jj99 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I recently starting seeing this guy. He's a mutual friend of a friend and even though we are cool, at times I feel like Im in 7th grade again when it comes to communicating, (Im 35 BTW). We started hanging out a bout a week before Thanksgiving. It was very casual and we only hung out a handful of times, (and yes, we did sleep w/ each other every time). I had a party at my place and about an hour before it started, he texted me that he wasn't going to be able to make it. I texted him that it was cool and that was it - we didn't talk again. I chalked it up to him not really feeling it and I let it go. After being in a tumultuous relationship, I wasnt about to start chasing guys down, so I just let it be. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when he texted me out of the blue. He apologized if he came off like an ass and we talked for a while - he then asked if I wanted to get together. When we met up he apologized again and when I asked him what happened, he said "it's not b/c Im not into you, b/c I am, it's just that Im trying not to get hurt b/c I tend to get attached too easily. Im sorry if I was a jerk". Now I still don't know if he's genuinely trying to protect himself or if he heard from our friends about my previous relationship, but I accepted the apology and we began hanging out again. Like I said,it's very casual - we usually only hang out on the weekends and we text sparingly throughout the week. But my question is this - should and how do I keep the conversation going during the week when we're not mauling each other? My friends - who have grown up w/ him - say he's very shy and passive when it comes to women. The times we have texted back and forth he has apologized for not "being good at it", so I get the feeling he a little self conscious. Anybody have any idea how to keep the convo going during the week in between hooking up?
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Nope. I'd look at him as a fwb. When you struggle to keep the interest up from one week to the next, the thing is already dead in the water. You really need to figure out how to work that hard? You said yourself, After being in a tumultuous relationship, I wasnt about to start chasing guys down, But that's exactly what you're doing. Let him make the effort. If he really sees the worth in it, he will. It's not up to you to make up for his lack of vitality.... 1
smackie9 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Find a new guy, this guy is a dud. You can only hold his hand for so long.......
basil67 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Does this guy really have the qualities you're looking for in a partner? 1
PogoStick Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 How about you start trying to talk on the phone once during the middle of each week. It's a chance to stay in touch and a good time to make plans for the weekend.
Author jj99 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 TaraMaiden2- I get what youre saying, but I dont feel like Im chasing him. He contacted me 1st a few weeks ago, and he's usually the first 1 to ask if I want to go out. + the times Ive texted him, he usually responds pretty quickly. Im asking this b/c while Im not looking for anything serious, I like hanging out w/ him and dont want it to be a 1 way street - for either of us. In all honesty, Im not the best at this stuff either.
Author jj99 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 basil67 - Im not really looking for a partner right now, but I would like to hang out w/ him a little more. Friends have asked me the same thing, but Im really not looking for a serious relationship right now. However, I like hanging out w/ him and the chemistry is good.
preraph Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Do you go out or stay in and have sex? Just asking. If it's the latter, he really is just having sex. If he takes you out and makes some effort to be entertaining, then I guess there's hope. But I'd be on the lookout for a woman in his life that he's not telling you about too.
Author jj99 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 PogoStick - thanks Pogostick, that sounds like a decent idea. But thats my problem, I feel like IDK how to start the conversation. He's never cold when we speak, hes usually pretty laid back and funny and responds quickly. But since we're kinda sorta "new" to each other, sometimes IDK how to get the ball rolling + since he's so passive and kindof shy, I dont think he does either...
Author jj99 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 preraph - it's usually both. I work long hrs, so he's out of work by the time I get out of my job. We usually end up meeting somewhere, hang out for a while and then go back to 1 of our places. When he stayed over last Friday, he said he had to do something at a friends,he invited me to go, but we woke up too late and I had my own stuff to do, so I couldnt go. The 1 thing that is weird is that I have met a lot of his friends - he always invites me out w/ them - but whenever I have invited him out w/ my friends, he almost always seems to have something else going on, but he will then call me the next day to make plans for 1 night soon.
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