How does a guy get a FWB?

[seekingluck]

How do you explain that to your new girlfriends :"hey, when i'm single, i **** with my ex" ?

 

Sounds to me you can't really say that to a woman you're seriously dating, however you twist it, without some repercusssions in the future.

 

If we are not in a exclusive relationship I don't need to know who you saw before I got there, besides the perfunctory STD tests.

[hhatesboys]

I guess you missed the part where I said he probably finds you attractive. Stop looking for hidden meanings. What I said is what I meant.

 

I think we may have different definitions of attractive. My assumption is if you are sleeping with someone, you must find them attractive. Either the person is attractive enough to date/ sleep with or they are not. For me, there REALLY is no in between.

 

Wrong. People, women included, do a lot of dumb crap to have sex with people they like. You assume much here, and speak in absolutes as if there is no variation on your version of reality.

 

Yes, people do dumb crap to get laid. That doesn't make it healthy and you should not assume most girls are ok dating THAT GUY who would have a FWB. At the very least she is going to lose some respect for you unless you are just going to lie. [All unhealthy relationship stuff.] And I maintain that a FWB is not very conducive to finding another relationship. Any therapist would say the same thing, it is not an unusual conclusion and certainly not an alternate version of reality, LOL.

 

I have never once used the word ugly. This is all your assumption, which I can only guess is based on your own insecurities about your FWB situation. What I have said is that FWB is friendzone for you ladies. Girls put guys in the friendzone when you aren't quite into us, and we tend to put women into FWB zone when we aren't all that into you.

 

LOL this is what you said: "First things first, accept that your FWB girl is not going to be the hottest girl you know." You advised the OP to go after less hot women in your post. Calling someone less hot than you is pretty much calling them ugly. At least, uglier than you, no?

 

Is there a reason you keep insulting the guy you are sleeping with?

 

I am not insulting him, I'm saying those are BIG things that prevent him from being in a serious relationship. It is what it is. We've both got a number of deal breakers that would make it difficult to legitimately date someone. HENCE, THE UNHEALTHY FWB ARRANGEMENT.

 

So like I said, I think in a lot of cases you just have two broken people and I think that is more common. I'm not saying the less hot thing can’t/ does not happen, I just don't think that physical stuff is the main factor… There are a lot of variables and I think more of them are emotional and NOT physical since the relationship itself is entirely physical.

[road]

It's definitely the male version of the friend zone.

 

 

No it is worse.

 

 

Notice the FZ and FWB.

 

 

Do you see the difference that one has?

 

 

One relationship the man is getting the "benefits".

 

 

The other relationship the man gets to hang out with a woman and here about her dates.

[Leucine]

I briefly entertained the idea of dating a guy who told me had a FWB. He kept telling me he wanted a relationship with me. I kept telling him to go find another FB and leave me alone.

 

I would never trust a guy who had a history of casual sex... He can keep effing randoms and his so called friends forever... But no way in hell I'd ever sleep with that guy or be in a relationship with him. problem is... Other guys and even some women will 'cover' for that guy. It can be really tough to turn over that rock... But they eventually out themselves. Just like the guy I mentioned above.

 

Wow. I would respect your opinion but since you are evidently "one twue way" and have no respect for other people's opinions...

 

It just sounds like the guy wanted to be completely honest with you because he valued you for something, but you outed him because you believe in silly absolutes. Good on him, he went on to find someone less bitter and resentful. What you're saying is basically that the vast majority of men AND women who are "relationship material" don't want a relationship because they have a "history of casual sex". Guess why they have that history? Precisely because they have the qualities to attract a partner. And the majority of them would love to find a relationship because they're people just like yourself. I hope you get some pleasure from claiming the moral high ground, though!

[xxoo]

It's something some women will initiate if she finds you attractive but NOT suitable for a relationship, or if she's unready for a relationship (post divorce, etc).

[Revolver]

Enigma has a point now that I think about it. The few genuine female friends I've had over the course of my lifetime have been by any objective measure clearly better than me, so why would they want to settle to be my FWB? They're getting nothing out of the deal.

 

To go back to my brother as an example, at least those women are getting to hook up with a hot guy out of their league for a while even if it's just sex and not a long term thing.

[Leucine]

OP, this is your lucky day. I seem to have a bit of a knack for attracting a good FWB, so I will tell you how it happens.

 

First things first, accept that your FWB girl is not going to be the hottest girl you know. For the most part, the girl willing to be your FWB is going to have a bit less going for her than you do. FWB is like friendzone for women. A girl who is hotter than you is not going to settle for being your FWB.

 

With that out of the way, start talking to women. All of them. Most guys only bother talking to the hot ones, but you need to talk to all of them. If you are using OLD, message the girls you wouldn't normally be interested in.

 

Start hanging out with the girls that seem interested in you. Like I said, you'll probably have to drop your standards a bit. Eventually, put a guy and a girl together and something will happen. Never bring up the idea of relationships. Aside from sex, just treat her like a friend. If she brings up a relationship, just tell her you don't really want to be in a relationship.

 

Many single women these days would rather bang hotter guys than settle for a guy around their level. This becomes obvious when you read the writing on the wall around here, like every girl complaining how guys only use them for sex.

 

Your analysis is right on point. Don't expect to find a fwb who has more going for them than you do. For a guy who is inexperienced with women, this frankly means that he should put the dream about having sex with porn-tier goddesses on hold for a while. They are not going to settle for it because they know that they have more desirable guys wanting to be their boyfriends.

 

Lately I've been on dates with really attractive women in every sense of the word, and one who is fun and beautiful, but a tiny bit on the chubbier side. She would have stayed just for "netflix and chill", while the super attractive ones with everything going for them are really difficult to get hold of, even though I'm just as "hot" as them. I had to blow off the less hot one because I knew she wasn't the one I wanted for a relationship and had no heart to lead her on.

[ZA Dater]

Interesting thread and I have asked myself a few times how people get the mysterious FWB...

 

 

I reckon there is a fair point that FWB generally speaking is someone who perhaps isn't a 9/10 looks wise and perhaps what is ignored is that ladies also like to try and go up a level as to who they bang.

 

 

As to how to get one, well OLD should work well if you are into that sort of thing, otherwise I guess if you are especially brave them try chat up people in public.

 

 

The less good looking the higher your chances....in theory.

[ZA Dater]

Something else I wondered, how many people have FWB none of their actual friends know about or have met.

 

 

I ask that in the context of mid 20's guy and ladies who never have bf's and gf's.

[mike_89]

Something else I wondered, how many people have FWB none of their actual friends know about or have met.

 

 

I ask that in the context of mid 20's guy and ladies who never have bf's and gf's.

My best friends always know about my FWBs but never meet them.

 

How to get a FWB? Be attractive but don't be the type of guy she will want a relationship with. And be honest and upfront about not wanting a relationship. Any sane girl will protect her emotions and not fall in love with you or stop dating you. If she isn't the kind of girl that does the FWB thing, she will stop dating you or at the very least let you know. Have sex with her as soon as you can (second date at latest) because you don't want her to get the impression that you are dating her for more than just sex and friendship. Be very physical. For example: when I'm looking for a FWB I like to just randomly grab her ass when I'm standing next to her chopping vegetables (making dinner is my second date, always) and just give a boyish kind of smile "I'm sorry! You have a great ass, it was asking me to hold it!", and when I do it again "I had to check if it's still there!". If she doesn't accept this type of behaviour, then she is not the girl you're looking for.

The thing is, there are tons of girls that don't mind being FWB but you have to date the right ones. Don't go around trying to get girls that have slept with only 5 guys in their entire lives to be your FWB because those are usually not the girls that are into that sort of thing (not to mention it's quite disrespectful to keep trying if you know she's not into that sort of thing). And don't expect girls to want to have regular sex with you if you aren't attractive. Make sure you're in good shape, wear good clothes, have a decent haircut that fits your face and hair type, have a good laugh while flirting and don't act like a serial killer.

[ZA Dater]

My best friends always know about my FWBs but never meet them.

 

How to get a FWB? Be attractive but don't be the type of guy she will want a relationship with. And be honest and upfront about not wanting a relationship. Any sane girl will protect her emotions and not fall in love with you or stop dating you. If she isn't the kind of girl that does the FWB thing, she will stop dating you or at the very least let you know. Have sex with her as soon as you can (second date at latest) because you don't want her to get the impression that you are dating her for more than just sex and friendship. Be very physical. For example: when I'm looking for a FWB I like to just randomly grab her ass when I'm standing next to her chopping vegetables (making dinner is my second date, always) and just give a boyish kind of smile "I'm sorry! You have a great ass, it was asking me to hold it!", and when I do it again "I had to check if it's still there!". If she doesn't accept this type of behaviour, then she is not the girl you're looking for.

The thing is, there are tons of girls that don't mind being FWB but you have to date the right ones. Don't go around trying to get girls that have slept with only 5 guys in their entire lives to be your FWB because those are usually not the girls that are into that sort of thing (not to mention it's quite disrespectful to keep trying if you know she's not into that sort of thing). And don't expect girls to want to have regular sex with you if you aren't attractive. Make sure you're in good shape, wear good clothes, have a decent haircut that fits your face and hair type, have a good laugh while flirting and don't act like a serial killer.

 

 

Very cool advice, FWB isn't really my think, primarily because I tend to seek out those who haven't been around too much but every so often I run into someone who is always single, she has mainly gay guy friends and I just don't pick up the vibe that she/they are getting any.

 

 

Have come across maybe half a dozen girls like this, all were on the average side looks wise.

[seekingluck]

Something else I wondered, how many people have FWB none of their actual friends know about or have met.

 

 

I ask that in the context of mid 20's guy and ladies who never have bf's and gf's.

 

Part of the point of the FB is they are unsuitable and wouldn't be the type to bring to friends. A FWB is mire grey. If they are genuinely a friend you might intro them. But for me they are in acquaintance territory, and I don't want them to get attached. To spare future awkwardness.

 

Also to be clear, FWB/FWB happens between relationships. If I am in active "relationship seeking mode" then there are no FB/FWB.

[oldshirt]

 

To use my older brother as an example, it seems pretty much every time the friend is simply a female who is in love with him but he doesn't want a relationship. So she settles to be his FWB because it's better than nothing.

 

 

 

There is your answer right there. that is how it is done.

 

 

you find a gal that thinks you are hot and sexy but that you do not want a relationship with and you exploit her attraction and desire to your benefit to get what you want.

 

 

The more handsome, fit, charming and assertive you are, the better your chances will be.

 

 

But the one thing that helps get FWBs the most is to not care about their feelings or well-being or what they want. The more selfish and willing to use other people to get what you want, the more successful you will be.

[Alamo657]

And don't expect girls to want to have regular sex with you if you aren't attractive. Make sure you're in good shape, wear good clothes, have a decent haircut that fits your face and hair type, have a good laugh while flirting and don't act like a serial killer.

 

This.

 

For a woman to sleep with a guy "casually" he has to be hot, or famous, otherwise, what do you say yo your friends ?

"hey girls, i'm sleeping around with average men who are nothing special"... no way, when you talk about your sexual-only relationships, it needs to be cool.

 

a FWB guy is everything a woman would wish for in a man (cute, smart, useful), except he sleeps around and isn't looking for something serious (or so he projects), so he cannot be relationship material, but for that reason only.

[losangelena]

For a woman to sleep with a guy "casually" he has to be hot, or famous,

 

lol, no, no, no.

 

I say all of this in good jest, please don't jump down my throat.

 

I don't mean to get on anyone's case here, I just think what some of you are saying is pretty funny. I swear, there isn't a lot of overlap on the Venn diagram of what men think woman do, and what woman actually do.

 

 

Listen. A real, flesh and blood woman is saying this.

 

No, you not need to be a "hot, famous" person to get a FWB. What is the point of have a FB? F*cking, obviously! Numero uno, the sex has got to be great. Granted, you don't necessarily know if that's going to be the case before you do it, but if you want more than a ONS, you've got to know what you're doing. My former FB, while frankly average-looking, was incredibly, smoking hot in bed.

 

To say that a woman will only f*ck a hot person is to presuppose that all hot people are good in bed. I can attest that that's not the case. That's the thing about being average-looking, you can't lean on your looks. You've got to develop other skills, and in my experience, the men I've slept with who've had the most sexual prowess have always been the ones of the lesser end of the "hotness" scale.

 

Screw that hot bod, six pack notion. In a FWB situation, the only thing those hip flexors are good for are to give a woman a good pounding.

 

Of course, I'm sure there are women who sleep with trophy men or who pine for their FB, but there are also women for whom neither of those things are the case. You want a FB, find someone like that.

[seekingluck]

This.

 

For a woman to sleep with a guy "casually" he has to be hot, or famous, otherwise, what do you say yo your friends ?

"hey girls, i'm sleeping around with average men who are nothing special"... no way, when you talk about your sexual-only relationships, it needs to be cool.

 

a FWB guy is everything a woman would wish for in a man (cute, smart, useful), except he sleeps around and isn't looking for something serious (or so he projects), so he cannot be relationship material, but for that reason only.

 

Correction: the FWB/FB needs to make you feel hot. Which leads you to feeling horny. Which leads to sex and the cycle completes. It also helps to be an unselfish partner.

 

Put it this way, it was very easy to get into a FWB arrangement with a guy I had chemistry as he made it clear when he hugged me he was ready for something else. It was hot every time I saw him.

 

If you want FWB, work on making the people around you feel hot, sexy and attractive.

[xxoo]

Yeah, exploiting women isn't necessary to get a FWB.

 

Be cool.

Hang out with cool women.

Flirt liberally.

She'll let you know.

[Mrin]

Ok talked to GF last night about this. Aside from my 4 points: 1) be attractive 2) be confident 3) be good at sex 4) have fatal flaw that makes you not BFmaterial she said to look for recent divorcees. Make hanging out with you a retreat. A sanctuary. Where she gets attention and doesn't have to do anything or be responsible for anything.

 

So basically hunt newly minted cougar

[Rejected Rosebud]

Let's be honest here - that's totally wrong. What you are describing is leading someone on. That has nothing to do with FWB. FWB is mutually agreeing to have sexual relations without a relationship.

I agree with you, but there are a few posts on this thread that clearly say that it's when the woman is really into the man and he's taking advantage of that for "free sex." Including the OP's brother in the first post.

 

That's just dirty low-down behavior IMO!!

[RedRobin]

Wow. I would respect your opinion but since you are evidently "one twue way" and have no respect for other people's opinions...

 

It just sounds like the guy wanted to be completely honest with you because he valued you for something, but you outed him because you believe in silly absolutes. Good on him, he went on to find someone less bitter and resentful. What you're saying is basically that the vast majority of men AND women who are "relationship material" don't want a relationship because they have a "history of casual sex". Guess why they have that history? Precisely because they have the qualities to attract a partner. And the majority of them would love to find a relationship because they're people just like yourself. I hope you get some pleasure from claiming the moral high ground, though!

 

I am not into casual sex myself, so I have every right not to settle for a man who is. I will out those guys in any way I can. If those guys want a relationship, they can take the actions that relationship oriented people do. Otherwise, they should go for women who share their values instead of being hypocrites and try to convince me to date them or lie.

 

Unlike some people, I don't consider having casual sex as an indicator of libido or attractiveness. Most of the people I know who indulge in it have issues they prefer to self medicate using sex. Not attractive (to me). Yea, I want someone who shares my values and isn't trying to get with me after he sowed his oats and wants a 'good' girl. I don't give a cr*p how many other women want to sleep with him.

 

You do want you want with your own life... I only mention it because lots of guys are under the mistaken impression that ALL women find this attractive. Lots don't. I am one of them.

 

Edited: I generally don't have issues with most of the men I date. I don't have sex outside of an established relationship. However, I have come across more than one guy in my dating life who claimed to be looking for a relationship, then tried to segue it into something casual. I don't take it personally.... Being a snake is their problem, not mine....

 

What I dislike is the advice encouraging men to be deceptive. I take issue with men who (some on this thread) who will target a relationship oriented woman and try to manipulate her into going along with a FWB. In my experience, most men would never get a woman to go along with it without lying... Making them seriously character challenged on the sociopath spectrum.... This is why I would never date a man who had one... Not unless I was able to independently confirm that the woman openly agreed to it....and maybe not even then.

 

I also dislike the notion to target divorcees or 'older' women. If that woman claims to be looking for a relationship, believe her.... And look for one who clearly isn't.

Edited December 31, 2015 by RedRobin

[TheFinalWord]

Most of the guys I know that have multiple, casual sex partners have charms and are outgoing. They are also very fun and flirty (I guess it depends on your definition of fun; a fun guy to a lot of women is if you are very dynamic in social settings and have a lot of friends). It's almost like if you have to be told how to do it, it isn't going to happen for you. It's almost like an innate "skill" some guys just have. Some of the guys I know that have these situations are not even what I would call that great looking (two guys I know are not ugly by any means, but not exactly model material). Mostly, they get girls to think they have a shot at having a relationship with them. Many women believe they have to sleep with a guy to get him to want her for more than sex. Really for a guy its the opposite, but guys with many sex partners exploit that naive type of mindset. When I see (one guy in particular I am thinking of) him pulling his moves I think to myself "are you that blind to fall for this guys wiles" but I've seen it enough to know they do. One guy in particular I am thinking of, this girl knows he plays this game, but she keeps going back to him and sleeping with him. Its almost like the less he cares, the more she is willing to sleep with him. I don't get how it works because that is not how I think, but this guy always seemed to have some really attractive woman he was sleeping with. And these aren't just average looking women, but educated, attractive women. The thing is he is not that great looking but he does have a charm to him. He is also very confident and will just be assertive with what he wants with these girls.

 

That may be a bit different that what you are thinking of when you say FWB (you may be thinking of some mutual agreement but mostly what I have seen is manipulation), but basically for most of what I have seen the guys I know that have these situations, the girls are secretly hoping they will become the guys girlfriend. The guys I know play a game of leading them on a bit (I should say knew bc I don't hang out with these types of male friends anymore).

Edited December 31, 2015 by TheFinalWord

[Leucine]

Have sex with her as soon as you can (second date at latest) because you don't want her to get the impression that you are dating her for more than just sex and friendship. Be very physical. For example: when I'm looking for a FWB I like to just randomly grab her ass when I'm standing next to her chopping vegetables (making dinner is my second date, always) and just give a boyish kind of smile "I'm sorry! You have a great ass, it was asking me to hold it!", and when I do it again "I had to check if it's still there!". If she doesn't accept this type of behaviour, then she is not the girl you're looking for.

 

Unsurprisingly though, the same concept can be used if you're looking for a relationship, perhaps just start making out with her first before grabbing her ass. She will let you know and guide your hands away if she's not into the idea of having sex so soon, but any smart girl would expect that the guy is going to make a physical move if she accepts the invitation to go to his place and it would actually be pretty bad if you didn't, because she would just assume that you have no lead in your pencil and friend zone you.

[CalvinM]

This board is really depressing nowadays. Only men looking for sugar babies or FWBs.

 

Very, very sad.

The amount of effort most guys put on dating sites only to get radio silence, who could blame them?

 

Who wants to put in all that effort not to get a reply, and women wonder why guys, myself included, message quantity over quality. The quality online simply isn't there.

[Qboro90]

There's no "guide" to getting a FWB situation going on with a girl. In my experience the only way they are developed is when you just neglect to treat them like a gf and they like you enough to keep seeing you and sleeping with you. You're never going to talk someone into being FWB. Most of the time FWB is one sided where one of the people would go for a more serious relationship if the other person wanted it. As the guy you need to find a girl who is either very open and vocal about not wanting to be in a relationship and just wants sex from time to time (not that common to just come across) , or become a little bit of an ******* and sleep with girls but don't progress the relationship even when they ask or push for more. Sounds scummy, but reality is what it is.

[loverboy69]

I'd say for the hetero male species seeking a female FWB is easiest when you don't already know her.

 

I've seen OLD personal ads where men/women are specifically requesting it. It's easier when you are upfront about it.

 

Guys who try this during a blossoming relationship or a strong female acquaintance run the risk of being labeled a creep, a dog, a womanizer etc.

 

Of course the hardest part with any FWB's relationship is that almost always one member of the couple starts to develop stronger feelings and if the other isn't ready for a relationship things can end up bad.