e4u Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 What do people think about polyamory vs. fidelity and monogamy.
justanotherguy1 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Honestly seems like a waste of time is she is being like this. Doesn't seem really interested. If I were you I'd say look I would like to meet with you and spend some time with you, even tho its just for a few days. See what she says. If she's back with the mixed signals then its just a waste of yoir time
Samhain Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I think if people enter these relationships and they are 100% consensual and all parties involved are happy, then what does it matter to anybody else. Have the life and relationships that make you happy, no need to worry about other peoples choices. Just my opinion anyhow. 5
justanotherguy1 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 My bad wrong thread. I agree with samhain tho. Sometimes you just gotta go for it.
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I think nothing at all. If all parties involved are happy then more power to them. I actually gave a serious thought of trying a polyamory relationship. 2
central Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Polyamory has worked for me, as has polyfidelity, as well as monogamy. I approve of any kind of relationship that's done consensually and ethically. 2
jen1447 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 What the others said. (I'm happily polyamorous.) Seems like a very broad intro to the topic ....do you have sth more specific on your mind? 1
Multiamorous Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I also agree that: whatever type of relationship and love works for all parties involved should be pursued and cherished.
still_an_Angel Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Sometimes people just develop or progress to something else in their relationships. Nothing wrong with that but not everyone does. So where does this lead to? Some people have affairs, because sometimes one cannot get all that he needs from one person. If people are more accepting of polyamorous relationships there wouldn't be infidelities.
Friskyone4u Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 It's fine IF two people are in agreement and on same page. But it is NOT a cure for problems in a marriage or relationship. The cracks will become wider. And it is NOT the solution if you are already cheating or in an EA. You have jumped the gun. Also, do not think that the same issues as in monogamy cannot happen. Most polyamorous relationships start with SOME boundaries or rules. Then those get broken by one party who refuses to renegotiate and decides anything they now want is a definite NEED. I'm not sure if you are married, single, or what, but if you have a partner, you might want to read these two books "More Than Two" "Opening Up" And by the way, if you are a man, you better make sure you are comfortable with your wife or partner having a lot more opportunities than you. If you are a woman, you better make sure your husband understands what he is getting himself into before you are "dating" while he is babysitting. And if you are single, you need to figure out how you are going to remain an honest person and not deceive someone who has no idea about your relationship desires until they are emotionally involved with you. 1
deckard11 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Polyamory seems to be the popular fad on online dating sites I've noticed. Seems to me that people want to have their cake and eat it too. 2
Popsicle Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 I would never do it and think it's absurd. 3
jen1447 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Polyamory seems to be the popular fad on online dating sites I've noticed. Seems to me that people want to have their cake and eat it too. That seems unnecessarily judgmental.
No_Go Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Jen, I'm curious does polyamory works for you because you're attracted to both sexes, i.e. men and women in your life fill different niches? I've seen a documentary of a woman living with 2 men, but they seem to be compartmentalized as well (one was taking father and provider role, other lover and nurturer) Also, how does a polyamory us relationship work: eg if we have 3 people(A,B and C), are all combinations involved (A to B and C, B to A and C, C to Aand B), or only part (A to B and C, but B and C are not in a relationship between each other)? That seems unnecessarily judgmental.
PogoStick Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Also, how does a polyamory us relationship work: eg if we have 3 people(A,B and C), are all combinations involved (A to B and C, B to A and C, C to Aand B), or only part (A to B and C, but B and C are not in a relationship between each other)? It's whatever the people want. Mike is with Jane and Sara. Jane is with Mike, Tom, and Sally. Sara is only with Mike.
jen1447 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 ^ Yeah. There are no particular rules. It does seem like ppl have a common misconception tho that say a group of 3 where B is involved with A and C must also mean that A and C are involved. That's not necessarily so and it's actually not common. So it's less communal relationship and more multiple relationships. Poly isn't dependent on bisexuality for me, no. I could (and would) still be poly if I was strictly lesbian. It does increase the options tho, so to speak. (And men and women do fill diff niches for me but I think that's normal.)
No_Go Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 So the only "rule" is all involved are aware, eg Sarah knows that Mike is with her but also Jane? It's whatever the people want. Mike is with Jane and Sara. Jane is with Mike, Tom, and Sally. Sara is only with Mike.
No_Go Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Ok, makes sense. What you say about bisexuality makes sense too, I kind of suspected there's compatmentalization, in which I see the gender can be irrelevant (as for the example with Jaiya Ma that I referred to) To me it seems like polyamory could be the way to avoid "the one" illusions and setting unrealistic expectations on this "one", but I have my suspects our evolution as a species is not yet there so polyamory would be the norm (jealousy and related negatives are the main concern) ^ Yeah. There are no particular rules. It does seem like ppl have a common misconception tho that say a group of 3 where B is involved with A and C must also mean that A and C are involved. That's not necessarily so and it's actually not common. So it's less communal relationship and more multiple relationships. Poly isn't dependent on bisexuality for me, no. I could (and would) still be poly if I was strictly lesbian. It does increase the options tho, so to speak. (And men and women do fill diff niches for me but I think that's normal.)
Alamo657 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 What do people think about polyamory vs. fidelity and monogamy. Few times i've actually heard women use the term, it was used as a justification for cheating on their official partner without them knowing. Since they enjoyed and wanted the company of both men, they had some kind of modern right to be with both of them. If monogamy is not your thing, then don't do it. But be upfront about it, and realize that you're closing the doors do depth in your relationships, because finding another person who is so not invested in you that he/she can be invested in somebody else or no one, means it's all about sex, and not about love. Funny thing : men laugh at the concept, because being horny is part of men culture, while women are, mostly, still ashamed about it.
jen1447 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Ok, makes sense. What you say about bisexuality makes sense too, I kind of suspected there's compatmentalization, in which I see the gender can be irrelevant (as for the example with Jaiya Ma that I referred to) To me it seems like polyamory could be the way to avoid "the one" illusions and setting unrealistic expectations on this "one", but I have my suspects our evolution as a species is not yet there so polyamory would be the norm (jealousy and related negatives are the main concern) I think the jealousy issues come from ppl who aren't actually polyamorous (as in fundamentally, much like your sexuality) practicing polyamory nonetheless. Those are the "have your cake and eat it too" ppl, but it's not actually legit polyamorous ppl. So the only "rule" is all involved are aware, eg Sarah knows that Mike is with her but also Jane? That's actually not even a rule if your arrangement happened to be 'don't ask/don't tell' or sth like that. But more often the players all know each other yeah, and in situations where the arrangement is full disclosure you have to advise. Otherwise it's cheating just like any other cheating. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Few times i've actually heard women use the term, it was used as a justification for cheating on their official partner without them knowing. Since they enjoyed and wanted the company of both men, they had some kind of modern right to be with both of them. If monogamy is not your thing, then don't do it. But polyamory and infidelity are not even related. But be upfront about it, and realize that you're closing the doors do depth in your relationships, because finding another person who is so not invested in you that he/she can be invested in somebody else or no one, means it's all about sex, and not about love. How do you know? People have very nice and thriving polyamorous families. It's a real thing! Funny thing : men laugh at the concept, because being horny is part of men culture, while women are, mostly, still ashamed about it. The most vocal polyamorous person on this site (that I've noticed anyway) is a woman, at least 2 women on this thread have said with no shame that they'd consider it. Not everybody is cut out for a monogamous relationship, if you are not, why not live honestly?? 1
jen1447 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 But be upfront about it, and realize that you're closing the doors do depth in your relationships, because finding another person who is so not invested in you that he/she can be invested in somebody else or no one, means it's all about sex, and not about love. That's nonsense. How would you know, having only even heard the term a few times?
Alamo657 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 That's nonsense. How would you know, having only even heard the term a few times? Because the few times i've heard women use it, it was a cover for cheating situations.
jen1447 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Because the few times i've heard women use it, it was a cover for cheating situations. Does that qualify you to make broad conclusive declarations about all polyamorous ppl? 1
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