What's The Truth about Online Dating for Men?

[AdagioStrings]

I've posted some pictures of myself on some forums and the general consensus has been around a 6 to an 8/10. I'm thinking about having a professional take some high quality pics of me as that may elevate me all the way up to maybe a 7 to an 8.5/10 (I tend to look much better in real life so I'm hoping a professional can touch me how to pose properly).

 

 

Beyond the appearance, I'm college educated and extraordinarily successful. I'm 26 years old. My only downside is I don't know how to be funny/charming/charismatic in how I write. I can be a lot of fun in real life but I know I come across a little generic online.

 

 

Anyways what are the odds of me being able to find a few attractive women my age who want to go out with me? From what I've seen, even female 7s online want to date male 10/10s online. Women get bombarded with such a gigantic horde of messages that they're all looking for a man who is extraordinarily good looking. In my case, I feel like I'm plenty handsome but I'm not that top 0.1% stunning that women go crazy for. What are y'all thoughts on this? I totally want a girlfriend, not trying to just get laid. I don't mind a little hard work - I'll send out a 100 messages to get a couple dates.

[GingerVixen]

Are you referring to women as "7s" and "10s"?

 

Are you really doing this??

[AdagioStrings]

Are you referring to women as "7s" and "10s"?

 

Are you really doing this??

 

 

The number system is really dumb but I don't know how to convey my point in any other way

 

 

In reality, I just look at women as "would date" or "would not date"

[central]

With OLD, you have two ways to attract interest: your photos, and your profile text. If you have good photos and interesting, appealing text, YOU won't have to initiate contact - women will contact you. I found that I had a poor response rate if I initiated contact, but excellent results with good photos and text - women contacted me. So, I suggest you work on making your profile witty/clever and interesting, but truly representative of you. With representative photos, preferably showing you doing things you enjoy.

[SwordofFlame]

OP, in your age range and if you're in a big city like NYC, chances are you'll probably have to date down if you choose to go with online dating.

[AdagioStrings]

OP, in your age range and if you're in a big city like NYC, chances are you'll probably have to date down if you choose to go with online dating.

 

 

Why is this?

 

Why does an attractive, educated, extremely successful and intelligent man have to date someone way less attractive than himself?

[StBreton]

Why is this?

 

Why does an attractive, educated, extremely successful and intelligent man have to date someone way less attractive than himself?

 

I don't necessarily agree with Sword on this one.

 

If you've got some good pix, market yourself well with your interests and what you offer to a woman in a relationship (woman love this), and a decent bio...you'll do just fine. Don't be afraid to date someone a few years older as girls in their early 20s can be very fickle, wishy washy, picky etc.

 

You will get messages from a lot of woman of all sizes and levels of attractiveness...just engage with those you wish to set up a date/meet up.

 

Stick with a few messages over a few days...no longer...and meet within a week to 2 weeks.

[GingerVixen]

OP, in your age range and if you're in a big city like NYC, chances are you'll probably have to date down if you choose to go with online dating.

 

Honestly, I think it is just the contrary.

 

Usually, women aim at men who are out of their league but have longer relationships with men who are less attractive than them. There are even scientific studies that prove that. Usually relationships last longer when the woman is more attractive than the guy. Not that I agree with that but I am just saying what has already been published. Have a look at this link - http://www.livescience.com/7483-beautiful-women-marry-attractive-men.html

 

That being said, I think OP can find a very attractive woman. A guy doesn't have to look like a movie star to attract a good looking woman. Women are more attracted to WHO the man is - is he confident? smart? good natured? successful?

[AdagioStrings]

Honestly, I think it is just the contrary.

 

Usually, women aim at men who are out of their league but have longer relationships with men who are less attractive than them. There are even scientific studies that prove that. Usually relationships last longer when the woman is more attractive than the guy. Not that I agree with that but I am just saying what has already been published. Have a look at this link - Why Beautiful Women Marry Less Attractive Men

 

That being said, I think OP can find a very attractive woman. A guy doesn't have to look like a movie star to attract a good looking woman. Women are more attracted to WHO the man is - is he confident? smart? good natured? successful?

 

 

I'm all those things but I'm just not funny and entertaining as a writer. I feel that women will dismiss me instantly because of that

[AdagioStrings]

I don't necessarily agree with Sword on this one.

 

If you've got some good pix, market yourself well with your interests and what you offer to a woman in a relationship (woman love this), and a decent bio...you'll do just fine. Don't be afraid to date someone a few years older as girls in their early 20s can be very fickle, wishy washy, picky etc.

 

You will get messages from a lot of woman of all sizes and levels of attractiveness...just engage with those you wish to set up a date/meet up.

 

Stick with a few messages over a few days...no longer...and meet within a week to 2 weeks.

 

 

I'm willing to date anybody around 22 to 30...

[67Chevelle]

With OLD, you have two ways to attract interest: your photos, and your profile text. If you have good photos and interesting, appealing text, YOU won't have to initiate contact - women will contact you. I found that I had a poor response rate if I initiated contact, but excellent results with good photos and text - women contacted me. So, I suggest you work on making your profile witty/clever and interesting, but truly representative of you. With representative photos, preferably showing you doing things you enjoy.

 

That is completely untrue for "most" men. A friend of mine that has done male modeling and gets all kinds of attention from women in real life still got pretty much ignored by majority of women on dating sites. Just being good-looking still doesn't get you attention from women. Its still a competition between you and the other 50 guys messaging the same woman. Many women when they join a dating site get get bombarded with messages. This in turn inflates their ego, making them think they can ignore the "regular" guys on their own level, and respond only to the cream of the crop type men.

 

In the good ole days before the internet, most women simply waited to be courted by a guy that approached them. Nowadays women have the power to utilize dating sites and social media to be more precise than ever before with who they choose to date. The problem though, instead of using these tools to find that amazing guy that has traits, values, and manners to offer her a great relationship, many women instead are choosing men based on superficial looks, and how much attention he is willing to give her before they even go on a date. Its literally a competition between men all vying for her to notice him, and who can give her the best compliments. When you send a woman a message you usually have no idea if she read it and didn't like it, read it and forgot to respond back because it got lost in the shuffle, or didn't read it at all, which leaves you to wonder if you should send another message a few weeks later risking looking like a stalker or one of those guys that cant take a hint.

 

Women often complain that they get lots of trashy and perverted messages, and guys don't understand how hard it is for a woman to weed through all that junk. But guess what....nobody is holding a gun to the woman's head forcing her to approach it that way. An easy way to bypass all of that is for the woman to simply set her filters, browse and message a few select men that she finds interesting, and wait for a reply from them. Its literally that simple. Now she doesn't have to open every message she gets. But most women will never do that because it means they have to actually come up with what to write, they have to risk rejection, and they hate that. They'd rather sit on their high horse judging and ridiculing men for not doing it good enough even though they themselves wouldn't dare do it.

[AdagioStrings]

Here's a picture of me - I don't think I'm model handsome but I'm not looking for a supermodel wife...just somebody decent looking and nice.

Edited December 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Wewon]

Are you referring to women as "7s" and "10s"?

 

Are you really doing this??

 

In all fairness he referred to himself that way as well.

[jay1983]

Here's a picture of me - I don't think I'm model handsome but I'm not looking for a supermodel wife...just somebody decent looking and nice.

 

 

I'm gonna tell you what others don't want to tell you.

 

You're not white.

Edited December 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[GingerVixen]

Here's a picture of me - I don't think I'm model handsome but I'm not looking for a supermodel wife...just somebody decent looking and nice.

 

 

OP... Do you have Middle Eastern ancestry?

 

I don't want to brag or be a dumbass or anything, but I am what most guys would consider a very attractive girl... That being said I was really interested in an Iranian guy who looked a little bit like you (lol this sounds like a pickup line now) and I just lost interest in him not because of his looks or anything, but because he began acting like a jerk and a horndog.

 

That being said, relax, your looks are good enough to attract nice and attractive ladies. You just have to be more confident about yourself.

Edited December 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[AdagioStrings]

I'm gonna tell you what others don't want to tell you.

 

You're not white.

 

 

Yep, people ask me if I'm Spanish or Italian all the time

 

I get along great with white people because I'm into football, country music, etc... but I can get along great with all cultures of people because I'm very open minded (I can listen to Hank Williams JR then listen to Ginuwine the next day).

[SwordofFlame]

Why is this?

 

Why does an attractive, educated, extremely successful and intelligent man have to date someone way less attractive than himself?

 

I'm not saying it's impossible to find someone who you consider your equal in attractiveness. It's just a lot harder because a lot of women at that age aren't looking to settle down yet or are looking for something serious. It's funny because men who think they had to "settle" probably won't take the woman seriously either. What eventually happens is that most people end up with someone who they feel is on their level of attractiveness. It just tends to happen when they get older.

[67Chevelle]

You just have to be more confident about yourself.

 

Confidence has absolutely NOTHING to do with getting a date online(or even in person for the most part). An insecure guy that uses women to feed his ego will typically get more responses because he knows how to play women and give them the attention they seek vs a guy that is confident in himself and refuses to chase and fall victim to the game playing that is sadly necessary nowdays to get a date most of the time.

[Terry8889]

Well by the way you describe yourself it seems like you have way too much confidence and an inflated ego which can be a huge turn off for most women. We don't like guys who think they are too good for the world. I took 2 lines for me to get that feeling.

[AdagioStrings]

OP... Do you have Middle Eastern ancestry?

 

I don't want to brag or be a dumbass or anything, but I am what most guys would consider a very attractive girl... That being said I was really interested in an Iranian guy who looked a little bit like you (lol this sounds like a pickup line now) and I just lost interest in him not because of his looks or anything, but because he began acting like a jerk and a horndog.

 

That being said, relax, your looks are good enough to attract nice and attractive ladies. You just have to be more confident about yourself.

 

Yea a lot of middle eastern men can be controlling/possessive/etc...

 

I'm super chill, very friendly, easy to get along with but can also be plenty masculine when I need to be. It also helps that I'm agnostic; a lot of Muslim men have some nasty traits.

 

I really feel like I'm a great catch - I'm not ugly, I make 160K+, I'm caring/loyal/etc... I need to find a way to get some opportunities to let my potential shine through on dates. I just don't know how I can get some dates.

[GingerVixen]

Confidence has absolutely NOTHING to do with getting a date online(or even in person for the most part). An insecure guy that uses women to feed his ego will typically get more responses because he knows how to play women and give them the attention they seek vs a guy that is confident in himself and refuses to chase and fall victim to the game playing that is sadly necessary nowdays to get a date most of the time.

 

Confidence has EVERYTHING to do with dating, no matter if it is online or not. A confident man will never have to play any kind of game to seduce a woman. He will attract her for who he really is. He doesn't have to play games because he is not affraid of rejection.

 

That being said, a confident man will attract confident, high value women, because high value women hate players. Players only attract women who have serious problems with their self esteems. Being confident is the key to success in anything in life. Including online dating. Any high value woman can tell if a man is confident or not. And high value women will only want confident men, not insecure douchebags.

 

Yea a lot of middle eastern men can be controlling/possessive/etc...

 

I'm super chill, very friendly, easy to get along with but can also be plenty masculine when I need to be. It also helps that I'm agnostic; a lot of Muslim men have some nasty traits.

 

I really feel like I'm a great catch - I'm not ugly, I make 160K+, I'm caring/loyal/etc... I just need to find a way to get some opportunities to let my potential shine through on dates.

 

LOL the Iranian guy was an Atheist too. I don't think he being a douchebag has anything to do with his ancestry or religion. he is just a douchebag, that's all.

 

You said that you're not a creative writer. You don't need to be a creative writer to have success in online dating. Perhaps you're talking about creating an interesting profile - well, just find out what is really interesting and genuine about you and write it down.

 

"Crazy about sports, a lover of nature, gastronomy, someone who likes a good laugh and a little bit of sarcasm..."

 

Something like that. Show why you're unique. There are no magic tricks, just show your authenticity.

 

And please if a woman does not agree to be with you because you're not white, she is the one who has issues... Racists keep away.

[AdagioStrings]

 

LOL the Iranian guy was an Atheist too. I don't think he being a douchebag has anything to do with his ancestry or religion. he is just a douchebag, that's all.

 

You said that you're not a creative writer. You don't need to be a creative writer to have success in online dating. Perhaps you're talking about creating an interesting profile - well, just find out what is really interesting and genuine about you and write it down.

 

"Crazy about sports, a lover of nature, gastronomy, someone who likes a good laugh and a little bit of sarcasm..."

 

Something like that. Show why you're unique. There are no magic tricks, just show your authenticity.

 

And please if a woman does not agree to be with you because you're not white, she is the one who has issues... Racists keep away.

 

 

I'm glad you said my pic is attractive enough for women online

 

I'm in the middle of some weight loss. I usually look much much better when I'm down in the very low body fat range as my face gets chiseled. I'm going to have a professional take some pics of me. I need to maximize the hell out of my pics because I don't think I will be very good at writing an entertaining profile or messages

 

I just need to get some dates though. I am very confident that a woman will fall in love with me once she finds out what kind of person I am.

[67Chevelle]

Confidence has EVERYTHING to do with dating, no matter if it is online or not. A confident man will never have to play any kind of game to seduce a woman. He will attract her for who he really is. He doesn't have to play games because he is not affraid of rejection.

 

That being said, a confident man will attract confident, high value women, because high value women hate players. Players only attract women who have serious problems with their self esteems. Being confident is the key to success in anything in life. Including online dating. Any high value woman can tell if a man is confident or not. And high value women will only want confident men, not insecure douchebags.

 

You're missing the point. This thread is about what its like for men in the online dating world.

 

Remove yourself and how YOU approach the situation and listen to what I'm saying. You cant look at the situation through your eyes. When men message women on dating sites, women typically look for something amazing, and different than all the other 125 messages they get. So how does a guy capture her attention? A guy has to make his message stand out. Most guys do this by feeding the women BS and embellishing. Most women, instead of seeing this as bs, see it as a guy that is different and has something more to offer than all the regular guys. Its game playing no matter how you label it. Thats the reality of online dating nowadays.

 

A truly confident guy isnt going to stoop to that level. He has standards and a backbone. But MOST women online will never know that because they will never give him a chance. In the online world men are the fishermen and the women are the fish. Fish will always notice and go for the sparkly shiny bait first. And men that need/use women have learned how to bait women the best. Men that dont "need" or "use" women typically have not refined their skills because its never been their priority.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

My initial instinct was to say don't bother with professional photos, but you have really nice features which professional photos could highlight so I think it is worth exploring.

[67Chevelle]

My initial instinct was to say don't bother with professional photos' date=' but you have really nice features which professional photos could highlight so I think it is worth exploring.[/quote']

 

The only drawback to posting professional photos....is that in studies I have read, you risk the chance of misrepresenting yourself if you look "too good" in the photos vs how you look in person. I totally understand how thats possible and I think the study has a valid point.