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What's The Truth about Online Dating for Men?

AdagioStrings

By AdagioStrings
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GingerVixen Established Member

GingerVixen

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You're missing the point. This thread is about what its like for men in the online dating world.

 

Remove yourself and how YOU approach the situation and listen to what I'm saying. You cant look at the situation through your eyes. When men message women on dating sites, women typically look for something amazing, and different than all the other 125 messages they get. So how does a guy capture her attention? A guy has to make his message stand out. Most guys do this by feeding the women BS and embellishing. Most women, instead of seeing this as bs, see it as a guy that is different and has something more to offer than all the regular guys. Its game playing no matter how you label it. Thats the reality of online dating nowadays.

 

A truly confident guy isnt going to stoop to that level. He has standards and a backbone. But MOST women online will never know that because they will never give him a chance. In the online world men are the fishermen and the women are the fish. Fish will always notice and go for the sparkly shiny bait first. And men that need/use women have learned how to bait women the best. Men that dont "need" or "use" women typically have not refined their skills because its never been their priority.

 

I agree with you 100%. Most women like flattering and all this bull**** because most women ARE insecure and they need validation from men all the time.

 

However, what kind of women OP wants to attract??? Does he want to attract the insecure, annoying women who want validation all the time or does he really want a confident, high value woman?

 

That being said, he will only attract a confident woman if he is confident as well. I don't believe in pickup lines or super interesting messages in order to attract a woman in online dating. Most CONFIDENT, HIGH VALUE WOMAN can detect a "copy/paste" message.

 

Honestly I have had a profile in OkCupid for a long time, and if I was really interested in a guy's profile I would answer to him, even if he had said only a mere "Hi". However, if I saw his profile and found him a douchebag, a potential player or whatever, he could have said the funniest or most interesting line, I would ignore him.

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AdagioStrings Member

AdagioStrings

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My initial instinct was to say don't bother with professional photos' date=' but you have really nice features which professional photos could highlight so I think it is worth exploring.[/quote']

 

 

Thank you, I'm blushing :o

 

 

I can't wait until I get down to 7 or 8% bodyfat. I look so much more masculine and rugged at that point in the face

67Chevelle Established Member

67Chevelle

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I am very confident that a woman will fall in love with me once she finds out what kind of person I am.

 

Those right there are the key words to the entire process. And unfortunately getting the woman to actually meet in person can be like pulling teeth.

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AdagioStrings Member

AdagioStrings

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The only drawback to posting professional photos....is that in studies I have read, you risk the chance of misrepresenting yourself if you look "too good" in the photos vs how you look in person. I totally understand how thats possible and I think the study has a valid point.

 

 

I look much better in real life than any of my photos though

 

 

I'm just hoping professional pics can make me look the same as I do in real life. At the end of the day, whatever it takes me to get a few dates. I have all the confidence in the world that a woman who gets to know me will love me.

67Chevelle Established Member

67Chevelle

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I look much better in real life than any of my photos though

 

 

I'm just hoping professional pics can make me look the same as I do in real life. At the end of the day, whatever it takes me to get a few dates. I have all the confidence in the world that a woman who gets to know me will love me.

 

Always remember....

 

A mans character can never be photographed

Vilgefoz Established Member

Vilgefoz

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I'm gonna tell you what others don't want to tell you.

 

You're not white.

 

 

Wooohooo! And the winner of Cool Lines is.... :D

 

I believe when you finish some college in country where he resides you are pretty much way above "average smart and educated" :D

jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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I agree with you 100%. Most women like flattering and all this bull**** because most women ARE insecure and they need validation from men all the time.

However, what kind of women OP wants to attract??? Does he want to attract the insecure, annoying women who want validation all the time or does he really want a confident, high value woman?

 

That being said, he will only attract a confident woman if he is confident as well. I don't believe in pickup lines or super interesting messages in order to attract a woman in online dating. Most CONFIDENT, HIGH VALUE WOMAN can detect a "copy/paste" message.

 

Honestly I have had a profile in OkCupid for a long time, and if I was really interested in a guy's profile I would answer to him, even if he had said only a mere "Hi". However, if I saw his profile and found him a douchebag, a potential player or whatever, he could have said the funniest or most interesting line, I would ignore him.

I can't believe you a woman, wrote that.

 

The hounds 'll be here soon. :laugh:

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AdagioStrings Member

AdagioStrings

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Always remember....

 

A mans character can never be photographed

 

 

I have no doubts about my character. This whole battle is just getting some dates

GingerVixen Established Member

GingerVixen

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I can't believe you a woman, wrote that.

 

The hounds 'll be here soon. :laugh:

 

LOL I just did!!!

 

Most women want validation from men all the time. It must be unnerving for a man to deal with such a thing.

jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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LOL I just did!!!

 

Most women want validation from men all the time. It must be unnerving for a man to deal with such a thing.

 

You'll need this it's a secret passage way out the back. Hurry now they're coming!

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GingerVixen Established Member

GingerVixen

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You'll need this it's a secret passage way out the back. Hurry now they're coming!

 

LMAO in my defense MOST human beings are insecure, seeking validation all the time.

 

Most guys I have dated wanted validation all the time, they would even send me pics and ask "Do I look good in this picture? I know I do".

 

So girls please don't kill me. I came here in peace.

 

(but yes, this whole "do you love me?? am I fat??? are you cheating on me??" is a typical girlish attitude)

Scarlett.O'hara Established Member

Scarlett.O'hara

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The only drawback to posting professional photos....is that in studies I have read, you risk the chance of misrepresenting yourself if you look "too good" in the photos vs how you look in person. I totally understand how thats possible and I think the study has a valid point.

 

I haven't read any studies so I am not going to argue with what you are saying. I guess there is always the risk of disappointment on a date or a nice surprise. I doubt his dates will be disappointed though.

 

 

Thank you, I'm blushing :o

 

 

I can't wait until I get down to 7 or 8% bodyfat. I look so much more masculine and rugged at that point in the face

 

Don't let it get too low, I think you are fine as you are.

67Chevelle Established Member

67Chevelle

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A guy doesn't have to look like a movie star to attract a good looking woman. Women are more attracted to WHO the man is - is he confident? smart? good natured? successful?

 

How does a woman go about finding out WHO the guy is if she wont give him the time of day to find out?

 

I totally agree with the fact that when women are forced to interact with a guy(at work, school, or maybe volunteering) that she will usually learn much more about him than she would have initially seen through snap judgments while at a bar, club, or dating site, but good luck at trying to sell this to majority of women on dating sites. They could totally care less.

 

I'm an average decent looking guy that has never dated around, I have only had long-term meaningful relationships, never cheated, never haphazardly got a woman pregnant, never used a woman, have great manners and respect for people I interact with, have always had a full time job since 16, pay all my own bills, own a home, and have lots of fun hobbies.....but I spent 5 years on various dating sites sending out nothing but well-written polite messages to women trying to get a date and I got pretty much ignored by the entire opposite sex.

 

Ginger, if you are really in Europe, you have got to realize that just being a great guy that works hard is not nearly enough to get a date with most women here in the U.S. In most other countries women judge a man on his character but sadly here in the states that isnt the case. The dating world is complete bs here.

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AdagioStrings Member

AdagioStrings

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I haven't read any studies so I am not going to argue with what you are saying. I guess there is always the risk of disappointment on a date or a nice surprise. I doubt his dates will be disappointed though.

 

 

I look better in real life than that picture

 

 

Do you live in the US Scarlett? Do you really think I would be able to get some dates? All I need is a few opportunities and I will "close the deal". I can hold a good conversation about anything.

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AdagioStrings Member

AdagioStrings

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Should I put my income level online or do I risk attracting gold diggers?

 

 

I just want to maximize my chances of getting dates

GingerVixen Established Member

GingerVixen

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How does a woman go about finding out WHO the guy is if she wont give him the time of day to find out?

 

I totally agree with the fact that when women are forced to interact with a guy(at work, school, or maybe volunteering) that she will usually learn much more about him than she would have initially seen through snap judgments while at a bar, club, or dating site, but good luck at trying to sell this to majority of women on dating sites. They could totally care less.

 

I'm an average decent looking guy that has never dated around, I have only had long-term meaningful relationships, never cheated, never haphazardly got a woman pregnant, never used a woman, have great manners and respect for people I interact with, have always had a full time job since 16, pay all my own bills, own a home, and have lots of fun hobbies.....but I spent 5 years on various dating sites sending out nothing but well-written polite messages to women trying to get a date and I got pretty much ignored by the entire opposite sex.

 

Ginger, if you are really in Europe, you have got to realize that just being a great guy that works hard is not nearly enough to get a date with most women here in the U.S. In most other countries women judge a man on his character but sadly here in the states that isnt the case. The dating world is complete bs here.

 

I know many American guys and girls who say things are screwed up there... I think we Europeans face everything differently - however yes there are many superficial women in here too!!

 

I am not talking on behalf of most women , I know that - many women care about money, cars, success and that's sad because most men are turning into scumbags who think they will only seem interesting if they behave like horndogs and shove money into women's faces.

 

By the way... The Iranian guy I have been talking to is Iranian-American... He lives in New York and he is rich, sucessful, SUPER CLEVER and educated but he believes in this sad mindset... he thinks he will make a woman interested in him if he shows her he is rich and sucessful and if he talks about sex nonstop. His attitude turned me off instantly. It is a pity because I know he is a very intelligent guy, that is what I attracted me to him at first, but when he began behaving like a frat boy, I ran away.

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AdagioStrings Member

AdagioStrings

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I know many American guys and girls who say things are screwed up there... I think we Europeans face everything differently - however yes there are many superficial women in here too!!

 

I am not talking on behalf of most women , I know that - many women care about money, cars, success and that's sad because most men are turning into scumbags who think they will only seem interesting if they behave like horndogs and shove money into women's faces.

 

By the way... The Iranian guy I have been talking to is Iranian-American... He lives in New York and he is rich, sucessful, SUPER CLEVER and educated but he believes in this sad mindset... he thinks he will make a woman interested in him if he shows her he is rich and sucessful and if he talks about sex nonstop. His attitude turned me off instantly. It is a pity because I know he is a very intelligent guy, that is what I attracted me to him at first, but when he began behaving like a frat boy, I ran away.

 

 

my goal is to be the best of all worlds

 

I want to be very well off, drive a beautiful car, big house, big muscles (I can't lie, I enjoy all those things) but then also be the nicest guy around :p

StBreton Established Member

StBreton

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I'm willing to date anybody around 22 to 30...

 

Great. As far as conversing in messages ...make sure you answer questions that the girl has asked and ***ask followi up questions *** as many guys forget to do that and I just stop talking with them ... Failure to engage in conversation is one of the top complaints of woman who OLD. Don't worry about being witty ...just conversant and "interested" in the person with whom you're talking.

StBreton Established Member

StBreton

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my goal is to be the best of all worlds

 

I want to be very well off, drive a beautiful car, big house, big muscles (I can't lie, I enjoy all those things) but then also be the nicest guy around :p

 

Ok don't lead with all the materialistic stuff or you'll attract the gold diggers.

 

How tall are you?

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jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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LMAO in my defense MOST human beings are insecure, seeking validation all the time.

 

Most guys I have dated wanted validation all the time, they would even send me pics and ask "Do I look good in this picture? I know I do".

 

So girls please don't kill me. I came here in peace.

 

(but yes, this whole "do you love me?? am I fat??? are you cheating on me??" is a typical girlish attitude)

 

Does this shirt make me look fat? https://www.google.com/search?q=fat+guy+in+small+shirt&client=tablet-android-samsung&prmd=ivsn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi_qsDFk4DKAhWMKyYKHbMjDd8Q_AUIBygB&biw=768&bih=1024#imgrc=H0eT_X7b0L8j3M%3A

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AdagioStrings Member

AdagioStrings

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Ok don't lead with all the materialistic stuff or you'll attract the gold diggers.

 

How tall are you?

 

 

5'10

 

 

I definitely won't be talking about the materialistic stuff in my profile but should I put my income level on the profile at all? Keep in mind how difficult of a game i'm facing being a man on a dating site. I want to maximize my odds

Maggie4 Established Member

Maggie4

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You look like a very nice young man. Wonderful smile, very genuine looking. My advice: stay natural, true to yourself. And don't advertise how much

money you make, that's not important for a genuine connection.

I think you should do very well meeting women in real life. Why do you need to go online?

jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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5'10

 

 

I definitely won't be talking about the materialistic stuff in my profile but should I put my income level on the profile at all? Keep in mind how difficult of a game i'm facing being a man on a dating site. I want to maximize my odds

 

I think you should. If she makes really good money, she'll want a guy who makes the same.

Scarlett.O'hara Established Member

Scarlett.O'hara

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I'm an average decent looking guy that has never dated around, I have only had long-term meaningful relationships, never cheated, never haphazardly got a woman pregnant, never used a woman, have great manners and respect for people I interact with, have always had a full time job since 16, pay all my own bills, own a home, and have lots of fun hobbies.....

 

From what I hear there is a lot of time wasters on online dating. Like GingerVixen said, there are a lot of insecure people out there looking for validation, it wouldn't surprise me if many ended up using online dating as a way to get a quick ego boost.

 

I find it hard to believe that a genuine woman reading that wouldn't want to know more about you.

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AdagioStrings Member

AdagioStrings

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You look like a very nice young man. Wonderful smile, very genuine looking. My advice: stay natural, true to yourself. And don't advertise how much

money you make, that's not important for a genuine connection.

I think you should do very well meeting women in real life. Why do you need to go online?

 

 

I've never had a girlfriend :(

 

 

I struggled with self esteem issues in my younger years. I feel great about myself now but I've never been able to start my dating life. I have had basically zero dating experience (only slept with a few women who threw themselves at me but none of them were attractive or they were cute but 20 years older than me).

 

 

I feel like I would be an absolutely awesome boyfriend but I just don't get any opportunities.

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