roadtonowhere Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) Im sure you will all think my feelings are silly after….6 weeks and 3 dates…..but please don’t judge me. I have bad social anxiety. So it's hard for me to meet people. I met this girl on facebook, and we became friends. we are both similar in personality it was ridiculous. Both of us are going through a divorce so we decided we both needed baby steps... And we wanted to talk talk talk talk to make sure there was a connection and build a foundation. we did just this. for the first 3 weeks we would talk via text pretty much all day. I told her I was starting to come out of my shell and am trying to defeat my anxiety, due to her. She made me want to escape this house, and I also wanted to defeat it so we could meet! She was so amazed by it and our relationship grew. the last 3 weeks we would stay up until 4am talking…..not because we were bored or lonely, but because we actually enjoyed talking. our feelings were made clear, I told her i adored her, and she told me she loved everything about me, and she adored me. that was it. We decided to meet for Christmas….and now….im utterly shattered. Here is what happened. Christmas eve - we finally met. it was fantastic. Went for a light parade and ended up talking for hour. the date ended up being 7 hours, and ended with a kiss.. We then spoke until 5am christmas day, in which she told me she was so happy, she adored me, she wasn't disappointed etc etc. Christmas day - we spoke via text all day as she was with her family. she even told me she was thinking about how well i would fit in her with her family. Boxing day - we hung out in the evening, and parted ways with another kiss. We made arrangements to spend the day together on the 27th. Everything was perfect, we were moving slowly along...my anxiety for the first time was defeated, i was happy...this girl made me feel alive!!! then… the 27th… We spend the day together...everything was good...we met at noon and i got home at 10pm…. we started texting and i said...what if i wanted to to travel back to you for one last kiss tonight. She asked why I don't just come over and watch a movie and stay the night. I did...I went over, cuddled up on the sofa, and went to bed….no sex, just a nice good night kiss, and i got to hold her all night. I woke up...WOW...The feeling….I was so happy….the feeling of waking up next to her was incredible...to actually be there with her. I adored her.. So we woke up, she had some things to do and i left. 4 hours past I had not heard from her. I asked her bluntly, did I do something wrong last night?....then boom…..just like that...after building me up...she tells me. No, absolutely not! I just realized last night I am not ready to date right now, and I don't want to be with you. Please don’t hate me, because I still like you, and I love your company” I told her “I don't hate her, I couldn't hate her because I adored her...and if she ever wanted a decent guy, who will always adore her the way she is, and would never try to change her, then you know where I am” I have not heard from her since….and all I want is for her to come back. In the space of a few hours, I went from waking up with a girl who I utterly adored, who I trusted, who I could see slowly establishing...something...who was perfect personality, likes, interests, looks for me…. to a few hours later feeling alone, in a dark world...all I want is to turn back the time and be laying in that bed again with her…. Last night I didn’t sleep...I laid in bed thinking about how we should be/would be talking right now like the past 6 weeks… My anxiety returned instantly. Even today I don’t want to leave my room or house. All I want is to hear from her. I'm literally devastated simply because I thought I found the girl I would be able to build something with slowly and eventually. I doubt she even does think about me already. I am sure, she most likely blocked my number, and moved on instantly, and I am nothing more than an afterthought. I will never find another girl like her…....I miss her already.... I suppose I will always have that one night of happiness and morning of waking up, before my world crashed down..again. Edited December 29, 2015 by roadtonowhere
jen1447 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Forgive my bluntness (but you don't really need BS right now and 'comfort' - I'm sure you just want to know what the hell happened), but did you make any moves on her at all? Like sex type advances?
Samhain Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Maybe she was expecting sex and was perplexed that it didn't happen. If a woman said to me come back over and stay the night I'd almost certainly associate that with some kind of sexual expectation, and so would most people on the planet probably. Maybe she was disappointed that you weren't the "aggressor". Can't really think of any other reason why after spending the night together with no sex after how everything was moving along for her to so adamantly change her mind. Unless you have poor personal hygiene or something like that.
Author roadtonowhere Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 When I stayed the night? No. She was very clear she wanted to move slowly, as did I. So when I stayed the night, although we kissed before going to sleep, I did not push any type of sexual advances on her. This does not mean i didn't want to, I simply didn't want to take that chance and that be to much. Due to my social anxiety that I have had all my life, I'm not experienced, and openly admit that, she knows this also. in fact my ex wife is my only partner. If she wanted me to have made a more sexual advance that night in bed, i could have missed the signals sure. But again, we both from that start made the point we wanted to build something that wasn't just sex. hence another reason i didn't push. the plan was for me to go back over the following night (last night) in which I had in my head, that I would "make that move". But obviously....last night....never happened.
jen1447 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 When I stayed the night? No. She was very clear she wanted to move slowly, as did I. So when I stayed the night, although we kissed before going to sleep, I did not push any type of sexual advances on her. This does not mean i didn't want to, I simply didn't want to take that chance and that be to much. Due to my social anxiety that I have had all my life, I'm not experienced, and openly admit that, she knows this also. in fact my ex wife is my only partner. If she wanted me to have made a more sexual advance that night in bed, i could have missed the signals sure. But again, we both from that start made the point we wanted to build something that wasn't just sex. hence another reason i didn't push. the plan was for me to go back over the following night (last night) in which I had in my head, that I would "make that move". But obviously....last night....never happened. Ok. Well sth happened Christmas night to change her mind. I don't know her and you do so I'm just throwing darts here but my guess, knowing how women often think, is that she was put off in a significant way by sth, and that sth is often a shocker type misconception or disillusion about sex that seems to carry repercussions for the future. It can manifest as a fumbling type attempt or no attempt at all when she was hoping and/or expecting sth would happen. That would also explain why she was 'nice' to you by not sharing the reasons she suddenly didn't see a future - most women don't want to say the sex vibe was bad. Sorry. (And again I could be wrong but that's my read based on the little I know.)
Chi townD Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Well a few things are going on here. First, you're going through a divorce and so is she. She may not be lying to you. She's just not ready. I mean, she was used to sleeping next to her soon to be Ex husband and to have you there made her feel guilty. Like, she was doing something wrong. Therefore, she decided that she wasn't ready and that wasn't fair to you. So, it's not anything that you did. Another thing is your social anxiety. She may have felt that. Someone that has social anxiety usually doesn't have a lot of self confidence. Women can sense that. And usually, women like a confident man. So, you have to work on YOU! Don't worry about her. Take control of the only thing you have control over and that's YOU! Work on your social anxiety. See a psychologist to help you break out of your shell. Or discover what put you into that state in the first place. Don't be a shut in! That's no way to live your life.
Author roadtonowhere Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Thanks Jen: I appreciate your honesty and thoughts! Chi - I know you are right regarding don't live your life inside... But you know what? I always was happy that way... until she came along and actually made me want to be outside and see the world...When we went out, my anxiety would be at zero for the first time in my life because she genuinely helped ease it away......Now...I know its depressive...but my reason...is gone
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