JiltedJane Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 dumb question, but it today's world of modern romance it feels relevant. Is being exclusive the same as being bf/gf? my guy and i decided to not date other people, but we've never referred to eachother as bf/gf. at least i've never heard him call me that.
Xiomn Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 My personal opinion: I find the term 'exclusive' a lot of rubbish to be honest, to me it sounds like two people who are too scared to make it official. I much prefer the term 'official' as boyfriend/girlfriend can also sound a bit highschoolish.
scorpiogirl Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Up until two years ago I thought " exclusive" did mean boyfriend/ girlfriend. Apparently I was wrong. So yes, I'd say you might need to clarify that you and he are on the same page. There are so many word games in dating today. It's exhausting. 3
PegNosePete Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 You can apply whatever "labels" you prefer to your relationship. Having or not having a certain label doesn't change the nature of the relationship. The label should describe the relationship, not the other way around. If you aren't dating others then you are exclusive, whether you've had a discussion or not, or whether you've chosen to apply that label or not. Same for gf/bf, if you refer to each other as such then you are gf/bf, if you don't then you aren't. I'd recommend concentrating more on the relationship, and less on the labels.
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 One of the most confusing terms is 'making out'. To some it means sitting on a park bench and having a kiss. To others it's full-blown, sweaty, sheet-mangling, bodice-ripping sex. 'Commitment' also confuses some.... While one person feels it's dedicating time, energy and emotion to one important significant other, the other may see it as a mills-tone round the neck and a shackle-and-weight around both ankles.... To me, 'exclusive' means you only ph8k one person at a time.... BF/GF would seem to be the best term to describe a commitment to one exclusive person you make out with.
d0nnivain Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Language can be imprecise so it's best to clarify. I have always operated with the idea that "exclusive" and bf/gf do mean the same thing but I can see the logic behind the idea that exclusive can mean you only have sex with one person but you aren't really committed & that there is little to know emotional attachment whereas bf/gf signifies a deeper connection. It's splitting hairs but the best way is to have the people involved define what they are doing & what it means. 2
central Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Exclusive does not necessarily mean bf/gf status. For example, I could be sexually exclusive with a FWB, but she would not be my gf. I could have a gf with whom I agree to be exclusive sexually and romantically. I could also have a gf where we agree that we are not exclusive sexually (open relationship) or even romantically (poly relationship). 1
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 To me it's kind of the same thing unless it was specified we're only sexually exclusive. Now being bf and gf doesn't mean we're gonna go straight to having dinner at my parents on Sunday nights. There is still a need to do things step by step. I am seeing someone new. We've established we are exclusive about a week ago. I refer to him as my 'new man' or 'new boyfriend' but I am not going to take him to my family for new year's Eve. I don't know him enough yet. We've just been dating 1 month. 1
dobielover Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I've always felt like there's an increase in levels of intimacy and expectation between merely being exclusive and being BF/GF. Exclusive is just whether or not there are other people in the picture. BF/GF suggests a real, long term relationship is being built and somewhat of a foundation has already be laid. Just because I might not be seeing anyone else, and agree to the same, doesn't mean I see him as my boyfriend. 1
smackie9 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 People are split on it's actual meaning. I guess people just want a specific label to determine each stage of development to being in a relationship. IMO when you are not dating others, you are BF/GF no matter how you slice it. I guess some of us are not afraid to completely commit to someone, even in the early stages. Maybe if everyone just stuck with that then there wouldn't be so much confusion.
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 People are split on it's actual meaning. I guess people just want a specific label to determine each stage of development to being in a relationship. IMO when you are not dating others, you are BF/GF no matter how you slice it. I guess some of us are not afraid to completely commit to someone, even in the early stages. Maybe if everyone just stuck with that then there wouldn't be so much confusion. I think the 'we are exclusive but not gf-bf' is a male creation. It's a something they came up with to shut us up about commitment. 2
Redhead14 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 dumb question, but it today's world of modern romance it feels relevant. Is being exclusive the same as being bf/gf? my guy and i decided to not date other people, but we've never referred to eachother as bf/gf. at least i've never heard him call me that. If a couple dates in stages, exclusivity is the stage in which the pair is becoming intimate and have mutually agreed to focus on/evaluating one another to determine whether they want to go the next level, which is, boyfriend and girlfriend. A higher level of commitment which is still just another stage of evaluation for determining a long term commitment. Through each stage, the parties need to be clear in their own heads and with each other, that during these evaluation periods, the relationship may end because they've discovered and understand the person better and whether or not that person meets their needs. It's a process, not an event to get to the point of commitment. If you can embrace that concept, moving on from and entering new relationships can be much easier. It sounds kinda business-like but it's not and doesn't feel that way really especially if the couple is enjoying each other It's about managing emotions and expectations so as not to get too far ahead or too invested until the parties can get a really good sense about each other.
smackie9 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 It's about managing emotions and expectations so as not to get too far ahead or too invested until the parties can get a really good sense about each other. For the majority, that concept is tossed out the window.
fitnessfan365 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 It all comes down to personal opinion. For me, the two have always been the same thing. I mean how do you tell someone that you want to see them exclusively, but still keep it casual to where they're not your BF or GF? Makes no sense to me. Once I've stopped casually dating and want to exclusively see one woman, that means she's my GF.
GingerVixen Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Exclusive does not necessarily mean bf/gf status. For example, I could be sexually exclusive with a FWB, but she would not be my gf. I could have a gf with whom I agree to be exclusive sexually and romantically. I could also have a gf where we agree that we are not exclusive sexually (open relationship) or even romantically (poly relationship). WTF is that??? If you're sexually exclusive with a FWB she's not just a FWB. I thought FWBs were definitely NOT exclusive. If you're exclusive, YES, you're boyfriend and girlfriend. These labels are ridiculous nowadays 1
GingerVixen Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 To me it's kind of the same thing unless it was specified we're only sexually exclusive. Now being bf and gf doesn't mean we're gonna go straight to having dinner at my parents on Sunday nights. There is still a need to do things step by step. I am seeing someone new. We've established we are exclusive about a week ago. I refer to him as my 'new man' or 'new boyfriend' but I am not going to take him to my family for new year's Eve. I don't know him enough yet. We've just been dating 1 month. ITA. Some men are really pathetic. They think that just because you consider a guy your boyfriend you`re automatically freaking out about marriage and planning to introduce him to your family. 20 years ago, if you had a fling with someone, that person was already your bf or gf. You could say " I had a boyfriend and our relationship lasted 5 days" , but you called the guy your boyfriend and he didn't freak out about that. Nowadays, we have to deal with these annoying labels.
blackout02 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 To me "Exclusive" never meant BF/GF. It just meant that we are dating and getting to know each other but with no actual commitment towards each other, expect for not seeing anyone else. Once we become "official" BF/GF then things get more serious, like introducing each other to friends/family, buying each other gifts, doing typical relationship stuff...etc. etc. It's wierd but that's how I've seen it and done it. lol.
fitnessfan365 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 WTF is that??? If you're sexually exclusive with a FWB she's not just a FWB. I thought FWBs were definitely NOT exclusive. If you're exclusive, YES, you're boyfriend and girlfriend. These labels are ridiculous nowadays The first thing people confuse is what an actual FWB is. A true FWB is w/someone you started out as friends with first. You know them for awhile and suddenly decide to start having sex together. But you're still doing other things besides each other. But these days two people will meet online or IRL. They'll hang out a few times and decide they don't want to date. However, they really enjoy "Netflix and chilling" together a few times a week. This is having a f**k buddy. You can't be "friends" with benefits w/someone you don't really know. But in general, it is completely possible to be sexually exclusive w/a f**k buddy. Sexual monogamy and wanting to be safe are not tied to dating status. With every f**k buddy I ever had, the understanding was that we only had sex w/each other. But we were free to date other people and if you met someone else you wanted to have sex with, you simply stopped the arrangement.
GingerVixen Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 The first thing people confuse is what an actual FWB is. A true FWB is w/someone you started out as friends with first. You know them for awhile and suddenly decide to start having sex together. But you're still doing other things besides each other. But these days two people will meet online or IRL. They'll hang out a few times and decide they don't want to date. However, they really enjoy "Netflix and chilling" together a few times a week. This is having a f**k buddy. You can't be "friends" with benefits w/someone you don't really know. But in general, it is completely possible to be sexually exclusive w/a f**k buddy. Sexual monogamy and wanting to be safe are not tied to dating status. With every f**k buddy I ever had, the understanding was that we only had sex w/each other. But we were free to date other people and if you met someone else you wanted to have sex with, you simply stopped the arrangement. Oh man... I just want things to be simple again. This is ridiculous.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Exclusive is when you're dating and you both decide to date just one another, while you figure out whether the relationship has any potential or not. Boyfriend/girlfriend is when sometime into being exclusive, you both decide you want to give things a go and start a relationship, i.e. going public amongst friends and family that you are now together and no longer single. You can skip being exclusive and go straight to a relationship, loads of people don't really differentiate between the two. But personally if I start dating someone new and it's only been a date or two but we're nuts about each other, I'd prefer to agree to being exclusive while we test the waters for a while longer focusing on each other than to jump right into an official relationship, tell friends, and have to go through a 'breakup' if it doesn't feel good a month down the line. 1
TheNextLawyer Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 The first thing people confuse is what an actual FWB is. A true FWB is w/someone you started out as friends with first. You know them for awhile and suddenly decide to start having sex together. But you're still doing other things besides each other. But these days two people will meet online or IRL. They'll hang out a few times and decide they don't want to date. However, they really enjoy "Netflix and chilling" together a few times a week. This is having a f**k buddy. You can't be "friends" with benefits w/someone you don't really know. But in general, it is completely possible to be sexually exclusive w/a f**k buddy. Sexual monogamy and wanting to be safe are not tied to dating status. With every f**k buddy I ever had, the understanding was that we only had sex w/each other. But we were free to date other people and if you met someone else you wanted to have sex with, you simply stopped the arrangement. Good for you to have such clarity in all your relations.. serious or not.
hippychick3 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 dumb question, but it today's world of modern romance it feels relevant. Is being exclusive the same as being bf/gf? my guy and i decided to not date other people, but we've never referred to eachother as bf/gf. at least i've never heard him call me that. I think exclusive comes first. It's usually too soon to put labels on a relationship at the point you become exclusive. My bf and I were exclusive pretty much from the beginning but didn't use the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" until 2-3 months in.
thecrucible Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 Exclusive is when you're dating and you both decide to date just one another, while you figure out whether the relationship has any potential or not. This. I kind of see it as you're dating each other but taking it at a pace so you don't jump into it too quickly. I think it'd be helpful if more people talked about it this way. But in the UK multi-dating is not frequently practiced so the idea of being "exclusive" is not commonly articulated. Instead it's just assumed that a bf and gf are exclusive with each other by default. I definitely think that sometimes people are too ready to define themselves as bf and gf though.
Author JiltedJane Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 he tells them were dating. and once referred to us as a couple.
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