"You should lower your standards in this Netflix and Chill era"

December 29, 2015

Nope you're not in the wrong at all. That's what we have instincts for. Nobody should ever be in any situation, whether it's to do with dating or otherwise, that makes them feel uncomfortable. Maybe your friend would act differently, but that's her choice, your choices are your own, and are right for you.

I think this way too.

I have my own standards, she has hers.

I don't think I am being overly demanding or picky.

December 31, 2015

So I have an update regarding this guy who suggested the threesome and etc.

Today, after I had deleted his number and blocked him in Instagram, he messaged me again, as if nothing had happened and as if he hadn't noticed I had deleted his number (I am sure he did because of WhatsApp, I only enable the visualization of my picture to my contacts)

Anyway. I told him I was upset with the fact he suggested a threesome and I said that I am not looking for a hookup , let alone a threesome. He said he was just messing around (right) and that he never had the intention to join a threesome (RIGHHHHHT). I told him women in OLD have to face perverts all the time and some women in OLD even suffer from the stereotype of being easy and willing to have hookups. He said "I understand. Fair enough."

He didn't apologize, though. He just said he was joking. Anyway, we kept talking for a while, he tried to be flirtatious again (since he has Middle Eastern ancestry he would say I should "fan him and feed him grapes" and other things that just make my eyes roll). I said him I was not in a flirtatious mood. Then he sarcastically replied "good. We Middle Eastern men have an unfounded reputation for being womanizers. And I would not appreciate you feeding into that stereotype". That was him slightly making fun of what I had said before. I didn't like it, but I didn't say a thing.

Anyway, after a little more chatting he said he had to go and wished me Happy New Year. I said "likewise", he made another flirty comment and ignored it. I didn't add him back to my phone book and I didn't unblock him either. I don't feel comfortable enough to do that.

What would you do ? Would you re-add him? Would you ignore him forever?

December 31, 2015

So I have an update regarding this guy who suggested the threesome and etc.

Today, after I had deleted his number and blocked him in Instagram, he messaged me again, as if nothing had happened and as if he hadn't noticed I had deleted his number (I am sure he did because of WhatsApp, I only enable the visualization of my picture to my contacts)

Anyway. I told him I was upset with the fact he suggested a threesome and I said that I am not looking for a hookup , let alone a threesome. He said he was just messing around (right) and that he never had the intention to join a threesome (RIGHHHHHT). I told him women in OLD have to face perverts all the time and some women in OLD even suffer from the stereotype of being easy and willing to have hookups. He said "I understand. Fair enough."

He didn't apologize, though. He just said he was joking. Anyway, we kept talking for a while, he tried to be flirtatious again (since he has Middle Eastern ancestry he would say I should "fan him and feed him grapes" and other things that just make my eyes roll). I said him I was not in a flirtatious mood. Then he sarcastically replied "good. We Middle Eastern men have an unfounded reputation for being womanizers. And I would not appreciate you feeding into that stereotype". That was him slightly making fun of what I had said before. I didn't like it, but I didn't say a thing.

Anyway, after a little more chatting he said he had to go and wished me Happy New Year. I said "likewise", he made another flirty comment and ignored it. I didn't add him back to my phone book and I didn't unblock him either. I don't feel comfortable enough to do that.

What would you do ? Would you re-add him? Would you ignore him forever?

You seem to be doing a fair amount of multidating. Looking at your other ongoing thread, it appears you were dating this lawyer dude at the same time you were dating the judo fighter.

OP, what I see happening with you is what happens to many women who get involved with online dating. They have so many options coming at them in the form of desperate men that they become unable to choose. So they date endlessly, never settling on any of one of them. There have been actual studies that show that the more options people have, they less able they are to make a choice. That's what I see going on here with you.

Edited December 31, 2015 by oberkeat

December 31, 2015

This is why I don't online date. I'd rather not date if someone is going to be like this.

December 31, 2015

So I have an update regarding this guy who suggested the threesome and etc.

Today, after I had deleted his number and blocked him in Instagram, he messaged me again, as if nothing had happened and as if he hadn't noticed I had deleted his number (I am sure he did because of WhatsApp, I only enable the visualization of my picture to my contacts)

Anyway. I told him I was upset with the fact he suggested a threesome and I said that I am not looking for a hookup , let alone a threesome. He said he was just messing around (right) and that he never had the intention to join a threesome (RIGHHHHHT). I told him women in OLD have to face perverts all the time and some women in OLD even suffer from the stereotype of being easy and willing to have hookups. He said "I understand. Fair enough."

He didn't apologize, though. He just said he was joking. Anyway, we kept talking for a while, he tried to be flirtatious again (since he has Middle Eastern ancestry he would say I should "fan him and feed him grapes" and other things that just make my eyes roll). I said him I was not in a flirtatious mood. Then he sarcastically replied "good. We Middle Eastern men have an unfounded reputation for being womanizers. And I would not appreciate you feeding into that stereotype". That was him slightly making fun of what I had said before. I didn't like it, but I didn't say a thing.

Anyway, after a little more chatting he said he had to go and wished me Happy New Year. I said "likewise", he made another flirty comment and ignored it. I didn't add him back to my phone book and I didn't unblock him either. I don't feel comfortable enough to do that.

What would you do ? Would you re-add him? Would you ignore him forever?

I wouldn't have continued to talk to him... He is back peddling. Why would you want to associate with men who treat any woman this way... You got a glimpse into his standard MO. He pushes boundaries and tries to see what he can get away with. Why would you trust anyone who behaved like that.

As for his BS attempt to get you to feel guilty for calling him out on his behavior... Well, tell him not to act like a womanizer if he wants to avoid the stereotype. Simple. I wouldn't bother having that conversation.

December 31, 2015

I think women should raise their standards, not lower them. IMO, your standards are exceedingly low since you continued to talk to, meet, and then eventually sleep with a guy who is not interested in you, and even stood you up for your first date. Your standards are low because you allow yourself to be a plaything for this guy, just because he is...

Based on your description of how he sends you pics and bragging about them that he is also very good looking. Very low standards indeed.

I never MET, let alone SLEPT with this guy. LOL.

You should read my post again, because you obviously did not pay attention to it.

December 31, 2015

You seem to be doing a fair amount of multidating. Looking at your other ongoing thread, it appears you were dating this lawyer dude at the same time you were dating the judo fighter.

OP, what I see happening with you is what happens to many women who get involved with online dating. They have so many options coming at them in the form of desperate men that they become unable to choose. So they date endlessly, never settling on any of one of them. There have been actual studies that show that the more options people have, they less able they are to make a choice. That's what I see going on here with you.

I didn't meet the judo fighter online.

I met him at a party.

Like I said, I am dating OTHER GUYS in my real life. Just DATES. I am not having sex with any of them - I am just getting to know them better. This is the only guy I talk to online.

December 31, 2015

I wouldn't have continued to talk to him... He is back peddling. Why would you want to associate with men who treat any woman this way... You got a glimpse into his standard MO. He pushes boundaries and tries to see what he can get away with. Why would you trust anyone who behaved like that.

As for his BS attempt to get you to feel guilty for calling him out on his behavior... Well, tell him not to act like a womanizer if he wants to avoid the stereotype. Simple. I wouldn't bother having that conversation.

Thank you, I agree with you.

Well, I didn't feel guilty and I know he didn't think I felt guilty . As for "never wanted a threesome"? BULL****. What if I had responded in a different way? What if I had said "Oh yeah I will bring my friend to your house?" I really doubt he would say "Oh please no I was just kidding". Jerk.

I just kept talking to him because I really wanted to LET HIM KNOW I am not willing to have sex with him. Like someone said earlier in this thread, I must make myself clear. I am not meeting this guy anymore, I don't want to, but I am a proud person and I just HAD TO tell him I am not willing to be a hookup. I needed that to keep my dignity intact.

December 31, 2015

As a girl I don't see anything really all that wrong with what that guy did. He just approached the wrong target with his proposition.

December 31, 2015

Then we had this ridiculous conversation here:

Me: - Hey, I gotta tell you something... I am coming to NYC next month.
- That's very welcome news. Damn, I am really falling asleep (he had taken an overnight flight and he had told me already he was tired)
- You should get some rest, then
- Yeah... There's room for one in my bed right now. I could use a cuddle buddy right now.
- You're very daring for someone in a sleepwalking state, aren't you?
- Well.. In fact there's room for two more if you want to bring a friend

I would not have even responded to that.

Any man who says something like that to me before ever even meeting me gets immediately nexted.

Major turn off...and ick factor.

Block, delete, next.

Just me.

Good call GV for deciding not to meet.

Edited December 31, 2015 by katiegrl

December 31, 2015

I would not have even responded to that.

Any man who says something like that to me before ever even meeting me gets immediately nexted. Ick.

Block, delete, next.

Just me.

Good call GV for deciding not to meet.

I know right?

can I trust him or his intentions now? I CAN'T! No matter what he says now, no matter what excuses he may give... I will always wonder , if I had replied positively to his joke , what would he say? He'd definitely not say he was only joking. He'd definitely not pull back.

It's a pity to see many interesting, clever men behaving this way. They sabotage themselves. I AM NOT GOING TO MEET a horndog.

December 31, 2015

. But I wonder what kind of woman accepts this kind of treatment. It makes me cringe.

Yes, there are women who just want to hook up. What is the problem?

You're not one of them. You made it clear in the beginning, but he probably thought you changed your mind. So he was testing the waters again.

December 31, 2015

I know right?

can I trust him or his intentions now? I CAN'T! No matter what he says now, no matter what excuses he may give... I will always wonder , if I had replied positively to his joke , what would he say? He'd definitely not say he was only joking. He'd definitely not pull back.

It's a pity to see many interesting, clever men behaving this way. They sabotage themselves. I AM NOT GOING TO MEET a horndog.

Agree, but for me, the threesome "joke" would have never even entered the convo....cause I never would have responded to his "room for one more in my bed....cuddle buddy" comment. He has never even met you for chrissakes.

He needs a filter (and some class)....what a bozo.

NEXT!!

Edited December 31, 2015 by katiegrl

December 31, 2015

In regards to "Netflix and chill" women my age range(18-25) aren't attracted to the guys who want to take them out on "real" dates.

December 31, 2015

Agree, but for me, the threesome "joke" would have never even entered the convo....cause I never would have responded to his "room for one more in my bed....cuddle buddy" comment. He has never even met you for chrissakes.

He needs a filter (and some class)....what a bozo.

NEXT!!

And to think this guy talks to politicians everyday... And diplomats... And yet behaves like a Neanderthal in WhatsApp

In regards to "Netflix and chill" women my age range(18-25) aren't attracted to the guys who want to take them out on "real" dates.

Really? But that must be the minority of them right?

Seriously, I have many friends your age range and they would definitely prefer a real date than "chilling on the sofa".

December 31, 2015

GV.... are you sure this guy is a lawyer?

You said you met on OKCupid... wonder if he fed you a line of BS about that.

I work with male lawyers (in their 30's) and can't even imagine any of them using that language "cuddle buddy" to a woman they've never even met.

Just seems very sophomoric to me....

You'd think being a lawyer, with even a modicum of intelligence, he'd know that.

Perhaps I am being too judgmental.... I just would have personally found that to be a huge turn off.

December 31, 2015

And to think this guy talks to politicians everyday... And diplomats...

LOL....did you read my last post?

Kinda calling BS on that.... unless there's actual proof.

December 31, 2015

I think this guy is really full of himself. He has a very important job position. I mean... Rubbing shoulders with diplomats and politicians everyday, this level of importance. He has written articles in very important newspapers and his pieces of writing have always been praised. .

Have you verified any of this?

None of this is jiving with me.... but hey who knows?

Stranger things have happened.

December 31, 2015

I know there are exceptions to rules and many of you may not want to hear/believe this...but certain career paths attract certain personalities. A successful New York lawyer? Listen. I know a lot of lawyers. And I know a lot about surviving large cities. You could almost guarantee he feels entitled because of what he does and where he does it. You have to be cunning and ruthless to survive that career.

Other career paths that seemingly draw egos: doctors, phone app entrepreneurs, professional musicians.

I don't know. The guy is definitely a dick. Find yourself a nice, mellow nerd.

December 31, 2015

However to block him and the whole "off with his head!" response is rather dramatic though.

No it's not. She doesn't owe him anything. He turned her off. There is nothing more for them to discuss.

Someone texting you about 3somes and you haven't laid eyes on them yet doesn't deserve polite treatment.

I don't have a habit of blocking people (nobody texts me anyway haha!) so I don't see the need for you to block him

What you would do and what OP would do aren't even related. You are two separate individuals with life experiences that are unique to each of you.

Edited December 31, 2015 by kendahke

December 31, 2015

Yeah I know... I should have made myself CLEARER.
Because like I said before... when we arranged our first meeting, I was coming to NYCand he wanted a dinner date and drinks later and I said "Hey... listen. I am not looking for a one night stand. I think a lunch date would be more appropriate" and he said "hey, you're coming to NYC , I just want
to meet you and talk to you! You're an educated, smart woman, you know what you want and I know that. It's not like I have ulterior motives here. I have friends from everywhere around the globe... You're already one of them"

I thought he had understood my message and that he was GENUINELY not thinking I was looking for sex. My mistake. I think that after we started talking again and flirting a little he thought "hmm I guess she's ready for sex now".

I wonder if I had made it clearer from the start if he would act differently, but honestly? I think he would just run away faster... He is a horndog. He is just looking for sex. I was just wasting my time.

I mean, how much clearer does it need to be for a practicing attorney whose job involves a lot of nuances and translating the vague into the focused? Would be different if he was some high school drop out.

You were clear enough in what you said.

December 31, 2015

What would you do ? Would you re-add him? Would you ignore him forever?

I'd block him in every way and not deal with him.

What are you going to do?

January 1, 2016

Have you verified any of this?

None of this is jiving with me.... but hey who knows?

Stranger things have happened.

He is not lying. He really is a lawyer, a very successful one.

I know that for a fact because I have proof regarding what he does.

Also, we used to have in the beginning very deep and intelligent conversations... He knows so much about philosophy and history... He is really really smart but in terms of relationships he is immature I think

I know there are exceptions to rules and many of you may not want to hear/believe this...but certain career paths attract certain personalities. A successful New York lawyer? Listen. I know a lot of lawyers. And I know a lot about surviving large cities. You could almost guarantee he feels entitled because of what he does and where he does it. You have to be cunning and ruthless to survive that career.

Other career paths that seemingly draw egos: doctors, phone app entrepreneurs, professional musicians.

I don't know. The guy is definitely a dick. Find yourself a nice, mellow nerd.

I think he is a little arrogant for Being a successful lawyer in NYC. That definitely is an ego booster. He knows that it is really hard to have his position in a City like new York.

I'd block him in every way and not deal with him.

What are you going to do?

I didn’t re add him. I didn’t Block him either in whatsapp (though he is still Blocked in instagram) but I will not initiate contact with him again. If he ever talks to me, I will be civil. But I will not meet him

Definitely not. He didnt ask me if the meeting is still up, but if he does I will tell it is not a good idea anymore. I am too turned off.

Edited January 1, 2016 by GingerVixen

January 1, 2016

you don't have to lower your standards, but you should always be willing to broaden your options. for instance, is lowing an income/education requirement lowering a standard, or just opening your up to more people? look for ways to always be inclusive when dating

January 1, 2016

Ginger,
Trust me. There are really decent guys out there. You have to spend a lot of time looking for them.

Dont mean to thread jack, but where does op (and myself:confused:) find them????

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