Chandelier2386 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I will try to make this short. Me and this girl met online in October, we quickly had a whirlwind romance. Things went way too fast. We saw each other several times a week, but we didn't sleep together til the 5th date because she told me she hasn't slept with many people since her husband of 8 years and it's a big deal to her. She told me she was crazy about me and that very night was talking about a relationship with me. Well after that, she become distant and everyday since then it has gotten worse. I never asked for a relationship. I do like her, but literally everything I say she responds with "I don't want a relationship." It literally takes me months to that kind of commitment. It doesn't mean I can't like you. So we decided we needed to talk about it in person. She has promised we would talk for over 2 months now. She hasn't seen me, we haven't talked. The only reason I've held on is because I do like her and every time I tried to let go, she would say "I promise we'll talk, don't worry. Things will be fine then." I have totally been her little puppet, believing her words and letting her make me feel guilty. Recently I told her that I wasn't expecting anything anymore (which all I was expecting was to date casually) but I'd hoped we could be friends at least. She then told me to let it go, she isn't ready for a relationship!? but that she would meet up with me because she wanted to do right by me. I have never been accused of wanting a relationship or experienced somebody so phobic of such. Since then, She has only texted me to talk twice. Once at 2am and another time on Christmas. Both times I was obviously busy and I think she knew that. So the next day I asked her to meet up and she never responded. I told her I felt defeated trying to talk for two months and I should have given up a long time ago. Not to worry about it, but that I apologize for anything I did wrong. Her response to that was to not respond and then delete me off all social media. Is it just me or is this odd behavior? She is totally made me feel awful. I was trying to stick up for myself because I feel like she's just been jerking me around. I never smothered her or was needy. I have been extremely patient. But for some reason this makes me feel the worst. I don't know why I can't let her go. I felt I guess that if we talked things would be better. I feel terrible for even sending that text. But she has frustrated me so much I feel a bit manipulated, like as long as she had control she was fine but when I said something she acts like a child. I'm having a hard time grasping how someone is laughing and asking to hang out one night and then the next gets so offended by you telling them not to worry about it that she deletes you out of her life. I only did be used I almost felt like she was mocking me asking me to hang out on Christmas and loling after everythin. Ugh I'm trying to let her go but it's so hard and I don't know why. I liked this girl a lot and I feel so stupid.
VeveCakes Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 She's not into you. Delete her contact and do not pursue her any further. Lots more girls out there. 1
five2nine Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I think it's hard to let go when we feel like the one who was dumped or not given a real chance. I'm struggling with something like that myself right now. It sounds like she did you a favor since her behavior is odd. It sucks you had to waste a couple months to find that out though.
Versacehottie Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 yes I think she is jerking you around. Hang in there. Take care of yourself. Make her do all the work and then some if you speak with her or meet up with her. Still it may not be a good idea anyway. I think wanting to "win" her is a factor of your own ego. Not how special she makes you feel (cause she doesn't), not how well she treats you (cause she doesn't), not how much of a bond or good history there is there (cause there is not much). I don't say this to make you feel bad. Knowing the the ego has something to prove by getting someone to like you can help you get out of liking her. It's happened to most of us, if we are honest with ourselves. Good luck
Author Chandelier2386 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 I obviously know she isn't into me now, but this whole time every time I asked her point blank "are you not interested?" She said she was, she just didn't want a relationship. I never gave her any indication that I wanted one. But when you're dating someone even casually I expect to seem them more than once a month. I just wish she was honest with me because now I feel like an idiot. And I'm the one who gets punished by finally sticking up for myself and not taking her crap. I know part of it is my ego. Ive built her up in my mind to be this perfect girl and she has been so ****ty to me. It's just that most girls that don't like me actually let me know in some way and up until Sunday she was still telling me she did. But she only responds when she texts first, etc. so I got fed up and it pissed her off I guess because she lost control. I'm just trying to understand why it would cause that reaction. its very hurtful.
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I obviously know she isn't into me now, but this whole time every time I asked her point blank "are you not interested?" She said she was, she just didn't want a relationship. I never gave her any indication that I wanted one. But when you're dating someone even casually I expect to seem them more than once a month. I just wish she was honest with me because now I feel like an idiot. And I'm the one who gets punished by finally sticking up for myself and not taking her crap. I know part of it is my ego. Ive built her up in my mind to be this perfect girl and she has been so ****ty to me. It's just that most girls that don't like me actually let me know in some way and up until Sunday she was still telling me she did. But she only responds when she texts first, etc. so I got fed up and it pissed her off I guess because she lost control. I'm just trying to understand why it would cause that reaction. its very hurtful. She is probably somewhat interested which doesn't take precedence over her own desire to not have a relationship. that's why she is stringing you along and being somewhat cruel (very?). If things are going the way she wants and meet her temporary needs they suit her, if they are not, she will be annoyed and disengage. You are not a priority for her. take her at her word. Her behavior supports that initial and repeated statement. therefore her behavior will adjust to suit her whims. All to suit her whims not yours. She is only thinking about herself. In her mind she probably thinks she is doing nothing wrong since she "warned" you upfront. I think you should let her go. She is making you feel like sh*t. You need to feel good that you stood your ground and are getting more genuine responses out of her even if they are negative. Now you truly know where you stand. Take pride that you did that and got an answer sooner rather than later. Look for things you have done right to pat yourself on the back and see the relationship for what it is. Build on that. Get indignant that she is the loser that can't see what a catch you are. Build on that. Take your good feelings and go use them on someone who will appreciate them. Good luck
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