Still not over some one after 3 years...

[SteveSteve]

Hey, guys i actually made this account for advice so hopefully i can see where it goes unfortunately this may be long please understand in my neck in the woods its very late (2AM) and this is very painful to talk about so im sorry for lack of punctuation i really appreciate anyone who reads this and can give a reply

 

Ok so i guess i'll tell the full story so some one can tell me whats going on i guess?

 

right so when i was maybe 14 i think i met this girl we'll call her Gloria we got along alright but she was never really my friend to be honest she was just on the outer rim of my circles but after high school we just kept in touch but after a nasty break up (i was cheated on and then made to look like it was my own fault) she just popped up out of the blue to talk to so that's where our friendship started

 

skip forward to when i was 17 and we were really good friends but we both noticed we liked the same things and just had so much in common it was literally like we were the same person and we got... closer

 

a year later and we were inseparable i cant tell you in words how much this girl meant to me i'll give you an example at the time i was 120kg and she told me that i was getting really fat and just like that i lost 60kg in 6 months THAT is how much i respected this girl

 

any way suddenly i couldent stop thinking about her i felt funny all the time i dreamed about her then it clicked and i had to tell her how i felt

 

i told her i had fallen for her then initially she said she didn't feel the same way and i just said ok and asked if we could still be friends which seemed to impress her a lot and i remember she asked something like "you don't care that i rejected you?" and i said something like "yeah it hurts like hell but as long as we can still be friends" and that seemed to change her opinion of me and she said that dating wasn't out of the question

 

 

ok so here's the main part of our relationship same year she told me that yes she did in fact have feelings for me she was just scared because she had been hurt by guys in the past (she's really attractive and athletic but never "been" with anyone so she gets cat called and harassed a lot despite her best efforts to look "ugly" by wearing her glasses and going everyone in old jeans and hoodies) but overtime she felt safer with and around me and we decided to kind of wait until we had finished University then give it a shot

 

she was really focused on her studies and she even stated that she loved me but she just didn't want to talk or think about it she just wanted us to suppress our feelings and carry on as friends for the time being

 

so during this time life was wonderful we knew we loved each other but we were ok with being friend we talked to each other all the time when weren't hanging out we were even talking about marriage and where it should be and we even had a conversation she started about how our potential kids should be raised life was good we were essentially a couple without being physical with each other

 

and then suddenly... she just stopped talking to me... didn't say why no its not you its me talk just... gone no good bye no anything just didn't answer calls or texts she left me on Facebook Skype and steam but replied to nothing

 

so this sent me into a deep depression and a couple months after one of my friends misinterpreted me saying "I'm so tired i just want to sleep bye" that i was going to kill myself it also didn't help that i had gone for a week long camping trip the next day with some friends

 

so i get phone reception and ive got a text from Gloria's room mate telling me to call Gloria so i do and she's hysteric as soon as she hears my voice she told me she thought i was dead she said she had been shaking she had not eaten or showed for three days her eyes were swollen from crying so we sort out this whole thing

 

i tell her im fine and she (while crying) made me promise i would never hurt myself so i did and she said to take care... and that was it truly it never heard from her since

 

my studies suffered i just had no motivation anymore that year i decided i was not going to return to University i had decided to join the Army instead

 

so its been about 2.5-3 years after i last spoke with her and she's not answered anything i occasionally ask how she is doing but she just wont answer i know she's safe though so i tried dating but it didn't work out i just wasn't attracted to anyone Michelle Keegan could have jumped into my arms and exclaimed "TAKE ME!" and i would have just dropped her

 

i was dating some one but they dumped me during basic training and i just didn't care my reply was literally "ok" and i had no feeling about it (keeping in mind that basic training is designed to make you emotionally vulnerable and cry at a butterfly looking at you funny)

 

so i was over Gloria or at least i thought i was i miss her but i respect her too much to stalk her facebook or go around to her place or leave 20 emails a day i just moved on... until i found a photo of us on my PC

 

BAM! right back to day one i cant breath i want to cry but i cant i just loved her so much there's so many questions that will never be answered i just want her back in my life i don't care if she doesn't romantically love me anymore i just want her back

 

i can honestly say ive never loved anyone as much as i loved Gloria... and to be honest i don't think i ever will the pain im in right now thinking about all this is Physical my body is actually having a Physical reaction

 

she just left me... she knew im an orphan with no family she knew my past relationships all ended with being cheated on and that i inherently no longer trusted Women and she just left me leaving me alone in the dark wondering... why she didn't love me... and what i did wrong? she left me thinking... why anyone didn't love me

 

i need advice when ever this comes up i don't know how to feel or what to do anymore its like a puzzle i cant work out im afraid that im never going to get over it

 

thanks guys

[NVO]

Hi Steve,

 

Sorry you are going through this mate. I can feel your pain through my screen.

 

she just left me... she knew im an orphan with no family she knew my past relationships all ended with being cheated on and that i inherently no longer trusted Women and she just left me leaving me alone in the dark wondering... why she didn't love me... and what i did wrong? she left me thinking... why anyone didn't love me

 

I think you should be careful with the blaming, like the part you state she knew you were an orphan. There could be thousands of reasons why she never contacted you again. But she loved you. Why else would she be crying her eyes out of she thought you died? Unless she's a attention seeking drama queen, I think that expresses a lot of love. Maybe it's not the same romantic love that you desire, but it's love alright.

 

Did you ever thought of the fact that it was simply too hard for her to tell you? She could be crazy in love with you, but always knew this was not going to work out anyway. She knew how you got stood up in the past, and therefore was afraid to tell you and hurt you. But that's just guessing. Can't help you with that part. Only she can, but she won't.

 

i need advice when ever this comes up i don't know how to feel or what to do anymore its like a puzzle i cant work out im afraid that im never going to get over it.

 

I think every break leaves a permanent 'hole' in our hearts. It just gets smaller over time. The pain will always be there, and it got triggered this time by the picture you saw. So starting point will be to remove those triggers. Don't throw the pictures away, but stash them somewhere you can't come across them 'accidentally'.

 

But the part that you are still not over them after three years, might be concerning. Not the fact that you still feel pain, but because you denied life to yourself for three years. Screw dating if you don't feel like it. Enjoy women's company first.

 

Get a journal, get creative, and please seek professional help because I don't think anyone here on LS can solve all those puzzles you've got in your head.

 

Hope that was of any help to you.

[SteveSteve]

I think you should be careful with the blaming, like the part you state she knew you were an orphan. There could be thousands of reasons why she never contacted you again. But she loved you. Why else would she be crying her eyes out of she thought you died? Unless she's a attention seeking drama queen, I think that expresses a lot of love. Maybe it's not the same romantic love that you desire, but it's love alright.

 

Ok i didn't word that well i was just writing down my emotions as they came kinda what i was pointing out is i have a history of being abandoned and she said multiple times she would not do that to me yet she did that's probably what hurts the most

 

as for seeking professional help its not THAT bad im not sitting in a room thinking about her constantly and not living life im actually quite active both physically and socially i just mean why can i see my old ex's and go "oh its Bec" or "oh yeah i forgot i used to date Erryn" but when i see photos of Gloria it just evokes so much emotion and heart ache

 

it doesn't effect me to the point where i lock myself away and cry it just evokes enough emotion in me that i know ive never healed from it that's what i mean i just don't know why

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Ok i didn't word that well i was just writing down my emotions as they came kinda what i was pointing out is i have a history of being abandoned and she said multiple times she would not do that to me yet she did that's probably what hurts the most

 

as for seeking professional help its not THAT bad im not sitting in a room thinking about her constantly and not living life im actually quite active both physically and socially i just mean why can i see my old ex's and go "oh its Bec" or "oh yeah i forgot i used to date Erryn" but when i see photos of Gloria it just evokes so much emotion and heart ache

 

it doesn't effect me to the point where i lock myself away and cry it just evokes enough emotion in me that i know ive never healed from it that's what i mean i just don't know why

 

You were emotionally invested and it didn't pan out. A physical, real world, example of this would be... say you invested $100,000 in a small startup business that you expected to see returns on in a few years and the business ends up failing. Financially, you will most likely feel that hit 10 years down the road. It's the same way with your other exes but with a much lower investment, so you've come to terms and recovered from those losses.

[elephantflower]

It was difficult for me to read your post -- I'm so sorry your mental well-being and health has suffered because of your breakup. I know the feeling of being hopeless. Please kee coming here and posting.

 

Have you been able to see a therapist?

[NVO]

as for seeking professional help its not THAT bad im not sitting in a room thinking about her constantly and not living life im actually quite active both physically and socially i just mean why can i see my old ex's and go "oh its Bec" or "oh yeah i forgot i used to date Erryn" but when i see photos of Gloria it just evokes so much emotion and heart ache.

 

 

I don't know why, I experience the same thing with my most recent ex. I tried to explain it to her, but I don't think she understands it. I guess it just proves your caring abilities, you have a quality of really investing into someone and a relationship. Problem is that when that person isn't there anymore you suffer more withdrawal symptoms than other people.

 

Strange isn't it? First, you were happy when you saw her picture or she contacted you. Now it just brings up pain. This pain is so strong that I don't want to do anything with my ex for the moment. This psychology thing really intrigues me.

Edited January 4, 2016 by NVO

[fireflywy]

Honest question for you, how attractive and athletic was she?