Shotputter Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 So yesterday, I went on a date with a girl i met online. Based off her profile/social media she seemed like a really attractive, well mannered, intelligent person which all proved to be more than true. The date went well, we had dinner and went to a movie. She was being flirty and i was responding. She went in for the first kiss and i responded back a few times. It was a great time. VERY FUN GREAT then the next day... The uncertainty... it absolutely drains you! Does she like me? why hasn't she texted me? What is she thinking? Does she even care?? This happens even when there were signs of the date being a success! I need some advice on how to deal with this because its absolutely draining. I know you guys are just gonna say, go head and send her a text, but I don't wanna seem too pushy. I did after all text her last night to make sure she got back safe... Does anyone else every feel like this? all input is appreciated.. Thankyou!
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 then the next day... The uncertainty... it absolutely drains you! Does she like me? why hasn't she texted me? What is she thinking? Does she even care?? This happens even when there were signs of the date being a success! I need some advice on how to deal with this because its absolutely draining. I know you guys are just gonna say, go head and send her a text, but I don't wanna seem too pushy. I did after all text her last night to make sure she got back safe... Does anyone else every feel like this? all input is appreciated.. Thankyou! Ohh boy! * Chances are she doesn't know yet if she likes you * She has not text you because she's waiting for YOU to get in touch with her as you are the man and in charge of the chasing for those first few dates. * No clue what she is thinking * Care about what? You only had one date. She'll start caring in a few dates. My advice: Contact her and make plans to see her again this weekend. There! Done!! If she says yes you're in business if she says no then no more wondering and you go to next. 12
losangelena Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I agree with Gaeta! Action is the great dispeller of anxiety. Stop sitting around wondering if she likes you or why she's not texting. If YOU liked her and YOU had a good time—tell her that and ask her out again! I guarantee you'll feel better after you reach out. Even if she says no or disappears, you know that you've done what you can by expressing your interest. 2
Author Shotputter Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 Ohh boy! * Chances are she doesn't know yet if she likes you * She has not text you because she's waiting for YOU to get in touch with her as you are the man and in charge of the chasing for those first few dates. * No clue what she is thinking * Care about what? You only had one date. She'll start caring in a few dates. My advice: Contact her and make plans to see her again this weekend. There! Done!! If she says yes you're in business if she says no then no more wondering and you go to next. Men are in charge of texting first in this specific case then?
kassy Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 At the beginning the assumption is men will do the chasing. 3
justanotherguy1 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 This entire topic seems cliche if you know what i mean, in the aspect of the dating world. i think women always wait for the guy to message first because it is expected if you had a good time you take the reigns. send her a nice message, say last night was fun you had a great time and makes plans again. then if you go out again you follow up a few times until you both are comfortable together. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Ok, it's simple text her first with something specific--basically asking her out again. But did i catch that you did make sure she got home ok? Did she reply to that? If she hasn't replied to that well I would say she's not interested and not as well -mannered as you thought! If she replied to that regarding getting home ok, she is probably waiting for you to do the next step. Sorry I don't know why guys would expect a girl to text first (initiate)--do you have some playbook the majority of girls don't have??? I know desperate girls text first all the time. No offense to people who feel comfortable doing that for whatever reason besides not being desperate. A lot of girls operate under traditional things though. I don't think it's pushy (unless she has never responded to your text last night!)--I think it's confident and says you know what you like and want. If she likes you and made out with you it's not going to bug her. She is probably sitting there wondering when you will get around to it! That's all conditional on her returning your text last night. If she didn't, then despite making out, don't think she is interested. 1
hhatesboys Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 As a girl... I always expect the guy to text me. Were you texting with her a lot before the date? To me, every time I send a text I feel like I'm coming off as "needy" or "clingy" and that is basically "man-repellant" so... even if she likes you it doesn't mean she would text you first. 1
SoThatHappened Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 In the words of Aaron Rogers from the Green Bay Packers after two losses prior to a great season: R E L A X 2
Snakechammah Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Girls have uncertainty too, especially if they like the guy. If she's trying to impress, or is a bit shy (the non-aggressive type), she'll be wondering if you like her after the first date. Why are you not texting, etc? Of course, if she is dating other guys, have options, still shopping in the catalogue, she may not care as much. It depends on your luck.... and the girl's attitude towards dating. 1
Author Shotputter Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 Ok, it's simple text her first with something specific--basically asking her out again. But did i catch that you did make sure she got home ok? Did she reply to that? If she hasn't replied to that well I would say she's not interested and not as well -mannered as you thought! If she replied to that regarding getting home ok, she is probably waiting for you to do the next step. Sorry I don't know why guys would expect a girl to text first (initiate)--do you have some playbook the majority of girls don't have??? I know desperate girls text first all the time. No offense to people who feel comfortable doing that for whatever reason besides not being desperate. A lot of girls operate under traditional things though. I don't think it's pushy (unless she has never responded to your text last night!)--I think it's confident and says you know what you like and want. If she likes you and made out with you it's not going to bug her. She is probably sitting there wondering when you will get around to it! That's all conditional on her returning your text last night. If she didn't, then despite making out, don't think she is interested. People People... she never replied to the getting home text which probably doesn't seem like that big of a deal to some of you. But it honestly does mean something. I did text her first regardless today and the conversation is going swell... ill keep you updated
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 People People... she never replied to the getting home text which probably doesn't seem like that big of a deal to some of you. But it honestly does mean something. I did text her first regardless today and the conversation is going swell... ill keep you updated yeah i thought that's what I read between the lines so relax. I think that's a big deal as I wrote in my post. To me, that means she's not that into you or will be harder to bring around. Glad it's going well today and that you cleared that up. AND that you took initiative like a guy by texting today (though without her replying I think you didn't need to--though if the story has a good ending it won't matter). good luck
Author Shotputter Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 yeah i thought that's what I read between the lines so relax. I think that's a big deal as I wrote in my post. To me, that means she's not that into you or will be harder to bring around. Glad it's going well today and that you cleared that up. AND that you took initiative like a guy by texting today (though without her replying I think you didn't need to--though if the story has a good ending it won't matter). good luck Are you saying the fact that she didn't reply to the arrival texts means that i shouldn't have even pursued her today? cause thats what it seems like although i may be reading you wrong.
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Are you saying the fact that she didn't reply to the arrival texts means that i shouldn't have even pursued her today? cause thats what it seems like although i may be reading you wrong. That's what I was saying and generally yes. But since you did and it's going well, that's goes against what a pretty standard reaction would be. So maybe she was just tired, felt it was unnecessary to reply, has bad manners, got the tiniest bit freaked out that it was clingy of you (it wasn't) or was on the phone with her best friend recapping the date. What I would do in the future with her so she does not take you for granted (as not returning a text like that or acknowledging that she didn't return the text) or that they relationship become one-sided or unbalanced, is just mirror her actions or level of enthusiasm. But if you are doing well today, no need to go back and rethink yesterday. Just keep your eye on her in terms that your investment with each other matches each other. I still believe you should be the one pursuing--as even your texting today indicates that was the successful way to go about things. Good luck
Author Shotputter Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 That's what I was saying and generally yes. But since you did and it's going well, that's goes against what a pretty standard reaction would be. So maybe she was just tired, felt it was unnecessary to reply, has bad manners, got the tiniest bit freaked out that it was clingy of you (it wasn't) or was on the phone with her best friend recapping the date. What I would do in the future with her so she does not take you for granted (as not returning a text like that or acknowledging that she didn't return the text) or that they relationship become one-sided or unbalanced, is just mirror her actions or level of enthusiasm. But if you are doing well today, no need to go back and rethink yesterday. Just keep your eye on her in terms that your investment with each other matches each other. I still believe you should be the one pursuing--as even your texting today indicates that was the successful way to go about things. Good luck Im loving the specifics. Youre very helpful. She had a funeral this morning. that may be why? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Im loving the specifics. Youre very helpful. She had a funeral this morning. that may be why? There could be many reasons. Only one of them is disinterest. Personal anecdote: In the early weeks of dating, my boyfriend said he was wondering why I hadn't replied to his message from the night before (also asking me if I'd gotten home okay, in fact) Truth was I didn't receive the message. Phones can be funny like that sometimes. And yes, I'll echo the others that in general we expect the man to be the pursuer in the beginning. We also have a fear of looking clingy, pushy, over-invested. So, her response today will tell you what you need to know. Good luck! 1
introverted1 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 So yesterday, I went on a date with a girl i met online. Based off her profile/social media she seemed like a really attractive, well mannered, intelligent person which all proved to be more than true. The date went well, we had dinner and went to a movie. She was being flirty and i was responding. She went in for the first kiss and i responded back a few times. It was a great time. VERY FUN GREAT she never replied to the getting home text which probably doesn't seem like that big of a deal to some of you. But it honestly does mean something. I did text her first regardless today and the conversation is going swell... ill keep you updated I'd say you have a strong positive (most women don't initiate a kiss on the first date) with a mild negative (no response to your safety text). Play it out and see how it goes. It's only one date so even if it doesn't pan out, you'll be ok. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Im loving the specifics. Youre very helpful. She had a funeral this morning. that may be why? Yes very possible. People can put their best faces on and compartmentalize their lives when they are going through loss. But if you really look there can be some things that indicate that they are still processing it all (like shutting down once they've reached home, not much need for chit chat). Depends on how close she was to the person that died I think. Though some people can be greatly affected just when they are exposed to death in their own lives even if they were not as close to the person that died.
nicco Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 1)Did you send her a "Today was great, text after the date?" 2)Have you tried setting up another date? If yes to either one, then what was the response?
Author Shotputter Posted January 1, 2016 Author Posted January 1, 2016 Alright boys/girls She texted me first today, wishing me a happy new year. Looks like things could go forward onto a second date eventually. Would you say so? Gonna go for it Why is it that when a girl i like texts me first i immediately get a drug-like rush of dopamine?? I don't think its healthy. I think i have sort of dating addiction or i just want attention... Or maybe im looking to much into this and its not a bad thing to feel amazing about someone you like thinking about you
Gaeta Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 Alright boys/girls She texted me first today, wishing me a happy new year. Looks like things could go forward onto a second date eventually. Would you say so? Gonna go for it Why is it that when a girl i like texts me first i immediately get a drug-like rush of dopamine?? I don't think its healthy. I think i have sort of dating addiction or i just want attention... Or maybe im looking to much into this and its not a bad thing to feel amazing about someone you like thinking about you Ask her on a second date already !! The goal in all this is to DATE, not to be text buddies!
Author Shotputter Posted January 1, 2016 Author Posted January 1, 2016 Ask her on a second date already !! The goal in all this is to DATE, not to be text buddies! yup i think we will next week when she gets back from vaca! But texting is just honestly so relevant to life now so i have to lol!
Gaeta Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 yup i think we will next week when she gets back from vaca! But texting is just honestly so relevant to life now so i have to lol! What do you mean 'you think' ?? Make an official invite for a second date NOW. If she is back on the 8th than make plans for the 10th. 1
Author Shotputter Posted January 1, 2016 Author Posted January 1, 2016 iWhat do you mean 'you think' ?? Make an official invite for a second date NOW. If she is back on the 8th than make plans for the 10th. I asked her the last time we talked which was the night of the 30th when i texted her. She said she has to check what time she gets back on the night of vacation before she can tell me. Im assuming the fact that she wished me a happy new year today means she isn't blowing me off with that answer! 1
Versacehottie Posted January 1, 2016 Posted January 1, 2016 ohhh, I like it. good. BTW, I think you get a rush because it's reassurance and infatuation feelings. When a girl just responds to your texts, you feel (whether or not it's true) that maybe she is just being polite or marginally responsive. When she reaches out first, you have more assurance of your position with her. That's fine. But I also think its important to act like it's going to happen and need less outward reassurance along the way. It's the confident play and what most confident guys who are getting what they want dating-wise do. If it's happening inwardly that's fine just make sure your insecurity isn't manifesting itself in other actions/communication/mannerisms/vocabulary. Focus on the positive of that excitement (which you may be already), that it's PROGRESSING like you EXPECTED vs REASSURANCE. If you use it as reassurance, my guess is the you consciously or unconsciously seek it out with her (or whoever you are dating) in various other ways as well. That's likely to backfire. I'm guessing with how this thread started out this is a shift that could benefit you very much with your dating. Can't wait to hear what happens next. Good luck
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