the consequences of what appears to be unfolding in front of you. Many women would act differently, and maybe that's exactly how his GF should be acting. But she's not, so this is the situation.
Author Verbal Graffiti Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 Sorry for the late reply and thanks for all the comments. Originally my gf preferred to pay for herself so I gave her that respect otherwise I don't mind paying for her. There's even times that we alternate. We talked about this which led into a big argument and I even talked to the guy and yes it was pointless. Everything is cool now, but for now on I'm just going to pick up the tab. I never had a problem with it. 2
Heer Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Happy New Year!! Hi verbal graffiti, I'm glad this got settled. Honestly, this really isn't worth that big of an argument but I'm glad both of you pulled through it. It's nice that you decide to pay and hopefully it doesn't become that big of an issue in the future. Group dinner with friends should be an enjoyable occasion and it would be a shame if it ended on a sour note because of money. When I was with my bf, we agreed on a system where he would usually pay for dinner (b/c he insisted) and I paid for dessert. I also cooked for him around twice a week for dinner, so thats on me as well. Special occasions are another matter;) This helped us financially because we were both kinda stretched for cash. -Kisses 1
sweet honeydew Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 (edited) I am Asian and my culture is that in relationship men pay for it, period. If I pay for dates, it actually insults the men. Sometimes, we have male friends pay for meals, but we usually pay it back by appreciating it, cook a meal/snack, send a gift, or some other favors. When a male friend insist to pay, it's because of their ego. We don't argue and make him lose face. This never last because the guy will get a girlfriend who quickly set the record straight. :-) Edited January 4, 2016 by sweet honeydew
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