ilovemusic3 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I'm female, we're both 26. I went out with this guy for the first time from a dating site, and we had a 3 hour date. And by the next day he was messaging me for a second date, real eager, with some ideas on where to go. He said he even was thinking about messaging me that night right after the date ended. Should I be concerned about why he's acting so desperate, is this normal?
basil67 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Hang on - in just a week we've gone from you getting no dates to being worried about a guy who's obviously keen. And I don't see desperate - I see enthusiastic. Desperate is nagging you into a date when you don't want to be with him. If you start seeing other red flags, then reconsider. But don't dismiss the idea that he may actually be a great guy who doesn't bother playing the type of "make her wait" games which you seem to expect. 8
MissThang Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 He probably had a great time with you and just wants to see you again and soon. Nothing to worry about. And he isnt trying to play any games (waiting 2 days, a week even to ask you out again even though he knows he wants to talk to you sooner) 6
basil67 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Regarding the 'is it normal' thing, well when I was a girl dating back in the olden days it was very normal. Perhaps times have changed and playing games is now expected. I don't know. I just feel sad that you're looking with cynicism at a guy who may simply not be a game player. 1
PegNosePete Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Who cares if it's "normal" or not? If you want to see him again, say yes. If you don't, say no. Simples. 6
Buddhist Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I think you're a bit heavy handed with the desperate comment. He wasn't trying to set up a second date within an hour of the first one. Maybe you'd like to try being appreciative that this guy is into you enough to offer a second date and wanting to pin down a time for it. 2
JGirl83 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I think he is eager, not desperate. Desperate would be if he was bombarding you with texts or begging for a date. It is quite common for people to establish on a first date that they would like to see each other again and set up a second date. Or texting shortly after a first date or next day is also common and normal. It is sad that you find this desperate, i think. 5
Xiomn Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) No you should not be concerned, it shows he enjoyed his time and would like to see you again, although normally I wait 2-3 days. You didn't mention when he tried to set the date up for, the next day? In which case I might find that way too soon for my liking, or one week away which seems reasonable. I'm guessing that's the more important factor in determining desperation in my opinion. Edited December 29, 2015 by Xiomn
dobielover Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Eh, many times a guy goes for the second date while still on the first! This is nothing. 8
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I'm female, we're both 26. I went out with this guy for the first time from a dating site, and we had a 3 hour date. And by the next day he was messaging me for a second date, real eager, with some ideas on where to go. He said he even was thinking about messaging me that night right after the date ended. Should I be concerned about why he's acting so desperate, is this normal? He is interested. It is okay to be interested. Enjoy 5
Mrin Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Not at all. When I was dating I would do this all the time - often setting up the next date before the current date had ended. When I see something I want I go for it. And I also wanted the woman to know exactly where she stood. No questions. No games. Most women said that it was unusual and a most welcome change. 4
SwordofFlame Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Were you expecting him to use the three day rule? Because that rule is obsolete.
xcupid Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 How can what he did be seen as desperate? Sheesh! 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 desperate is when you haven't even sat down with the guy for a date and hes already trying to organize a date in the next few days before you've had a chance to sit down and have dinner with him. Desperate is when you say you can't do it on a particular day because you have work and study and he still bothers you for a date despite the fact you've told him what days you are and aren't available. That's desperate and controlling because he does not care for your boundaries what you have is a man that is interested and eager.
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I'm female, we're both 26. I went out with this guy for the first time from a dating site, and we had a 3 hour date. And by the next day he was messaging me for a second date, real eager, with some ideas on where to go. He said he even was thinking about messaging me that night right after the date ended. Should I be concerned about why he's acting so desperate, is this normal? If you were into him.... you would have loved that he asked you out so quick! I know I would anyway. Guys I feel meh about.... ugh, yeah it would be a turn off. But then again, if I felt meh about him, it wouldn't matter cuz I wouldn't be going out with him again anyway. Keep searching....he's not it for you apparently otherwise you would not be here complaining about it.
mattelipstick Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 If you were into him.... you would have loved that he asked you out so quick! I know I would anyway. Guys I feel meh about.... ugh, yeah it would be a turn off. But then again, if I felt meh about him, it wouldn't matter cuz I wouldn't be going out with him again anyway. Keep searching....he's not it for you apparently otherwise you would not be here complaining about it. This. I met a guy this past Saturday. Had a great time and by the time I got home that night, he'd asked to see me Sunday. Hate to call it "normal" or "abnormal" -- but I do know that I didn't question it because I like him and was eager to spend more time. I also know I've cringed when guys did this in the past, and it was because I wasn't really into them.
oberkeat Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) Many women these days prefer a man who is aloof, unavailable, even disrespecftul. So it doesn't surprise me that OP is offended by this guy asking her out again the day after. He's displaying none of the aloofness or unavailability that bad boys or jerks display, the behavior that really turns women on, and that's why OP views it as desperate. Edited December 29, 2015 by oberkeat
katiegrl Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) Many women these days prefer a man who is aloof, unavailable, even disrespecftul. So it doesn't surprise me that OP is offended by this guy asking her out again the day after. He's displaying none of the aloofness or unavailability that bad boys or jerks display, the behavior that really turns women on, and that's why OP views it as desperate. Many girls perhaps (insecure, low self-esteem)....but not emotionally healthy and balanced women. Neither I nor ANY woman I know is attracted to that crap. Of the guys I have totally fallen for immediately...and who have expressed interest in spending time with me again soon.... NONE of them were unavailable, aloof or disrespectful. And if they were....trust me, I would NOT have fallen for them. I don't know where you keep meeting all this unbalanced chicks.....but I would suggest you look someplace else....cuz wherever it is, obviously it's not working for ya. Unless you go for insecure unbalanced chicks who enjoy or prefer being treated disrespectfully, and if that's the case....have at it! Edited December 30, 2015 by katiegrl 1
oberkeat Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Many girls perhaps (insecure, low self-esteem)....but not emotionally healthy and balanced women. Neither I nor ANY woman I know is attracted to that crap. Of the guys I have totally fallen for immediately...and who have expressed interest in spending time with me again soon.... NONE of them were unavailable, aloof or disrespectful. And if they were....trust me, I would NOT have fallen for them. I don't know where you keep meeting all this unbalanced chicks.....but I would suggest you look someplace else....cuz wherever it is, obviously it's not working for ya. Unless you go for insecure unbalanced chicks who enjoy or prefer being treated disrespectfully, and if that's the case....have at it! We've seen a thousand threads where girls are totally turned off by guys who are treating them right and demonstrating interest, and at the same time, these women are wishing they had a man who actually showed less interest, less availability, less affection. I think this type of jerk/aloof/disrespectful behavior is far more exciting to women than you are willing to admit.
katiegrl Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 We've seen a thousand threads where girls are totally turned off by guys who are treating them right and demonstrating interest, and at the same time, these women are wishing they had a man who actually showed less interest, less availability, less affection. I think this type of jerk/aloof/disrespectful behavior is far more exciting to women than you are willing to admit. I would have no problem admitting it oberkeat.....if, in fact, I witnessed it....or have read threads about it here. I have read maybe a few....but again, clearly those women were unbalanced and emotionally unhealthy...because no women who was emotionally balanced, healthy and secure would go for such guys. Can we at least agree on that? Cause surely you can't believe that women who actually prefer to be treated like crap are emotionally right in the head, can you? 1
basil67 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Many women these days prefer a man who is aloof, unavailable, even disrespecftul. So it doesn't surprise me that OP is offended by this guy asking her out again the day after. He's displaying none of the aloofness or unavailability that bad boys or jerks display, the behavior that really turns women on, and that's why OP views it as desperate. This thread demonstrates that these women do exist (the OP who thinks that there's something to worry about) but it also shows that a much, much higher percent of women (all the other female posters) don't fall into this generalisation of yours. It truly is only a particular subset of women who like to have games played.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 I do like to be treated with respect and I do like him, and I was happy to see he asked me so quickly. It's just that before he came along I had met tons of guys who weren't the least bit interested in me so I just get concerned that he's crazy or something because all of a sudden this attractive guy who seems normal likes me.
insert_name Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 We've seen a thousand threads where girls are totally turned off by guys who are treating them right and demonstrating interest, and at the same time, these women are wishing they had a man who actually showed less interest, less availability, less affection. I think this type of jerk/aloof/disrespectful behavior is far more exciting to women than you are willing to admit. Sadly there are a lot of women out there who do not have the self-confidence to trust their judgement in men or who feel they don't deserve to be loved properly. It is exactly like that Groucho Marx quote: "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member". The shocking thing is the sheer number of threads we see on LS about women who think this way. I really hope they are a minority IRL. I think they are very prevalent on online dating sites though unfortunately.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 We went on the second date, now he's completely lost all interest in me, I have no idea what I did wrong.
doeblin Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 We went on the second date, now he's completely lost all interest in me, I have no idea what I did wrong. Why do you think he's lost all interest? Did he say so? Or did he just disappear for a few days? And even if he did lose interest, you may have done nothing wrong. Maybe you're just not a match.
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