EverythingAtOnce Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I'm sure a lot of you have been through honeymoon phases when the relationship is new but then experience a change in the relationship that you're not really sure what it is, but some may think its loss of feelings. I've been dating this girl for a year. Everything in the beginning was amazing, we didn't fight for 7 months. After 7 months we had our first fight, cause she was lying about some substance abuse issues. We decided to work past it. Obviously for me it was hard to regain trust and it wasn't easy. Through that time, she was trying to stay sober, so her mood wasn't always that great but it seemed that she was becoming more depressed, tense, and taking out her issues on me. We started to bicker more than usual over small things that weren't worth the stress. Also our sex life has dropped a bit, we don't have sex every time we see each other anymore. Sometimes it happens once a week and sometimes it doesn't depending on her mood. I also noticed that when we kiss its different, sometimes she just gives me a peck and sometimes its more intimate. She still tells me she loves me and adores me and finds me attractive, just that she hasn't really been in the mood. I'm trying to trust her word on this. She said she has been missing her family who lives out of the state, and that when she is alone in her room she feels blank and empty. But when we are together she feels whole. She told me that if she didn't want to be here with me she'd be gone. But then why the sudden changes in affection? She still talks about getting our own place, and talks about when one day I marry her. But the affection is completely different… Also, she is usually the one messaging me, rather than me messaging her. note: we don't live together, we only see each other on weekends because of school and work. Am I over thinking? or what do you think is going on? If anyone can give me some input on similar experiences or anything please, my mind is in over drive..
ExpatInItaly Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Can you elaborate on what these substance abuse issues are? I feel that is very important to the dynamic of the relationship, and her behaviour and moods day-to-day. She sounds like she's not all that happy in general. I doubt it's related to you personally; people who are genuinely sad or depressed tend to isolate and withdraw as a coping mechanism. But it seems that if she's using substances, there's a lot more going on with her emotionally than she's telling you about.
losangelena Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I think the change in her personality and behavior can be directly attributed to her substance abuse issues and "trying to stay sober." If you use substances to cope, and suddenly you're not using said substance, and you don't have healthy ways of dealing with life stress, guess what? You're going to be moodier and more depressed and take it out on people. 1
Author EverythingAtOnce Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 Can you elaborate on what these substance abuse issues are? I feel that is very important to the dynamic of the relationship, and her behaviour and moods day-to-day. She sounds like she's not all that happy in general. I doubt it's related to you personally; people who are genuinely sad or depressed tend to isolate and withdraw as a coping mechanism. But it seems that if she's using substances, there's a lot more going on with her emotionally than she's telling you about. She has been a hard drug user (cocaine) for many years prior to me. I knew of this when I entered the relationship, and at that time she was clean. She started using again without my knowledge and that's what she lied about for a while until I found out. So then I had trust issues and wanted her to be clean. She agreed to get help and still is, but is becoming progressively more restless with it.
losangelena Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 She has been a hard drug user (cocaine) for many years prior to me. I knew of this when I entered the relationship, and at that time she was clean. She started using again without my knowledge and that's what she lied about for a while until I found out. So then I had trust issues and wanted her to be clean. She agreed to get help and still is, but is becoming progressively more restless with it. This is par for the course, you realize that, right? I applaud her willingness to get clean. I hope she's doing it for herself though, because if she's doing it strictly for your benefit, it probably won't last. Cocaine is so often looked at as a fun party drug, but it can be tough to stop using. Good luck.
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