moimeme Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 we can sit at breakfast and talk politics like colleagues, we can be more passionate than anything I have ever know, we can laugh and goof around like jerks, we can support through thick and thin.. The more you do this, the less convincing it is. To reiterate; everybody feels this way after six months - or two and a half months or whatever.
Treasa Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 I have't heard about how you two fight and resolve that. ANYone can handle being happy.
Stosh Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 Originally posted by whynotme I say go for it. My story, I moved in with my b/f after a month of being together, we are still going strong after almost 3 years (he is 47, I am 35) He is a wonderful man. I am sooo happy I took the chance after all the bs I have put up with in my 2 marriages I have found my price charming, We fart in front of each other,he respects me and my kids. Do what makes you and him happy,if it is meant to be it will work out no matter what, and remeber everybody has there own opinions on things,but do what you feel is right for you. GOOD LUCK. [color=blue]If you are so happy, why is your screen name 'whynotme'? Sounds like there's still something not quite right in your life. I am confused. Stosh.[/color]
Treasa Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 Originally posted by Stosh [color=blue]If you are so happy, why is your screen name 'whynotme'? Sounds like there's still something not quite right in your life. I am confused. Stosh.[/color] Same reason my nickname was SadAndLonely for a long time. Continuity's sake. You post under a name with a problem, and if you fix the problem, you keep the same name, because that's who everyone knows you as. I think people read a little too much into nicknames.
scarlyjones Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 Originally posted by whynotme I say go for it. My story, I moved in with my b/f after a month of being together, we are still going strong after almost 3 years (he is 47, I am 35) He is a wonderful man. I am sooo happy I took the chance after all the bs I have put up with in my 2 marriages I have found my price charming, We fart in front of each other,he respects me and my kids. Do what makes you and him happy,if it is meant to be it will work out no matter what, and remeber everybody has there own opinions on things,but do what you feel is right for you. GOOD LUCK. Uh,...how could you tell someone to "go for it" based on your story (which is sooo obviously the exception to the rule)? You have to admit something like 1 out of 500 couples have your success rate. Dont tell someone to do what you did because you got major lucky. I really do hope it works out for you elle,.....I really do. Why would I want it to NOT work out for you???? I dont even know you. I get more pleasure out of seeing or hearing that people are happy than I would otherwise. I just wish you would admit that chances are, it wont. A better way to have stated that I guess would be to say that the "odds are against you"
Stosh Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by Treasa Same reason my nickname was SadAndLonely for a long time. Continuity's sake. You post under a name with a problem, and if you fix the problem, you keep the same name, because that's who everyone knows you as. I think people read a little too much into nicknames. [color=blue]Sorry. I am not trying to cause any problems. But after being together for 3 years and having whynotme as a screen name, I find it difficult to believe that everything became soooo good for her in less than a month. I still think things aren't going the way she wants them to. Stosh.[/color]
Author elle naturelle Posted June 6, 2005 Author Posted June 6, 2005 Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. Everyone had some intergesting points while I was away at a Stagette in Whistler for the weekend. April -- That post in March is past tense. My BF and I have been together since February and "will be" together for six months (as stated in my posts) upon moving in. I see your point. If you like I can elaborate on the past situation, but nothing about him has entered my mind until you brought it up. Does the screen name "elle naturelle" signal anything for anyone? Sorry for the delayed reponse. Hope you all have a great week. Feel free to post away, I look forward to more debates. Even some "studies" and "facts". More food for thought... 1) I heard that people who move in together before marriage can be more likely to divorce. But then again, that is them 2) Any input on how to work with his five year old son? He visits every 2nd weekend. Thanks.
moimeme Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 April -- That post in March is past tense. My BF and I have been together since February and "will be" together for six months (as stated in my posts) upon moving in. So really it's just barely four months. It's clear you're intent on doing this no matter what so good luck to you. I think it's seriously unwise, myself. As for the child, he has to come first when he's visiting you and you have to discuss discipline, etc with the fabulous bf. He may want you to take a part or he may want you to keep your nose out of it. But you cannot whine, as did another poster, that the bf 'ignores' you for the sake of the child. At that age, and in those circumstances, the kid has to come first.
morrigan Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme As for the child, he has to come first when he's visiting you and you have to discuss discipline, etc with the fabulous bf. He may want you to take a part or he may want you to keep your nose out of it. But you cannot whine, as did another poster, that the bf 'ignores' you for the sake of the child. At that age, and in those circumstances, the kid has to come first. I agree. I don't think you should move in with anyone until you have a good working relationship with their children. Are you guys in agreement about payment of bills and other finances? Are you going to keep separate finances, or have a joint account? Have you honestly talked about who would move out of the residence in case your relationship did end? Honestly, I just don't know if many couples know each other all that well after six months, let alone a year.
Treasa Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Like moimeme said, it's really only been four months or so. That's really a short amount of time, but also as she said, you're going to do whatever you want regardless of what people say, so you might as well.
crazy_grl Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 I moved in with my ex-bf after we'd been dating about 4 or 5 months. We'd gone to school together and been acquaintances for at least 2 years before that. Before moving in, we spent most of our time together, and almost always stayed the night at each other's house. Plus, we both wanted to move to California, so it seemed like a good idea to live together. Everyone told me how much we would fight, but we never did. Everything was great and wonderful the entire time. Until about a year later when he unexpectedly told me he wanted to move out and back to where his family lived. Eventually, I learned that he’s bipolar and schizophrenic and decided that he needed to get out before he did something crazy. After he left, I realized that we had made each other our whole lives, and I was miserable and nearly alone for the first few months after that. Granted, you won't be half-way across the country from most of the people you know like I was, but from the way your posts sound, if you two broke up, it would be devastating, because you two are making yourselves so inseparable. It's not that it can't be a good thing for a long-lasting relationship to become that way, but after just 4 months, you really don't know the person well enough that you should be forming that kind of relationship. It seems like you’ve made up your mind to move in already, and I wish you the best of luck, but I know I would not make that same decision.
wowzers Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by elle naturelle We have both been in relationships and lived with people. He is 33. I am 26. We have discussed and are in the process of discussing how we would address issues with changes, etc. We have also laid our our personal goals and expectations with and without each other. It feels like a must do step at this point... I am 27 he is 35 ... we were together 6 months and I moved into his house, almost 2 years later we are still very, very happy. All the things you said your relationship is, mine is too. I was scared to death to make this move in with him, just because whoa, he's going to see my flaws more clear now etc etc. but I got over that really quick and glad we live together, our relationship is even stronger now. Go with your feelings, for the most part, following a feeling usually does good by me, you too? Have fun and enjoy your man!
wowers Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by Treasa No, it's not a must do step at this point. No one's holding a gun to your head. Why the rush if you're so sure it's meant to be? For one thing, not being able to spend a day without each other seems kind of co-dependent to me. I have friends who were like this. Got divorced after they had a baby because they were so focused on each other, and he couldn't take it when she had to focus on the baby. If you can't spend even a day apart, what are you going to do if something happens to force time away from each other? I totally agree with moimeme on all her points. There's no rush. If you're truly meant to be together, there will be plenty of time. and also, does not mean they are co-dependant, they enjoy eachother!!!! Like I said i live with my guy, am I dependent on him?? Umm, no, do I love being with him? Yup! Could i live with out him? If I had to, yes, do i want to >??? NO! sEE?
WOWZERS Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 I read up to page three, replied to some and once again another reply. Elle - you and I seem to be a like with our thinking patterns. I especially liked when your said Your not going to base other peoples faliures to you situation, and you know the statistics etc. (somethingon those ends). Im with you totoally. Just because 50% fail does not mean the other 50% is failing and soon to be with the other 50. "Everyone" says relationships have fights .. Mine does not, I think i am in a percent of my own. "Everyone" bases their own experiences on how they think someone elses will be because they have had heartache, they assume and make you think that you will too - not true. Again, go for it, live with your man and come back here in a year and tell us how happy you still are - I think you will be .. and then what will the others say?? See?
Author elle naturelle Posted June 6, 2005 Author Posted June 6, 2005 If I may ask, how old were the two of you when you moved? Did you have a lot of experience with men? To give some of you a little history, I have dated A LOT in my days... several hundred dates where I just knew they were not for me. Few (and I mean three) men have made a significant impact on me. Also, I am very independent. My BF and I spend a lot of time together, but also a lot of time doing our own thing. And while we do a lot together, many activities involve all of our friends and family. Sometimes to the point we need alone time together. We have individual and collective hobbies. Another point recently raised was children. From the get go I would expect nothing less than his son to take a priority. He is an amazing dad and I support all of his decisions with him. We have agreed that I will not take a "parent role" but that I will expect the same level of respect (and give in abundance in return) as I would from everyone. I was a nanny in Europe 7 years ago and feel that that experience with several families and a range of ages taught me that respect, communication and understanding would help in any child or parenting situations. His son has taken to me very well and asks my BF where I am if I am not visiting with them on their weekends together. And during the weekends when his son will be with us, my idea is to give them the opportunity to invite me along, but if not, I always have work, gym, friends and family to attend to.. not to mention cleaning, housework, shopping, etc. We will not be doing "everything" together.... Finances are another issue. We have pooled a bank account together already and as a business owner, I track everything in detail so that we can see where we can save, etc. Everything is 50/50 for expenses. Over and above its up to us. I would like to add a few more comments.... I am at a point in my life where money, bickering and fighting, uptightedness and more all seem very rediculous to me. If plans change, it wont kill you. If we need more money, I have a lot of skills and he is an expert in his field. We are happy, healthy and in love. I am a risk taker, thats why I work for myself. If you cant share with someone you love who loves you equally in return, then what is the point. People I talk to always said, "when you know, you know"! Im going on that and moving forward, especially when the same feeling is felt in return. I appreciate all of your input and everything you say will or has been brought into discussions with him in some form or another. Then any surprises are limited.
wowzers Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 I did not know that you did not know him at all before the 4 months your going on, or that he has a child. Children=baggage and I am not a child person so I have funny thoughts on the fact that you are 26 and will have someone elses child and MOTHER in your life, for the rest of your life if it works out for you and your man. See, in my 6 months & live with now for almost 2 years relatiosnhip, I knew my guy before, he was just not someone I met and moved in with after 4 months.. Sticky situation, and for you just exiting a relationship, it may be too quick no??
crazy_grl Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by elle naturelle If I may ask, how old were the two of you when you moved? Did you have a lot of experience with men? I'd had quite a few boyfriends and a decent amount of experience with men. But I was 21 or 22 at that time, which is why I did something I believe to be as foolish as living with someone I'd only been with for a short time. It wasn't even one of my longest relationships up to that point. Even now, with my current experience, I might be inclined to live with him if I didn't genuinely believe that I can't know a person so well in such a short time. He's a great guy who happens to have a lot of problems and issues, and I still talk to him, but I shouldn't have moved in with him so soon. The reason I did it was mostly from my desire to have a committed relationship. Right now, there's a guy I've been very close to for a year, but am not yet dating. I worked with him for around 9 months before that. And I'd still want to actually date him for a year or so before deciding to move in together. I could see my feelings on it changing once I got into the relationship and was overcome by happiness and feelings of love, but I'd hope my better judgement would win out. Just because I'm 'older and wiser' now, doesn't mean I should throw out my past lessons. Thinking I'm not going to make the same type of mistakes because I know better now is not going to *actually* prevent me from making them. That's just the way I feel about my situation though, because I believe it's best to be cautious. You admittedly like to take risks, and if it works for you, I think it's great. It's just that the more you talk about your relationship (such as the shared bank account), the more I get scared for you. Also, I am very independent. My BF and I spend a lot of time together, but also a lot of time doing our own thing. And while we do a lot together, many activities involve all of our friends and family. Sometimes to the point we need alone time together. We have individual and collective hobbies. That's good. From your posts, I got the impression that it was just you two all the time. It still sounds to me like you two might need some time alone without each other though. But I'm not privy to many of the details, so only you two could really judge that. I hope it works out, and I wish you both the best.
yellowrose Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 Elle, I'm sorry to play devil's advocate, but the lofty and romantic responses that you give to people's posts very heavily sound like you are not thinking about this with a clear head. Virtually every concern has met a response of "Oh I know! I know him, I know everything about him. He's perfect, we're perfect, it's all perfect. Isn't this perfect?" The word I'm looking for is "objective". You are not being objective. Good luck with everything. yr
mental_traveller Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 Personally I would wait 1 year, maybe 18 months. 4 months isn't enough to see someone's true colours IMO. But I think renting for 1 year is a good idea, at least that way you can back out quite easily if it goes wrong.
Author elle naturelle Posted August 1, 2005 Author Posted August 1, 2005 Hello everyone: Thought I would post an update. So far, everything is AMAZING! In the end, I feel that every situation is unique. Best of luck to everyone....
Outcast Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 I read back to see your story. Apparently you only moved in two days ago?
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Originally posted by elle naturelle so far, everything is AMAZING! How long have you lived together ? I'm confused.. you have muttled the whole thread up with misinformation I'll tell you what.. Repost to this thread in 6-8 months from now and let us know if you guys are still happy.. Okay ?
Author elle naturelle Posted August 2, 2005 Author Posted August 2, 2005 Actually, we moved in June 1st. And muttled what up?... What misinformation? Anyways... will definitely update in a few months...
ziggue Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 My boyfriend had been together for almost a year and then decided to move in together. We've been living together 6 months now (we are 25 and 23) and some habits he has annoys me and vice verser but it still seems to work after a few compromises. We rarely fight (we don't have shouting matches. We are both not like that) but we do have arguements. Still we talk it out and try and get some understanding on what we were arguing about and it gets sorted out. You do have to still keep doing things as a couple to keep the relationship exciting or otherwise your partner will just feel like a housemate. That feeling does die down a little bit (because you do end up finding out every little thing about them) but that doesn't stop you from loving the person and wanting to be with them. So far things are still good with us and we just signed on for another 6 months last week. .
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