Smudgeb Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Okay, I will be honest from the get go here - I got involved with someone a couple of months ago that I had had a bit of crush on for a while. I was in a very vulnerable position as I had split up from my husband and I am guessing I was after some kind of comfort. This person had split from his long-term girlfriend and we kind of just fell into this 'no strings' kind of 'relationship' - i.e. sex. I know, I know, it sounds terrible......he had told me at the outset he didn't want anything from it, i.e. a relationship but I went along with it because I liked him a lot and I wanted to get close to him. In all honesty I knew I was in too deep emotionally before anything happened because of my feelings for him. Anyway, fast forward and we had been sleeping together for a couple of months, not regularly but now and then and I started to develop real feelings for him and wanted to get close but this just freaked him out and all I got from him was that we needed to 'chill things' out. A couple of weeks ago, however, he text me just as I had left work for the day (yes, to complicate things even further we work together, literally sit side by side....) to say that he had been on a date and they wanted to see each other again and had felt like he had to tell me because of what we had been doing. He had avoided looking at me all day so I knew something was wrong. It really hurt. We exchanged a few messages and he said some awful stuff to me and said he didn't want a girlfriend. We met up the next day to talk and we ended up sleeping together. The whole time I was with him I noticed him sending the odd text, going to the toilet to make calls, etc. kind of like really he was changing his plans for that night. Something just didn't feel right. My question is this really - how do I get over him when he was never really mine? I am desperately hurt that he is seeing someone else. I am finding myself obsessing over it. I know he used me and that's clear for anyone to see but I can't seem to stop my feelings for him. If he didn't want a girlfriend then why is he dating? We are back at work together next week and I feel sick thinking about facing him. I know if he tells me he's with this new person it will kill me. I know it's over between us but I guess what I am asking is, how do I cope with my feelings for him and try to get over him when we were never really together and when I have to see him everyday? Any help/advice would be so helpful to me right now. Even though I am feeling vulnerable and down right now, I want him to see I am strong and to show he doesn't bother me. I have not been in contact with him in person or via any method of communication for 8 days now. Thank you.
Nitachi Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 What is the age difference between the two of you?
d0nnivain Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I think you hit the nail on the head: you were vulnerable & he provided physical comfort. Alas he has decided that while you are good enough to have NSA sex with, you are not GF material & he has gone off to pursue someone else. Let the user go. (I'm not really saying he's an inherently bad guy but suggesting that you need a mind shift. If you view him in a bad light, as a user, it will be easier for you to hold your head up & not let him see how much he hurt you.)
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