Revolver Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 This is one of those things like the popularity of American Idol that I've never understood . How exactly are these arrangements set up by the guy? I've asked men in my family and friends who have had one or multiple and they all give vague generic answers like "I can't explain it, it just happened/happens". But it's never happened to me my entire life that and I've had female friends going back to 6th grade. To use my older brother as an example, it seems pretty much every time the friend is simply a female who is in love with him but he doesn't want a relationship. So she settles to be his FWB because it's better than nothing. Do I just need new and better female friends who will put out?
Xiomn Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) This is one of those things like the popularity of American Idol that I've never understood . How exactly are these arrangements set up by the guy? I've asked men in my family and friends who have had one or multiple and they all give vague generic answers like "I can't explain it, it just happened/happens". But it's never happened to me my entire life that and I've had female friends going back to 6th grade. To use my older brother as an example, it seems pretty much every time the friend is simply a female who is in love with him but he doesn't want a relationship. So she settles to be his FWB because it's better than nothing. Do I just need new and better female friends who will put out? I guess what they mean by "it just happens" is just that. They start dating someone and the relationship just evolves into a relationship based on hanging out and revolving around sex without any of the two partners bringing up any sort of exclusivity or more serious relationship questions such as "what are we?" etc. Or both partners mutually agree they're just looking for something "casual" as opposed to straight up asking "fwb?" Basically dating someone casually with frequent sex without ever bringing up relationship talk, i would imagine. I figured that's what my most recent dating relationship was. We went on dates which usually isn't a feature of fwb's but she had no problem of me coming onto her for sex on multiple occasions. As soon as I brought up any relationship talk she bailed on me so I figure she was just treating the relationship as a FWB. Edited December 29, 2015 by Xiomn
Samhain Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Well, I suppose you just tell the person you want to have sex with that you want to have sex and only sex while remaining friends and no romantic exclusivity. Then either prepare for a slap or some wild sex ahead! Using somebody as a FWB who is in love with you isn't really a true FWB's case. Since both people involved should have the same outlook and expectations. Quite cruel really to have sex with somebody who you are aware is in love with you because as you said, their purpose for the sex is as a means to be close to the person they love, one sided FWB's never works. 9
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 This board is really depressing nowadays. Only men looking for sugar babies or FWBs. Very, very sad. 9
Samhain Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Am I the only person on these threads who literally has no idea what a "sugar baby" is. 3
RBLL Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 This board is really depressing nowadays. Only men looking for sugar babies or FWBs. Very, very sad. Everyone has had different past experiences and future goals. I've been head over heels in love 3 times, married twice, engaged after that. Decades of love, very little sex. Now I'm ready to live the singles life I never had. It's not that unusual, for men or women. Don't be sad, be happy
nicco Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 My friend recently started a FWB relationship with a guy she met. This is how it goes: 1)You start dating someone, usually from OLD(the hooking up kind). (Going to restaurants,movies, etc.,.). 2)You two start kissing and holding hands after the first or second date. 3)The guy makes a move and they both sleep together. 4)They continue dating, but the guy never ask the girl out. 5)The girl brings up the topic and the guy either ignores or say "I don't know what we are". 6)She get mad for a few days to a week. 7)The guy ask to see her again, and they continue sleeping together without her bringing up the relationship status. I have friends who have different ways of starting theirs, but this is the most common. The process usually takes minimum two weeks to setup a FWB, with social media apps and OLD, being the easiest. Just because they have been your friend since the 6th grade, doesn't mean it will happen between you, because the bond is EXTRA friend zone. Note: If you do get in one, be prepared to realize you're not going to be the only guy seeing her. In my opinion, relationships are safer, physically and mentally.
SwordofFlame Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 This is one of those things like the popularity of American Idol that I've never understood . How exactly are these arrangements set up by the guy? I've asked men in my family and friends who have had one or multiple and they all give vague generic answers like "I can't explain it, it just happened/happens". But it's never happened to me my entire life that and I've had female friends going back to 6th grade. To use my older brother as an example, it seems pretty much every time the friend is simply a female who is in love with him but he doesn't want a relationship. So she settles to be his FWB because it's better than nothing. Do I just need new and better female friends who will put out? Being really good looking and having "game" helps. If you don't have enough of those things, you're going to struggle. I've never had an FWB either.
losangelena Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Well, I hate to say that it just happens, but ... it just happens. FBs are like snowflakes, no two are alike. In my case, I'd met my FB on OKC. I didn't go into it with the expectation of a FWB situation, I just planned to meet him for a first date like so many other guys I'd met. Well, we clicked pretty much immediately and our first kiss was an hour into our date. He had to go home because his friends were coming over to pick something up, and he invited me over. I went, and even though we didn't sleep together that night, we did the week after. Why was it FWB and not BF/GF? In our case, there were several things about him that were major red flags—mainly that he took and dealt drugs, and I was not going to go there. He also didn't seem keen to get into a relationship, either. However, the sex was amazing, so we just kept doing that for a few months until things petered out and I met my now-ex. So, I dunno. I would imagine it's one of those things that you can't intentionally set up or engineer. If you want one though, I'd maybe say that you're looking for a casual sex relationship on your OLD profile or something. Or set up a first date at like 11:00 at night at a bar—that gets the vibe across pretty well.
bluefeather Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Do I just need new and better female friends who will put out? nope. you need game. when people say "it just happens" they're kind of right. but the part they don't say is it just happens "because I know how to work things..." To put things bluntly, you can be friends with a slutty person. she will probably be fwb for a while. or you can be hot enough that a girl would want to bang you without being in a relationship. those are pretty much the only ways aside from meeting a woman that is just desperate for sex. -from someone who has had FWB who I never went on a date with. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 This board is really depressing nowadays. Only men looking for sugar babies or FWBs. Very, very sad. My impression from LS is that a man's capability of attracting ONSs or FWBs is a highly desirable trait for a relationship. No options means no credibility even if he is very relationship-minded. Those of us who have to get into relationships to have any sex and intimacy seem to be considered lower-tier. Best of luck to the OP. 4
Eighty_nine Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 They basically mislead women into thinking they're looking for a relationship. 1
RedRobin Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) My impression from LS is that a man's capability of attracting ONSs or FWBs is a highly desirable trait for a relationship. No options means no credibility even if he is very relationship-minded. Those of us who have to get into relationships to have any sex and intimacy seem to be considered lower-tier. Best of luck to the OP. Only among other guys. I briefly entertained the idea of dating a guy who told me had a FWB. He kept telling me he wanted a relationship with me. I kept telling him to go find another FB and leave me alone. I would never trust a guy who had a history of casual sex... He can keep effing randoms and his so called friends forever... But no way in hell I'd ever sleep with that guy or be in a relationship with him. problem is... Other guys and even some women will 'cover' for that guy. It can be really tough to turn over that rock... But they eventually out themselves. Just like the guy I mentioned above. As for the OPs question... Those guys usually are liars, or lazy, or both. Liars, as in, they lied to get a relationship oriented woman to agree to date him. Lazy, in that after they established a relationship, he pulls back and stops treating her like a GF. There are plenty of times the woman has no clue the guy sees her as a FWB. The guys (and some women) just use that term to avoid being called a cheater. If you have never talked to the woman herself to verify? Don't believe it. Yea, 9 times out of 10, that's just what he calls her to his guy friends and other women he'd like to date/bang so it appears like everything is on the up and up. If a guy told me he had a FWB in the past? I'd ask him to give me her phone number so I could ask her myself if that was the case, just to see the look on his face. Edited December 30, 2015 by RedRobin 2
oberkeat Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 This board is really depressing nowadays. Only men looking for sugar babies or FWBs. Very, very sad. Sex is a lot easier to find than love or a relationship. I honestly don't think most people believe in romantic love. Most people, women included, don't have the attention spans for love or romance in this day and age. 1
Shining One Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 It's much harder for a man to initiate a FWB arrangement. I only had one woman accept it when I suggested it. In contrast, I've accepted it from most of the women who suggested it to me. As others have mentioned, it just "happens". I helped an old friend (7+ years) move out of her house after her divorce. Two weeks later, she jumps me on the couch. - She decided we could only be FWB because she didn't want to be in a relationship coming out of a 14 year marriage.Another friend (5+ years) texted me one night: "I'm hungry and horny. Why don't you come over and help me with those problems?" - She decided we could only be secret FWB because her parents would disown her for being with an Indian man.
jay1983 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 It happens when a gal really digs you, but you're so so about her. You start going out and sleeping together, but you never make it exclusive.
Author Revolver Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 Well, I suppose you just tell the person you want to have sex with that you want to have sex and only sex while remaining friends and no romantic exclusivity. Then either prepare for a slap or some wild sex ahead! Using somebody as a FWB who is in love with you isn't really a true FWB's case. Since both people involved should have the same outlook and expectations. Quite cruel really to have sex with somebody who you are aware is in love with you because as you said, their purpose for the sex is as a means to be close to the person they love, one sided FWB's never works. So basically just be straight forward and ask female friends if they want to have sex with me?
Mrin Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Ok basically it happens to ways - 1) it just happens 2) you can go looking for it. If you go looking for it you need a few things: 1. Be good looking 2. Be great at sex 3. Be confident 4. And it sometimes helps to have a deal breaker 1-3 are self explanatory. #4 means that there is something inherent and permanent with the situation that will keep her from wanting or developing feels for you. Distance is a great one. It also helps if you are college aged or older. 25-39 is the relationship "witching hour". Don't go bothering your existing female friends - they won't risk losing the friendship with a FWB thing. Approach new women. It is somewhat of a numbers game. Be upfront but don't call it a F buddy. Just say you want to casually date, have fun, enjoy each other's company but are not looking for a relationship. Expect to strike out. Divorcees and such are much more likely to be down. Same with confident successful women who honestly may not want the distraction of a BF. Be good at sex. Like real good. Getting and keeping a FWB comes down to that Good luck. Oh and don't be a douche and shoplift the pootie! That's not getting a FWB. That being a jackass
Alamo657 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 1. Be good looking 2. Be great at sex 3. Be confident 4. And it sometimes helps to have a deal breaker So basically, you need to be "boyfriend material" to have casual sex. Can't find casual sex if you're insecure or ugly. 1
SwordofFlame Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 So basically, you need to be "boyfriend material" to have casual sex. Can't find casual sex if you're insecure or ugly. You may need to pay for it.
GingerVixen Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Everyone has had different past experiences and future goals. I've been head over heels in love 3 times, married twice, engaged after that. Decades of love, very little sex. Now I'm ready to live the singles life I never had. It's not that unusual, for men or women. Don't be sad, be happy I am happy. I just pity whoever makes this choice. Now thats a sad decision
GingerVixen Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Sex is a lot easier to find than love or a relationship. I honestly don't think most people believe in romantic love. Most people, women included, don't have the attention spans for love or romance in this day and age. You can speak for yourself. I think any emotionally healthy person is ready for love 1
losangelena Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 1. Be good looking 2. Be great at sex 3. Be confident 4. And it sometimes helps to have a deal breaker This is a fare assessment, though 2 – 4 are more pertinent than #1, in my opinion. You're going to need confidence to be straight up about what you want, that's true. Being good at sex is obvious because that's the point of it all. And yes, a deal breaker is probably essential. If my FWB didn't have the drug element, he would have made a great BF, and it was the one element that kept me from falling for him. And good-looking, yes, but not necessarily like TV attractive, buff, toned, blah blah. Everyone's attractive to someone, and I don't think hyper good looks are necessary to being a good FB. Confidence + sexual ability are key. 1
Mrin Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 So basically, you need to be "boyfriend material" to have casual sex. Can't find casual sex if you're insecure or ugly. Much harder to. Think about it dude, it is sex. Casual sex requires attraction. Being ugly or insecure is bad for attraction. Probably isn't impossible but you need to be great at sex. Well, you need to be great at sex regardless if you're going to keep the FWB relationship alive.
Alamo657 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Much harder to. Think about it dude, it is sex. Casual sex requires attraction. Being ugly or insecure is bad for attraction. Probably isn't impossible but you need to be great at sex. Well, you need to be great at sex regardless if you're going to keep the FWB relationship alive. But to show your greatness in bed, you need to be attractive and confident to end up in the proverbial bed in the first place. If you're insecure or average looking, you're rarely given the opportunity to show how great you are in bed (story of my sex life here, i'm good looking but insecure to be accurate)
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