missinglink Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 So I've decided I need to end things with my girlfriend. I love her and care for her deeply, and I know that relationships have ups and downs. We've had enough to know we could make it through pretty much anything. However, I just don't feel like she's the one I want to be with anymore for reasons I won't get into in this post. So now I'm here, ready to break up, but I have some things making it hard to (of course). We've been together for years so I feel like I'm throwing away so much. I know for a fact I will miss her (just as I miss many things already in my life, despite knowing I'm better off without them). So with this, I'm 98% sure I'll be happier if we break up. That doubt is really festering up in me and making things hard. Another huge reason I'm having a hard time is guilt. I know how much she cares about me and loves me. I know how broken she will be and I will be the bad guy. I know my family will miss her too. I also know she's going through some tough times right now (medical school and some health stuff (no super serious health stuff though)). I know I have to do what's best for me, but these things make it really hard. I also have no clue as to how to go about this breakup. Thanks to everyone.
ScienceGal Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I think you should get into the reasons in this post, or we can't give you a fair response. 1
LilMama1097 Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Not knowing the reasons behind wanting to break up with her makes it hard to give you a good answer. From your original post it seems like you're not leaving her for a reason.
SoThatHappened Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 If you feel you'll regret it, you need to have a serious conversation with her before you're back on here in months with a thread titled, "I dumped the love of my life and want her back!" Communication, buddy. Communication. The grass ISN'T always greener. Actually, it usually isn't. 6
Author missinglink Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Well the reasons are more issues I have on my end. She is incredibly clingy and needy. It has always been an issue if I hang out with my feiends. For example, I'll call her when I get to my friends and almlst every time, 5 minutes later I get a call and she's just saying "Hey, what's up?" She tries to talk for a long time even if my friends are in the car and gets mad if I try to get off the phone. She's clingy even down to the small things. If we are hanging out, she follows me in incredibly close proximity almost all the time, even when I walk to the bathroom. She needs constant texting or gets mad. She is very very emotionally unstable. She always threatens with a breakup. We can have nasty nasty fights and she will do a complete 180 when she wakes up in the morning like nothing even happened. (The fights are ALWAYS about me not being able to text for like an hour or not talk on the phone because I'm studying or something). Just the other day, I lost my phone in a store and wasn't able to talk to her until I got to my Moms house and called her from there. Total time between my last phone call to her and the one from my Moms phone= 4 hours. When I got my phone back, I had around 40 calls from her and a bunch of text messages including "**** YOU" and "ITS OVER". But I had to pick my phone up the next day. When I called her from my Moms phone and explained the situation (without knowing what she did) she acted like everything was fine. She even laughed and said "You know what I meant." when I brought up her excessive phone calls and texts. She's also very close to her family. So naturally she wants to spend alot of time with them. But I don't speak their language, so I just sit there quiet for 6-7 hours sometimes. Physical affection is lacking. Just middle school type affection like kissing and holding hands (we are both 23). No sex at all. Ever. Only foreplay that I don't enjoy because it actually causes physical discomfort.
Author missinglink Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Also, I hate to sound like a dick, but I've lost attraction in her. She is beautiful though. I'm just not attracted to her. @sothathappened These are the reasons I ended things in the first place, but here I am again with the same issues, only more certain.
SoThatHappened Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 My comment still stands. Communicate with her what you're communicating with us. If she resists and nothing changes, and least you can say you gave it your best without any regrets. 3
Author missinglink Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 @sothathappened I've brought it all up to her. It's either met with hostility or high emotions. The only thing I wasn't completely direct with was the attraction thing. She is extremely underweight and I'm not attracted to that. I've tried to get her to eat enough but she says no. Nothing has changed in me bringing any of this up.
Author missinglink Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 That made it sound like she's annorexic. She's not. She doesn't have body image issues or anything. She just doesn't like to eat much at all.
ExtraSpice Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 I would say break up with her if the issues are what you stated. Just be sure that that is what you want and that no amount of communication can solve those problems. Because if you end up regretting it after a few weeks and want to go back, both of you end up in an unpleasant situation. I have made that mistake and it is no fun. 2
surferchic Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) Hey missinglink. I think it's a great thing that you're able to be transparent about your loss of attraction to her. Especially since you've identified her as being beautiful, yet these other issues override that beauty. Sounds like you're starting to figure out what really matters to you in order to be happy in relationships. Though I feel bad for her being so emotionally immature and unstable. Perhaps you both need to have a sincere conversation about this. Then based in her response determine whether it's worth fighting for. Another poster said, the grass isn't always greener. That's so true. So proceed thoughtfully while staying true to yourself and be honest about any part you've played in the issues. Edited December 29, 2015 by surferchic 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Yes, you need to break up with her. Your relationship has become toxic and she's kind of a jerk. Harassing you and cursing you out and cracking the whip if she doesn't get her way is unacceptable, and dare I say you've enabled it for far too long. She is a big girl. You are not her emotional babysitter. She is not your warden, though she acts like it. Obviously she will be upset, and you'll feel bad for a while, but she will live. You've already brought up your concerns and she apparently scoffs at them. Time to go. You will guilty for a bit. But then you will be relieved you didn't tolerate this anymore.
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