Silver_star Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Looking for some insight into this baffling behavior from my ex. My ex reached out to me before Christmas to tell me that he NOW had to get some things off his chest about our relationship. We have been broken up for just over 3 months at this point. He left me with a lot of unanswered questions at the time. He was just very vague in the break up and I had to go through the many possible reasons in my head. It has been a rollercoaster. Basically he said that the reason he broke things off with me is that he got feelings for someone else. He got a "crush" he said. He said he was super confused about his feelings and still cared about me at the time, but regardless he chose to go with her and they started dating right after our break up. He sticks with his story that he never cheated (physically). He definitely was emotionally investing in her though. Which is not okay by me. Then he said that they recently broke up and he was glad it was over with her and wishes it didn't happen. He apologized to me for hurting me. He said he was depressed and that he hasn't been truly happy for a while. I stayed really strong and said I was sorry it didn't work out with his crush, but he still messed up our relationship and that I hope he can learn to be happy with one person one day. I deserved the apology so I am glad he gave it to me because it sounded sincere at the time. It made me think that maybe I could be his friend down the line still. I honestly felt bad for him. Like he is lost. HOWEVER....that was just before Christmas and now less than 10 days later he posted a pic of him and his new "ex" gf on facebook with her hugging him from behind and both of them smiling.... (posting couple type stuff on facebook or IG is something he never did with me, he was always weird about facebook posts and relationships and super hesitant to do it, he said the best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on facebook). They are on holidays together in the same place we went 3 months ago. Weird that the first photo of him he has posted on FB in forever is of him and his new gf who he just got back together with (if they ever even broke up in the first place) and its in the same place we went on holidays 3 months ago. That is just a stab in the gut. You think you had something special, and they go and pull that crap. Do you think he is actually happy with her now after just 10 days after his message to me saying they had broken up and he was glad it was over and that he hasn't been happy in so long? Does him reaching out to me have more to do with THEIR breakup or ours? I am thinking the former at this point because they are back together. What the hell? His actions don't make sense. It makes me feel like he was trying to toy with me before in contacting me to see if I still had strong feelings for him and would take him back. I was doing really well before this. I was making peace with it. Now he is just being cruel for no reason.
Wewon Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I don't know what was going through his mind, or what his motives might have been, but I think that this is what going no contact is for. That being said, I don't think that his actions are coming from healthy place for himself either. He sounds like the kind of person that can't be alone for long and doesn't do well by himself. See this below. HOWEVER....that was just before Christmas and now less than 10 days later he posted a pic of him and his new "ex" gf on facebook with her hugging him from behind and both of them smiling.... (posting couple type stuff on facebook or IG is something he never did with me, he was always weird about facebook posts and relationships and super hesitant to do it, he said the best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on facebook). They are on holidays together in the same place we went 3 months ago. Weird that the first photo of him he has posted on FB in forever is of him and his new gf who he just got back together with (if they ever even broke up in the first place) and its in the same place we went on holidays 3 months ago. That is just a stab in the gut. You think you had something special, and they go and pull that crap. There's definitely something to be learned about him from this. First, social media is about presenting a certain face to the world. Take what you see on there with a grain of salt. That picture was meant for others to see on purpose. He is going against his own philosophy and posting pictures on FB. Maybe he knows that its a "showy" thing to do, maybe he wants a reaction out of you, or maybe he is trying to hold on for dear life with her. But its sounds like a bad sign in his life. You don't want to be a part of this. He sounds fickle and easily distracted. 1
ExtraSpice Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I think his actions are probably influenced by both your and his own breakup. Maybe he felt sad and wanted to reach out to someone. It is very interesting how the mind tends to behave. When you feel sad and hurt you tend to want to apologize to all the people that you thought you hurt. In my opinion people do that because it feels good to get the burden of your chest and feel as though you fixed a wrong. Also after a breakup there is this feeling as though you are not wanted anymore. The short term solution is to find someone who wants you and that is why a lot of people start dating right after a breakup. For some people it works for some it is just a way of kicking your problems down the road to solve for a later time. So maybe he has his own issues that he is trying to avoid instead of solve. I can see how what he said can be hurtful and throw you off your own path. But the truth is we can't control what other people do but we can control our reaction to that. I would suggest unfriending him on facebook, at least for the time being. If he contacts you regarding his relationship problems again just politely say that you can't be the friend he needs at the moment. You need to concentrate on healing yourself. And I know it is easier to preach than it is to practice, so I probably need to follow my own advice as well. Best of luck!
Author Silver_star Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 I have been always very thoughtful and forgiving of him because of the pain I see him going through. But its not my job to fix him, and I cant do that even if I wanted to.
Author Silver_star Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 I don't know what was going through his mind, or what his motives might have been, but I think that this is what going no contact is for. There's definitely something to be learned about him from this. First, social media is about presenting a certain face to the world. Take what you see on there with a grain of salt. That picture was meant for others to see on purpose. He is going against his own philosophy and posting pictures on FB. Maybe he knows that its a "showy" thing to do, maybe he wants a reaction out of you, or maybe he is trying to hold on for dear life with her. But its sounds like a bad sign in his life. You don't want to be a part of this. He sounds fickle and easily distracted. I agree 100%. It's confusing only because it's upsetting to me. I always feel like the relationship deserved some kind of respect because it was important and significant to me, but he continues to just try to erase all memory of it by going to the same places with new girls and have a "re-do" as it were. I feel disrespected as a result. I try to let go of him, and then he reaches out and rehashes things. On some level he wanted me to see that or he wouldn't have posted it.
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