Mana15 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Like the title says, I've been dreaming about my ex after nearly 4 months of NC. Which is weird, because although I did dream about him every once in a while since I started NC, it was never 7 days a week like it was now (and I've been getting busy). I consider these dreams to be nightmares, since I don't really want to have them and I feel really nostalgic and even miss him when I wake up. It kinda compromises my mood for the whole day. Is this normal? Do you guys have any suggestion to make this stop?
Carl Carlson Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I think it's totally normal; your brain is trying to cope the breakup. You getting busy is definitely the right thing, but since your mind isn't quite over it, it's "haunting" your dreams. I'd stop thinking of them as if they were nightmares and paying it too much attention. The more you're afraid of those dreams, the more they'll return to you. I understand that you feel nostalgic and miserable after you wake up. For some reason, dreams can not even change your mood, but also your mind. An example that I think everyone has experienced: Imagine being in a happy relationship. Then, one night, you have a horrible nightmare that your spouse was cheating on you. After waking up, you're glad it was just a dream. But although you know it's not real, you still feel hurt and betrayed for the rest of the day. You KNOW it's stupid, you KNOW it was just a dream, but it's powerful enough to ruin your day. Once you realise that it's just a dream and not reality, you'll stop being afraid of it, and therefore stop dreaming about it. Just my two cents.
jen1447 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I agree it's normal. I'm not a psychologist but my view of the way it works is just that one way or another, your mind has to process issues, and that's what dreaming does (among other things I assume). So think of your subconscious mind as a virtual clearinghouse for issues. They may be around a while so get used to them.
Author Mana15 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 Thank you both. I just find it weird that they came back so suddenly. They're really the only thing I feel is holding me back (or so I feel), but I guess I need to give it even more time.
Nickr3023 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Thank you both. I just find it weird that they came back so suddenly. They're really the only thing I feel is holding me back (or so I feel), but I guess I need to give it even more time. How long were you guys together? Someone once told me that it takes 2 months for every year you're together to fully get over someone. And I actually kind of believe that. I was with my ex for almost 9 years, and it took me a solid year and a half to 2 years of NC with her to finally feel like I was completely over her. Now I can talk to her and not have any kind of emotional reaction to it.
jen1447 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 How long were you guys together? Someone once told me that it takes 2 months for every year you're together to fully get over someone. And I actually kind of believe that. I was with my ex for almost 9 years, and it took me a solid year and a half to 2 years of NC with her to finally feel like I was completely over her. Now I can talk to her and not have any kind of emotional reaction to it. More like 2 years for every month for some ppl.
Silver_star Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Thank you both. I just find it weird that they came back so suddenly. They're really the only thing I feel is holding me back (or so I feel), but I guess I need to give it even more time. Just try to focus on new things right away when you wake up. Don'y over think them. Dreams are just our subconscious dealing with emotions that are inside. Sometimes they are emotions that we are supressing (fear, sadness, and anger). I had dreams of my ex for a while after we broke up here and there, and I felt a longing and sadness for a while whenever I would wake up and be thinking of him but I think I needed to feel that. I am still feeling things about the break up. I am no longer in love with him, but there is sadness over the loss of our relationship and what it meant to me. That is grief and it cannot be controlled. You need to go through the long process unfortunately of getting over it. Continue NC and re focus your energies in the day to new people and new activities. The dreams will be less frequent eventually.
Author Mana15 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 How long were you guys together? Someone once told me that it takes 2 months for every year you're together to fully get over someone. And I actually kind of believe that. I was with my ex for almost 9 years, and it took me a solid year and a half to 2 years of NC with her to finally feel like I was completely over her. Now I can talk to her and not have any kind of emotional reaction to it. Nearly 5 years. I hope I don't take 10 months to get over him ahahah! I've actually been interested in a new guy and I've been proceeding carefully to get to know him better without falling in the friendzone (I think I'm succeeding, since last month we spent like 4 hours messaging each other and he asked lots of things about me, like he was interested in getting to know me). Anyway, that's a whole other matter. What I'm saying is I've been like 85% over the break up for over a month, but now the dreams are back and they're getting worse by night.
jen1447 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 What I'm saying is I've been like 85% over the break up for over a month, but now the dreams are back and they're getting worse by night. That probs means you're not actually 85% over the breakup. I'd really try to get out of the time-table frame of mind bc it'll be what it'll be and you'll most likely be stuck w/it a while. Wishing or telling yourself you're done w/sth doesn't make it so, only time does.
theredpill Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 It's normal I reckon to have the odd intense moments or dreams, your mind has to let go subconsciously as well as logically - I'm almost 6 months out and have it down when we cross paths, but a shared photo on FB from mutual friends can sometimes invoke the ole heart twitch, as it's unexpected. Don't beat yourself up, there's nout wrong with ya
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