How does a guy get a FWB?

[Silver_star]

IME if you have a girl that is your friend that becomes FWB its because there is strong sexual energy or chemistry between you. If that is the case you are not likely close friends. I care too much about my friends to have casual sex with them. it would get weird.

 

 

I am a woman but from my experience I don't hang out with my "FWB" other than to hook up. My FWB is more like a F buddy and I prefer that because I can talk to him about life and other casual things but I am not calling him up when I am going though a hard time at work, unless I need stress relief. It is strictly casual and physical. No emotions come into play. We like each other and we are wildly attracted, but that's where it has to stay...otherwise things get complicated. For me it is the only way I can handle a purely sexual relationship without getting feelings for them and getting hurt.

 

So how did my **** buddy situation happen? He was just very confident. He approached me. Asked for my number and was very bold from the get go in text. Giving me compliments about what I look like and what I was wearing and telling me how much certain parts of my body turned him on. It heated up because I reciprocated the attraction. He would ask to see me, and come to his place. When I was there he made me feel comfortable, and we have wine and we put on a movie. We never end up watching the movie.

He always makes me feel insanely sexy and brings that sexual prowess out of me in doing so...so I would recommend doing that.

[Mrin]

But to show your greatness in bed, you need to be attractive and confident to end up in the proverbial bed in the first place.

 

If you're insecure or average looking, you're rarely given the opportunity to show how great you are in bed (story of my sex life here, i'm good looking but insecure to be accurate)

 

Totally hear you - chicken and the egg right?

 

Sorry to hear about the insecurity. Idea: don't talk much, try to have sex early and be good. ;-)

 

Truth be told - I would suggest you rather spend some time working on your insecurity. That's a solvable problem my friend. You've probably spend a lot of time, effort and money into things like skills and education. I'd suggest spending some time and effort on you. What makes you tick. I wish I had done that long before I did. Spend some time reading some personal development books. Try attending some lectures. Consider something like the Landmark Forum or PSI. Hell, even something like hitting a Crossfit gym, or yoga studio can make a big difference if you're not already doing that.

 

Ok sorry - I'll get off my soapbox. But ya, from one dude to another, spend some time working on you. The return on investment is YUGE!

[Mrin]

He always makes me feel insanely sexy and brings that sexual prowess out of me in doing so...so I would recommend doing that.

 

Quoted for truth

[cornzpiy]

This board is really depressing nowadays. Only men looking for sugar babies or FWBs.

 

Very, very sad.

 

 

 

so you dislike free sex, or don't get modern concepts?

[Xiomn]

This is a fare assessment, though 2 – 4 are more pertinent than #1, in my opinion.

 

 

Being good looking in the eyes of the receiver is always a prerequisite. You ain't going to seek out specifically a FWB and have sex with someone if you don't find them attractive (at least I wouldn't and I find it weird you would establish a FWB with someone you didn't find attractive) and if you're not attractive enough for them to consider having sex with you then there's no way they will find out that you're good at sex anyway.

Edited December 30, 2015 by Xiomn

[cornzpiy]

you just make a friend, become close, ask and then agree. simple.

 

 

However, your bro's sexual/life morals are his own. imho seems you're a bit envious of him.

[losangelena]

Being good looking in the eyes of the receiver is always a prerequisite. You ain't going to seek out specifically a FWB and have sex with someone if you don't find them attractive (at least I wouldn't and I find it weird you would establish a FWB with someone you didn't find attractive) and if you're not attractive enough for them to consider having sex with you then there's no way they will find out that you're good at sex anyway.

 

Yep! I went on to explain that in the rest of my post. All I mean is that you don't need to look like Tom Hardy or Channing Tatum to get a FWB. You can be "average looking" (attractive to your potential FB) but confident, and you'll do just fine. I don't think anyone would look at my FB and say, "he's smoking," but he was attractive to me and assertive as hell.

[GingerVixen]

Let`s be honest here.

 

Most of the time, FWB arrangements happen when the guy is leading the girl on, making her believe at some point they will be exclusive. She accepts being her FWB but she is always wondering if one day they will eventually become boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

Only the minority of cases involve a woman who is fully aware there will never be any kind of commitment - and is satisfied with it.

 

So, if you`re a man and want to have a FWB, just be manipulative enough. Now if you think it`s good karma to manipulate people, go for it.

[Xiomn]

Let`s be honest here.

 

Most of the time, FWB arrangements happen when the guy is leading the girl on, making her believe at some point they will be exclusive. She accepts being her FWB but she is always wondering if one day they will eventually become boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

A woman did that to me too.

 

 

Well actually I was just too stupid to see that she was treating it as a FWB even though the signs were clear as day without her explicitly coming out and stating it.

[GingerVixen]

A woman did that to me too.

 

 

Well actually I was just too stupid to see that she was treating it as a FWB even though the signs were clear as day without her explicitly coming out and stating it.

 

I know women manipulate men too

 

But since OP is a man I am talking about what men do

[Samhain]

Let`s be honest here.

 

Most of the time, FWB arrangements happen when the guy is leading the girl on, making her believe at some point they will be exclusive. She accepts being her FWB but she is always wondering if one day they will eventually become boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

Only the minority of cases involve a woman who is fully aware there will never be any kind of commitment - and is satisfied with it.

 

So, if you`re a man and want to have a FWB, just be manipulative enough. Now if you think it`s good karma to manipulate people, go for it.

 

I think there is a lot of truth to that. But it can also work both ways, with the woman only wanting a sexual relationship and the man wanting and hoping for more. Most of the FWB threads on here are from people who have ended up wanting more and being emotionally torn.

 

A work colleague of mine started dating a guy and after the first time they had sex he told her that he was only interested in something casual and asked for the FWB relationship (they were already friends I believe), she'd just come out of an 11 year marriage and she agreed to it. From what she was telling me and a couple of others she was really curious about the FWB set up and wanted to try it. I think they had sex a couple more times and

she said she ended up feeling so badly about herself and worthless that she ended everything including the friendship.

 

So I suppose whether somebody is "manipulated" into a sexual relationship they feel badly about depends on the person. Because my colleague certainly had no issue putting a stop to something that was making her feel badly about herself even though she initially liked the guy.

 

Some people just recognize that no strings unemotional humping is something that isn't for them, and some people have no issue doing it at all, then there are the ones who cling to hope and end up hurt.. It's all personal choice.

[WaitingForBardot]

I have been in several FB-type relationships, but never really an FWB. In all cases they started out as normal romantic relationshps, but the women decided I wasn't one with whom they wanted to go exclusive. I wanted more and stayed because I thought I could eventually win them over. Sometimes I felt bad because I really liked these women, but my thought was that this was a small price to pay for regular sex. I'm not stupid... ..lol..

 

Once I met another potential, and it was clear nothing was going to change, I moved on.

 

So for the OP, IMO the 1000' view is that there really is no difference in how FWB/FB/LTRs start out

[bluefeather]

Let`s be honest here.

 

Most of the time, FWB arrangements happen when the guy is leading the girl on, making her believe at some point they will be exclusive. She accepts being her FWB but she is always wondering if one day they will eventually become boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

Let's be honest here - that's totally wrong. What you are describing is leading someone on. That has nothing to do with FWB. FWB is mutually agreeing to have sexual relations without a relationship.

[Redhead14]

This is one of those things like the popularity of American Idol that I've never understood . How exactly are these arrangements set up by the guy? I've asked men in my family and friends who have had one or multiple and they all give vague generic answers like "I can't explain it, it just happened/happens". But it's never happened to me my entire life that and I've had female friends going back to 6th grade.

 

To use my older brother as an example, it seems pretty much every time the friend is simply a female who is in love with him but he doesn't want a relationship. So she settles to be his FWB because it's better than nothing. Do I just need new and better female friends who will put out?

 

"Do I just need new and better female friends who will put out?" -- My friend, you are very young apparently. Female friends who settle for a man who doesn't love them and have sex because it's better than nothing isn't a better friend. Be a friend to yourself and wait for a woman you care about to have sex with and wants to be with you because you are everything to her . . .

[Jane_Tee_11]

I have now met 2 men I was willing to FWB but both refused, both were looking for a relationship / commitment. They both told me 'all in' or nothing. I've had to, disappointingly, go the nothing route.

 

 

About 8 months ago I got out of a long-term relationship and I need some down time. However, I do enjoy touch, sex, and experiencing another human being. I simply cannot commit to tomorrow. I can commit to being sexually exclusive with someone, but I cannot promise him that I will commit to a relationship. Both of these men expected more than I can give.

 

 

One came back around months later, so I set him up with a friend of mine that is looking for a relationship rather than agreeing to let him settle for what I could have given him. The other, I believe, is possibly starting to realize that FWB is about all he can handle too. We shall see, stay tuned.

[hhatesboys]

First things first, accept that your FWB girl is not going to be the hottest girl you know.

 

There are a ton of FWB relationships that start off with mutual attraction/ dating? I am a girl and I'm hotter than my FWB. We are just super sexually attracted to each other but the emotional connection isn't really there. I think we are also dysfunctional in our own ways. (Afraid of commitment, his mom is controlling, etc, etc. LOL)

 

Either it just happens because you are both kind of broken and realize you can't have a real relationship rn... or one person likes the other more and someone is being manipulative.

[ses]

I was always upfront with guys when I wanted to be casual. My first and only genuine FWB (the rest were casual one-off hookups) initiated the terms and made it clear we were only f*ck buddies, nothing more. I developed feelings but that was my fault and I take responsibility for it.

 

Be upfront and honest about your intentions. If you or the girl are starting to develop an emotional attachment, cut her loose and move on—unless you both decide you would like something more and are on the same page.

 

I'm happy to be out of the game now. It was fun and I don't regret it, but nothing makes me feel better than feeling in synch with someone mentally, emotionally and sexually.

[GingerVixen]

I was always upfront with guys when I wanted to be casual. My first and only genuine FWB (the rest were casual one-off hookups) initiated the terms and made it clear we were only f*ck buddies, nothing more. I developed feelings but that was my fault and I take responsibility for it.

 

Be upfront and honest about your intentions. If you or the girl are starting to develop an emotional attachment, cut her loose and move on—unless you both decide you would like something more and are on the same page.

 

I'm happy to be out of the game now. It was fun and I don't regret it, but nothing makes me feel better than feeling in synch with someone mentally, emotionally and sexually.

 

*applause*

 

That is why I never agreed to be someone's FWB.

[losangelena]

Generally speaking, guys make you their FWB when they can do better, or at least think they can. Like I said, FWB is like friendzone for women. My guess is he finds you attractive, but not relationship material for whatever reason. I have done the same thing before. Before I met my GF, I had an attractive FWB, but I have a better job and far less baggage.

 

Question: Doesn't that concept work for both genders, though?

 

With my ex FB, I knew I could better than him (I'm not talking looks; physical attractiveness is not of A-1 importance for me), but in terms of having his act together. He didn't. He was on drugs, he was a petty dealer, he worked barely part time, not a lot of ambition, etc. To contrast, the guy who eventually became my (now ex) boyfriend, had a job, had his own place, didn't do drugs, was dedicated to going to the gym, etc. He was, overall, a lot more "attractive."

 

I think there is some intrinsic settling in a FWB relationship for either gender, because if the other person was "ideal," whether physically or any other way, you'd try and make them your BF/GF, right?

 

I know you're not necessarily saying this, but I don't think that every FWB arrangement is comprised of a woman who's silently pining for the guy, and a man who thinks he can do better.

[jay1983]

It's definitely the male version of the friend zone.

[losangelena]

I would say that most FWB arrangements are as I described. At least most of the ones I've seen have been this way.

 

Of course. Having had my own FWB, and seeing others have theirs, I just know that what you're describing is not always the case. For me, I knew pretty much right away that my FB was not BF material, and in the case of one of my guy friends, a woman he'd gone out with a couple of times told him, "I don't see you as a BF, but do you want to keep it casual anyway?" And he said no because he didn't want NSA sex.

 

That's all I'm sayin'.

[hhatesboys]

Generally speaking, guys make you their FWB when they can do better, or at least think they can. Like I said, FWB is like friendzone for women. My guess is he finds you attractive, but not relationship material for whatever reason. I have done the same thing before. Before I met my GF, I had an attractive FWB, but I have a better job and far less baggage.

 

What is your point? That I am ugly? LOL. You said that FWB happens when the girl is not attractive and then you said you had an attractive FWB. Which is it? All I said is that a FWB relationship indicates that you're both kind of messed up and it is not necessarily based on looks. The guy def. has some problems.

 

No one in a FWB situation is actually looking for a relationship. No attractive woman with no baggage and a good job (and self respect) wants to get involved with someone who is banging another girl... AND GUYS KNOW THAT. (I am not a nice girl and even I would pass on a dude who has a FWB because: gross.) That means for whatever reason the guy is knowingly wasting time on someone he does not like and KNOWS is not a viable partner. Male or female, why would a "healthy" person seeking a "healthy relationship" do that? They wouldn't!

 

I just think it is unfair for you to label every FWB relationship as an ugly woman getting banged in secret. I'm sure that this CAN be the case, but in my experience it involves some serious emotional stuff/ commitment issues on both sides. My FWB is a huge socially awkward man child that is too involved with his mother to have a serious relationship. That has nothing to do with me or my looks.

[Shining One]

No one in a FWB situation is actually looking for a relationship.

I disagree with this point. I've had an off and on FWB (formerly an ex-girlfriend) for years. We'll periodically hook up when we're both in between relationships, including while searching for our next relationships. We stop once one of us has made the decision to get intimate with someone we're dating.

[Alamo657]

I disagree with this point. I've had an off and on FWB (formerly an ex-girlfriend) for years. We'll periodically hook up when we're both in between relationships, including while searching for our next relationships. We stop once one of us has made the decision to get intimate with someone we're dating.

How do you explain that to your new girlfriends :"hey, when i'm single, i **** with my ex" ?

 

Sounds to me you can't really say that to a woman you're seriously dating, however you twist it, without some repercusssions in the future.

[seekingluck]

Let`s be honest here.

 

Most of the time, FWB arrangements happen when the guy is leading the girl on, making her believe at some point they will be exclusive. She accepts being her FWB but she is always wondering if one day they will eventually become boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

Only the minority of cases involve a woman who is fully aware there will never be any kind of commitment - and is satisfied with it.

 

So, if you`re a man and want to have a FWB, just be manipulative enough. Now if you think it`s good karma to manipulate people, go for it.

 

I have had a FWB, and it was shocking to my friends. Here is how it happened for me.

 

First up, and most importantly: I don't attach very easily. And attachment from me is only related to emotional chemistry, not sexual attraction. So basically, if it doesn't feel like I have known you forever early on, I am not going to attach quickly or easily.

 

My first FWB was a guy I met while out shopping. Not my type at all. But we had a connection, and flirting lead to exchanging of phone numbers. We went out on a date. He was a little aggressive, but we had established some level of attraction. After a little while I uncovered he was unsuitable for something long term for me for a myriad of reasons. He wasn't looking for a relationship and he wasn't the type I wanted a relationship with. He was also geographically inconvenient.

 

I was bored enough, and was sort of looking for "attention" so we went out a few more times and we consummated the relationship on the second date. We were off and on for about a year.

 

We did go on dates, mostly going out to eat before going back to someone's place. Eventually it took a wrong turn, as he got attached as I was growing less and less interested. I broke it off with him after he said the L word (at some point I figured out he was super interested as I was his ideal).

 

There went that idea, but it was fun while it lasted. He made me feel super sexy and increased my sexual confidence by leaps and bounds. I was pretty inexperienced. And he was easily turned on by me. That really helps build confidence. The other thing was, since it was semi-regular with the same person, you ended up feeling a lot more comfortable, than hypothetically picking someone new whiny wanted to have sex while not in a committed relationship. There was no learning curve.

 

So all in all I found it to be a good experience. I didn't have expectations, and that is what worked. It helped fill in some gaps. Till it soured, and now it is sort of awkward. When he reaches out to me, I never know if he wants to be FWB or he is trying to turn it into something more.