queenie01 Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 I have a question for everyone... Its been over a month now since my bf broke up with me and we have had very limited contact via email...maybe like 3 days of emailing total since we broke up. The last email conversation we had was on may 24th, basically he showed no signs of regret and still said "something was missing from our relationship" so i pretty much gave up all hope. Since we work for the same company we were running into each quite frequently, we both used to workout at 11 everyday and when we first broke up he changed his workout time to 12 for the first couple weeks, then after that he started going at 11 and we would both be there and honestly it sucked because we werent together anymore... I decided that I am changing my workout time now for awhile because it hurts me too much to see him....i am now going in the mornings and have been avoiding him like the plague... do you think this is the right thing to do? Also he still has my things at his place, last tuesday when we emailed, i told him i would like it all back and he said he could drop it off at my place if i wanted and i said thats fine but i would need to know when so i can plan to be there since im never home...so we tentatively scheduled that for today but we were going to play it by ear... should i just wait for him to contact me?
MadKurlz Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Well that all depends, these things that he will drop off, are these things that you cant live without? Do you need them on a day to day basis? If not, youve lived this long without them. Why doesnt he just bring them to work since you guys work together?
RecordProducer Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 i am now going in the mornings and have been avoiding him like the plague... do you think this is the right thing to do? Absolutely. As to your things, it doesn't matter anymore if you're going to contact him or he you, the best thing is not to see him. If possible tell him to send your things by mail or give them to someone else instead of you. It's going to hurt you to see him again.
Author queenie01 Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 Its nothing that i cant live without but he does have quite a bit of things at his place of mine... initially when we broke up he asked me how i wanted to handle getting my things back and i said i would let him know, then later that nite he texted me saying "i have an idea, how abotu i keep your stuff and we get together in a couple weeks to talk and see how we feel" I agreed and he said good he felt that was the best approach, well 3 weeks passed and i heard nothing from him so i emailed him regarding my things and he said how do you want me to give them to you, drop them off at your house or something, i said fine. I also told him the option was still open as to if he wants to talk if he had anythign to say since it was his idea and he told me he really had nothing much to say really, other than he felt bad for the way he handled things... so in my mind that meant he had no regrets! Its been over a month and i have been fine without my things but i do have to eventually get them back...
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Write this on a post-it note: I would like for you to bring my things that you have to work and leave them in my office (on my desk, etc). Thank you, ______. and put it on his computer screen or someplace where he will see it. You may as well give up on the idea that you are going to go over there, and have some deep heart-to-heart talk under the pretense of 'picking up your stuff'. I don't see that happening with this guy.
Author queenie01 Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 yeah i suppose you are right, i guess i had just hoped that he would miss me after a month has gone by : ( A post it note wont work because i never go on his floor for work and since i have been completely avoiding him i havent seen him at all since last week... I guess I also hoped that by him not being able to see me everyone would make him wonder and start to miss me... who knows I guess i dont understand guys at all...
Treasa Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Reading posts here can be misleading, as everyone thinks they have a good chance to get their exes back. The truth is that most breakups are permanent, and happen for a reason, and the person who wanted the breakup still does. I still half-expect my boyfriend to break up with me, and we've been back together and getting closer for eight months now.
Author queenie01 Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 i just think it makes things a lot harder when you dont end on bad terms and had a great relationship, all you can do is wonder why??? i guess thats why my hopes were so high that he would regret what he did...because i was so good to him and he knew it. But its been over a month now and if he was going to regret it I think he already would have... Who knows maybe he already found someone else and thats why this is so easy for him...
Treasa Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Or maybe you should stop wondering about what he's doing and focus on your own life, which is basically what I've told you about 10 times now. Go out, make some new friends, have fun. Pining for him won't bring him back and it'll only make you miserable.
Author queenie01 Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 I am going out and having fun and meeting new people but still have feelings for him... trust me i dont sit home at nite wondering about him. Now i just got an email from him today saying " sorry but i won't be able to drop off your stuff tonight...have to go over to my parents / grandparents house..." What do i respond to that... I think i am just going to tell him to just bring my things to work, or should i just not respond? You would think that by now he would want my things out of his possession!!
Lil Honey Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 If you don't respond, you likely won't get your stuff back. It is all in the matter of how important this stuff is. Like another poster said, if you have lived without it this long, you probably don't really need it. There are only two reasons that I can think of for a person to want something back that they don't need - to try to start the relationship again or to sell the stuff. By emailing him, you can tell him that you do want your things, but to leave them with a co-worker, a friend, on your front porch, in your work area, etc. (at a time when you won't be there). Or you can email him and tell him that you don't want anything. Either way, you will be avoiding him. Then, when you have decided what you want him to do, you should change your email or forget his.
Author queenie01 Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 Well I do need my things back because i have some brand new clothes over there that i havent even worn yet. I honestly dont even know why he hasnt just given them back to me yet, if i was the one who broke up with him, his crap would have been handed back to him the day after.... hes just strange. I think i will just email him and tell him to bring my stuff to work and be done with it.
Treasa Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 Yes, he's strange. However, wondering what's up won't help. Reply to him and tell him to bring your stuff to work and to leave it on your desk in a box. Don't say ANYTHING else. No questions, no "love you" or "thinking about you", nada.
Author queenie01 Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 Well I dont think he will be able to leave it at my desk...i think that is a bit tacky. I am going to have to probably meet him in the parking garage to get it. I am doing my best to avoid him in every way...i have changed my gym time so that he cant see me anymore too... I guess i will just respond very short and to the point.. ...just bring my stuff to work There is no point in him coming to my house unless he has something to say and i really think its funny the reason he gave for not being able to drop by stuff off... like he cant just drop it off after work regardless if he has to go to his parents, it would take 5 minutes...
Author queenie01 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 Well I finally did it yesterday...he emailed me stating he couldnt drop my stuff off at my house yesterday around 10am and i finally replied at 4pm yesterday saying " just bring my stuff to work....thanks!" He replied "ok, will do..." So thats that....i guess i will probably get an email from him saying he has my stuff in his car... This is so sad because i never wanted it to be this way....
scarlyjones Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 If this is stuff you can really just do without,....then thats a good way to show your ex you are REALLY over it. I mean what better way to show how DONE you are then not even wanting the stuff he has of yours back? Id forget about it. Too often, people who dont seem to be OVER it or are still holding on to a shred of hope use items left at eachothers homes as bait or even hold them hostage. By not wanting this stuff anymore, you take away their power.
Author queenie01 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 Well I really would like my things back, but there is no point in him coming to my house to drop them off, i told him to bring them to work since he works in the same company as me... but that was my last words...i am leaving it up to him to now bring them here and contact me to let me me know he brought them... I think he is just very weird, he broke up with me over a month ago, yet i still dont have my crap back...
scarlyjones Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Thats actually pretty on par. I didnt get MY stuff back for almost a year. And one of my items was a couch. I finally had to go over there and peel his ass OFF it,....and move it out.
Author queenie01 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 OMG thats ridiculous....i dont understand why they would want to hold on to our possessions if they were the one who broke up with us?
Marshbear Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Queenie, You can't practice NC with the intent of making him miss you. The idea is for you to not see him because it hurts you. You use this time to heal and understand what went wrong in the relationship and use that knowledge in your next one. I understand your frustration as to not wanting things to turn out this way but people change and you must think of yourself and move on. In time you will be able to see him and not be upset and probably even speak and ask how he is doing but for now you don't want to know what he is doing or who he is seeing because it will just make you remember. Stick to NC and find a person who is right for you. Peace...
Author queenie01 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 Thanks Marshbear...I am doing my best to avoid him at all costs because like you said it hurts me to see him. I am also trying my best to figure out what went wrong but when you have no answers its very hard... I do believe it was nothing i did or didnt do, its just him. He felt something was missing from our relationship, so be it! I am talking to other guys already and trying to get my mind off of him but its very hard because he still holds a huge place in my heart and i miss him and our friendship, i never wanted it to be this way where i would have to resort to being cold towards him, its very hard for me to do because i do care so much... But the way he handled the situation makes me resent him...you dont tell someone i love you on thursday then break up with them on friday...thats just wrong!
Recommended Posts