The Art of Seduction

[GingerVixen]

this sounds like those hollywood cliche movies or self-help books...none of which reflect reality

 

No offense, but "becoming a good cook, having amazing sex and being his cheerleader" in order to keep a guy interested sounds way much more cliché to me.

 

No woman should become a Betty Draper to keep a guy interested.

[katiegrl]

No offense, but "becoming a good cook, having amazing sex and being his cheerleader" in order to keep a guy interested sounds way much more cliché to me.

 

No woman should become a Betty Draper to keep a guy interested.

 

Agree...like something out of The Stepford Wives.

 

No thank you!

[thespacey1]

speaking of which, do you guys think beauty/sexual attraction is a promise of personal success?

 

Sorry for chiming in late.

 

Absolutely not in response to your post. I think it will provide some temporary successes, but beauty & sexual attraction ALONE never guaranteed anything but a few head turns...

[katiegrl]

Here's how I think about this, in life there are certain "prerequisites" to achieve certain things. So we do spend most of our lives improving ourselves in order to fit in, it starts from childhood, and please don't deny it. Attracting and keeping a man is just another thing in life that most of us women want, and changing ourselves to become the best girlfriend/wife possible is not embarrassing or self-betraying. It's smart. You can be yourself, sure, but if that's not what your man likes then you'll be continue to be yourself, alone.

 

Sorry I was raised differently....

 

If a man I liked and became involved with realized he does not like me for who I am, AS IS, with all my quirks and foibles.... then I simply move on to a man who does.

 

In fact, if a man does not like or accept me for who I am, guess what? I lose interest.....which makes leaving so much easier!

 

So it has never been an issue for me personally....

 

But to reach his own.

[katiegrl]

it's not all black and white

 

My sentiments exactly....

[Stephanie91]

Agree...like something out of The Stepford Wives.

 

No thank you!

yep, that's what feminism did to Western women...I'd be Betty Draper anytime rather than be proudly alone

[katiegrl]

yep, that's what feminism did to Western women...I'd be Betty Draper anytime rather than be proudly alone

 

Awesome! If that's what's right for you, then who am I to argue with ya.

 

I have no problem with being alone. I enjoy my life, with or without a man.

 

Ironically, because of this attitude.... I have rarely, if ever, been WITHOUT a man in my life.

 

I am now because I recently ended my six year relationship for reasons not related to this (see my thread in the break up section if you're interested).

 

But once I am ready to date again... I have no doubt I will meet someone special and right for me.... better for me than the others.... but if not, that's okay too!

 

I was raised to believe it is super important to love yourself and be happy within yourself -- with or without a man or relationship.

 

A man and relationship should "enhance" our ALREADY happy life....not be our life.

 

Again, it's how I was raised. If that's not how you raised, that's okay, you do what's right for you.

Edited December 29, 2015 by katiegrl

[thespacey1]

But then again....there are many men who get turned off when they see women "trying too hard."

 

It conveys the message that she is desperate.... twisting herself around to "catch" or as you say "seduce" him... in my experience a man would much rather she just be herself and genuine....and if that means she hates to cook, so be it.

 

I am not a cook, never baked a cake in my life, but yet had many guys pursuing me, two asked me to marry them... in fact two of my boyfriends were the cooks in the family.... did most, if not all, all the cooking and loved me despite my hating to cook, being a terrible housekeeper.....but told me many times how I was the BEST person to talk to, come home too, have sex with... and just experience life with.

Yep!

Interesting conversation.

 

Men and women can spot when the opposite sex is trying to hard and its truly a turn off. So I really believe it being deliberate while improving yourself, FOR yourself. Furthermore, some men LIKE predictable women, simple women. There are men out there like that. I think we all have several dimensions. Sometimes we feel like being sweet, other times we feel like being a b#tch. Sometimes we're creative. Sometimes we're very predictable and fine with being still, which is a good thing too.

 

IMO, the beauty in just being yourself is that it's important to have a little edge with the sweetness. I think we women should embrace who we are. Otherwise, we're stuck second guessing ourselves up against every magazine, commercial, boyfriend, ex boyfriend, ex husband, other women in our work, etc.

 

Who wants to live like that. It's so unhealthy and I would assume unattractive in the long run.

[katiegrl]

Yep!

Interesting conversation.

 

Men and women can spot when the opposite sex is trying to hard and its truly a turn off. So I really believe it being deliberate while improving yourself, FOR yourself. Furthermore, some men LIKE predictable women, simple women. There are men out there like that. I think we all have several dimensions. Sometimes we feel like being sweet, other times we feel like being a b#tch. Sometimes we're creative. Sometimes we're very predictable and fine with being still, which is a good thing too.

 

IMO, the beauty in just being yourself is that it's important to have a little edge with the sweetness. I think we women should embrace who we are. Otherwise, we're stuck second guessing ourselves up against every magazine, commercial, boyfriend, ex boyfriend, ex husband, other women in our work, etc.

 

Who wants to live like that. It's so unhealthy and I would assume unattractive in the long run.

 

What's in bolded --- love it!

 

Yeah I have an edge (as many on this board could even attest to...lol)....but on the other hand, can be very sweet too.

 

Killer combination! Thanks for pointing that out!

[Stephanie91]

I am 50 years old.

 

I was married 15 years, then 4 years, then single 11 years and just made it exclusive with a new man.

 

I think I have a good understanding of reality.

Don't mean to be disrespectful, but how does it make you more realistic?

[katiegrl]

yep, that's what feminism did to Western women...I'd be Betty Draper anytime rather than be proudly alone

 

I would also like to point out...that Betty Draper's husband, Don Draper, cheated on her while married, until he finally divorced her.

 

I would hope that is NOT what you would rather be.

[Stephanie91]

Katiegrl, when you say men get turned off by a woman who tries too hard, well it's true if she does those things in an obvious manner. Like he knew she hates cooking (or insert anything else here) but she does that for him, or that she usually wears a hoodie with jeans, but for him she buys bodycon dresses and lacy lingerie...that is trying too hard. But if you do all the inner work yourself you will not be seen as trying too hard. And yes, I believe improving your looks is also a huge turn on and gives you tons of self-confidence. I experiment daily how people treat me differently when i'm all dolled up and when i'm "being myself" lol

Edited December 29, 2015 by Stephanie91

[Gaeta]

Katiegrl, when you say men get turned off by a woman who tries too hard, well it's true if she does those things in an obvious manner. Like he knew she hates cooking (or insert anything else here) but she does that for him, or that she usually wears a hoodie with jeans, but for him she buys bodycon dresses and lacy lingerie...that is trying too hard. But if you do all the inner work yourself you will not be seen as trying too hard. And yes, I believe improving your looks is also a huge turn on and gives you tons of self-confidence. I experiment daily how people treat me differently when i'm all dolled up and when i'm "being myself" lol

 

 

Stephanie:

 

You are 23 years old.

 

You have a lot to improve before worrying about your cooking & make up skills.

 

I have read your last thread..... You should worry about building character, self-confidence, sense of value and independance before anything else.

[thespacey1]

Stephanie. Check this out... Straight up, of course there are plenty of things you can improve to "catch" a man. However, it won't guarantee he'll stay with you or stay faithful. Even Halle Berry and Jennifer Garner's husbands cheated on them. I only say their names because I think a large number of people find them very attractive. However, I know that a man's attraction is very broad based on the man's nationally, his cultural background and just what he's been exposed to in life.

 

It depends on what you want. Do you want to just catch a man or do you want HIM to want to do EVERYTHING in his power to keep YOU?

[Stephanie91]

Stephanie:

 

You are 23 years old.

 

You have a lot to improve before worrying about your cooking & make up skills.

 

I have read your last thread..... You should worry about building character, self-confidence, sense of value and independance before anything else.

Have you ?

[Gaeta]

Have you ?

 

You bet I have.

[katiegrl]

Have you ?

 

Allow me to chime in and say that YES, Gaeta is one of the most confident, self-assured, independent women I have ever had the pleasure to know.

 

She also values herself, respects herself, is compassionate, empathetic...and according to the men she dates.... sexy as all hell!

[Stephanie91]

Stephanie:

 

You are 23 years old.

 

You have a lot to improve before worrying about your cooking & make up skills.

 

I have read your last thread..... You should worry about building character, self-confidence, sense of value and independance before anything else.

makes it hard to find you credible with that spelling mistake and again, 2 divorces don't really put her into a position of a great relationship coach

[katiegrl]

makes it hard to find you credible with that spelling mistake

 

LOL... if you're gonna start judging people on typos.... hun, you have more to learn than I originally thought....

[Gaeta]

makes it hard to find you credible with that spelling mistake

 

I am French.

[GingerVixen]

makes it hard to find you credible with that spelling mistake and again, 2 divorces don't really put her into a position of a great relationship coach

 

You will never win an argument using the "you just made a typo" line. Just saying.

[Buddhist]

My friend and I were talking about various ways to keep your man interested/come back for more or what makes them choose you over and over again. Among the things that I mentioned was taking care of your physical appearance, learn to be great at sex, having great cooking skills, being adventurous, considerate, be supportive to your man/being his cheerleader, not leaning in too much, develop seductive vocabulary...Any inputs? Interesting viewpoints on the subject? What are some tricks and tips you guy have that make your man melt/guys what made you super attracted to your woman?

 

The trouble with this whole premise is that it's like trying to constantly win over a man from the attentions of other women. The whole idea that you need to compete for a mate is a stupid one. It's what enables men to emotionally manipulate you.

 

If someone isn't choosing me for me then he can hit the road as far as I'm concerned. I don't compete with other women. I am my own thing, unique in my own way and they either love that or they don't. I'm not baking cookies so he doesn't go screw the woman who lives three doors down. Now I have a great body look after myself and dress well. But all of that is for my sake, not his. I made those changes when I was single and stayed single for a good while after making them too.

 

I don't date anyone who isn't super attracted to me period. If a guy needs to see what else is out there, can't commit, has a wandering eye then he's just not a guy I'm interested in at all. There are enough men and women out there in the world that no-one needs to be concerned about competing for a mate. Yes, yes I know many men like the idea of competing etc. That's their get out, not mine. The whole thing turns me off to be honest. If I know a guy has several women interested in him I let him be. I'm looking for the one that has eyes for me and me alone.

 

Might sound like a lofty ideal but honestly it works for me. I'm on my fifth longterm relationship now.

[Gaeta]

2 divorces don't really put her into a position of a great relationship coach

 

Actually it does.

 

I have lived and learn. I have been through hell and back. I lost everything twice and rebuilt myself.

 

What makes someone knowledgeable about relationships? Someone that has been in relationshipS.

 

After 15 years of marriage I didn't know much about relationships. I knew a lot about a relationship with my ex-husband but that's it. Years later I have been in a few relationships, long ones, and short ones. I have experienced different men and different relationships. That makes me relationship knowledgeable. Yes.

[Stephanie91]

I am French.

and I am Russian, so what?

[Gaeta]

and I am Russian, so what?

 

awww ok! That explains a few things.

 

Good night and good luck with everything.