Lobouspo Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 So LDR girlfriend and I had major blowout and breakup a few days before Christmas. Things had really gotten toxic between us and the breakup was really a relief. I live in the States and she lives in London. I just got her card and gift today (sent before the breakup) The card was so sweet and touching. I literally cried. Why couldn't she say some of those things when we were together? Any advice or support I would really appreciate. I broke down and sent her an email saying thanks. Too much bad words exchanged. I know we can't be together, but after receiving her card, I miss her bad
Ordinaryday Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 it was a breadcrumb from her designed to ease her own guilt. she was feeling guilty about breaking your heart by dumping you and while she doesn't want you back she wantes her guilt to go away. by sending you a gift she can convince herself that she was nice to you and she wont feel bad anymore. this goes triple now that you replied and thanked her. it was all about her not you. if she ever contacts you again dont respond unless it is het begging for another chance.
Author Lobouspo Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 it was a breadcrumb from her designed to ease her own guilt. she was feeling guilty about breaking your heart by dumping you and while she doesn't want you back she wantes her guilt to go away. by sending you a gift she can convince herself that she was nice to you and she wont feel bad anymore. this goes triple now that you replied and thanked her. it was all about her not you. if she ever contacts you again dont respond unless it is het begging for another chance.[/quote Well she really didn't dump me, it was more of a mutual thing after some pretty shi--y and hurtful words were exchanged. I know it can't work between us, but omg that card really shook me to the core
NoLeafClover Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 it was a breadcrumb from her designed to ease her own guilt. she was feeling guilty about breaking your heart by dumping you and while she doesn't want you back she wantes her guilt to go away. by sending you a gift she can convince herself that she was nice to you and she wont feel bad anymore. this goes triple now that you replied and thanked her. it was all about her not you. if she ever contacts you again dont respond unless it is het begging for another chance.[/quote Well she really didn't dump me, it was more of a mutual thing after some pretty shi--y and hurtful words were exchanged. I know it can't work between us, but omg that card really shook me to the core It's a card...that's what lovers do. Say stuff that makes you think you're worth every footstep around the earth and back. Honestly you shouldn't read too much about it....I have a whole front page love letter written from a highschool gf 10+ years back. At the time I used to think I was going to marry this girl.... Now when I ran into it (moving stuff around the house) I was laughing and cracking up at how dumb I was for even thinking about marrying her. That is life. Read it, take in the thoughts and let it be just a letter. See it this way. If people really meant those things, they wouldn't say the crappy things over the phone no matter what...It was just an act and nothing more. IF she meant it, she would say it and be the same way to you over the phone.
Author Lobouspo Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 What was the gift? It was a wallet, nothing too fancy. I had bought a 14k gold necklace and pendant for hwr, but never sent it out due to the breakup
Itspointless Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 It was just an act and nothing more. IF she meant it, she would say it and be the same way to you over the phone. I am disappointed in love too, but the reactions here are a bit too sour for me. People often work the other way round. We often say the most awful things to the people we love as reaction, because we love them. It is out of disappointment or frustration that people blow up. We do not say these things to strangers and that is with a reason (at most we fear strangers and repeat some popular nonsense we are indoctrinated with). But Lobouspo, despite loving each-other, sometimes the dynamic between people is not healthy. Perhaps she is a beautiful person, only sometimes people bring the worst out of each-other. Unless you both have a bad temper (or some kind of disorder) we do not blow up for no reason. Blow-ups are due to a build up by lack of communication, or the possibility to communicate in a healthy way. Grieve and be kind to yourself. Take care. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Her gift to you was sent before the BU. Clearly her feelings changed between posting the gift & the day you received it. You also repeatedly say that you know it can't work. Hang on to those logical reasons. Love, sadly, doesn't conquer all, especially not distance & immigration issues. It's OK to be sad because you have suffered a loss. Sweet words on a card do not correct whatever real world problems you had that caused the break up. The card & your emotional reaction to it simply shows that both of you are quality people. That's a good thing because it means you will be able to find another quality person to date & hopefully this one will be closer to home. 1
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