Gruesome Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Spent a few years in a bad relationship/chasing the wrong girl, I'm a little out of practice dating. Aside from some short term flings in the past year I haven't been "really" into anyone... Until the past two weeks, I've started dating a wonderful girl I've known through work for the past 2.5 years. We get along really well, great physical and mental connection. I'm not really a person that needs to be constantly texting someone, pretty independent. She seems the same. I'm just not sure if I need to be in constant contact with her or what? We both have our own lives and that's pretty much how I feel about it. We've been on several dates and been intimate a few times, all of which is great - I'd just like to keep it going. We probably text 5-10 texts a day... We write each other "love letters" at work. We've always had a lingering sexual tension between us... So much so she was deemed my "work wife" by pretty much the whole staff. We've just never both been single at the same time. I'm sure I'm just over thinking the whole thing, I'm just uncertain where this is going to lead and I think it's too early to ask. Should I just wait it out and see what happens? Everything feels right, I'm just afraid it might be too good to be true.
smackie9 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Everyone is different....ask her how she feels about it. 2
Gaeta Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 There is no right or wrong as long as you are both happy. I know couples that are in constant communication and do every single thing together. I know other couples who talk once a day or every other day and they're happy with that. Just do what feels natural and let it unfold on its own. I don't think it's good to speed up a relationship and I also think it's not good to slow one down. 4
Amalyn Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Every person is different and every relationship is different. I've dated some guys that text or call everyday and then I've dated some who only text to make plans. It's whatever you and her feel comfortable with. That's what will work for your relationship.
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 It depends on the people involved & what level of contact they want / need. I have been married for 8 years. If my husband texted me 10x per day I'd scream & feel smothered. Heck, 10x per week would be a lot for us. When he's away on business we do 1 good morning text & 1 evening conversation with sometimes a good night text but not always. If it feel right to you, leave it alone. Don't fix what ain't broke.
scooby-philly Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Great advice from folks - Gaeta is almost always on point - listen to her! Seriously - don't fret it or obsess over it. However, I will say that you coming onto the board to ask means there's probably something going on inside of you. Perhaps you feel like texting/talking more but either you've conditioned yourself not to for some reason and/or you're afraid she's conditioned to not respect a guy that texts a lot. I think great couples can and do discuss everything. Just be honest with her and be upfront. Gaeta - weigh in on this choice of words - just say "hey, just wanted to see what you feel about our level of communication". then tell her what your feelings are that prompted you to come here and post. Take what shes says, say ok, and go from there. 2
Author Gruesome Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Great advice from folks - Gaeta is almost always on point - listen to her! Seriously - don't fret it or obsess over it. However, I will say that you coming onto the board to ask means there's probably something going on inside of you. Perhaps you feel like texting/talking more but either you've conditioned yourself not to for some reason and/or you're afraid she's conditioned to not respect a guy that texts a lot. Both of these actually, I was with my ex for ~5ish years and she would constantly text me... And quite honestly, it annoyed me a lot of the time . It's not like there is a lack of conversation or anything, I'm just not someone who enjoys talking about nothing. I'd rather receive a funny/thoughtful/informational text than a "how is your day" message. I just don't want to come off as cold or detached... Since I'm not consistently initiating conversation and neither is she. Hell, I've seen her the past 4/5 nights, so I'm not even sure why I was worried initially. I'll speak with her about it next time I see her. Great advice so far, thanks everyone!
Author Gruesome Posted December 29, 2015 Author Posted December 29, 2015 Side note, she's taken to leaving things at my house. Underwear, hair clips, various other clothes. I didn't know this was a real phenomenon, is she marking her territory I wonder? 1
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2015 Posted December 29, 2015 Side note, she's taken to leaving things at my house. Underwear, hair clips, various other clothes. I didn't know this was a real phenomenon, is she marking her territory I wonder? Yes. She's testing the waters so to speak to see how you feel. It may be deliberate. It may be subconscious. Because you have known her for over 2.5 years she may feel more at ease around you but the fact remains you have only been dating for 2 weeks. If having her stuff around bugs you, speak up now because it will only get worse, not better.
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