michael_92 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Hi everyone, I need some help and there is so much good advice here, so I figured I make a new account. ( I lost my old account, and haven't been here for a year or so, since I got over my breakup). I'll try to keep it short: I know a girl for about 8 years. We were highschool friends. She moved to another city a couple of years back. Im 22, she's 23. In 2014 we agreed to start something serious (marriage, kids the whole package), but we barely saw each other. We decided to start something when I was going to move back to her city in May 2014. We talked on the phone for hours and hours, every day but we didn't see each other often. It kind of was a ''short term'' long distance relationship. Anyway, she went on a holiday in April 2014 to Russia (she is Russian, we both live in Holland). There she met her ex boyfriend (the one before me), and she kissed him and spend a weekend with him. This happened just one month before I was going to move back to her city so we could start something real. I didn't find out, she just told me in May 2014 that she thought I was too clingy and didn't want me anymore. She said It had nothing to do with her ex and only said she just saw him once on a date, because her ex wanted closure (she lied). She made me believe it was my fault so when she left, I was heartbroken, because I knew her ex had something to do with it, but she just didn't admit it. I could sense something was wrong. One year later (May 2015), she texted me, We talked on the phone. And she said she and her ex broke up and that she wanted to tell me Im sorry. A few things that happened; 1: we both were virgins at the time (Im 22, she is 23), and we promised we would lose it too each other. She lost her virginity in April 2015, and broke up with the guy 2 weeks after she lost it. 2: She told me that it wasn't my fault and that she hid that from me in April 2014 when she kissed her ex and spend the whole weekend with him in Russia. They promised (behind my back) they would get back together and they did. But last year she made me believe that it was my fault, so she wouldnt feel guilty for basically cheating. I told her we would get back together (stupid) if she would let go of her ex. This year in Juli 2015 she went to Russia once more (on holiday) and she promised me, she and her ex were done. We still didn't see each other, we would do that after she would come back. Now she came back and it turned out she still kissed her ex again but said she wanted to try with me definetly now. The only reason she kissed him again, is because it was nostalgia. I told her I understood (very stupid) en then all of a sudden in September, 3 days before we were going to see each other, her grandpa died. She went to Russia for the ceremony and there she had sex with her ex boyfriend in the back of his car. She told me it was because her grandpa died and she was numb, didn't feel anything and this was a distraction. She also blocked me during that time on social media and also blocked my phone number. After a while she deblocked me. I asked her what happend and she told me everything. Now she begs me to give her one last chance. Her arguments: - we never really saw each other, and she was very in love with that ex, so technically we weren't in a relationship. - she had sex with him ( in the car/september this year) because she was numb and because we didn't see each other. So she didnt really think about my feelings. - She says she is extremely sorry and knows that if we see each other (since I have moved back) and are in a real physical relationship (not just over the phone), she won't ever cheat or do these things. - She told her ex that she didn't want to see him anymore, and that she was just going to focus on me. She blocked him and his number and she is really trying to win my trust back, but its not really working. I still hate her for what she did. My problems however are: - She played me, made me think it was my fault, left me heartbroken and even lost her virginity to the guy (when she left last year). - Then to even top that off. When she promised me that she was done with him, and made me believe she and I were going to get back together, she even had sex with that same guy when her grandpa died. I'm going to see her next week, and I really don't know if I should end it there ( I know and loved this girl literally for about 8 years), or if I should see if things are different now that I am back in her town and live in the same area, so we can have a ''real'' thing instead of a long distance relationship? What confuses me and gives me doubt is the fact that she seems genuine now, and she is extremely sorry. But still I dont know.. I would really love your insights: Im kind of frustrated, because I just dont know wheter I should say '' **** it'' or just give her one last chance.
Nickr3023 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Unfortunately it sounds like you're setting yourself up for some future heartbreak and you even know it. The fact that she's in fact a liar, they don't change as people. A leopard doesn't change their spots. And if she's done this to you once, she'll most likely do it again. I mean you're going to do whatever you want to do because it's human nature, so the advice from strangers could fall on deaf ears....I know everything everyone told me about my ex I chose to ignore, and in the end they were all right. But it surely sounds like you're gonna end up very hurt. It could be 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years.....but I don't like the way any of this sounds.
Carl Carlson Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) Someone gave me an advice today about a girl that I dearly loved for 8 years only to treat me like garbage. I really needed to hear that advice, so I'm going to give you a similar one: She cheated. She lied to you. She didn't keep her promises. That's three reasons to leave that girl alone, start regaining some self-respect, and find a woman who wouldn't cheat on you the moment she gets to another city. Furthermore, let's take a look at some of her "arguments": - She was very in love with that ex. Does that mean that she is suddenly in love with you? If so, why not sooner? Just because she's "back in town" now? Sounds like she just needs company and/or someone to use, as long as she's not all by herself (quite selfish!) - She had sex with him because you didn't see each other, and because she didn't even think about your feelings... HOW ON EARTH IS THAT A REASON TO GIVE HER A CHANCE?!?! - So if you see each other, she won't ever cheat. What if you're, say, out of town for job-related reasons for a month? - Wow, she blocked his number. That's something she was supposed to do in 2014 already. Edited December 30, 2015 by Carl Carlson 1
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