Somedude1234593 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I am a little concerned that I am getting too interested in a girl rather quickly, which I don't want to burn me in the end. We have both established that we're attracted to one another, have a lot in common, etc... But I am often gauging things off of communication between us which sometimes can take hours or a day for a response. I understand many people are not glued to their phones and I appreciate that. I have been in previous relationships where it felt like I was dating her damn iPhone rather than her. However, I think having dated many women previously who always respond fairly quickly, this is something a little different for me. I never send needy "where are you, why aren't you responding, did I do something wrong" texts because those are A. very needy, B. an attraction killer, and C. just not me. However, it's more of keeping myself internally from worrying or thinking I messed up. Which may be from a lack of self-confidence, or due to past experiences, I am not sure. Some input would be greatly appreciated. A good example of this is that some days we'll talk a lot back and forth, others I may only get a message or two since she is busy, etc... I seem to automatically think that she is losing interest if she is not as talkative one day vs the next. I know that's not the case but for some reason I keep worrying about it. Also, we tend to flirt off and on via text, sometimes a lot, other times not much at all. Could too much attempted flirting on my part come across as creepy or weird? I generally try to keep it a light mix of both to make sure I don't appear that way. Any advice on how to deal with this/prevent worrying? Thanks
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Have you ever met this girl? Have you ever called her? Or is just a purely text based relationship?
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Just don't text or expect a text during the day. This texting back and forth through the day is very risky. It really kills attraction. It's GOOD to be missing someone. It's GOOD to look forward to hear from them. Stop seeking her attention at every moment of the day you feel like having your dosage of her. Stretch that fun feeling we call 'anticipation'. I am seeing someone new. We don't talk during the day AT ALL even if I have the type of work that allows me to send texts anytime during the day. During the day I enjoy this feeling of anticipation that I will be talking to him at night. When 8 pm comes around and he has not heard from me all day he's looking forward to hear from me and we both have things to talk about. Let go of this texting. If you text through the day then your text aren't something she is anticipating, she's not in a hurry to attend to them, it's become something common happening several times a day. 1
Author Somedude1234593 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Just don't text or expect a text during the day. This texting back and forth through the day is very risky. It really kills attraction. It's GOOD to be missing someone. It's GOOD to look forward to hear from them. Stop seeking her attention at every moment of the day you feel like having your dosage of her. Stretch that fun feeling we call 'anticipation'. I am seeing someone new. We don't talk during the day AT ALL even if I have the type of work that allows me to send texts anytime during the day. During the day I enjoy this feeling of anticipation that I will be talking to him at night. When 8 pm comes around and he has not heard from me all day he's looking forward to hear from me and we both have things to talk about. Let go of this texting. If you text through the day then your text aren't something she is anticipating, she's not in a hurry to attend to them, it's become something common happening several times a day. I guess I should specify it is a bit of a strange situation. We met on a dating site a few months ago, talked quite a bit and then it was brought to my attention that she is actually teaching for a few months. So texting has realistically been the only means of communication thus far. As for texting all day, no that isn't the case at all. At most we have sent 4-5 a day and that is on the higher end. It is usually 1-2 a day and ends up being during the day for me and night for her due to the time difference. I should note too that if she takes a while to respond, I usually try to match that frequency. I by no means sit and stare at my phone all day hoping for a response and when it does come I wait awhile to respond back myself. The reasoning behind this is to avoid what you warned about above. I don't want to lose that anticipation, etc... I want things to be fun and exciting, not drawn out and boring. I guess my main question/concern is trying to get myself internally to just chill. It's not something I portray to others, whether in person, or via text (did you get my message, are you okay, etc...), I am perfectly able in that sense but it's trying to handle it within myself, if that makes sense. I apologize for not being more clear in my initial post.
dobielover Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 You've never met? Reign it in buddy, reign it in. There's nothing here, nothing at all, until you meet. You could feel nothing for her in person.
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Please, set up a meeting. And call her. Otherwise you have nothing. 1
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I guess I should specify it is a bit of a strange situation. We met on a dating site a few months ago, talked quite a bit and then it was brought to my attention that she is actually teaching for a few months. Do you mean you got in contact with her and only after a certain amount of time she let you know she was outside the country working? This is highly deceiving. Probably a lie as well. Talk on the phone and skype with this lovely lady. You may discover she is not as lovely as you initially thought.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I guess I should specify it is a bit of a strange situation. We met on a dating site a few months ago, talked quite a bit and then it was brought to my attention that she is actually teaching for a few months. So texting has realistically been the only means of communication thus far. As for texting all day, no that isn't the case at all. At most we have sent 4-5 a day and that is on the higher end. It is usually 1-2 a day and ends up being during the day for me and night for her due to the time difference. I should note too that if she takes a while to respond, I usually try to match that frequency. I by no means sit and stare at my phone all day hoping for a response and when it does come I wait awhile to respond back myself. The reasoning behind this is to avoid what you warned about above. I don't want to lose that anticipation, etc... I want things to be fun and exciting, not drawn out and boring. I guess my main question/concern is trying to get myself internally to just chill. It's not something I portray to others, whether in person, or via text (did you get my message, are you okay, etc...), I am perfectly able in that sense but it's trying to handle it within myself, if that makes sense. I apologize for not being more clear in my initial post. I don't quite understand the situation. Is she teaching abroad or something? I am a teacher too and also happen to live abroad. I obviously cannot text when I am in the classroom but I do regularly communicate via Skype and FaceTime with friends and family in my home country. Of course there is a time difference so we need to schedule around that, but it's not impossible to keep in contact. I also regularly use What's App to send messages to everyone. Can you arrange a call or web-cam chat?
Author Somedude1234593 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 I don't quite understand the situation. Is she teaching abroad or something? I am a teacher too and also happen to live abroad. I obviously cannot text when I am in the classroom but I do regularly communicate via Skype and FaceTime with friends and family in my home country. Of course there is a time difference so we need to schedule around that, but it's not impossible to keep in contact. I also regularly use What's App to send messages to everyone. Can you arrange a call or web-cam chat? Oops apparently I deleted the word abroad, apologies, it probably caused a lot of confusion. Yes, she is teaching and living abroad currently, I am sure I could arrange a web-cam chat with her.
Author Somedude1234593 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Do you mean you got in contact with her and only after a certain amount of time she let you know she was outside the country working? This is highly deceiving. Probably a lie as well. Talk on the phone and skype with this lovely lady. You may discover she is not as lovely as you initially thought. It was brought to my attention by the third or fourth message so basically right away. It was not as though we had been talking for a few weeks and then all of the sudden it came up.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Oops apparently I deleted the word abroad, apologies, it probably caused a lot of confusion. Yes, she is teaching and living abroad currently, I am sure I could arrange a web-cam chat with her. Yes, you absolutely can. I do this quite frequently with folks back home. Assuming she's teaching in a developed country with ready internet access, this shouldn't be a problem. Did she tell you where she is?
Author Somedude1234593 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Yes, you absolutely can. I do this quite frequently with folks back home. Assuming she's teaching in a developed country with ready internet access, this shouldn't be a problem. Did she tell you where she is? Yeah she told me where she is.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Go ahead and arrange a Skype/FaceTime call. All of this texting isn't going to amount to much unless the two of you start to build a stronger connection.
Author Somedude1234593 Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) Go ahead and arrange a Skype/FaceTime call. All of this texting isn't going to amount to much unless the two of you start to build a stronger connection. I agree, I will get one set up with her then. I have one other question for you. So she has made it pretty clear well at least told me that she is attracted too me, enjoys talking to me, wants to see me, etc... I am I stupid to read into it too much considering our only communication has been messaging? Would it be dumb of me to reiterate the same back to her? Thanks Edited December 29, 2015 by Somedude1234593
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I agree, I will get one set up with her then. I have one other question for you. So she has made it pretty clear well at least told me that she is attracted too me, enjoys talking to me, wants to see me, etc... I am I stupid to read into it too much considering our only communication has been messaging? Would it be dumb of me to reiterate the same back to her? Thanks You like her pictures. You can't say you are attracted towards her you have not met her yet and she may be different than her pictures. You can say you enjoy your conversation and like her sense of humor etc. Sure. Just remember that all this means nothing until you meet. Why is she on a dating site if she lives abroad at the moment? When is she coming back? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 You like her pictures. You can't say you are attracted towards her you have not met her yet and she may be different than her pictures. You can say you enjoy your conversation and like her sense of humor etc. Sure. Just remember that all this means nothing until you meet. Why is she on a dating site if she lives abroad at the moment? When is she coming back? Took the words out of my mouth, Gaeta. I imagine this job abroad wasn't a sudden trip, so she likely had planned it for a little while. It therefore seems a bit strange to me that she is on a dating site for what I assume is your local area, OP. Are you texting her on an international number? 1
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