Romaks Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I am sure that this question has been asked in many different ways on this forum, but I wanted to bring it up again. I am going to try and provide as little detail as possible about my particular situation because I am more interested in what you all think / have experienced in your own lives. I am a guy in a relationship with a girl, and that's all I will say for now about that. More to the point: I am constantly having these experiences where a girl will hit on me, or someone will inform me that someone has a crush on me or something like that - basically I am presented with an opportunity for a relationship in some way. After this happens - no matter with who - I always feel kind of depressed about not being able to pursue whatever it may be, and I start resenting the fact that I am not single and not free to do such things. What does this mean in your experience? Am I immature? Grass is greener syndrome? Am I unhappy? These are all things I have considered. I am just wondering what y'all's experience with this is.
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I have been in the same situation before. I don't think it is a case of the grass is greener syndrome. I think it is just that sometimes you're bored in your current relationship and you feel that you're missing out. In my experience I would only feel that way when I was bored in my current relationship. If everything was fine I wouldn't care if there was someone interested in me. 3
Author Romaks Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Boredom can be dangerous. What has your experience been with that?
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Boredom can be dangerous. What has your experience been with that? Well I have never cheated on a partner. Whenever I was bored or dissatisfied with a relationship in any way I would simply break up. I think it is the most assertive, honest alternative. I would never play with someone's emotions. So if I ever felt that maybe I would be happier single and just dating, I would break up with the person and date. I would never ever cheat. And yes , once I broke up with a guy because I was interested in someone else. Until today the guy thinks I cheated on him but I didn't. I WOULD NEVER do such a thing. I was 100% honest with him but he didn't want to believe in that.
Author Romaks Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 I would never ever cheat. I am 100% with you there. I would never do this, but I also think that breaking up because of boredom may be something that I would regret in the future. Do you think a relationship is dead when you're bored of it?
Wewon Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 What does this mean in your experience? Am I immature? Grass is greener syndrome? Am I unhappy? These are all things I have considered. I am just wondering what y'all's experience with this is. My guess is that it could be various things, from not fully appreciating your current relationship (for a variety of reasons) to maybe you miss the 'hunt' of dating or maybe you have idealized dating.
GingerVixen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I am 100% with you there. I would never do this, but I also think that breaking up because of boredom may be something that I would regret in the future. Do you think a relationship is dead when you're bored of it? It depends... I don't break up with someone only because I'm a bored.... There are many things that make me break up with someone. I don't break up only because I am bored because I am the kind of person who gets bored every now and then but then I get excited about something again. So if a guy is boring me I try to wait and see until things actually change. Usually when I am not feeling my expectations are being fulfilled, I see no compatibility with the guy and I see that the relationship is going nowhere (and I am not talking about marriage, I am talking about seeing the relationship progress with time, become deeper and more meaningful) I break up. I hate it when the relationship basically becomes a constant sequence of dinner dates and sex after the dinner date and some vacations every now and then to "spice up" things. Relationships are more than just that... But you know most relationships get stuck in this formula. 1
hippychick3 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 How old are you and how long have you been dating your girlfriend? It may be that you haven't had enough experience dating and want to see what else or who else is out there. You and your girlfriend may have grown apart. I have found that I am only tempted by others or depressed at my inability to explore (I've never cheated) when I'm dissatisfied in my current relationship. When I am fulfilled and needs are met, there is no one else who could tempt me in any way. 1
Author Romaks Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 How old are you and how long have you been dating your girlfriend? It may be that you haven't had enough experience dating and want to see what else or who else is out there. You and your girlfriend may have grown apart. I have found that I am only tempted by others or depressed at my inability to explore (I've never cheated) when I'm dissatisfied in my current relationship. When I am fulfilled and needs are met, there is no one else who could tempt me in any way. What you say is something that may be true for me but it's hard for me to admit I guess. We are 21 and it's been a little over a year now.
oberkeat Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 you can't have it both ways I disagree. OP, if I were you, I would still continue to date and sleep with other women even if I had gf. It's a personal issue for me. I feel like I haven't gotten the sex life I want in my life, so I have a lot of catching up to do. The only way to do that is having multiple girlfriends at the same time. That's my goal. As far as I'm concerned, the only boundaries are the ones you have created for yourself. 1
Buddhist Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 It means you're in a relationship of convenience if these little enticements are making you resentful. But of course Sod's law will dictate the instant you become single all interest in you will dry up. 2
scooby-philly Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 There are numerous psychological reasons why you could find yourself in such a position. Perhaps you didn't date a lot or didn't feel comfortable in dating people & living your own life as a teen/young adult. Perhaps you had an active imagination as a child and now still go back to it as a coping mechanism or a way to avoid feelings... Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. I would say WE cannot answer it for you, save to offer our insights into WHY it may be happening, but you have to come to the realization of what the truth is. As for me, I've been in two LTRs and I can say that I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything save with one girl at work. Perhaps that was my fault/bad - in both cases I don't think either one cared for me as much as I did for them. So I can't help but wonder NOW - should I have been pursuing multiple women at the same time early on to see who would show real interest? I can't say. but time and actions to prove everything. Even those fleeting moments when I was talking with someone i would find myself still interested in my girl. There was/is one girl at my current job (she now works on a different floor) - she was drop dead gorgeous to me, great build (not fat, not thin - just right)...OMG! She was tempting...honestly perhaps that was a sign I should have seen in my last relationship, but I missed a lot of those so... Anyway - back to you - not just from a "dating" perspective - when you have a quite moment - train ride to/from work - a walk around the block after dinner, in the shower, etc - see if you can pintpoint why someone would make you feel depressed - it's often as much as sign about what's wrong with your and your life/choices/situation then anyone else 1
Buddhist Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I disagree. OP, if I were you, I would still continue to date and sleep with other women even if I had gf. It's a personal issue for me. I feel like I haven't gotten the sex life I want in my life, so I have a lot of catching up to do. The only way to do that is having multiple girlfriends at the same time. That's my goal. As far as I'm concerned, the only boundaries are the ones you have created for yourself. It might be useful to take note of the fact this guy is single.....and has a lot of lost time. 1
hippychick3 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I disagree. OP, if I were you, I would still continue to date and sleep with other women even if I had gf. It's a personal issue for me. I feel like I haven't gotten the sex life I want in my life, so I have a lot of catching up to do. The only way to do that is having multiple girlfriends at the same time. That's my goal. As far as I'm concerned, the only boundaries are the ones you have created for yourself. OP, please don't cheat on your girlfriend. The above advice is not going to help you if you have a conscience. You're very young, and it's highly unlikely you've found your life long partner in your current girlfriend. Please be honest with her and take a break (even if it leads to a breakup). She deserves the truth (gently) which is you're not totally happy and satisfied in your current relationship. 1
Stephanie91 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I am sure that this question has been asked in many different ways on this forum, but I wanted to bring it up again. I am going to try and provide as little detail as possible about my particular situation because I am more interested in what you all think / have experienced in your own lives. I am a guy in a relationship with a girl, and that's all I will say for now about that. More to the point: I am constantly having these experiences where a girl will hit on me, or someone will inform me that someone has a crush on me or something like that - basically I am presented with an opportunity for a relationship in some way. After this happens - no matter with who - I always feel kind of depressed about not being able to pursue whatever it may be, and I start resenting the fact that I am not single and not free to do such things. What does this mean in your experience? Am I immature? Grass is greener syndrome? Am I unhappy? These are all things I have considered. I am just wondering what y'all's experience with this is. Do you live together? Could be just a love rut, take a break and travel or something
Author Romaks Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Do you live together? Could be just a love rut, take a break and travel or something No we do not. I don't think I would want that any time soon either. And that's not just because of her, in general, alone time / personal space is very important to me.
oberkeat Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I don't understand why OP sleeping with other women while he dates this girl is off limits. Why is that not being considered? It seems to me that would solve the problem.
sin miedo Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I don't understand why OP sleeping with other women while he dates this girl is off limits. Why is that not being considered? It seems to me that would solve the problem. Am I missing something here? This dude is in a freakin long-term relationship! No doubt he's committed and exclusive at this point, in which case sleeping with other women is just totally wrong.
Buddhist Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I don't understand why OP sleeping with other women while he dates this girl is off limits. Why is that not being considered? It seems to me that would solve the problem. Nothing wrong with it as long as he tells his gf about it before he goes and does it. She can then decide whether or not she wants the dick he sticks into other women also in her. Hygiene and all that. Little wonder you don't understand you appear to be without a moral compass. Maybe you should go look for it, might have left it at the shops or something. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Given your age, I'd say you're just not ready to commit or settle down with one girl yet. You're probably also bored and haven't experienced many other girls, but that last bit is just a guess. I was in your position when I was about your age too. 3
Zippy2000 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Its possible you have become comfortable with each other. With the prospect of other opportunities its tempting to think whats on the other side. You have to ask yourself why you are thinking these thoughts. Is there something in your curent relationship thatis lacking?
czen Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I've been in this situation once too, and there is no right or wrong answer. Even if it is good relationship, you can still break if off, if you re just not ready yet, there is nothing wrong with that. You're still young, I would understand it if you first want to see if there is more out there. But be careful that what you're looking can't also not just be found in your relationship. Maybe you re just bored and need to spice things up?
central Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I think you are not highly satisfied in your current relationship, and probably not ready (perhaps you are young?) to form a long-term commitment just yet. Yes, even at my age I am interested in other women, but not to the point where I'm sad that I can't (rather won't) act on it. After a few years, most relationships suffer a decline in interest and passion, and it takes some effort from both to keep those alive and to thrive. However, if you are young, it may not be the right choice for you to sustain a relationship that isn't holding your interest. Think about what's best for you now and later on, and follow that - just do so ethically.
Miss Clavel Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I am sure that this question has been asked in many different ways on this forum, but I wanted to bring it up again. I am going to try and provide as little detail as possible about my particular situation because I am more interested in what you all think / have experienced in your own lives. I am a guy in a relationship with a girl, and that's all I will say for now about that. More to the point: I am constantly having these experiences where a girl will hit on me, or someone will inform me that someone has a crush on me or something like that - basically I am presented with an opportunity for a relationship in some way. After this happens - no matter with who - I always feel kind of depressed about not being able to pursue whatever it may be, and I start resenting the fact that I am not single and not free to do such things. What does this mean in your experience? Am I immature? Grass is greener syndrome? Am I unhappy? These are all things I have considered. I am just wondering what y'all's experience with this is. i think you're a decent person that loves his girlfriend. and the reason that you feel kind of depressed, is sympathy for the other person. you're just a little sorry you disappointed them and a little sorry, you may be missing your chance. but you are not sorry enough to leave her. the fact that you can be alone and that you seem to need to alone/private, is proof. well to me anyway good luck
Author Romaks Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 i think you're a decent person that loves his girlfriend. and the reason that you feel kind of depressed, is sympathy for the other person. you're just a little sorry you disappointed them and a little sorry, you may be missing your chance. but you are not sorry enough to leave her. the fact that you can be alone and that you seem to need to alone/private, is proof. well to me anyway good luck What exactly do you mean by this? Can you explain further?
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